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Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Title:Topics Pertaining to Men
Notice:Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES
Moderator:QUARK::LIONEL
Created:Fri Nov 07 1986
Last Modified:Tue Jan 26 1993
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:867
Total number of notes:32923

773.0. "50 Should Knows" by TOOK::BOTTOMS () Tue Mar 17 1992 15:04

                   50 Things Every Fashionable Man Should Know

1. How to write a thank-you note

2. The name of a good tailor

3. The name of an impeccable reweaver

4. That nothing will make you feel better before you get off a plane than
   putting on a fresh pair of socks

5. How to tie a full Winsor knot

6. One clean joke

7. The difference between worsted, Shetland and lamb's wool

8. How to give a compliment

9. How to take a compliment

10. The private number of at least two wondeful restaurants

11. That you don't put salt on a margarita glass

12. One card trick

13. The colors you can't wear, and the suit cuts you can

14. The Zen of washing dishes

15. The names of two uncommon Champagnes

16. That if you don't wear something for a season, you give it to charity

17. One poem by heart

18. How to cook at least one good meal

19. The European equivalents of your sizes

20. Your mate's important sizes

21. That you're supposed to go through a revolving door before she does

22. That sewing is not women's work

23. How to play poker

24. The way to find the North Star

25. The names of a dozen flowers and a florist who'll deliver them

26. That you never read a newspaper or eat anything while wearing suede

27. CPR

28. That the only woman who will love you unconditionally is your mother

29. How to make friends with a 3-year-old

30. Where you vote

31. When it's your little brain talking, not your big brain

32. That Philip Roth, not Norman Mailer, is the conscience of his generation

33. How to shine a pair of shoes without making them look as if you'd
    auditioned for a minstrel show

34. The name of whoever does your laundry

35. That snapping your fingers for a waiter in a restaurant is only
    slightly more attractive than chewing with your mouth open

36. That a workout doesn't matter if you haven't done abdominals

37. The shape of your face

38. That Kiehl's Rare Earth Facial Cleansing Masque stops razor cuts

39. That you put neither cinnamon nor chocolate atop a cappuccino

40. That an unconstructed jacket shouldn't be cheaper because it's unlined

41. That when a woman says no, she means no

42. Video camcorders are to spontaneity what hail is to the U.S. Open

43. Never to show up for dinner at someone's house empty-handed

44. That unless your hair is extremely oily, you shouldn't wash it every day

45. That if you spill red wine on the rug, you should spill white wine on top

46. The name of someone who knows when the showroom sales are

47. When to leave

48. That saying "I don't know" is not as unattractive as you think

49. That your father understands you better than you think

50. That good taste is not nearly as much fun as style


            Copied from "The New York Times" without permission
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
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773.1Quiche anyone?LEDS::LEWICKEfossil fuels are renewable, it just takes timeTue Mar 17 1992 15:515
    	Are you sure these came from the New York Times and not Gentleman's
    quarterly?
    John
    (of the white socks, red neck and blue ribbon beer)
     
773.2DELNI::STHILAIREis it all a strange gameTue Mar 17 1992 16:165
    re .0, I'm so glad I'm not a man! ( And, I used to think it was only
    because I didn't have to go to Vietnam.)
    
    Lorna
    
773.3OLDTMR::RACZKAsweet and saxyTue Mar 17 1992 16:164
    RE: .1
    
    Not from GQ ... trust me
    
773.4Ask any Mexican bartender...TRCOA::QUIROGATue Mar 17 1992 16:336
    
    What??, no salt on a margarita glass??.
    
    Utmost nonsense!!!.
    
    Arturito.
773.5unheard of!TIMBER::DENISEshe stiffed me out of $20.!Tue Mar 17 1992 16:442
    
    	not only that, ::QUIROGA, but barbaric as well!!!!!
773.6huh! I do what I like! DELNI::STHILAIREis it all a strange gameTue Mar 17 1992 16:534
    re .4, but I like it!
    
