Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    
    
    saying.........SORRY.....when you are wrong!

    
    It's admitting when you're wrong that's the difficult part  - eh Peter??
    
              

    THE MOST courageous thing?  I have no idea... all I can do is give
    examples of things which required at least some courage on my part.
    I am sure many others share my examples.
    
    Hanging in there on a daily basis and not giving up on life.  
    
    Going to Vietnam on an aircraft carrier as a crew member during the
    Vietnam War.
    
    Saying I am sorry and admiting when I am wrong.
    
    Standing up to 'the' bully when I was in grammar school.
    
    Facing the reality of my own eventual death.
    
    

    realizing that my previous marriage was destroying any chance i had for
    happiness and taking appropriate action to rectify the situation.
    
    tony

    swallowed my pride
    
    ended a relationship after realizing the dream was dead
    
    continued to believe in a relationship when I felt in my gut there was
    something left
    
    offered friendship to someone who hated my guts in the name of peace
    and comfort
    
    -Jody
    

>    What's the most courageous thing you've ever said or done?  

When I've told people that I'm gay.  [I would say, in general, that
telling the truth when it's difficult accounts for 99% of my
courageous acts.]  Sometimes it has felt as if I was telling the whole
world that it was wrong and that I was right.  (I'm not saying this is
the way it is; I'm saying this is the way it felt.) 

Almost all the evidence (especially when I was growing up in the
seventies), in my point of view, anyway, seemed to point to gayness
being "wrong."  Being able to allow my gay feelings to surface and
simply to live in a way in which most heterosexual people take for
granted (loving openly) is a huge thing.   

Sometimes I get scared (still).  I hear about other gay people getting
killed, arrested, abused, fired, kicked out of their homes, and kicked
out of their families.  I wonder if any of that will ever come down on
me.  I know that I have it pretty good here at Digital, but all I have 
to be doing is walking away from some gay bar or gay event at the wrong 
time, and....

...but I keep doing it, because I believe that it is the "right" thing 
for me to do.  And I also believe that it will lead to me living a 
healthier life.  Sometimes, especially when I first came out, I didn't 
have much to go on but hope.

I think it takes a lot of courage to live an openly-gay life.  I hope 
that, someday, this won't be the case.


							--Gerry

    I once walked out of an iniation pledge for a large national fraternal
    organization when I realized that I could not in good conscience
    support the whites only policy in effect in the early 1960s.  This
    was very difficult for me because I am pretty much an introvert and
    it was/is very unlike me to draw attention to myself that way. There
    was over 100 people in the hall at the time and I still wonder where
    I got the courage.

    	Well, I don't know if this qualifies as courage (because I didn't
    	stop to think about it long enough to make the decision to do it)
    	- but I did take action that saved my son's life when he was 4 yrs
    	old.
    
    	We were crossing the street in a crosswalk - no traffic lights on
    	a 4-lane street going in two directions.  One car (in the lane
    	closest to us) stopped to let us pass.  A painted island in the
    	middle of the street was an area where we could wait until the
    	cars stopped in the other direction.
    
    	A car behind the car that stopped was coming up - and the driver
    	didn't see us in the crosswalk, so he didn't know why the other
    	car had stopped.  There was no one in the next lane, so he simply
    	passed the stopped car (heading straight for the lane that we were
    	now entering.)
    
    	The stopped car was once again in motion, too, and the other two
    	lanes on the far side of the street had cars in them - so the driver
    	approaching us had nowhere to go.  He could hit us or he could hit
    	some other cars.  He didn't seem to have time to stop - and it seemed
    	as though he had panicked anyway (because he never did hit the brakes
    	at all.)
    
    	My 4 year old was on my right - the car was coming at us from the
    	left.  I decided to make a dash for the painted island, so I took
    	off running.  Ryan didn't know what was happening, so my dash pulled
    	him right up off his feet and he fell flat on the ground (while I
    	still had a strong grip on his hand.)  The momentum of his fall
    	brought me down to one knee and turned me half way around - so the
    	oncoming car was at my back.
    
