Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    
    It really doesn't matter who it is that is taking care of
    the children as long as that person is giving love and is
    capable of giving proper care.  Men and women are just
    as capable in this department.  Each gives care in different
    ways, but both are just as needed and just as genuine.
    I think it would be great if corporate america would finally
    allow men to do this.  Parenting should be shared and each
    child has the right to both of its parents love.

    I think its great idea to let the man stay home and care for the kids
    for a while.  Nothing like doing it to get an appreciation of the 
    difficulties the woman usually puts up with.
    
    Jeff

    If I had a wife and she had a suitablly high-paying job, I'd stay
    home and raise the children.

    
    I came close ... 
    
    When Gia was born I was a grad student.  Gia was born right at the
    start of our winter break so I was home full-time for the first 6
    weeks.  Over the next four months I was able to be home about half-time
    also.  In essence I got almost 6 months of almost equal parenting.
    
    It was great.  I got a chance to become confident as a Dad and perhaps
    most importantly I was able to off load a lot of stuff from Emmy (who
    was on leave).  In many ways it was the best 6 months of my life (if
    only I didn't have to do a thesis!).
    
    Greg
    

    I work and my husband stays home with our 2.5 yr old son ( we also have
    two school age children).  We didn't originally plan it this way,
    however it really doesn't matter now because I feel that he does an
    excellent job.
    
    I also think it's made the both of us appreciate the other person more. 
    It's literally been a role reversal for the most part.  
    
    I have to admit though that there are times when I feel bothered ...
    and I know it's all very natural ... a result of the situation.  For
    example ... when the baby cries he calls for Daddy first ... or at
    times when he's tired and I try to comfort him and take care of him
    he'll push me away and ask for Daddy.  However, if I'm home for more
    than two days at a time, he reverts back to calling Mommy first.
    
    I know this may sound sexist or that I'm stereo-typing but - I'm not
    sure if the situation would work out as well if our 2 year old had been
    a girl.  The truth of the matter is that boys are just different from
    girls even at that age.  As adults we tend think of a *baby* as
    unisex... not a boy, not a girl but a baby.  I can see how my son
    relates to male-ish things that my husband is just better at then I am
    and therefore enjoys Daddy more.
    
    Overall - my husband and I may *perform* differently with our children,
    however we *think* the same in terms of discipline, attention, love,
    etc.  It's working out great and our 2 year old is not that only one
    who will be sad when Daddy decides to take a job outside the home.
    
    K.

    I don't think it matters which of the parents stays home with the
    children, however most men still make more money than their wives (I
    know there are exceptions, but women still make 61 cents to every
    dollar a man makes in the US), so it isn't always financially feasible
    for the man to stay home while the wife works.
    
    It might be nice if a couple could take turns.  At any rate, I was
    certainly in no condition to go right back to work after having a baby.
    
    I think whoever hates their job most, should get to stay home with the
    kid, if it doesn't matter financially.
    
    Lorna
    

    I think paid-paternity leave is standard in Scandinavia.

    Dave

    .7 Lorna, I have been told that there are graduates of the class of 80
    who are making a 1:1 in the wage dept.

    I would second the stay at home with the kids if I could. But that
    life and our system doesn't allow it to happen regardless if your a
    man or a woman. Money is tight, jobs are scarce, and life isn't like
    Beaver Cleavers place anymore. 

    in re .6
    
    Well I know of one single father of a daughter who reads this
    conference and my son puts in far more of the time and caring
    for his daughter, so I don't think that daddies can't handle
    baby girls as well as baby boys.
    
    Bonnie

    re .9, I don't know if the 1:1 figure is true for the class of 1980, or
    not, but, at any rate, since there are a lot of people in the US who
    graduated *before* 1980, it's not true for the entire population.
    
    Lorna
    

    I always knew I wanted a big role in my kids' lives. Fortunately, when
    I married and had kids, with the right circumstances and my wife's
    agreement, I was able to do it. I took off up to 1 1/2 years for each
    of my 3 kids (now 8, 4, 2) and work part time.
    
    It goes without saying that you should really like to be around kids.
    Beyond that, the key is whether you are comfortable with the style of
    work required: You have to juggle many simultaneous tasks at once,
    rather than working one from start to finish.You have to pay
    attention to more than one thing at a time. You can't expect
    perfection. On the other hand, you are essentially self-employed and
    while you are "on duty" all the time, there are pockets of free time to
    pursue your "non-work" interests.
    
    It's true that because this is an unusual role for men, many men are
    intimidated by their lack of skills, or perceived lack of skills. And
    some feel that society does not understand or approve of that role.
    
    I was fortunate in being the 2d eldest of 6 in a family that expected
    everyone to pitch in in a non-gender-specific effort. And I'm a bit of
    a curmudgeon, so I relish the untraditional role, the going against the
    grain.
    
    I recommend it. Even if you both work, the man can take on
    responsibility as the primary parent.  Women do it all the time.
    
    Kit