    Lorna
    
773.7just a nerd, I guess.NOVA::FISHERRdb/VMS DinosaurTue Mar 17 1992 17:045
    9+4, harumph.
    
    unfashionable...
    
    ed
773.8`Winsor' proves the NYT is full of it.SMURF::SMURF::BINDERREM RATAM CONTRA MORAS MVNDI AGOTue Mar 17 1992 19:1714
    It's a Windsor knot, not Winsor.  (Winsor is half of Winsor-Newton, who
    make the world's finest artists' paintbrushes.)
    
    Things a man should know include these:
    
    - Not to wear pre-tied bow ties.
    
    - How to tie a bow tie carelessly enough that it's obviously not pre-tied.
    
    - Never to button the bottom button of a 3-piece suit's vest.
    
    - Never to remove his suit jacket in public.
    
    -dick
773.9OLDTMR::RACZKAsweet and saxyTue Mar 17 1992 19:3513
    RE: .8
    Dick 
    
       I like those,  a bow tie is a true test of right-brain activity
    
       add;  - wearing braces
             - folding a pocket square
             - wearing a flower
             - carrying a pocket watch
             - removing salt stains from shoes
             - how to wear jewelry
             - french cuffs and links
    chris
773.1038 of mine, 12 of theirsLOOP8::WIECHMANNShort to, long through.Wed Mar 18 1992 01:3063
I was vain enough to compile my own list, to which you should all adhere.  
I think about a dozen are carried over from the original list:

Fifty Things Every Guy Should Know:

1.  How to write a sonnet
2.  The location of three good used book stores
3.  The location of three good microbreweries
4.  All the words to at least two Irish Folk Songs
5.  Appropriate use of spices in cooking
6.  How to get around using mass transportation
7.  That a workout should be better for the soul than the body
8.  That Richard Brautigan, not Norman Mailer, is the imagination of his 
    generation
9.  How to play Sheepshead
10. Enough about video games to be conversant with a ten year old
11. How to shoot pool, and how to spot a pool shark
12. Where to park
13. How to select good produce
14. That clean jokes are funnier than dirty jokes
15. That you don't serve good beer under 50 degrees farenheit
16. How the Dewey Decimal System works
17. The vi editor
18. The shapes and locations of all 50 states, and the capitals of most
19. Why hops are important
20. That some people wear ugly ties because they have kids
21. That the guy who runs the betting pool had better not win
22. The name of a good headhunter
23. That his hair is thinning, and that it's ok
24. Which kind of coffee decafenating process is best
25. How to forge a woman's signature
26. How to play Cricket (as in darts)
27. Where his updated resume is
28. That changing your own oil is a waste of time and energy
29. The shape of his face so he can shave without some silly-@ssed fog-free
    shaving mirror
30. How to hail a taxi and how much to tip
31. When to give money to street people
32. What your boss really thinks of you
33. How to eat with chopsticks
34. Why baseball is a better spectator sport than basketball
35. How to make a good martini
36. A lot about a good musical group that no one else has ever heard of
37. The history of your home town
38. How to do the wine thing at a restaurant without seeming naive, snobby,
    ignorant, silly, or precocious

and these from the original list

39. The Zen of washing dishes
40. How to give a compliment
41. How to take a compliment
42. That you're supposed to go through a revolving door before she does
43. CPR
44. How to make friends with a 3-year-old
45. That when a woman says no, she means no
46. Never to show up for dinner at someone's house empty-handed
47. When to leave
48. That saying "I don't know" is not as unattractive as you think
49. That your father understands you better than you think
50. That good taste is not nearly as much fun as style

773.11Say *W-H-A-T-* ?MORO::BEELER_JETired of livin', scared of dyin'Wed Mar 18 1992 12:556
    > How to write a sonnet
    
    You're kidding, right?
    
    
    Bubba
773.12Not hardly, Bubba!SMURF::SMURF::BINDERREM RATAM CONTRA MORAS MVNDI AGOWed Mar 18 1992 13:099
    Re: .11
    >> How to write a sonnet
    
    > You're kidding, right?
    
    I should rather think not.  Jim, are we permitted a choice of English or
    Italian form?
    
