Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    Possible, yes. Practical, no.

    re .0   Remember the song 'Torn between two Lovers".
            Most insensitive 'hit' I've ever heard.

    Yes it is possible to be 'in love' with more than one person.  Love
    can be varied to the extent of our love for each person.  I love
    my daughter, I love my mother, I love my female friends, each one
    in varying degrees.
    
    PLEASE!	Try to rid yourself of the antiquated notion that love
    and sex are synonymous!  They are two totally different things.
    I see no need to love someone just to have sex.  I also see no reason
    to have sex just because I love someone.  It is not only possible,
    but also, in my opinion, very fulfilling to love someone, yet not
    have sex with that person.  It can also be very gratifying to have
    sex and still not love the person.
    
    Just my opinion!
    

    
    
    I guess it's time to differentiate loving from being in love.  I
    certainly love my mom, yet I am certainly NOT in love with her 
    (said  Oedipus) I love my dog but I'm not in love with him either.
    
    I believe one can love many, I just don't understand how one can
    be "in love" with more than one. 
    
    Just my opinion 
    
    

    re .3 I think the basenote referred to romantic love as opposed
    to filial or parental love. 

    Re .6 and "explain how one can love two people at the same time
    and to the same degree..."
    
    Aside from the fact that it's difficult to explain romantic love
    at all, I'd say it is unnecessary to love two (or more) to the same
    degree in order to be able to say one loves them both/all.
    
    Now, this is undoubtedly rare for most of us - heck, I have enough
    trouble finding *one* person. I can easily imagine having strong
    romantic feelings for two; granted, this doesn't mean I actually
    would in real life, but I have no problem believing in the possibility.
    
    Whether it's a good idea, of course, is something else altogether!

    -b

    
    You can love 2 people at the same time, but I think it's a limited
    time proposition. Likely, you love one and then "fall for" another.
    You can't help but feel that loving them both isn't "right", it
    isn't comfortable, it'll tear you apart. If it doesn't, I agree with the
    previous replies that what your feeling is probably something other
    than love. 
    
    Gail

    yes, loving two people romantically at the same time can present
    some special difficulties.  But it _is_ quite possible, if you spend
    enough time with each of them.
    
    My experience has been that my feelings for one person are largely
    unrelated to another person -- falling for guy 2 doesn't mean I
    feel any less for guy 1.  Falling for someone takes a lot of time
    though (I'm not talking about infatuation), and it's hard to find
    enough time to get to know two people _that_ well AND remain functional
    in the real world (do my job, pay my bills, clean my house, eat,
    have "me" time, etc).
    
    lt

    A few random thoughts on the subject
    
    My feeling is that often what people are talking about when
    they talk about loving two people at once they are talking
    about the intense infatuation and sexual attraction that comes
    at the beginning of a relationship. Of course one can be physically
    attracted to more than one person at a time and, of course, in 
    neither case is it really love of the long term relationship variety.
    
    However, I would also agree with Lee that given enough time to
    get to know people it is entirely possible to care very deeply for
    more than one person and truely love both of them. However, there
    is also the question of what one does about such situations. My
    personal feeling is that a mature person would chose between the
    two persons, one to remain or become the primary relatonship and
    the other to be a friend.
    
    Bonnie

    Stendhal believed that it was not wise to fall in love
    and that the French were the most accomplished at 
    managing several romantic interests at once, in an
    emotionally detatched way. 

        "...managing several romanitic interests at once, in an emotionally
    detatched way."  
    
    Must be how people carry on love affairs, while claiming to still love 
    their spouse. I wonder how long one can be emotionally detached
    about the situation?  Doesn't sound like the most desireable quality
    to possess.
    

    
    
    Well, this has been an education.  Lets flip the situation around,
    and look at it from the perspective of one of the two ( or possibly
    more ) reciepients of this "love". 
    
    
    How would you feel if the person you were in love with told you
    they loved you AND another equally, and were unwilling, or unable,
    to decide which of you to committ to.
    
    jeez this is strange, I guess my values are unique, I could never
    see being in love with more than one person at a time........How
    do you deal with the intense emotions being in love invoke???
    
    
    g
    
    P.S.  Is the concept of committment dead????
    
    
    

    
    Usually one starts by finding true love, then discovering
    that having the feeling is to give the loved one a weapon.
    
    If the object of love rejects you, you hurt to a greater
    degree than if you didn't love so intensely. After a couple
    of iterations of this one sided sort of "true love", you 
    just sort of give up on it.

    
    
    Re: .14
    
    Interesting observation, reality really isn't for romantics and
    children is it...
    
    I think I may have polluted this discussion by my note on reversals.
    I don't really understand how someone can be in love with more then
    one.  It really has nothing to do with sex, although the replies
    that had to do with seperation of love and sex were interesting.
    I guess growing up in Ft. Lauderdale made the distinction pretty
    evident, hence the term " recreational sex " ( better aerobic health
    through horizontal calistetics (sp) ).
    
    Those comments that supported the concept of being in love with
    more then one had me thinking about how we relate to love on different
    planes.  Certainly spiritual love can be shared with many. however
    humanistic love generally comes with some responsibilities.  One
    of which, I have always felt was some sort of committment.
    My reply on reversal had just that in mind, alright all you free
    thinkers if you feel you can be in love with many, how do you feel
    about the shoe being on the other foot????
    
    george
    
    

    
    
    	I believe it IS possible to love more than one person. I'm
    lucky in that I've maintained contact with women I've loved over
    the years, and that we're still buddies.  This despite the fact
    of their having since married, found others, etc.
    
    	I've found someone that I'm committed to, as well, but it
    neither interferes with, nor minimizes my love for the others.
    My current relationship is exclusive in most ways, but my SO
    doesn't demand that I break contact with the others from the
    past.
    
    	There's a great quote about this in a book I'm crazy about:
    
    		Robert Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
    
    	His main character, Lazarus Long, notes in his memoirs something
    to the effect that:
    
       "The more you love, the greater is your capacity to love..."
    
    
    	I guess I kinda subscribe to that...
    
    Steve H
    

    Some people feel they can love more than one person at a time.
    
    Some people feel that they can love only one person.
    
    There is only a problem when either group tries to change the others
    thinking.
    
    And there is a problem when a person from group one falls in love
    with a person from group two.
    
    

    I BELIEVE THAT THE AUTHOR OF .8 HAS A GREAT DEAL OF INSIGHT. CHILDREN
    CAN BE LOVED THE SAME, THE SAME THING FOR
    PARENTS,BROTHERS,SISTERS...ECT,....BUT LOVERS ....NO!
      
      BY DEFINATION LOVERS MUST SHARE MUCH MORE THAN CASUAL LOVE. ONE
    WILL ALWAYS BE LOVED MORE.
    
      LOVERS MUST ALWAYS GROW,THAT MAY BE TOWARD EACH OTHER,AWAY FROM
    THE OTHER, OR IN THE SAME DIRECTION. IN "LOVE" THERE IS ALWAYS 
    MOVEMENT. (NOT ALL OF IT GOOD!)

    Hi 
    I feel that if one is going to love someone then they are to stay with
    each other, and keep each other happy in many ways.
    I believe that you can be in LOVE with two people at the same time, but
    i know from past experience that it is not alway love but jealousy,
    that the person you was close to at one time might find someone else
    and you might feel a little for him.
    
    Thats my opinion
    Tracy
    
    PLEASE TAKE NOTE GIRLS