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Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Title:Topics Pertaining to Men
Notice:Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES
Moderator:QUARK::LIONEL
Created:Fri Nov 07 1986
Last Modified:Tue Jan 26 1993
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:867
Total number of notes:32923

222.0. "How do you feel when you're with someone who is attractive?" by MCIS2::MORAN () Thu Apr 07 1988 19:09

    If you are with an attractive person, do you feel:
    
    a).  That you have every right to be with that person.
    
    b).  That because they are attractive, they could leave at any time
         and find someone "better" than you.
    
    c).  Confident that the person you are with is with you for you.
    
    d).  other.
    
    
    Are many people very insecure if they consider that the person that
    they are with could do "better"?
    
    Just a question..  B*)
    
    
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
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222.1honesty hurts...GNUVAX::BOBBITTmodem butterflyThu Apr 07 1988 20:3310
    b). for me - of course the level of attractiveness we are talking
    about is solely in my mind.  Someone I consider extremely attractive
     may not be everyone's cup of tea...
    
    And this insecurity in my own qualities is something I am working
    very hard to change right now.  I get the feeling it can cause an
    awful lot of trouble in life if you don't believe in yourself.
    
    -Jody
    
222.2Easy !COMET::BERRYHowie Mandel in a previous life.Fri Apr 08 1988 10:517
                                          
    
    
           d) Other.    If they go anywhere else, it's a step down!
    
    
                                   -Howie-
222.3BELIEVE IN YOURSELFDPDMAI::HAMRICKFri Apr 08 1988 15:2314
    a)--- yes
    
    b)--- no
    
    c)--- yes
    
    d)--- agree with .2
    
    After all if you can't believe in yourself, who can you believe
    in? If you are insecure about this issue, chances are you are insecure
    about yourself concerning many other issues.
    
    Just my thoughts.................. Harvey
    
222.4HOTJOB::GROUNDSSuicide is painlessSun Apr 10 1988 01:451
   My vote is yes for  a, b, and c .
222.5EVERYONE'S HUMANGRANMA::MWANNEMACHERTue Apr 12 1988 16:5919
    I BELIEVE THAT MANY PEOPLE FEEL THAT THEY HAVE INADEQUACIES WHICH
    MAKE THEM FEEL THAT THEIR PARTNER COULD HAVE DONE BETTER.  I THINK
    THAT ANYONE WHO FEELS THEY NEED IMPROVEMENT HAS A FOOL FOR A CRITIC.
    I ALSO BELIEVE, HOWEVER, THAT ONE MUST GET OVER THESE FEELINGS OF
    INADAQUECY OR THEY WILL LET IT INTERFERE WITH THEIR RELATIONSHIP.
    THE OLD EMOTION. JEALOUSY WILL SHOW ITS NASTY HEAD AND THAT SPELLS
    TROUBLE.
    
    I BELIEVE THE BEST WAY FOR ANYONE TO GET OVER THESE FEELINGS OF
    INADEQUACY IS TO TELL YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE HOW YOU FEEL AND THAT
    YOU WILL NEED REASSURANCE FROM TIME TO TIME.  IF THEY DESERVE TO
    BE IN THE RELATIONSHIP, THEY WILL BE UNDERSTANDING AND HELPFUL TO
    YOU.
    
    LASTLY, YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE IS BETTER AND WORSE AT
    SOMETHING THAN SOMEONE ELSE.  THAT IS WHAT MAKES US NEED ONE ANOTHER.
    
                                                 HOPE I'VE HELPED,
                                                 MIKE
222.6lowercase requestedVIDEO::FISKETue Apr 12 1988 18:029
    
    
    	yo! please use lowercase letters too. it makes reading your
    	voluminous notes that much the easier, besides it's requested
    	right in the start of this conference.
    
    	Exit, stage left........V
                                :
    <...........................<
222.7Yo, Sorry Sylvester Stallone.GRANMA::MWANNEMACHERTue Apr 12 1988 20:461
    Yo! SoRrY!
222.8--< Sometimes I feel so....uninspired >--VIDEO::FISKEWed Apr 13 1988 12:129
    
    "I just want my country to love me as much as I love it."
    
    - Rambo, '84
    
    P.S. There's nothing to be sorry for, I'm a proofreader by habit.
    	I'm not out for 'First Blood', just asking for a little 
    	continuity. 
    
222.9Ok, Done DealGRANMA::MWANNEMACHERWed Apr 13 1988 12:4512
    I understand.  Just an attempt at humor.  It's funny, I have a habit
    of writing in upper case letters ever since my drafting classes,
    I guess it just carried over.  No offense to anyone, just habit.
    
