Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    No answers for that on Bubba, thats a perplexing one at that!

    How about telling her you have herpes or another such problem, Bubba? 

I'd probably stammer and sputter and she'd walk away in disgust...  but
seriously, what I'd want to say in such a case is something on the order of
"I'm extremely flattered, but it's just not something I do."

			Steve

    
    "thank you but no thank you"
    
    "thank you but I'm taken"
    
    "I generally don't do that on a first date"
    
    "Would you care to come home and meet my (wife/husband/boyfriend/
     girlfriend) and we can talk about it again after we've done that?"
    
    "What letter of "no" don't you understand?"
    
    "Sex is risky these days, and I'm monogamous, thank you"
    
    "I'd love to talk with you some more, but I'm afraid sex is right out."
    
    "I feel the best foreplay is intellectual.  Let's talk, and then see
     how we feel."
    
    "No thanks, my (wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend) satisfies me utterly."
    
    

    Jody,
    
    	Ever go to a redneck bar as Bubba has pointed out in his base note? 

    
    I've been to a redneck bar, not alone, of course!
    
    obviously if someone's wearing a wedding ring that should
    *theoretically* be a hint (but not necessarily).
    
    if "no" isn't sufficient, and I felt intimidated or threatened, I'd
    surround myself with people I knew, or I'd warble on about what a big
    *strong* hulking boyfriend I have (who, coincidentally, will be meeting
    me here in scant moments, of course), and what a nasty temper he's got.
    
    But it doesn't sound to me like Bubba's feeling threatened.  I think
    he'd just like to get across "no, thank you though" in a way the
    receptor can understand.
    
    -Jody
    

    I think the point I am trying to make is that men in redneck bars
    seldom say no to a woman. And if they do, there might be something alittle 
    out of whack with the man. Which could be allot of things from this
    notes file. :) Or unless the woman is the absolute pits of bar
    flys and that you would touch her with Willy Smiths pee-pee!:) And the
    other thing to remember is, the more you drink, the prettier *ALL* the
    women look towards the end of the night. Then agian there is the story
    of the guy who chewed off his arm as so not to wake his date.....:-)

    
    Could someone please tell the audience what a 'redneck' is
    

    Redneck - someone like a person who works outside (thus a red neck)
    such as a construction worker or cowboy or whatnot, who is perhaps a bit
    coarse in behavior, being able to lift significantly more than his IQ.
    A redneck bar is a place where such types would go for liquid
    refreshment and other stimulation.  There one would be comfortable
    wearing (even dirty) blue-jeans and cowboy boots, but not wearing a 
    tuxedo.
    
    				- Vick (are there any nerd bars?)
    

    I have never heard the term used to describe somebody nawth of the
    Mason-Dixon line. (except possibly in the eastern part of northern
    California, say Stockton)

    RE. .10
    
    Or Bakersfield!

    Rednecks can be blue colar people, they are most likely, honest, God
    Fearing, humble folks, who believe in flag and country, believe that a
    mans word is as good as (if not better than) a paper contract, have a
    value set that I would easily revier as American as apple pie. They
    usually don't f*ck with you unless you decide to f*ck with them. Will
    go out of their way for you, if they like you. Believe that a womans
    place is at home, and a mans place is out working his ass off at his
    job. I have met many of them, some great folks, some.....

    Before I answer your question, Bubba, where are these redneck bars?
    
    What are there names?  What time do you go to them?  What aftershave
    are you wearing?
    
    Not that with a last name like "Hatashita" I'd fit into the redneck
    bar scene, but heck, even computer nerds get lonely.
    
    Kris

    I'll do my best to combine a response of 12 replies into one.

    BOBBITT:  I can give you chapter and verse of how each of the listed
    retorts will be responded to.

    Ladies and gentlemen, this is a serious question that I'm asking.  I
    don't like to hurt anyone's feelings and most assuredly don't like any
    confrontations - I was looking for one of those "slick" replies that one
    can so often find as a direct of communicating with so very many people
    via this medium.

    Redneck.  I'm as guilty of stereotyping as anyone else - I guess that
    I've heard the term so much that I use it with abandon and it has for
    the most part lost it's meaning.