    -dick
773.14let's hear it for renaissance men4GL::BROWNupcountry frolicsWed Mar 18 1992 16:1311
    Re .11
    
    Not only is he not kidding, but he meets the requirement with
    considerable verve and style!
    
    A facility with words can be invaluable in both the social and
    professional arena.
    
    Great list, Jim!
    
    	Ron
773.15Not only barbaric, but regurgitating!!TRCOA::QUIROGAWed Mar 18 1992 16:5213
    
    re: .5 & .6
    
    I was merely pointing out the "proper" way of serving that "mahvelous"
    beverage.
    
    I'll continue doing it my way, with lots of salt crystals around the
    rim of the glass, none of that pulverized salt. It's the only "manly"
    way to do it!!!.
    
    Again, with tongue in cheek.
    
    Arturito.
773.16QETOO::ATGENG::CICCOLINIWed Mar 18 1992 19:027
    I've written an Italian Sonnet and a Villanele - and I'll sell 'em for
    the right price!  (And neither is about love.  The Sonnet's mostly
    about fire and the Villanele's totally about reincarnation).
    
    ;>
    
    Sandy-who-always-salts-the-margaritas-unless-specifically-asked-not-to
773.18VMSMKT::KENAHAnd became willing...Wed Mar 18 1992 19:195
    The last sonnet I wrote was English -- it was also an acrostic;
    that is, the first letter of each line spelled out the name of
    the person to whom the sonnet was dedicated.  
    
    					andrew
773.19"When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes..."HEFTY::CHARBONNDtake small steps into the unknownWed Mar 18 1992 19:402
    Why write sonnets? Just memorize one good one and _never_ repeat
    it to the same woman twice.
773.20BRADOR::HATASHITAHard wear engineerWed Mar 18 1992 20:392
    Why even bother with sonnets?  Use lines from old Bogart or Cagney
    movies.
773.21My apology to you poetry lovin' myn ....MORO::BEELER_JETired of livin', scared of dyin'Thu Mar 19 1992 00:5945
    Hey gang ... I was only joshin' about that sonnet stuff.  To each
    his  own - but it most assuredly isn't in my bag oh' tricks (I
    subscribe to the Hatashita San school of grace, charm and dignity).

    I guess it's a 'hang up' that I've got.  Poetry drives me up the wall.
     
    When I was in college .. my last semester ... I needed one stinkin' hour 
    ... one miserable, absurd hour of "non technical elective".  I offered
    to take a 4 hour course in quantum electrodynamics - a 4 hour course in 
    statistical physics ... noooooooooooooooo ... it had to be non-technical.

    I swore that I would find a miserable 1 hour course that would satisfy
    the requirement - I was bound, damned, and determined that I was NOT
    going to give them the satisfaction of me having to take a two or three
    hour course ... one hour .. the minimum .. that's all .. nothing more
    .. nothing less.

    I looked in to home economics, history, etc ... the only thing that I
    could find was a one hour course in ... poetry.  Great, no big deal.
    I'll breeze through it.  Probably some wimp guy teaching it.

    WRONG!  The nut that taught the course *lived* to read, study, write,
    and, yes ... teach poetry.  He thought that everyone should be a junior
    poet.  Even jarheads.

    I went through pure unmitigated hell to scratch out a "D" in that
    course ... just so that I could graduate.

    To this day I despise poetry ... after lo' these many years later ...

    Even when I bought my wife those mushy type cards for various
    occasions, I'd look for one without poetry because she'd always read it
    to me.  

    I'll buy the other 49 things on that list, but, to this day I have
    never experienced circumstances which would have necessitated my
    recitation of a sonnet.  Never.

    Besides ... if one knows the words to "Dixie", "The Eyes of Texas",
    and, "The Marine Corps Hymn" ... what more beautiful words are there?

    Sorry, I didn't want to embarrass any of you myn who like poetry. To
    each his own.

    Bubba
773.22Poetry Slammin' -- have you got the balls?LOOP8::WIECHMANNShort to, long through.Thu Mar 19 1992 01:2317
>    subscribe to the Hatashita San school of grace, charm and dignity).