    There is a correction I would like to make in my original entry.
    Instead of saying, anyone who thinks there is room for improvement
    (or something to that effect), it should be, anyone who thinks there
    isn't room for improvement.
    -----
    
                                                Have a nice day everyone,
                                                Mike
222.10FSLENG::HEFFERNTue Apr 26 1988 09:2422
answers: 
    a.  I guess I don't really think in terms of whether or not
        I have a "right" to or not to be with someone.  Just concerned
        with whether or not they're "with" me.
    
    b.  I admit, I get a little shaky when I'm seeing a real attractive
        man.  I think that they could have anyone they one want why
        are they settling for me.  Stupid reasoning, I agree, but it
        does cross my mind.
    
    c.  The "person I am" is about all any man gets from me.  I tried
        too hard when I was younger to be someone else.  If someone
        asks to see me again, I pretty much know it's for myself. 
        Of course, it goes the other way also.  If they don't want to
        see me again, I feel like I must be boring or something.
    
    While so many are trying to gain wealth, I'm struggling with 
    self-confidence.  I think I'll be real rich when I feel I have a
    good hold on my self-value.
                              
                                         cj
    
222.11XCUSME::KINGNode WarriorFri Apr 29 1988 05:1215
    a)  Yes.
    
    b)  Sometimes
    
    c)  yes
    
    d)  Remember that beauty is only skin deep.  Who a person is on
        inside matters a whole lot more than what they are on the 
        outside.  We all have facades and sometimes try to be different
        people for others. That is to say we try to act in a way that
        we think will make them more attracted to us.  When in fact
        they may be expecting us to be ourselves.
    
    Bryan
    
222.12Enter the Realist.TSECAD::HEALYLife is Perfectly Fair.Mon May 02 1988 19:3538
    
        a) You bet your *SS I do! After all the sh*t and misery I've
           endured in this life I deserve a treat!
     
        b) Honestly? - OF COURSE! Whether or not you care to admit it,
           A PRETTY FACE is one of the main factors every day social
           interfacing revolves around. (Conformity and aggression are
           a few of the others.) Don't misconstrue my "of course(ing)"
           as a blatant lack of confidence - its not. She could certainly
           find a "prettier" man, or one with more "bucks", but I'll
           be damned if I'll concede anyone as being "better" than my-
           self! It is so GOD DAMNED EASY for attractive women in our
           society to find partners, and if she's as good looking as
           I suspect your question/example wants me to believe she is
           (and I am not particularly so), she most likely won't be
           sitting home waiting for the phone to ring next Saturday
           night and probably knows it! In reality, wouldn't anyone
           short of a young, knock-out, millionaire, jet-setter feel
           even a little lacking in the confidence department? If I
           detected a girl were feeling this way and about to let me
           know it, she would be in for a real uncomfortable situation.
     
        c) If I were a dirt poor and renowned writer I sure would!
           But seriously, and again in reality, aren't we really
           seeking to fulfill our OWN needs when selecting a mate?
    
        d) How much time do you have?
     
    RE: .5  Please don't take this personally, but, YOU ARE CRAZY!
           The LAST thing a guy should do in this situation is air
           his lack of confidence! Forget all this bullsh*t about
           opening up and revealing your weaknesses. It can only
           work against you, besides, she doesn't want to hear it,
           and I don't blame her!
    
                                                       MATT HEALY
    
    
222.13Attractvie is aas attractive does !!AHIKER::EARLYBob Early CSS/NSG Dtn 264-6252Mon May 22 1989 16:3440
>    If you are with an attractive person, do you feel:
    
>    a).  That you have every right to be with that person.
    
    But of course .. rights aren't controlled by "looks", are they ?
    
>    b).  That because they are attractive, they could leave at any time
>         and find someone "better" than you.
    
    That posibility exists between ANY two people. You do know what a "TEN"
    is done't you ? Well, do you know what an engineers "TEN" is ? That's a
    FOUR who will make you SMILE like you want to smile!! 
    
>    c).  Confident that the person you are with is with you for you.
    
    ABSOLUTELY !!! One of the best parts of being a self-sanctimonius
    conceited nerd is that NOONE stays with, unless they REALLY WANT
    TO !!
    
>    d).  other.
    
    Consider this possibility: For all the people in this world, there
    are 2 people who are an exact match for each other. The rest of
    us need to negotiate to stay together. 
    
    Negotiation doesn't mean "GIVING UP" what we need most; it means
    helping the other person have what THEY need to have; and telling
    them what we need to have. Love, is doing it, together, for each
    other.
    
    Bob Early
    
   
>    Are many people very insecure if they consider that the person that
>    they are with could do "better"?
    
>    Just a question..  B*)