    You'll find every mode of dress from three piece suit to oil field
    stained Levis.  You'll find education levels from the 6th grade to
    PhDs.  You'll find all ages from 21 to 71.  I'd say that the vast
    majority smoke and about 99.99% are beer drinkers.  I guess that the
    kind of person that you *won't* find there is the guy who is the
    classical "99# weakling" who drinks Coke, don't dance, don't shoot
    pool, and likes to recite poetry. Oh, and, yes, one thing for sure,
    they're almost 100% lily white in the clientele.

    For the most part it may be the diversity of people that you can
    meet there ... that's what interests me.  I like to drink, dance, shoot
    a little pool, tell dirty jokes, tell non-PC jokes, fart in public ... 
    and forget the initials "D E C".

    I'm sure that there's the stereotypical bar that would fit the
    description(s) rendered in this string, but, well, redneck means
    different things to different people.  My apologies for perpetuating
    the stereotype ... then again .. perhaps anyone in this conference who
    has met me can tell me if I *am* a stereotypical redneck.

    With this level of diversity comes an attempt to "level the playing
    field" ... just to cut loose and have some fun ... I'm not sure that
    I'll agree with the statistics on how many people come to these bars to
    seek out sex.  I certainly haven't taken any surveys - and - don't
    intend to.

    So far, my learned associated from Houston, Mr. Bustamante, has given
    me the best retort "... I'm sorry, but, I've been diagnosed with herpes
    and really don't want to pass it along" ... naturally, this could be
    followed with "well, I have it, so, no harm done".  Then what?

    Bubba

    How about "I cost $200 a night, honey!" If she hesitates, like she's
    considering forking up, then look her up and down and say "But for you,
    honey... $300!"
    
    I guess that's mean.
    
    How about looking kind of insane, like Anthony Hopkins as a psycho only
    closer to the edge, and intensely whispering "It got cut off by my
    wife... by my _late_ wife!" That should do it.

.13> Before I answer your question, Bubba, where are these redneck bars?

    Bakersfield and Taft California .. a few in Lubbock, Midland, Odessa,
    Abilene, and Amarillo Texas.
    
.13> What are there names?  What time do you go to them?  What aftershave
.13> are you wearing?

    I won't put their names on the tube ... as to time ... you can never
    tell ... aftershave ... Polo.
    
.13> Not that with a last name like "Hatashita" I'd fit into the redneck
.13> bar scene, but heck, even computer nerds get lonely.

    Take a good long look at response .12 in this string.  The vast
    majority will be VERY patriotic ... flag wavers.  Maybe this is where
    the "redneck" stereotype comes into play.  Guarantee you they'd
    probably be questioning your heritage and the part that your ancestors
    played in Pearl Harbor ... of if you're Korean ... they'll question
    Chosin ... yep .. that's probably where the stereotypical "redneck"
    attitude comes to play.

    If your last name is Hatashita ... you'd best be wearing he dirtiest of
    jeans, swear like a sailor, be built like a brick outhouse, shoot pool,
    dance like a native, speak flawless English, and most assuredly drink
    beer till the cows come home ... it wouldn't hurt to be skilled in the
    manly art of self defense ....

    Yessir .. this is where the "redneck" lives up to it's stereotype -
    100% white ... 100% American ... you will fear *God* (probably Baptist
    or Methodist) and not Buddah ... love fried beef and not sushi ...
    fried okra and not been sprouts ... 

    It would be best if you came with a 100% white 100% American ... 
    It would take some time to be "accepted" but when you are ... guarantee
    you that they'll go to the end of the earth for you!

    BINGO!  Come with me!!  I'll say "No, I'm not interested, but, my
    friend, Kris Hatashita, will oblige you!"

    Bubba

    Do you want to be polite? politely rude? or don't care?
    
    Best I can come up with is:
    
    -  There is about as a good a chance of our ending up in bed tonight as
    there is your proving there is live on Pluto.
    
    -  I don't have AIDS, and don't plan to take the risk with you.
    