	Or was that the Hatashita school sans grace, charm and dignity?
     
>    When I was in college .. my last semester ... I needed one stinkin' hour 
>    ... one miserable, absurd hour of "non technical elective".  I offered
>    to take a 4 hour course in quantum electrodynamics - a 4 hour course in 
>    statistical physics ... noooooooooooooooo ... it had to be non-technical.

	At least you went into it with an open mind.

	Bubba, next time you're int town I'll take you to the Chicago
	North Side Poetry Slam, and you can find out what being a real 
	man is all about.

	-Jim
773.23;-)SA1794::CHARBONNDtake small steps into the unknownThu Mar 19 1992 10:336
    re.21 Jerry, get hold of a volume of Robert Service.
    
    Stuff like "The Ballad of Blasphemous Bill" or "The Shooting of Dan
    McGrew" or "The Spell of the Yukon" might change your attitude.
    
    "Thank God, the whiskey's saved!"
773.24ZFC::deramoDan D'EramoThu Mar 19 1992 11:423
Or get a book of good Australian poetry/songs. :-)

Dan
773.25But still too young to resist.CSC32::HADDOCKI'm afraid I'm paranoidThu Mar 19 1992 13:017
    
    
    51. Better.
    
    ;^)
    
    fred();
773.26BRADOR::HATASHITAHard wear engineerThu Mar 19 1992 13:5811
>	Or was that the Hatashita school sans grace, charm and dignity?
    
    Maybe.  Hard to be graceful with size 12 feet.
    
    If you're trying to melt someone's heart, I think you're further ahead
    to say "Lady, let me hold you."  than to try something like, 
    
    	"She walks in beauty like the night, 
    	 Of cloudless climes and starry skies..."
    
    Poetry's fine but it's difficult for it to retain relevence.
773.28DELNI::STHILAIREis it all a strange gameThu Mar 19 1992 15:086
    Real men write poetry.
    
    (or at least read it...)    :-)
    
    Lorna
    
773.29SCHOOL::BOBBITTstand quietThu Mar 19 1992 15:528
    re: .28
    
    yes!
    
    in my book they do!
    
    -Jody
    
773.30WMOIS::REINKE_Bthe fire and the rose are oneThu Mar 19 1992 16:293
    mine too!
    
    :-)
773.31AIMHI::RAUHI survived the Cruel SpaThu Mar 19 1992 16:471
    I thought that real men wore black.:) And read poetry!
773.32TIMBER::DENISEshe stiffed me out of $20.!Thu Mar 19 1992 17:576
    
    	not ALL real men do....
    	some listen to nelson riddle tapes as well...
    
    
    	guffaw
773.33COMET::COSTATime to turn and burnThu Mar 19 1992 18:478
    
     I might add one more:
    
     Be able to distinguish all the parts and procedures for tuning up
    an automobile (even if he doesn't do it himself).
    
    Tony
    
773.34I have loved thee Cynara, in my fashionRANGER::GONZALEZsets the stars afireThu Mar 19 1992 18:569
    Heavens!
    
    Of course a man needs to write poetry.  What woman would kiss lips that
    had not first been kissed by the muse?  A man who woos without poetry
    has no heart to offer.
    
       ;^)
    
       Margaret
773.35DELNI::STHILAIREis it all a strange gameThu Mar 19 1992 19:485
    re .34, re "Cynara...", etc., when I was a teenager I loved that poem. 
    I thought it was the ultimate in romance.
    
    Lorna
    
773.36for the poetically challengedTOOK::M_ELLISONThu Mar 19 1992 20:0017
re: Bubba

Here's a simple poem.  Try it out- I'm sure you'll get a passing grade!

 
	A red rose whispers of passion, 
	And a white rose breathes of love,
	Oh, the red rose is a falcon,
	And the white rose is a dove,
 
	But I send to you a cream white rosebud,
	With a flush on its petal tips,
	For the love that is purest and sweetest,
	Has a kiss of desire on its lips.
 

