Conference quark::mennotes

    There's the old "meet him at the door wearing only saran wrap". It
    would work for me if I needed sizzling up. Of course as a newlywed
    (of just 16 years) I get charged up just thinking about stopping by
    my wife's work place to give her a kiss on my way home from work.
    
    As for romance, as opposed to just sex, having my wife stop by the
    office says "let's do lunch" works well too.
    
    		Alfred

    If your romance doesn't sizzle, figure out why.  Change that thing. 
    
    For example, if he's always the sexual aggressor, then attack him.  If
    you're the aggressor, lie back and be demure - but not standoffish.
    
    If food is a big part of your life together, get up a banquet with all
    the romantic trimmings - have it catered or go out, don't cook it and
    exhaust yourselves.
    
    If you're "romantic" types, rent a whole pile of neat movies, maybe
    Tracy/Hepburn ones, or "The Philadelphia Story" or "Love Among the
    Ruins" or Astaire/Rogers, or whatever kind you see as beautifully
    romantic.  Turn off the phone's bell and watch them together with a
    nice wine to drink.
    
    And so on.

.2> If your romance doesn't sizzle, figure out why.  Change that thing. 
    
    What if it doesn't sizzle because she let herself go and you've lost
    all physical interest in her?
    
    I can't tell you how many couple I know where one or both change dra-
    matically once the wedding has passed.
    
    It's like they figure they no longer have to expend energy looking good
    or being in shape or even being nice to each other, once vows are ex-
    changed.

    re .3, I don't know why some people do that.  I guess they haven't
    figured out yet that it's even harder to maintain someone's interest,
    than it is to attract it in the first place.
    
    However, we do not have any reason to think that is the case with .0.
    
    Lorna
    

    Hi,
    
    Reply .3
    I know people who have "let themselves go" because they don't have to
    try to catch anyone anymore and it is sad. But that's not the issue
    here.
    
    Reply .2
    I know what you're saying but most if it is just old age, repetition,
    etc. For example:
    We used to get really drunk and have "fun" (what was that old song -
    "Let's get drunk and..." Now we get drunk and go to sleep :) The old
    bod ain't what it used to be!
    
    I'm really looking for ideas from a man's point of view. I do "things"
    from my point of view (what I'd love for him to do for me) like I send
    him cards or spend a day dropping flowers, love notes, etc. off but he
    doesn't get as big a kick out of it as I would if he did it.
    
    Saran wrap is fun, so is "waiting with just an apron on" - any other
    ideas?
    
    Patty
    

 What sort of things does he like to do? If he didn't have to work, what would
he be doing with his time?

 Another thing that can be fun is to make things a mystery. Plan an entire
day's worth of activities and tell him to keep a particular day open, but
don't tell him what's going to happen. Then surprise him along the way.

 Example: let's say you two like to hike and he likes baseball

 The night before your day of adventure, tell him what time you're
going to get up. When you get up the next morning, tell him what to
wear but not what you're going to do. (You have to have everything ready
ahead of time.) Take him to a nice place to hike and have your hike.
Enjoy your time together; take a wine skin or whatever and just relax.
Come home and shower, etc (you might want to leave enough time for hanky panky
at this point) :-) and leave on the 2nd part of your adventure. Take him
to the ball game.

 Another possibility is to put a bunch of fun things you like to do on pieces
of paper and draw one at random.

 Buy an erotic periodical and read the stories. When you find one that
really turns you on, clip it out and underline the key parts. Slip it
into his lunch bag/put it on his pillow. This is especially effective when the
highlighted part is something new.

 Try something completely new that you've never done before. Maybe for you
it's a whale watch; maybe it's a trip to the theater.

 It's newness and difference that excites the imagination...

	I can't tell you what whipped cream does for me.  Unfortunately, it's
	never been the case of me being the receiver.

	j.b.

    .6 sounds like a good approach. If he is a carpenter. Show up with you
    own personalized tool belt. With something fun to play with.:) 

    They say absence makes the heart grow fonder !!!
    
    so how about sleeping in seperate rooms for one week,then at the
    weekend book into a nice hotel with a Kingsize bed.
    Arrive seperately dressed to kill.Then have dinner and a few drinks
    as if it were for the very first time.Keep conversation away from work
    or the kids but on you and how you first met or when you first slept
    together or your wedding or how he or you proposed.
    I think marrage is like a career.You should always look back and recall
    why you started into it in the first place.I think most people get
    married because they are in love and want to be together.So now your
    together !!!.
    
    A few bottles of champagne should round the evening off nicely.
    
    The power of a woman should never be underestimated.
    

    
    I don't know about sleeping in separate rooms for a whole week, but the
    weekend away on a big bed sounds like fun.  A really romantic getaway
    with a stay in a really nice bed and breakfast can be terrific.  A
    couple of years ago my ex-girlfriend and I stayed at a great b&b in
    York, Maine called Hannah's Loft.  It was close enough to the beach yet
    secluded and very romantic.  It's important to go somewhere where
    you're unlikely to be reminded of anything at home or work or to run
    into anyone you know.  Also try not to have much of an itinerary, have
    your activities be as spontaneous as possible.  We had A BLAST!
    