    	My arm was outstretched to hold on to his hand (at the end of his
    	outstretched arm.)  I was out of the way of the car (only a couple
    	of feet from the island) and he was lying on the road in the direct
    	path of the car.  In another second or two, he would have died right
    	in front of my eyes (with my hand still holding his hand.)
    
    	Without looking to see how close the car was - I got to my feet and
    	stepped back in the path of the car (to where he was lying.)  I used
    	both hands to get a good grip on his arms and I ran backwards to the
    	painted island (dragging him on the road until we were both out of
    	the path of the car.)
    
    	As the car careened by (driving over the spot where Ryan was lying
    	on the road) - the driver called out "I'M SORRY!!!"  We barely made 
    	it out of the way in time.  Ryan's knees were scraped up and bleeding 
    	(and he was crying) - but we were both ok.
    
    	When I thought about it later, I was sure that I'd made a decision
    	not to look at the car (worrying that I might freeze at the sight
    	of it and that I wouldn't have the courage to get Ryan out of the
    	way.)
    
    	It all happened so fast that I think I took the only action I could
    	stand to take at that moment (of the choices within my power.)  It
    	was impossible for me to refrain from taking the risks of trying
    	to save him.  My mind was already set that his life was worth so
    	much to me that I would risk my life for him.  I don't think it was
    	anything that most people wouldn't have done in the same situation.
    
    	When it comes to something like war, it seems that people are so 
    	very set to do the best they can to do the job and to help if some
    	other person in their unit (or whatever) is in danger.
    
    	I'd certainly consider their actions to be courageous - and after
    	having risked my life to save my son's life, I can understand in
    	a distant way how someone could make the decision to take life-
    	threatening risks in war.  In my case, I'm not sure I ever made the 
    	actual decision.  My son was in danger, and I answered the "call" 
    	of this situation.
    
    	My only real courage probably lies in some of the day-to-day things
    	I've had to make decisions about over the years.

 I can think of other things you've done which I would classify as 
courageous, Suzanne. 

 The Doctah

    
    
        I feel that there are two types of courage,the first being a
      conscious decision,and the other is more of a reaction. Some 
      everyday decisions or life decisions are very couragous. When
      I signed up for the service it took a lot of courage for me,because
      it was a big step or my decision to get a divorce.
    
       The other IMO is more of a reaction. I went out to eat with a friend
      of mine a few years back. As we were leaving the restaurant,I walked
      out the door and a man shoved a shot gun in my face. I didn't even
      think,I just reacted by bringing my hand to the barrel and pointing
      it to the ceiling. Then I struck the man with my free hand and
      grabbed the gun and pushed him out the door with it. Then I yelled my
      fool head off for someone to call the police. Thinking back this was 
      probably not the smartest thing to do,but reaction took over. 
    
        That is why I feel that in certain situations, you react,then you 
      think about it later.And other times it takes a conscious effort.
    
    
                                            Mark
    
    
     

    
    A parents courage is unmatched when thier child is in harms way.  It's
    amazing what the heart will do when the mind is terrified...
    
    Steve

    I defended myself against a guy who tried to assault me so strongly
    that he wanted to press CHARGES at me... the guy ended up behind bars
    for 7 months and had a very stiff fine... I am sure that he will think
    TWICE before trying to attack any girl that looked more or less like
    me... (that happened a long time ago) I provided enough details to the
    police that he was aprehended within 1 1/2 hrs of the failed assalt.
    
    And I could "kill" whoever harms any of my kids...
    
    Ana
    

    
    Leaving someone you love more than anything else because you dont like
    to see her hurting. At the moment of saying goodbye when both of you
    are in tears and you have to turn your back and walk away, great
    courage is needed.
    
    Think about it.
    