	John Boyle O'Reilly
773.37BRADOR::HATASHITAHard wear engineerThu Mar 19 1992 20:023
    
    "What's all this talk about 'Deaf bread and hype missiles can reach?'"
    
773.38IAMOK::MITCHELLdespite dirty deals despicableThu Mar 19 1992 20:396
	 Well I don't think reading or writing poetry makes
	 a man..a *real man* !  Unless it's Stephen King..
	 his kinda poetry I could enjoy !  :-)

	kits
773.39How about Alfred Hitchcock Haiku?STAR::BECKBeware OSI Layers 8 and 9Thu Mar 19 1992 20:5113
 > 	 Well I don't think reading or writing poetry makes
 > 	 a man..a *real man* !  Unless it's Stephen King..
 > 	 his kinda poetry I could enjoy !  :-)

    I can just see it ...

	There was a young fellow named Fud
	Whose face was all covered with blood
	As he opened the door
	He slipped in the gore
	And buried himself in the mud

	? Best I could do on the fly...
773.40But I like broccoli....MORO::BEELER_JETwo stepin' wid' dogsThu Mar 19 1992 22:4421
.27> Oh, I get it, Jerry.  You can't do it, so it's not important, and
.27> anyone who _can_ do it isn't "quite right" (they're "nuts" and "myn").

Hey ... to each his own.  I could really care less.  The guy that "taught"
my poetry class was a nut .. that's fer sure.  It just ain't my thang,
doncha' know.

.27> You wouldn't be a product manager by any chance, would you?

Worse.  Infinitely worse.  I'm in sales.

.36> Here's a simple poem.  Try it out- I'm sure you'll get a passing grade!

Good Lawd, John.  If I read something like that I'd have female_lady_wimmins
from the arts and croissant crowd all over me.  I like women who wear
Panhandle Slim dresses, Lucchese boots, drive step-side pickum-up trucks
with a gun rack in the back ... and topped off with a Stetson ... listen to
Randy Travis, Clint Black ... drink beer and two-step.

Bubba

773.41speaking of poetryASDG::SCARBOROUGHFri Mar 20 1992 00:1116
    
    
    Speaking of poetry, there was an old poem my father taught me
    many years ago which I'll never forget......
    
    If the ocean was whisky
    and I was a duck
    I would swim to the bottom
    and never come up
    
    
    Enjoy,       
    
    
    Carl
    
773.42RIPPLE::KENNEDY_KACat-AnonFri Mar 20 1992 00:176
    I'm one those people that poems are lost on.  If a man recited a poem
    to me I would be very confused and wondering what he needed that for
    when he could just be straight forward.  Sorry, but that's the
    analytical and logical side of me.  Poetry just doesn't click with me.
    
    Karen
773.43A party of at least "2" ...MORO::BEELER_JETwo stepin' wid' dogsFri Mar 20 1992 04:023
    Thanks, Karen.  At least I'm not alone.
    
    Bubba
773.44IAMOK::MITCHELLdespite dirty deals despicableFri Mar 20 1992 10:3618

  	A true poet is music to the ears, but all too often
	men/women who try to romance others with poetry are
	tintinnabulums. "Poets" who mechanically rhyme and 
	rhyme, creating verse like the little bell on the
	door of a busy pawnshop. The person, the tintinnabulum,
        the type of rhymester often found in very local
	newspapers, is the dogged, would-be poet, one who loves
	climatic echoes at the ends of lines of verse that 
	others are sorry they ever began reading. A true clinker,
	whose crambo is always appreciated in the greeting card
	industry.     :-)

	I'd much prefer a wit-snapper.


	kits
773.45AIMHI::RAUHI survived the Cruel SpaFri Mar 20 1992 11:251
    Thanks Karen. I can'ts spell. Never mind reads...."-)
773.46DELNI::STHILAIREis it all a strange gameFri Mar 20 1992 11:498
    re .42, poetry seems logical to me.
    
    re .44, try Carl Sandburg, Robert Frost, W.B. Yeats, T.S. Elliot, Walt
    Whitman, Shakespeare, Robert Burns, etc, for some truly worthwhile 
    contributions, to the human race, by white males.
    