    Also a nice sensual massage might be great.  You could use the surprise
    element here also.  Get him away from the house for a while and fix the
    bedroom up, get some nice massage oil, maybe some candles and put on
    some music he likes.  When you get him back in, have him take a shower
    then give him a nice massage.  Read up in advance on some ideas, but
    don't worry about doing it right.  If you are enjoying giving him the
    massage he will enjoy it too.  If you're uncertain just ask.
    
    The other thing that comes to mind is the old pick-up routine - you
    know, the one where you book a room in a nice hotel (just you at
    first!), then you go down to the bar dressed in a slinky black or red
    dress, looking very sexy, and he comes in afterward but you pretend
    you've never met before.  He offers to buy you a drink, you are cool
    but receptive, then warm up to him quickly and before you know it he is
    following you back to your room while all the other guys' jaws are
    dropping as they wonder how he got so lucky.
    
    
    /steve
    

    RE: .0 Do you still have and fit into your wedding gown? Playing
    "wedding night" might be fun.
    
    			Alfred

I keep hearing all these suggestions about sex.

Maybe the real problem is that you depend on sex to hold the marriage together.
Maybe something bigger is needed.  I'm not saying forget sex, but just don't
depend on it.

/Eric

Well, the base noter did ask about "sizzling romance."  I don't think she
was talking about french fries.

	Thank you basenoter!! The more I sit here and think about ways
	too add "sizzle" the more it scares me that I am drawing blanks.
	I guess it's time to think about a few of these replys myself.


	j.b.
	

    
    	- rent a video camera and make your own movie.
    		(you decide the "subject").
    
    	- wait until after dark and go out "parking" like we all
    	 	used to do.
    
    	- rent an hour or two at a Hot Tub place.
    
    	- my favorite: lobster, garlic bread, champagne, the kids
    	 	at the in-laws for the evening.  Cooking together is
    		fun (no pun intended).
    

    Whow.... after 29+ years of married I have NOT yet even thought of
    needing some "sizzle"... maybe I miss something?  but so far I have
    not found any need to buster anything, on the contrary.  
    
    I would seriously look into any hidden "cause" for that need to buster 
    what it should have been there in the first place and somehow is not.... 

    Sometimes 'life' takes over Rick and me. Both of us are super, _super_
    busy, working long hours and erratic schedules. It seems like whenever
    we manage to spend time together, we end up tackling 'grown-up' stuff
    like remodeling, stump removal, community obligations [we do these
    separately too].
    
    'Life' gets in the way of spending time together being together. We
    talk about it and we're very sincere about 'making time for what's
    important', but our follow-through leaves something to be desired.
    
    Then from time to time, one of us just _does_ something about it.
    
    This past January, his car was in for routine maintenance. We'd agreed
    that when the garage called, I'd drive down to get him and we'd have
    dinner after picking the car up. At about 10:30a it occurred to me that
    I had a real OPPORTUNITY [it was a Friday]. So I arranged for someone
    to feed the cats on Saturday morning, called the Hilton Bonaventure in
    Montreal, went home at lunch and packed a few, very few, things, and
    waited for that call from the garage. A friend followed me to retrieve
    the car, I picked Rick up at work, and didn't stop driving until I
    handed the keys to the valet to park.  We had a very private swim in
    the dark [apparently we were the only fools who thought that swimming
    is a bathwater-warm pool amidst the mist rising into -12F air was an
    adventure] and afterward returned to a wonderful meal complete with Moet
    & Chandon Brut Imperial that awaited us in our room. The next morning I
    retrieved my car and drove us home.
    
    And, two days ago Rick told me to block out tomorrow for a day in
    Boston capped by a nice, but informal dinner and tickets to
    _Miss_Saigon_.
    
    Neither of these little 'adventures' is cut rate, admittedly; but I'm
    just as thrilled setting up the market umbrella at the far corner of
    the back yard and enjoying fruit, cheese, and a nice Margaux
    
    The sexual content of our little getaways is left to the imagination of
    the readers. Suffice it to say we do when and how the mood strikes.
    
      Annie

    Re .3
    
    >> If your romance doesn't sizzle, figure out why.  Change that thing.
    
    > What if it doesn't sizzle because she let herself go and you've lost
    > all physical interest in her?
     
    What if it doesn't sizzle because he let himself go and she's lost all
    physical interest in him but wishes she hadn't?  Yes, I know you say
    "one or both" in the next para.  Your question is still biased, based
    on the basenoter's having given no hard explanation for the fizzle of
    the sizzle.
    
    In the long term, i.e., past that one-night "adventure," I repeat my
    admonition.  Figure out why the flame has been turned to low, and fix
    that thing.  If it means one or the other partner spends a lot of time
    at Bally's or Gold's Gym, then maybe that's what is needed.  Similarly,
    if it's just that the inspiration fails to live up to the desires, then
    one or both partners need to work on cultivating inspiration.  From my
    point of view, Annie's reply in .17 strikes a great chord for ongoing
    inspiration.

    re:.13
    
    Just in case she was ... try Ore Ida Crispers.
    
    And use vinegar and salt rather than ketchup.

Wow, I want to marry some of the men in this conference. :^)

-andy  (already taken, sorry guys. ;^) )

...natural yoghurt works a treat.