Conference quark::mennotes

    It seems to me that "Hey lt's go to one of "my" bars" sort of suggest a
    possible recruiting... why not drinking in a normal place, open to
    both? a real friend would not put the other in an award situation, as
    special bars or places are for special customers and some might not
    like to be with people who do not belong... or who are not confortable.
    
    
    My opinion is there is no need to get into akward situations.
    Ana

    I wouldn't look at it as "recruiting" as -1 suggests.  Take into
    mind that it doesn't day a "special" bar to make a pass at some-
    one whether it be the same or opposite sex.  I would think that 
    your friend might just want to go where he/she can be comfortable
    since you always go to your bars.  Most bars ususally are mixed
    anyway so I wouldn't suggest you making a pass at someone of your
    sex unless you know for a fact that they would appreciate it.  If
    you do have a pass made at you, just politely refuse and go on with
    your conversation with your friend.  No anger is needed even if 
    it persists, just a firm "I'm heterosexual or straight" is enough
    to get your answer across.

    justme....jacqui

    

    
    
      I have been in said situation before.  I was asked if I would mind
    going to a gay bar.  I was not pressured or anything like that since 
    he knew I was not gay and he was not trying to *convert* me.  It was an 
    interesting experience. There were even a few other straight couples
    there.  
      Going to a bar like that really falsified a lot of stereotypes that 
    I had heard.  I was not attacked and forced to dance with leather bikers 
    or anything like that.  I had a few guys talk to me while I was there 
    but nobody *hit* on me like I always see the guys hitting on women at 
    "straight" bars.  They seemed to know I was not gay by just talking to
    me.  But they did not leave because I was not looking for a date.  They
    were just looking to have a good time like anybody else.  
      
     I dont think a friend should pressure anyone to go to a gay bar if
    they dont want to. 
    
                                                *B*
                        

    For years the best dance floor in town here was also a gay bar.  It
    also happened to be the nearest bar in my neighborhood.  It was a
    comfortable place to dance, and I took many friends with me.  The
    difference was only in the evening floor show, but it was certainly
    tamer than a lot of stuff I have seen on TV.
    
    meg

    	As with -3 I have been in the same position. I wouldn't take it as
    recruiting, but it would probably make your friend more comfortable.
    In a common run of the mill bar there are probably a great deal of
    homophobic people who could get violent just by being by a homosexual
    individual. At least in a gay bar your friend doesn't have to worry
    about personal attacks if someone knows he is gay. The couple of times
    I have been in a gay bar I have had men buy me drinks but I informed
    them that I was straight and married with children. If you are
    confident in your sexual orientation I wouldn't think you would have a
    problem. It's always interesting to see the world in anothers
    perspective. 
    				ZEEK

    Thanks for the quick replys.  It's good to see alternate life styles
    sometimes.  Not necessary to live them, but just to see them is a good
    learning experience.  And I definately agree it will probably prove a lot
    of common perceptions wrong.  I think to many people don't think for
    themselves, it so much easier to follow others.  Why do all that
    research... 
    
    Don't be afraid to look behind that door.  Because once you look, you then
    can decide whether you want to tip toe in an look are, jump through the 
    door, slam the door, or just close the door quietly and say Hum.
    
         

conversations with my gay friends suggests that there are gay bars and Gay Bars,
and everything in between.  Most are just places where people go to have a good 
time.  I've never knowingly been to one, but I would have no problem going
with a friend who asked me.

Some gay bars are just pickup spots, like some straight bars.  I would rather
not go to one, for the same reason I don't go to singles bars: I'm not in
the market or on the market.  I would assume that my friend knows that.

    yes... but others might not know...
    
    Ana

    re .8
    
    Even if other's don't know a simple no thank you, I'm straight should
    be good enough for a turn down of an offer.  
    
    meg

    I agree with you, Meg.  Declining a homosexual inquiry need by no more
    difficult or awkward than declining a heterosexual one.  Come to think
    of it, a simple "No thanks" should suffice; no reason is necessary.
    
    Steve

>...a simple "No thanks" should suffice; no reason is necessary.
 
    It does.  It isn't.
    
    Background: I used to work as a stagehand.  Lots of musucals,
    lots of chorus boys, lots of polite inquiries, lots of polite
    "No thanks."  No problem, either side.          

    
    
    re note.129 & the replies from July-
    can anyone tell me how you "convert" anyone?
    
    most gays want their own kind, this isn't the military.
    If a friend shared something like that I would be flattered,if
    anything. Come on people.

.12>    re note.129 & the replies from July-
>    can anyone tell me how you "convert" anyone?

Only reply .1 took that idea seriously, and there were 11 replies.

.12> Come on people.

So what's your problem?

    .1 .. drinking in a normal place .. this IS a normal place to the gay 
    person. There have been quite a few suggestions on how to handle any
    sexual approaches, not too difficult to achieve. Anyone who has ever
    been bar-hopping and gone into a gay bar by mistake usually lives to
    tell about it without being gang raped by homomaniacs or suddenly
    coming out as a drag queen. We have all known gay people, whether they
    are open about their sexuality or not, and can anyone honestly say they
    felt "threatened"? Look at Jesse Helms, homophobia at its finest, and 
    tell me Jesse should be worried about being hit on in a gay bar. Doubt
    too many gay people sit around in gay bars discussing, "Boy! Hope some
    straights come in tonight so we can convert them!". Go ahead, relax and
    enjoy yourself. 

    In response to the last, I would also like to add the kicker that
    a het would not be bashed, trashed, or lose his life in a gay bar.
    On the other hand, a gay would possibly be bashed, trashed, or 
    could lose his life in a "so-called-normal bar"!