    Lorna
    
773.47IAMOK::MITCHELLdespite dirty deals despicableFri Mar 20 1992 12:0218
	re .46 ::STHILAIRE

	I have read those you mentioned.....and you left out
	one of the greatest...Edgar Allan Poe. My library
	overfloweth with great works of Prose and Poetry.


>    contributions, to the human race, by white males.
 

	by the way, some truly worthwhile contributions have
	been made by black males as well.

   

	kits    

773.48DELNI::STHILAIREis it all a strange gameFri Mar 20 1992 12:237
    re .47, re: black males, I never said they didn't - Langston Hughes,
    Jean Toomer, for example.
    
    Denzel Washington's *face* is enough of a contribution for me! :-)
    
    Lorna
    
773.49BRADOR::HATASHITAHard wear engineerFri Mar 20 1992 12:357
      
>I like women who wear
>Panhandle Slim dresses, Lucchese boots, drive step-side pickum-up trucks
>with a gun rack in the back ... and topped off with a Stetson ... listen to
>Randy Travis, Clint Black ... drink beer and two-step.
      
      Just remember who gets the rejects, Bubba.
773.50poetic imageTOOK::M_ELLISONFri Mar 20 1992 14:249
>I like women who wear
>Panhandle Slim dresses, Lucchese boots, drive step-side pickum-up trucks
>with a gun rack in the back ... and topped off with a Stetson ... listen to
>Randy Travis, Clint Black ... drink beer and two-step.
 

This sounds poetic to me!  Bubba, you got the hang of it...way cool.

Mark
773.51Poet at heartLOOPBT::WIECHMANNShort to, long through.Fri Mar 20 1992 14:3217
	Yes, excellent job.  A little reformatting . . . .

	I like women who wear
	Panhandle Slim dresses, Lucchese boots, 
	drive step-side pickum-up trucks 
	with a gun rack in the back
	and topped off with a Stetson
	listen to
	Randy Travis, Clint Black
	drink beer and two-step.


	I think you could get this published, Bubba.  At the very least,
	you should enter it in the Poetry Notes Conference.

	-Jim
773.52TIMBER::DENISEshe stiffed me out of $20.!Fri Mar 20 1992 14:372
    
    	hey! i know someone like that!!!
773.53All rights reservedMORO::BEELER_JETwo stepin' wid' dogsFri Mar 20 1992 15:1014
                <<< ROCKO::DUA2:[NOTES$LIBRARY]POETRY.NOTE;2 >>>
                                  -< POETRY >-
================================================================================
Note 2980.0                       Mah' Magnolia                       No replies
16525::BEELER_JE "Two stepin' wid' dogs"              8 lines  20-MAR-1992 12:02
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
	I like women who wear
	Panhandle Slim dresses, Lucchese boots, 
	drive step-side pickum-up trucks 
	with a gun rack in the back
	and topped off with a Stetson
	listen to
	Randy Travis, Clint Black
	drink beer and two-step.
773.54DELNI::STHILAIRElet your soul &amp; spirit flyFri Mar 20 1992 16:345
    re .53, I like the poem, even though it doesn't describe the kind of
    women I like.
    
    Lorna
    
773.55FMNIST::olsonDoug Olson, ISVG West, Mtn View CAFri Mar 20 1992 17:273
re Bubba, so how'd the poetry noters take it ;-)?

DougO
773.56Please get in line for autographs ....MORO::BEELER_JETwo stepin' wid' dogsFri Mar 20 1992 17:4410
.55> so how'd the poetry noters take it ;-)?

    I'm anticipating my invitation to be inducted into the "Dead Poets
    Society".

    I'll be submitting it to a number of poetry oriented journals for
    publication ... will let you know how it comes out.  I'll probably be
    rich and famous as a result of this ... and I owe it all to MENNOTES.

    Bubba
773.57RIPPLE::KENNEDY_KACat-AnonFri Mar 20 1992 22:5911
    re .46
    
    Lorna,
    
    I'm glad you find poetry logical.  But, it makes no sense to me to have a
    man recite poetry to me when he could just come out say how he feels. 
    I know, he is probably being romantic, but poetry just doesn't do
    anything for me.  That's what I mean about logical, not that the poetry
    is or isn't.
    
