| Title: | Topics Pertaining to Men |
| Notice: | Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES |
| Moderator: | QUARK::LIONEL |
| Created: | Fri Nov 07 1986 |
| Last Modified: | Tue Jan 26 1993 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 867 |
| Total number of notes: | 32923 |
I would like suggestions. The courts have temporarily restrained my former
wife from removing my son to Maine (we have joint legal custody).
On April 7 we go back into court to tell our stories. Has anybody
had a experience like this? What do I need to show to get a temporary
change in custody through the end of the summer. All thoughts and
ideas appreciated.
CIRCUMSTANCES
-------------
In late September, 1988, my former wife quit her job as a Licensed
Registered Nurse with a Fitchburg Family Planning Clinic.
After that event, her only means of financial support
known to me was the child support which I pay as stipulated in the
divorce decree. Then on Friday, February 24, she told me that she
would be giving her landlord a 30 day notice that she would be vacating
her apartment as of March 31. She said that she could not afford the
apartment. She lead me to believe that she was looking for
another apartment in the Gardner area and a roommate to help defray
costs but that she might move to Maine and live with her mother. I
expressed my opinion that an immediate move to Maine would not be in
my son's best interest because it would disrupt his education
(kindergarten) and interfere with my relationship with him.
On Tuesday, March 21, she stated that she would be moving some of her
personal affects to Maine while my spent the weekend with me. I
contacted my attorney, who recommended getting a temporary restraining
order. On Friday, March 24 the court in Worcester issued an "Ex
Parte" order restraining her from taking my son out of the state
until the judge could hear both parties on April 7.
ATTEMPTS AT RESOLUTION AND COMMUNICATION
----------------------------------------
When I first learned of the possibility that my ex might move
my son to Maine, I stated my disapproval and explained that it would
interfere with his education as well as the relationship that I have
with him. She stated that she did not feel that removing him was
a problem.
On March 3, I offered her a proposal of my son staying with
me making it possible for my son to complete the school year in
Gardner and then spend the summer with me, as is the usual practice.
On March 5, I asked my ex if she had considered the proposal or
if she had any alternatives. She said that she would meet me halfway
between Augusta and Leominster when my son visited me. In my
opinion, 8 hours round trip travel time will tax a six year old and from a
practical perspective, limit the number and quality of visits.
Again she stated that she did not feel that removing my son from
Kindergarten would disrupt his education.
REQUESTED DISPOSITION
---------------------
I ask the following:
1. My son resides with me beginning now through the end of the
school year so that he can complete kindergarten with his current
class.
2. My son continues kindergarten in Gardner with his current class.
3. My son continues residing with me through the end of the summer
(August 15 or some other date) as is the usual and customary
practice.
4. Discontinue child support for this period in recognition of the
increased expenses associated with:
a. Transportation to and from school
b. Daycare
c. General living expenses
| T.R | Title | User | Personal Name | Date | Lines |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 333.2 | PELKEY::PELKEY | Wed Mar 29 1989 17:31 | 44 | ||
This situation here is a bit different to one that I have had some
contact with regarding my brother inlaw and his three children.
Regarding custody, and who gets who and why.. I feel most
courts/judges are changing their beliefs as to who is the better
single parent to reside with. Many women in your exwifes situation
are basing many simialr decisions on "who the boss is" on an impression
that he courts rule in "Moms" favor. However, some of them are in for
a rude awakening.
It could be very likely that the judge would side with you. You
have the permanent income, you have the stable homelife (eg. your
not the one vacating your apartment and considering moving out of
state to either run away from things or start fresh, find herself
or what ever..)
Stability in the home life, and school are considered *very*
important, more important then the so called "Nuturing Mother" theory,
which in many, many cases is nothing but a facade put on by the mother at
opourtune times.
I can also tell you that this process is slow, and exhausting. To be
able to win custody easy, you'd have to have reasonable proof that
she was unfit, or completly unstable. Other than that, it's a
beaurocratic battle with tons of red tape to change an initial decision.
And another dig is the DSS (Department of Social Services) which
exist to assist in these matters are completly ineffective and very
biased on the mothers side. So don't even bother with that route.
The only advice I can offer comes out of my brother inlaws experience
and that is to play it cool, write down your thoughts, document
all incidents that can prove there's concern on your part. Get
your stuff together when court day comes. That impresses the hell
out of a lot of judges. And above all, make sure your concerns
are based on your sons behalf only. DO NOT LOSE YOUR COOL, let
your exwife try that tack and see how far it gets her. I know in
my brother in laws case, his exwife is a certifiable lunatic, and
made sure she had a flawless performance on court day. She not
only impressed the judge that she was nuts, and was thrown out of
court, her lawyer told her to seek other councel and George was
awarded full custody.
Good luck, hope it goes your way Dad...
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| 333.3 | some experienced suggestions | COMET::HENNINGER | Thu Mar 30 1989 19:02 | 36 | |
IMHO, you should add to your requests of the court:
A review of the state of your son's life at the end of the summer
in order to affirm where his best interests are served.
THEN, stack the deck over the summer:
a. get him involved with things in your town (little league, swim
lessons, whatever interests him).
b. get him involved with friends his age and looking forward to being in
class with his new friends.
c. get the 'goods' on your ex and her prospects in life and her
ability to provide a stable environment for your son.
Also, find out the ins and outs of child custody in Maine and the
possibility of a slanted court system there. If yur ex remains
there long and with your son for about six months then Maine could
assume jurisdiction and future decisions would then be based on
Maine implementation of the Uniform Child Cusotdy Jurisdicition
act.
From the comments you have made and the suggestions of the prior
noters, KEEP YOUR COOL and ensure you walk in a clean as possible
around her rights to see your son. The halfway comment leads me
to believe she will not keep her own ducks in order and will step
all over herself in court with a purely emotional plea. As recommended
keep a log to be available in the court room after you have discussed
all these with your lawyer.
Highly recommend your lawyer be the best family law practitioner
in the area.
Good luck,
Don
who won the first series of battles and may have lost the war to
subversion and absence
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