    Or
    
    YOU: Were you born on a farm?
    
    THEM: No
    
    YOU:  Well you have the mating instincts of farm animals.
    
    :-)
    
    Just make sure they don't have a 99% non-weakling brother around to
    throw you out.
    
    Shilah

    
    Come on Jerry, I can't believe you don't know how to handle the
    situation you've presented.  If you can't handle that, after all the
    tough debates I've seen you engage in with noters, then you should just
    stay home!
    

    Bubba, what I would do if I were ever confronted with that situation,
    (fat chance, I know!) is to give 'em a sly wink of the eye, and say
    "Well darlin', I'd just love to, but you know, I just don't know how I
    can explain it to my wife, who's meeting me here in just a little
    while.  Maybe some other time, okay?  Besides, I like you too much to
    use you that way." 
    
    Howzat?
    
    Mike

    The term redneck is from the common man who works or labors and his
    neck is sun burn red from is days toil. Working on a farm as in my
    younger days, one would wear clothing to keep the sun off you, but you
    could never cover your face and/or neck. Country men are often called
    this word, mostly by the city folks. Welp..... Back to mowing the north
    40....:)

    A country man/woman who lives in the city are called 'City billy's'.

    
     Here are a couple that have worked for me...
    
    I hardly know you well enough to stick my tongue in your mouth, so what
    makes you think I would go home with you?
    
    If that is all your interested in, I'll let you borrow my cue stick if
    you'll leave me alone. (helps to be playing pool to use this one)
    
    TC
    

.17> Do you want to be polite? politely rude? or don't care?

The intent of this note was to get some suggestions that would adequately
and definitively convey (1) polite and (2) I'm flattered but (3) no thank you.
Being "rude" can have detrimental effects on ... your physical well being.

.18> Come on Jerry, I can't believe you don't know how to handle the
.18> situation you've presented.  If you can't handle that, after all the
.18> tough debates I've seen you engage in with noters, then you should just
.18> stay home!

It's one heck of a lot harder in person, face-to-face, than it is when one
is behind a screen !!
    
.19> "Well darlin', I'd just love to, but you know, I just don't know how I
.19> can explain it to my wife, who's meeting me here in just a little
.19> while.  Maybe some other time, okay?  Besides, I like you too much to
.19> use you that way." 

I've tried this.  Then, I hang around for a few more hours, wife does not
show, female_lady_wimmin get's all upset because I lied to her and the circle
goes on and on and on ...

.22> If that is all your interested in, I'll let you borrow my cue stick if
.22> you'll leave me alone. (helps to be playing pool to use this one)

Something like this can get you killed (especially if she has friends who
are close by) - seriously.

Bubba

    How about telling her that you got a war wound from Nam. As in you got
    your pee-pee shortened and that she should go find herself someone who
    will make her a happy woman. :)

Here's one I've used:


Me:  Thanks, but my heart belongs to another.
Her: It's not your heart I want.
Me:  Yes, put it's part of the set and I don't want to break the set.

Hamp

>    Bakersfield and Taft California .. a few in Lubbock, Midland, Odessa,
>    Abilene, and Amarillo Texas.
    
    In the frozen north we pound each other with hockey sticks at the mere
    thought of a California or Texas woman.
    
>    If your last name is Hatashita ... you'd best be wearing he dirtiest of
>    jeans, swear like a sailor, be built like a brick outhouse, shoot pool,
>    dance like a native, speak flawless English, and most assuredly drink
>    beer till the cows come home ... it wouldn't hurt to be skilled in the
>    manly art of self defense ....
    
    I'm skilled in the not-so-manly art of pretending to know matial arts. 
    It's called intimidation by racial implication - " Back off, Jack.  I'm
    a black belt in Tai Kung Tofu."  
    
    I've actually been to a place like this in Pontiac, Michigan.  For a
    person of Japanese ancestry to be in a redneck bar in a town devastated
    by Japanese competition requires steel nerves and iron character and a
    total disconnect of the lobe which contains common sense.  I kept thinking
    about my mom getting a telegram, "Sorry to inform you that your son was
    discovered in the Detroit River with a GM engine block around his
    neck."
    
