Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    Nothing is wrong with that.  We should not judge her by that.  Say
    "yes" if you want, say "no" if you don't want to.  However, don't
    think less of her or treat her poorly because for what she says.
    

    I wasn't aware that there were women out there who did that kind
    of thing.  The reason probably is because I have never had anyone
    come up to me and ask that.  I've never heard of it being done either.
    
    I don't think I would mind if a woman asked me to make love to her.
    I probably would do it, all depends on the situation.
    
    Chris
    

    
    	I'd think it rather a nice change to run into a woman that
    	wasn't afraid of letting her desires be known, nice change.
    	Men have been doing it since time began, why not the woman
    	also? I wouldn't think anything less of her for it, just the
    	reverse.
    
    	 As to if i'd accept or not would depend on how well I had known
    	her, I don't just jump into bed with any woman that will go.
    	If I don't have deep feelings for her then sex with her is not
    	in the least interesting. 
    
    	G_B

 Happens to me all the time... (married:-)

 Now, if a woman asked me to make love to her (other than my wife) I would 
politely decline and thank her for the compliment. Before I was married, I'd
have to assess the situation, but if I found her attractive, we wouldn't stand
around talking about it for very long. :-) It would be enjoyable to have a
woman come on to you like that. It gives you a sense of attractiveness. Even if
you decide not to oblige her, it still would make you feel good about yourself.

 The Doctah

    When I used that approach, I got quite satisfactory results. I never
    asked a complete stranger, though, it was always people I knew [and
    wanted to know better. ;-) ] I found that men are usually quite
    flattered to be asked in a way that makes it clear you desire them.
    Hey, nothing wrong with a little lust. Women lust too, ya know.
    
    Tamzen

    
    boy, i knew i would get quick answers to this question;thanks for
    the replys you guys are great in being honest.
    a.g from calif.

    
   	At the risk of getting mail from every man who reads this,
    	I have had this "interest" in a particular man I know.  I've
    	had "interests" before, but this time it is a *really* strong
    	attraction.  So do you guys have any suggestions of how to
    	let him know I am interested?
    
    		Sherry
    	

    
    re::note 9
    
    sherry,does he know that you are interested in him or do you just
    flirt it off with him,do you think he is interested??? 
    
    
    
    

    Mike,
    
    I suspect that Sherry would like to ask in such a way that if
    he says no she won't feel embarassed etc.
    
    Bonnie

	RE .9

	How about a romantic dinner for two at your place wearing
	your most provocative dress and perfume.  Follow this with
	very close slooooow dancing to your records. You shoudn't
	have to ASK. If there is no desired response, check for
	his pulse :-).  Anyway this terminal is getting too hot
	just thinking of this.

    
    
    	   Re .13   She's got to get him there first...
    
    Re.9  Sherry, I'm in a similar spot so, if you find out how to let
    him know - Pass the info on to ME!!!:-)  
    
    		Good luck;^)
    
    
    		Donna

    I don't have a good answer to either the original question or Sherry's
    (well, for the original question, I'd probably stand there and stammer
    "Duh..duh..duh...", and then think of 1000 witty acceptances after
    she walked away in disgust.. :-)), but this topic brings to mind
    the scenes in "Tootsie" where Julie is telling "Dorothy" that she'd
    love to have a man come up to her and say "I'd really like to make
    love to you".  Later at a party, Michael (Dorothy's "alter-ego") sees
    Julie at a party and uses the exact line she said she wanted to hear.
    She throws her drink in his face.
    
    What I get from this is - what people say they would do, and what
    they actually would do, can be QUITE different.
    
    					Steve

re: Bonnie

 I don't know of any way to approach someone with your interest that does not
expose you to any risk of embarassment.

 re: how to let him know you are interested

 Ask him to go to lunch. It's fairly safe, and should provide an opportunity
to gauge his interest level. If his interest level is in the appropriate
range, you could suggest a night-time activity for you to do together. (Hope-
fully, he will have gotten the message by now.) Night-time activities
are usually seen to be more serious than a lunch situation. If he does not
respond to a casual invitation to a night-time activity after having a
successful lunch date, you are probably out of luck.

 Good luck.

 The Doctah

    Getting back to the original topic, I was introduced to a woman
    through some mutual friends at a party.  She had given me her phone
    number and told me to call her.  She waited three days and when
    I didn't call her, she got my number from our friends and called
    me up to invite me to dinner.  To make the long story short, I didn't
    make it home that night.
    
    We have now been married for three years after living together for
    one year.  You might say that it did not bother me to have the woman
    proposition me.  Like one person had said in an earlier reply, I
    was flattered.
    
    Pat

    
>    This is intended for all you men out there...

You mean "straight" men, right?

