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Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Title:Topics Pertaining to Men
Notice:Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES
Moderator:QUARK::LIONEL
Created:Fri Nov 07 1986
Last Modified:Tue Jan 26 1993
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:867
Total number of notes:32923

708.0. "Women getting and giving expressions of romantic love" by VMSSPT::NICHOLS (It ain't easy being green) Thu Dec 26 1991 19:25

    I hope this doesn't sound chauvinistic, not intended.

    Most marital relationships have 'chores' for each of the partners.
    I gather it is the feeling by many of the women that a more ardent
    expression of love is needed than lovingly, spontaneously, and
    good-spiritedly 'doing our chores'. In all seriousness, could women
    reply to this topic listing


    	the ways in which they would like their husband to express his love
    	the ways in which they express their love to their husband

    "I would like him do the following <however> many things on a regular
    basis as reminders of his romantic love of me".
    			
    			and
    
    "I do the following <however> many things on a regular basis as
    expressions of my abiding love for him. 
    (if you don't do the latter, is it perhaps because you think he doesn't
    want them? e.g. why would he since he doesn't do them to me?)

    Is it maybe useful for only women to reply to this?
   
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708.1R2ME2::BENNISONVictor L. Bennison DTN 381-2156 ZK2-3/R56Thu Dec 26 1991 22:505
    Mod's comment:  That means, Herb, that you yourself should not reply
    to this note.  That's only fair since you aren't a woman.
    
    Carry on.
    						- Vick
708.2QUARK::LIONELFree advice is worth every centFri Dec 27 1991 11:215
    Other mod's comment - it is a policy of this conference (see one of
    the replies to note 1) that replies to topics may not be restricted to
    exclude groups of people.
    
    			Steve
708.3VMSSPT::NICHOLSIt ain't easy being greenFri Dec 27 1991 11:5413
    I was hoping that by simply posing it as a question that we might get
    around the restriction without really breaking the rules. Sort of
    urging voluntary restraint. In this fashion I was hoping to get some
    frank expressions of how wives feel unencumbered by the 'threat' of
    male rebuttal. 
    It seemed important to understand both
    
    	a) what wives feel is missing from their husbands
    	b) the kinds of behavior they show toward their husbands that
           they would like to see reciprocated.
    
    
    				herb
708.4What's love got to do with it? It's common sense and decency.CLUSTA::BINNSMon Dec 30 1991 12:4720
    I'll break the rules right away, but as a man who does most of the
    chores and housework, maybe I sit in a special position.
    
    The issue is not doing chores as an expression of love, but as an
    expression of both partners' understanding that the work must get done
    and that it is unfair to burden one member with an excessive amount.
    That burden is particularly irksome when it is imposed by reason of
    sexual stereotype.
    
    Romance and love are irrelevant -- if you were simply roomates sharing
    space without any particular affection, you would also have to take
    the sharing of burdens into account, and in fact you might more likely 
    use some of the formalistic listing of chores that you suggest as an
    appropriate way to show your love.
    
    I do not suggest that an even sharing of household duties is always in
    order -- it depends on the time demands on the partners, their personal
    levels of comfort at home, their relative efficiency at chores, etc?
    
    Kit
708.5VMSSG::NICHOLSIt ain't easy being greenMon Dec 30 1991 13:018
    I am hard put to understand how anybody could thing this topic is
    about household chores.
    
    so thankyou
    
    a) for changing the subject
    
    b) "breaking the rules"