>    BINGO!  Come with me!!  I'll say "No, I'm not interested, but, my
>    friend, Kris Hatashita, will oblige you!"
    
    Now **that** is guaranteed to turn them away.  Other than that, Bubba,
    it's the best offer I've had outta this conference.  Not only that, if
    I go with an ex-marine, I can forget about the self defence.  "Back
    off, Jack.  I've got a loaded Bubba with me." :)
    
    Kris

Well, I've found that just plain old burping works rather well :-).

Something like this:

Him: "How 'bout it sweet honey, babykins. Let's say we go to my place"
Me: <burp>
Him: "yech"

Jenna

    
    
    Bubbah,
    
    I think that a good comeback might be
    
    "I'd love to Honey, but my wife would kick my A**!"
    
    That way you're NOT insulting her, in fact almost flattering her, but
    at the same time letting her know that you do have someone waiting at
    home.
    
    The trick is that AFTER you say it, turn away so as not to give her to
    opportunity to carry on the conversation.
    
    If she insists that your wife would never find out, just tell her that
    if you were HEE husband, how would SHE like you to answer some other
    womans come on? Tell her you'd like to think that you're a gentleman,
    and that gentlemen don't do those things to 'the little woman' waiting
    at home...
    
    ..well it would work on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    ;-)

    re .26
    
    It might be frugal to learn how to play the fiddle, as one of your
    'countrymen' has done.
    Dont remember his name, but saw him on a 60-minute segment about Mason(?)
    Missouri. The town where everybody who left Nashville is going.
    
    He not only plays a mean fiddle, he sings a mean "America" and tells
    self deprecating ethnic jokes. I know it sounds like a caricature, but
    it works there.

    Re .28
    
    Cathy,  
    
    That would leave our Bubba looking a little PW'd, which is social
    suicide for a "manly man"  Remeber your talking about a culture where
    foreplay consists of "get in the truck" to be a little stereotypical.  
    
    Jerry,
    
    Thanks but no thanks has always been good enough for me.  But looks
    like you just need a nicer (and firmer) way to say that.
    
    Good luck
    
    Meg

    How about just saying "no" and then turning your back on her?  Ignoring
    her?  

    Clarification of my previous reply.  I don't go to bars, because I
    don't drink.  I do get what Jerry is describing in restaurants,
    shopping malls, if I happen to be sitting down, etc.  Ignoring the
    other person may be rude, but I don't *OWE* this person any kind of
    explanation for my answer.  I have been called every derogatory female
    slang word in the book.  I don't buy into it however, because I know where
    I am at at any particular time with this issue and I know that the
    problem lies with *him* not me.
    
    Karen

.30> -< Is he braggin or complainin' >-

Good point.  Hey.  I'm sincerely flattered when someone wants to romp
in the hay ...

Along the same lines, I SINCERELY don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
I know what rejection feels like ... I don't like to hurt other peoples
feelings.

When I was listening to the Kennedy rape trial .. there was a segment
about her "fondling" him ... hey .. that's very real ... I've had a
female get close to me in a bar .. hands under the table ... before I
know it ... "things" are happening.  It *does* happen!

.30> That would leave our Bubba looking a little PW'd, which is social
.30> suicide for a "manly man"  Remeber your talking about a culture where
.30> foreplay consists of "get in the truck" to be a little stereotypical.  

You got that right!!!
    
.30> Thanks but no thanks has always been good enough for me.  But looks
.30> like you just need a nicer (and firmer) way to say that.
                   ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Precisely.

Thanks,
Bubba

    RE: .0 Tell her your wife is out shooting her .44 to relieve the
    anger she feels toward the last woman who made a pass at you and
    you're afraid of what she'll do next time. :-)

    Tell her you've been having sex all day long and you came to the
    bar to rest up before going back for more. Maybe an other time.

    Tell her your already committed to a pair of identical twins for
    the night and suggest she catch you earlier next time. Actually
    saying you already have someone lined up but suggesting they get
    you earlier next time may be what meets your goals best.