    Karen
773.58only 2500 notes to discuss all 50 things!RJAMES::WIECHMANNShort to, long through.Sat Mar 21 1992 04:2016
	Reciting poetry to women doesn't make sense to me either.

	Poetry is often the only way to say something that is
	difficult to put into words -- when you can't just come
	out and say what you feel.

	More often than writing about my feelings for a person
	though, I'll write a poem to describe how I feel about
	the Chicago River at a particular moment.  Or how I feel
	being left alone sitting in a bar.  

	Now, let's move on to number two.  Been to any good used
	bookstores lately?

	-Jim
773.59IAMOK::MITCHELLdespite dirty deals despicableSat Mar 21 1992 10:2524

  	..and lots of men *show* how they feel, rather than
	trying to rhyme a bunch of words together. Not all
	men are poetic, and these type of men shouldn't even
	try, because there are lots of women who appreciate
	them just as they are.

	Some expressions of caring that I've received that
	were not poetic:

	* offering to clean my guns (and his) after a day of
	  target shooting

	* taking my car and changing the oil

	* not yelling at me when I buried his jeep in a mud run

	* bringing flowers 

	..and on and on.   


	kits
773.60MILKWY::ZARLENGAHerm, ya scarin' the fish!Sat Mar 21 1992 12:213
    All this fuss over a poem that doesn't even rhyme.
    
    hmmpfff!
773.61IAMOK::MITCHELLdespite dirty deals despicableSat Mar 21 1992 12:3919

   	Actually, I wonder about the schlemiel's that put these
	lists together. They have got to be woefully clumsy,
	foolish, gullible, socially maladjusted, one who can't
	fix anything, who gets cheated as a customer, who drops
	trays of food is never taken seriously, in addition to
	being physically graceless, clearly inept and totally
	lacking in sex appeal.  Even worse.....it's not the guy
	who spills the soup, it's the guy who gets spilled on  :-)
	When he kills a chicken, it walks, when he sells umbrellas
	..the sun comes out, when he manufactures shrouds, people
	stop dying.

	Real people don't need lists.   ;-)  :-)


	kits
	
773.62at least I'm not a TECO macro . . . .RJAMES::WIECHMANNShort to, long through.Sun Mar 22 1992 03:404
	Oh you caught me.  I'm not a real people -- I'm a Lisp program.

	-Jim
773.63TOOK::M_ELLISONSun Mar 22 1992 16:0615
re: .61

	And this brings up a couple more items to add to 'the list'

	Its important to know the difference between a klutz, a schlemiel
	and a schlimazl:

        klutz--> a bumbler, someone who's all thumbs, accident prone
        schlemiel--> a jerk, particularly a nerdy sort of jerk
        schlimazl--> a born loser, someone with consistently bad luck


	...and being a real mensch means being nice to these folks too!

Mark
773.64IAMOK::MITCHELLdespite dirty deals despicableSun Mar 22 1992 17:519
  re  .63

	you forgot to mention the nebbish. The schlemiel trips
	and knocks down the schlimazl, and the nebbish repairs
	the schlimazl's glasses.


	:-)
773.65PENUTS::NOBLEThis space for rentMon Mar 23 1992 12:502
    Reciting poetry to members of the opposite sex (for whatever purpose)
    is not the only reason for its existence.
773.66BRADOR::HATASHITAHard wear engineerMon Mar 23 1992 13:542
    You're right.  I can think of two... no - three other reasons for the
    existence of the opposite sex.
773.67nosy in nashuaSUPER::DENISEshe stiffed me out of $20.!!!Mon Mar 23 1992 16:262
    
    	yes, ::HATASHITA...????
773.68CSC32::GORTMAKERWhatsa Gort?Mon Mar 23 1992 22:574
    re.66
    OK, lets see theres car repair and lawn maintenance what's #3? 8^)
    
    -j
773.69asking real nicely....SUPER::DENISEshe stiffed me out of $20.!!!Tue Mar 24 1992 00:205
    
    	you MUST be joking ::GORTMAKER!!!
    	those two would get the HANDS dirty!!!
    
    	so what 's the third, ::HATASHITA????
773.70BRADOR::HATASHITAHard wear engineerTue Mar 24 1992 17:244
    No way, ::DENISE.  Think I want Mr. Mod all over me, doing the ol' -
    SET NO-SEE.  
    