    Chas

    Doing what needs to be done even if you are afraid.
    Standing up for what is 'right' even though the cost to you will 
    be greater than the benefit and the likelyhood of success is small.
    
    fred();

    re:  .14 CSC32::HADDOCK
    
    Fred, you just reminded me of something I read somewhere....
    
    	"Courage is action despite fear.  It is not being fearless."
    
    
    -Dotti.

    
    On a similar note, from Patrick White, the Australian Nobel Laureate:
    
    	   "Courage is often fear running in the right direction"
    
    From _The_Twyborn_Affair_, a pretty bizarre but beautifully written
    book.
    
    Scott

    Sometimes I think it takes a lot of courage just to walk out the door
    in the morning instead of spending the day curled up in a ball under my
    bed.
    
    Lorna
    

	"I believe that courage is all too often mistakenly seen as
	 the absence of fear.  If you descend by rope from a cliff and
         are not fearful to some degree, you are either crazy or
         unaware.  Courage is seeing your fear in a realistic
	 perspective, defining it, considering the alternatives and
         choosing to function in spite of risk."


    					Quoted Without Permission
    					"Looking Out, Looking In"
    
    Charlene
    

I'll start by saying that I started out thinking that whatever I came up with,
it would be nothing compared to people saving other people's lives. Then I
remembered that at the time I made the decision to do these things I was feeling
a strong urge at the same time as a worry about consequence, and my belief in
what was right won out. It's possible that these events can turn out to be
misplaced, but they are done thru courage.

I stood up to the class bully in the first grade. He was giving my teacher and
several kids a hard time, so I tried to stop him physically and verbally. They
had to pull him off me. I didn't understand what he could do to me. I didn't
stop to think about it.

I was working with in the area of delinquency. A police officer had set up a
meeting with a parent and a social worker. The discussion was taken over by the
woman's boyfriend. He admitted to beating the boy on several occasions. He began
explaining to us how often the child soiled his underwear, then failed to wash
it, or hid it and didn't tell the truth about it when the guy asked him about it
under duress. The guy called the kid into the room. He began questioning the kid
about the last time he had done the deed. It was slowly dawning on me that I was
really upset with the guys behavior towards the kid and it was getting carried 
out right in front of us all. No one else was wanting to stop it, or respond to
it (to this day I don't know what is the correct response), but now that he was
embarrasing the boy in front of us I was unable to wait any longer. So I stopped
him and started to explain to him that his punishment was abusive and what that
meant and when he started getting defensive I explained the law to him. And
as the meeting came to a close he threw some threats at me and I gradually
realized that he was "The Bully". The social worker confided that she was afraid
to say anything to him. The juvenile officer had left us alone with him, but
understood he was dangerous. I had jumped in the guys way. Now as it turned out
the abuse stopped getting reported. Years later the kid turned up in the County
Jail where I was working part-time. I hate the feeling of helplessness I get
when I look back at this stuff.

A few years ago I was watching my son's Soccer team play. There were only a few
fathers there to cheer on the kids. We joked about how pitiful they were, but
how important it was to stay positive (they hadn't scored a goal all season -
I later noticed that it was a young team chosen by coaches with a long range
project in mind). From the other side of the field we kept hearing the baiting
and obnoxious screams of a father. We all complained about the guy, but no one
did anything more. I crossed the field and stood next to him for awhile. He
kept barking criticism ("You sissy, why don't you just quit", "another great
play, why don't you just hand him the ball"). I noticed that he was wearing a
coaches jacket. I asked him where he coached (it wasn't this team, whew). Then
I kidded him about how hard he was being on the kid. He raised his eyebrow and
said, "He's my kid and I'll treat him how I want to. If he can't play the game
the way it should be played then he should step aside and let someone else play".
I felt his anger, felt my fear and in the most steady voice I could muster I
said, "I'm not arguing with your observations of his performance, but don't you
think you'll have trouble getting through to him by embarrasing him publicly?"
He stopped listening and walked away upset. I fumbled my way back to the other
side of the field after waiting awhile to see if he wanted to talk more. Later
I saw him at a school dinner and he iced me. 