    		Alfred

.4> "No thanks, my (wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend) satisfies me utterly."
                         ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Someone just pointed this out to me ...

In case you didn't notice the name ... "Bubba" ...

*I* am a male, a man, a myn ... using "husband/boyfriend" would be a quick
way to get a ride to the emergency room of a local hospital ... or the morgue. 

I do, quite often, hold up my wedding ring and say "thanks, but, she's quite
good" ... the normal reply is "I'm better".

Mr. Thompson ... thanks, but, responses like that would probably spur the
imagination of most of these female_lady_wimmin to unparalleled heights.

Bubba

 Aw heck, Bubba. Jes give 'em what they want. Think of England or some such. :-)

    
    If I'm looking for gold, I go to the mountains.
    If I'm looking for silver, I break open a stone.
    But when I'm looking for loving, I just go home.
    
     parphrased from Kenny Rogers new single
    
    

    re .0, Bubba, to what do you attribute your apparent great appeal to
    women?  
    
    In other words, I'm just amazed anybody gets propositioned that much in
    this day and age.
    
    Lorna
    

.38> re .0, Bubba, to what do you attribute your apparent great appeal to
.38> women?

Good looks (a real man), flat-top haircut (they love to run their fingers
through it), great dresser, great personality, lots of money ... 
  
.38> In other words, I'm just amazed anybody gets propositioned that much in
.38> this day and age.

Well, in all seriousness it is a "puzzlement" ... but .. believe me, it
darned sure happens ... I guess it's the ol' "it can't happen to me"
syndrome.

Bubba

    .38>    re .0, Bubba, to what do you attribute your apparent great
    .38> appeal to women?
    
    Well... I've been TOLD that in some bars a wedding ring is actually
    a bit of a "magnet"...  I have no idea why... maybe it shows that he's
    not a 100% loser (sort of a "seal of approval").  Maybe it shows that
    he's not gonna be trouble 'cause he can be blackmailed ("What if I told
    your wife about us?").  Maybe it shows that he's not likely to be
    looking for a long-term relationship.  I dunno....
    
    All I know is I've never had it happen to *me* (despite the fact that
    I'm married and wear a ring).  Guess I don't hang out in the right
    bars 8-) 8-) 8-)
    
    --jim
    

.40> -< Maybe it's BECAUSE he's married? >-

You know, you may just have a point there.  I'm not married [divorced]
but still have my wedding ring.  I *thought* that it would be a 'turnoff'
for most female_lady_wimmin and that's why I wear it when I go to a bar.

.40> All I know is I've never had it happen to *me* (despite the fact that
.40> I'm married and wear a ring).  Guess I don't hang out in the right
.40> bars 8-) 8-) 8-)

Well, there's a few people in this conference that have met me, and, they
can tell you that I look VERY military (USMC, reserves).  Perhaps that's
what does it (seriously)?  However, I REFUSE to let my hair grow long
and get an earring (also, my CO just may have a little to say 'bout it)!

Oh, and, if you want to *stay* married ... you'll continue to *not* hang
out in the 'right' bars ... but should you ever find yourself in the 
neighborhood of Bakersfield, CA .. gimme a call ... I'll "educate" ya'.

Bubba

    I remember reading someplace that an exorbetant (sp) number of ex USMC
    personnel are CEO's and presidents of companys, greatly out of
    porportion to their % in the population in general.
    	Maybe some women know this and want to latch onto a potential money
    machine by playing the odds! 8-)
    
    	Hey, maybe thats what I am doing wrong, collecting all this USA
    stuff instead of USMC stuff...
    
    Steve

    re .39, I think I understand it now.  In the type of places you go to
    you probably come across as one of the more intelligent, interesting,
    decent guys in the place.  If you're going to hang out where the
    majority of men act like morons, you have to expect to attract women.
    For your sake, I hope you're occasionally propositioned by someone
    appealing enough to consider accepting.  (although I bet there's a lot
    of creepy women in that type of place)
    
    Lorna
    

    Bubba,
    
    Don't wear the polo!  The smell of that stuff drives me absolutely wild
    no matter who is wearing it!!  :^)
    
    
    -Roberta (a married woman too!)
    

    
    would that be the good wild, or the bad .. ?