Okay.  Nevermind.  Just checking.  I'll shut up and keep reading...


				--Ger

    I think that risk is an integral part of letting anyone know that
    you are attracted to them on any level.  Do you want to take the
    risk?  Do you feel good about your own feelings?  Would you continue
    to feel comfortable with your own feelings in the face of rejection or
    will you feel embarrassed.
    
    I like the dinner idea myself, and I've employed it a couple of
    times.  You know the old saying, "A way to a man's heart is through
    his stomach."  Well it applies to women too.  Actually, it might
    be phrased, "A way to a person's body parts is through their stomach."

    My acknowledge of nature is very limited, so correct me if I am
    wrong.  In nature, the female animals usually initiate the relationship
    when it is the season.  Well, let's try to go back to nature.  I
    don't think it is wrong to approach him and tell him you are interested
    in knowing him better.  I bet you he'll be flattered to his core.
    Just don't be so forcefull you might scare him off.  Good luck.
    

    Ah yes, but Mike, the female initiates it with her biolgical
    condition/behavior/pheromones/olfactory input.
    
    Bonnie

        I think if you're attracted to a man, there's nothing wrong with 
    	taking the helm and making your desires known.  In my experience, 
    	especially if he's shy or very young, he'll be flattered.
    
    	And sometimes it's fun being the aggressor.  I know I feel very
    	sexy when I meet someone who inspires such lusty thoughts.  =8-)
    
    							Carla
    

    
    	all good advise... 
    
    	I have actually invited a man to dinner wearing... sorry..have
    	to edit this for mixed company ;*)  and it worked rather well.
    
    	This situation is different...gee it's hard to get specific
   	cause he might be reading this...
        
    	Normally I'm not very shy about initiating things, but I get
	all tongue-tied and *uncool* when I talk to him on the phone
    	or see him or dance with him.  I try too hard, whatever that
    	means, and I guess I can't bring myself to be around him when
    	I feel like this.  Is this how it really was when I was a
    	teenager?  ;*)
    
    	The other thing someone said way back is the impression that
    	if a woman "asked", then you would run to the drugstore for
    	protection!  I'd prefer a better image than that...I have
    	become more selective but being selective means the stakes
    	are higher when you deliberately select someone...
    
	It's easy for me to flirt when I'm not serious; when I'm
    	serious I can't flirt.  I just can't describe it... I'm
    	just hoping it will pass...
    
    	unless, some of you have a really "sure-fire" way to light his
    
    
    		sherry

    Sherry,

    	What about sending him some flowers?  Carnations in a bud
    vase, or small arrangement?  The card could be fairly casual 
    ("Here's something to brighten your day"  or whatever), and see
    what happens from there.  I think that would get his attention!

    Amy

    Um... I may sound old-fashioned here... but make sure he's not "spoken
    for" first.  Could save a lot of embarassment if you don't know
    him too well yet.
    
    And I'd say lunch is a safe bet.  I've found men acquiesce particularly
    nicely when you offer to pay - it sometimes catches them offguard.
    
    
    -Jody
    

    I was in a similar situation.  A mutual friend had pointed him out
    to me.  He being somewhat shy, would walk by my area once in awhile
    and I'd say hi.  To make a long story short, I gave my phone number
    to our mutual friend and he called me that night!  I've seen him
    everyday since then, in fact, we were married 3-SEP-88, Labor Day
    Weekend!
    
    Go For It!!!
    
    -Michelle- (Who hasn't regretted it for a second! ! !)

    re: .0 and .25
    
    Iguess I'm just so shy and aware that women in the workplace deserve
    a little respect.  Many don't want to be 'hit on' so I only go where
    I'm invited.  Amy, flowers would get my attention, all right, but
    the card would be enough for me.  I'm easy.
    
    I went to lunch with a woman a number of years ago.  During lunch
    we kept having accidental contact with our ankles.  I noticed that
    the contact lingered and made a comment about it.  She just wanted
    to play footsie, she said.  Well, we had a very nice relationship.
    The relationship broke up but we got together not long ago for lunch
    and this time she had both arms hooked into the arms of the chair
    and both feet hooked into the legs of the chair.  I took the hint.
    
    Even I, a shy and somewhat naive  middle aged man, need a little
    gentle invitation.
    
    
    Bob

    I wonder how our mating dance would look if filmed for some
    extraterrestrial episode of "Wild Kingdom?" 8*)
    
    Craig

    
    I got e-mailed this morning concearning someone who thinks this
    entry was silly and that woman are sleazes,who approach a man
    like this;do you men think this is so?? 
    a.g
    
    

    
>    I got e-mailed this morning concearning someone who thinks this
>    entry was silly and that woman are sleazes,who approach a man
>    like this;do you men think this is so?? 