I seem to have this thing about bullies. Also about protecting kids from angry
threatening behavior. I realize that the actions I've taken haven't been long 
range solutions to the problem, but they took courage and I feel like it was
the right reaction.

One last one. I was doing volunteer work at a Mental Hospital. I got into the
elevator and noticed a patient who was going to get out but stayed when he saw
me get on. As I looked up at him I also noticed that he was bleeding from his
wrist and that he had a razor blade in his hand. He was talking pretty groggily
but he was definitely sounding like he was upset with someone. The elevator door
closed. He asked me if I was going to bring him back to the unit (the elevator
was on the way up to his floor). I tried to make calm conversation and show
concern and support (lest the blade be turned to me, or used by him again). The
ride seemed to take minutes (surely it was only seconds) and when the doors 
opened there were 10 orderlies and doctors waiting at the opening. For a moment
it seemed like chaos would have to break loose, somehow it didn't. I can't
recall anymore. 

Hey, I think it took courage for me to release my first bug fix. But there's
so much of that going on at work, that it stops seeming courageous. It's just
my job.

    Whatever it is, I don't have enough of it.

    
    You can get them in pills, little pink ones. :-)

    I saved a woman, a Japanese tourist, from drowning in Haunauma Bay,
    Hawaii, and almost drowned myself, as I know nothing about life-saving
    techniques. She and her boyfriend were yelling frantically in
    Japanese, and struggling in the current flowing out to sea from
    a gap in the reef. I was the only one around. I discovered that
    the only way to overcome the current was to dive to the bottom,
    which was about ten feet deep, and by forceably pushing against
    the sand with my feet, I could push her towards the reef, but
    I had to do it in one long-held breath, underwater. 
    
    Her boyfriend struggled to the reef on his own . I was completely
    spent by the time I got her to the reef. A lifeguard showed up a
    half-minute later on a large surfboard, said "Is there a problem
    here?" I couldn't even talk, I was so out of breath. The lifeguard
    took the girl and her boyfriend to shore. I received no thanks, and
    never saw any of them again. It was almost like it didn't happen.
    
    I went back to the beach, and my girlfriend looked at me and said,
    "What's wrong with you?".
    
    -roger
    
    
    
    

    Isn't that the way things are too often Roger?  You risked your life
    and almost lost it and didn't even get a thanks?  Thats almost beyond
    belief.... but YOU know you put your life on the line for another and
    so does God.  You get my great respect.... your the type of person I
    would like to know.
    
    Jeff

    
    Courage:
    
    	Any thought or act that pushes you beyond your own fears....

    don't know as I have ever done anything I'd call courageous.
    
    have occasionally done foolhardy things that might be mistaken for
    courageous though

    For me it was the 5-1/2 years it took me to re-gain custody of my
    children.  The courtroom battle was endless, my ex was an alcoholic and
    abusing the children everytime we got close to a courtroom date  As
    well as in between times (especially the youngest child!).  It
    was so difficult and frightening to keep pursuing this action knowing
    how they were being treated.  When D-Day finally arrived I took 3
    months off from work to recuperate from the physical as well as
    emotional toll this took on my life.  The children had been
    emotionally, physically (and we suspect sexually) abused.  I had no
    support from anyone but my husband.  My own family decided 'to stay out
    of it'.  What a nightmare!!!!!!!
    
    The children, I'm so happy to report (and after much, much therapy) are
    doing splendid.  It's been six years now and they are healthy
    productive students and citizens.  
    
    The fear and stress from that period of my life were overwhelming, but
    the courage came from the fact I knew I was right.  Seeing my children
    today is my reward.
    
    I wouldn't wish this disaster even on Sadam!
    
    

    
    
    Courage exerts itself in difficulties.
    
    
                            Ray