    
    Um....as a last resort maybe you could try saying you're gay?
    
    OK, it's a barefaced lie, but in the fact of witless persistance
    it's kinder than some brush-offs I could think of. And for some
    reason when a man tells a woman he's gay the woman rarely
    rushes in with an "I can cure you!" attitude like quite a few guys
    seem to when confronted with the same line from a woman...
    
    'gail

 My understanding of the places Jerry frequents is that such a tactic would
almost certainly be successful in stopping the come-on but would have the
rather unfortunate side effect of relieving him of his teeth...

.48> ...relieving him of his teeth...

    ...and life functions.  DAVIESA, I don't know about the UK, but, over
    here remarks like that would easily get you a ride in an emergency
    vehicle, and, I don't mean a police car.  You'd get a ride in a van
    that is predominately white and normally has a red cross on it.  Not
    funny.  Believe me.

    Bubba

    	In the bar near the Valbonne office there was someone thrown
    through a plate glass window in a dispute over payment for cannabis,
    and you might get the same if you dared to criticise Saddam Hussein
    openly, but nobody gets too excited about sexual preferences - one of
    the waiters is blatantly gay while others are blatantly not.
    
    	American culture is a funny thing. I am frequently amazed by things
    I read in this notes file.

    
    .49
    
    I had no idea. Seriously.
    Maybe it's your region of the States as well Bubba - not just a
    US/UK thing?
    
    "Being gay" is not infrequently used as a brush-off line over here
    by men who wouldn't feel too worried or feel threatened if the
    woman in question passed the "rumour" around - it rarely has
    implications of physical violence *unless* you're in a particularly
    macho environment in certain cities (as best I can understand it).
    I can certainly understand someone feeling worried and threatened
    making that comment in the kind of bar you describe.
    
    Sorry if my suggestion inadvertantly translated to "Why don't you
    invite an early end to your life?"...
                                                        
    'gail

    Gail
    
    Bubba is talking about a bar which caters to a particular subculture.  
    
    This subculture tends to be stongly homophobic, ethnocentric, and more
    than a little emphatic aout protecting their lifestyle and politics. 
    Men are expected to be "manly" and women very "womanly".  It's been
    years since I frequented the bar scene so Jerry please feel free to
    correct me if I am wrong.  Announcing that one's sexual preference
    deviates from the sub-cultural norm is tantamount to saying "please
    beat me, I love it," as would announcing that you mourn the loss of the
    great experiment in the USSR, as it really looked like a better system
    then we have here, or making disparaging references about mom, apple
    pie, the flag, or soldiers.  
    
    Meg

.53> This subculture tends to be stongly homophobic, ethnocentric, and more
.53> than a little emphatic aout protecting their lifestyle and politics. 
.53> Men are expected to be "manly" and women very "womanly".  It's been
.53> years since I frequented the bar scene so Jerry please feel free to
.53> correct me if I am wrong.

You are 100% correct.

Then, one may rightfully ask "why go there?".  Well, I like 99% of what
I go there for and simply have to weigh the 99% that I like versus the
1% that I don't like.

There are some things that I wish I could change, but, that's life and for
the moment I work within the framework of what's delt.  As the man said,
"you got to know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em".

Bubba

    
     Perhaps you could let these women continue conversations with you for
    a little while. After some time go, begin a conversation that has to do
    with religion, morality, Aids, and non-commital sexual relationships.
    If that doesn't cool the gals down and turn them away from you, nothing
    will.
    
    

    RE: .55
    
    Now *that* is one hell of a good idea!!  I'm a Sales Executive, and, am
    very good at tap dancing ...
    
    Bubba

    Hey there Bubba,
    
    Try this:  whine about how broke you are.
    
    This won't turn off everyone, but surely will work most times.
    
    Affectionately,
    Steel Magnolia

    re:  .0
    
    Simply put, "thanks, I appreciate the offer..., but no thanks".
    
    
    		Fred (who's played music in many a bar)