	 Would this same person think a man was a "sleaze" if he came
	 up to a woman with the same request?

	 "Just step through this door please, and you too can enter
	 the 20th Century."


	 
	 I don't think that I would be blunt and crude about it, but I
	 would sure let him know if I was interested!  People may
	 dispute me on this, but I don't consider myself to be anything
	 remotely resembling a sleaze, and I wouldn't think twice
	 about letting a man know that I was that attracted to him!


	 kath
    

    re .31
    ditto

    
    E-mailed huh? Tis a shame that person doesn't have the courage
    to enter those views here. If it continues, refer to topic 1 note 13.
    
    regarding the base note, if a woman had ever said that to me, I'd 
    probably be walking on clouds for a few days. And as for being silly,
    not at all. 
    
    						Regards,
    
    							Hank
    

    RE: .0 I'd think the woman had good taste and bad morals. :-)
    I'm a happily married man so the woman would also be wasting her
    time.

    IN general I believe that woman have every right to make the first
    move in a relationship (my wife did and it worked out great.) At the
    same time I don't think that *before* a relationship is started is a
    good time to start sexual relations.

    		Alfred

 
.0> [...] what would you think
.0> of a woman who straight out told you! will you make love to me?
.0> what would you think of this woman. [...]


            Assuming I was single, she was single, and we had talked
       long enough (2 hours, 2 weeks, 2 ...) to know that we may like
       each other some; I would be be real happy, real careful and
       think "this is my kind of woman".
            Happy, because this could be the start of a great romantic
                   relationship, where both people are "straight forward
                   and honest with each other".
            Careful, because if I didn't want to have a romantic
                   relationship, I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.
                   This could be the start of a close friendship, for
                   the same reason "straight forward and honest".

       Think about it, honest answers to honest questions, no cat and
       mouse!  (IMO) That's as good as it gets.

                       Richard

Thinking about my earlier reply, it occurred to me that I was making a 
perhaps invalid assumption about the original question, namely that said 
woman was not someone I was involved with at all, but just approached me 
"out of the blue".  If she was someone I had become close to, I'd have no 
problems at all with the question.

					Steve

    in re .37
    
    So do you mean if a woman you had become close to made
    such a suggestion you would either graciously accept or
    gently tell her that you liked her, and meant no disparagement
    on her as a person but no?
    
    B

Re: .38

All I said is that I'd have no problem with the question.  How I answered
it would depend on the circumstances.

				Steve

    I get the impression that women expect men to press for the physical
    relationship.  They are counting on the man's horniness to prevail.
    There are men who, for one reason or another, don't push fast enough
    for the woman's liking.  If her expectations are not met, the woman
    may unceremoniously dump the man.  If a couple have been dating,
    and the woman wanted, and the man was too slow, but the woman like
    him, this direct request would or could yield a mutually enjoyable
    result.  
    
    Bob

    
    
    re:41
    
    
    it is said in woman well most woman;The Bigger The Better!
    the hornier the is the enjoyment of sex!

    
    
    re::41
    oop's i goofed sorry; but this is concearning note 326.41
    it is said in rumors and amongst woman that;The Bigger The Better!
    and the hornier is the enjoyment of sex!

    
    	To update you-all...  I told HIM that I was interested and
    	he said he already knew ;*)  He said he was flattered but
    	not interested in more than a friendship with me.  sigh...
    	I also told him about this note and he liked all of your
    	responses; thought it was a good discussion...
    
    	It's taken me a while to get over the rejection ;*)  (yes,
    	I know it was done very gently, but it's still a rejection!)
    	It was for the best because I think we would have had too
    	many barriers to overcome with any lasting relationship
    	unlikely.
        
	Fantasy is fun, but reality might have been funner ;*)
    	Now I know what men have to go through!  Next time I'm
    	attracted to someone, I'm going to seduce him first and
    	tell him afterwards ;*} 

    		sherry

Sherry,

Well done for asking. The difficult, little actions like this add up to weaken
preconvceived ideas about roles.

His response makes him sound like a nice guy with bad taste :-)

	Andrew.

    After all that, I think I'd die when refused!!!!  :-O
    
    I can't think of a time I ever considered asking a man, it's always
    the other way around.  There' a couple I'd love to ask, but they're
    taken, booooo!!
    
                                             cj *->
    

    	If I knew that there was no health risk involved, I would most
    likely comply. As to what I may think of her - stating one's needs
    is much healthier than allowing them to fester inside like a cancer,
    so I would think of her as very emotionally healthy.
    
    	Men are allowed to proposition women, so why shouldn't women
    be afforded the same consideraion ? We are equals - are we not ?
    
    	Never happened to me, but that's how I see it.
    
    	Guy B.