    You're just going to have to use your imagination.
773.71TIMBER::DENISEshe stiffed me out of $20.!Tue Mar 24 1992 18:147
    
    	i thought you and the mr. mod were like this (imagine crossed
    	fingers) and that you could say no wrong in his eyes...
    
    	now what could have given me such an idea, do you reckon?
    
    	huh ::HATASHITA???
773.72GIDDAY::MORETTIBorn free...Taxed to deathThu Mar 26 1992 04:299
    
    Ok, seein' as how Kris ain't gonna say it I'll tell ya what he was
    thinkin':
    	1 Spendin' the ol' mans hard earned moola.
    	2 Burning the steaks on the BBQ
    	3 Naggin' the poor ol' bugger to death
    
    Happy now ya dragged it outer us po' lil fellas???
    JM
773.73What every man should knowESGWST::RDAVISAfter red, gray was easyThu Mar 26 1992 14:438
    1. Who played sax on Buddy Holly's "True Love Ways"
    2. Every line from "His Girl Friday" with gestures as appropriate
    3. That Philip Roth's generation must be REALLY SCREWED UP
    4. How to describe Sixth Century Frankish burial sites
    5. The complete lyrics of the "Green Acres" theme song
    6. Emergency sources of dark-roast coffee
    7. When to shut up
    
773.74BRADOR::HATASHITAHard wear engineerThu Mar 26 1992 15:175
    I have a feeling that if Moretti and I ever had the opportunity to sit
    down and watch the sun set into the Oz Outback while hoisting a few
    wet, cold and bubbly ones, the conversation would go on until sunrise.
    
    Kris
773.75Somewhere over the rainbowESGWST::RDAVISAfter red, gray was easyThu Mar 26 1992 15:204
    I don't know; I'm kind of glad I went to a different School of Hard
    Knocks than you guys did....
    
    Ray
773.76BRADOR::HATASHITAHard wear engineerThu Mar 26 1992 15:322
    But can you think of a better setting for a good bout of railin'
    against the world, Ray?
773.77HEYYOU::ZARLENGAsee ya, wouldn't wanna be yaThu Mar 26 1992 15:332
    .73 reminds me of the quiz Steve Guttenberg had his future wife take
    in Diner.    :^)
773.78What color vinyl was Graham Parker's "Mercury Poison" on?ESGWST::RDAVISAfter red, gray was easyThu Mar 26 1992 15:4815
>    But can you think of a better setting for a good bout of railin'
>    against the world, Ray?
    
    Yet another thing a man oughta know, Kris.  Hmm...  In front of a rock
    band, maybe?  That way you have a good chance of maximizing heartbreak
    futures.
    
    It would also be nice for a man to remember the response that the hunky
    hero makes to Jacques when he says "Come let us sit and rail against
    the world" in "As You Like It", but I can't.
    
    "Diner": Cool movie, cool quiz.  Too bad the Guttenberg character
    doesn't write for the New York Zzzzz, huh?
    
    Ray
773.79AIMHI::RAUHI survived the Cruel SpaThu Mar 26 1992 17:125
    .73

    Whatcha mean by line #3?? Philip Roth wrote some great stuff! Yes some 
    of his charters were charters. But his generation being really
    screwed up??? Naw!! Disenchanted.
773.80GIDDAY::MORETTIBorn free...Taxed to deathThu Mar 26 1992 21:205
    One definite should know is when a woman really wants you to stay and
    when she REALLY wants you to leave.
    I'm battin' 50% at the moment but the odds are getting better as I get
    older. (ie I don't get the opportunity as much :^(   )
    John M