Conference quark::mennotes-v1

     There are no formal rules for stag parties; they can vary from tame to
     not very tame at all.
     
     It is not unheard of for a hotel-based stag party to have live
     entertainment, and the young ladies doing the entertainging have been
     known to do a fair bit more than dance and jump out of cakes. 
     Often, the only gentlemen who will go near the "entertainers" have
     had so much to drink that they're TDTF, anyway.  
     
     This all sounds so crude, I'm certainly glad that I've only heard all
     this second-hand.
     
     --Mr Topaz 

    
    Oh oh.  Male secret rituals being asked about :-)
    
    In all seriousness, I wouldn't worry about the naked women jumping
    out of cakes.  They are frequently more for the benefit of the groom's
    friends than the groom himself.  
                                   
    Aside from that, they are no different than any other revelry you've
    ever attended.
    
    This is based on my admittedly limited experience.  Your women-in-cakes
    content may vary.
    
    DFW

    Is nothing sacred anymore?
    
    You can't talk about things like this in a public forum frequented
    by women!!!!
    
    - M

    re .0:
    
    I would seriously like to know what is wrong with naked women jumping
    out of cakes???!!!   :-)

    The bottom line has to be- either you trust him or you don't.
    
    - M

Depends upon the type of man and what his friends are like, really. If they 
are reasonably sensible, then he shouldn't come to too much harm. If they are a 
load of boring old farts, then he'll just come back complaining that it wasn't 
as good as he thought it was going to be, and can't see what all the fuss is 
about...

BUT!!...


...judging from, er, experience in these matters, if the friends are none of 
these, then they can be fairly outrageous affairs. Whilst I have never been on
one where said naked girls came out of said cake, there are the other things
that can happen, which usually involve heavy drinking, various different police
forces, and fighting. Also don't forget to warn him about the little 'prank'
normally organised by the best man on these occasions, eg the 'strip-o-gram',
the 'chain him naked to a lamp-post and leave him', the 'get him blind drunk
and put him on the overnight sleeper to Aberdeen', you know, these sort of
things. 

Incidents at friends' stag nights that I have heard about recently include
groom gets mugged on way to first pub; race riot breaks out in a Reading 
night-club; and a very, very, very gross strip-o-gram (which I can't describe 
publicly!). Of course fortunately I wasn't present at any of these.

My advice to you: threaten the best man that you are holding him personally 
responsible for what happens to your intended...

Tarik.

    boy is she insecure! h many notes have i read this in now?
    
    i have heard about:
    sexual raffals going on at these things(groom always wins of course).
    but in all cases he was unwilling.
    
    one friend did not even want to go to that strip club in worcester
    (i forgot the name,on gold star blvd.).
    
    one question though...
    how many of you men would do sexual things in a semi-public place
    with 50 or so other men watching?
    
    kelly

>    one question though...
>    how many of you men would do sexual things in a semi-public place
>    with 50 or so other men watching?
    
Not me! I have been to many stag parties and evenings and never have I
known of the groom getting laid (or are you worried about prelimanaries
as well?).
However I have heard and read of some amazing hen parties, one described
by a new bride feeling guilty in an agony column apparently involved her
getting laid publicly by a male stripper. Her problem was he did things
to her that her new husband does not and she preferred the stripper.
Would he trust you go to one of these? I think Andy Leslie was spot on,
why are you marrying if you don't trust each other?

Dave.

    re.9  
   i am not worried,i'm not getting married!!!!!!
    the things  mentioned were stuff told to me by former boyfriend(excuse
    me-SO),and a male roommate.
    
    			kelly

    
    	The most important thing about stag parties is the timing. 
    I was at one for a friend that was held the night before the wedding.
    The party ended with the bridegroom throwing up on his shoes at 6
    am.  He was in great shape for the 10 am wedding.
    	Mine was great and I 'behaved' myself.  My roomates was better
    but my dad had to bail us out.........
    	At the risk of sounding trite, Don't get mad, get even.  Have
    you own party.
    					=Ralph=          
    

    
    Don't worry.  You've got to trust him.  I've been to plenty of stags
    and never once has the groom run off with the female entertainment!
    :-)  [that qought to add some fuel to the fire!!]
    
    Andy said it best, do you trust him?  If so, leave him alone and
    let him enjoy the last_right_of_a_single_male.  And do what my wife
    did, have her own party the same night.  What do females call their
    parties, staget parties?  bachelorette parties?  what?
    
    GOG
    

    Hen parties, at least in the U.K. are the female equivalent of stag
    parties.

    
    My vote?
    
    Have a good time whatever you do.  But, don't do anything you wouldn't
    want your SO to do.
    
    Example:  Someone I know told me about a wedding they attended where
    the preacher ask the old question, "Does anyone have any reason
    why these two should not be joined in holy wedlock..."
    The Bride turned to the audiance, lifted her vail said something
    to this affect.  
    
    "I would like to thank all of your for being here today.  And I'm sorry.
    But most of all I would like to thank my maid-of-honor for sleeping
    with my husband last night.  I'm sure they will be happy together."
    
    At which point she walked out on her own wedding.  Good for her!

    Keith (no double standards for me thank you very much)
    

    
    From personnal experiance I've found most stag parties to be just
    a wild night. Sort of a roast for the groom. Only on two occasions
    were female entertainers present and both times they only embarrassed
    the groom (or tried). It does of course depend on his friends but
    I've been to some supposedly wild stag parties and nothing has happened
    that would jepordize the upcoming marriage. 
    My wife has gone to a few hen parties and once had to walk out cause
    a male stripper had been hired and a certain few in the party were
    getting a little too familiar with him.
    Best advice is if you don't trust him now, forget about the whole
    thing now. Without trust your marriage is doomed. 
    
                                   Rob Burton
                                   In the 8th yr of a great marriage.
                                   

	I'm shocked at those of you who would reveal the intricies 
	of such a sacred and secret event. 

	

I don't want to deviate from the "trust is all-important" party line (which I
 agree with wholeheartedly), but it's beginning to sound like a conspiracy to
  pull the wool over her eyes!

I can understand the concern.  Even if the groom is trustworthy, his friends
 may be the "you deserve one last night of `freedom'" bent, which would just
  make it an awkward situation.  Also, it is often the case that couples never
   say that engagement explicitly means no sex with anybody else.  Indeed, the
    whole point of the "one last night of `freedom'" argument is that such an
     agreement doesn't take effect until after the wedding.

(Of course, double standards abound.  Most of the hypocrites expounding this
 argument would get very bent out of shape if their betrothed did the same.)

I would recommend talking with the groom.  If there's been no explicit agree-
 ment regarding fidelity, clarify that.  Then yank him into the bedroom an hour
  before the party and make sure he comes at least three times.
   <_Jym_>

    The best advice is to let your fiance have the stag party
    with the stipulation that your father and brothers be invited!
    
    If he is a trusting soul then it won't be a problem.

    
    
    	I've been too quite a few stag parties, and everything from
    A-to-Z has happened, BUT the difference I found was in the people
    who attended the STAG, or each different stag.  I was at one that
    raffled off the female entertainment, BUT the Groom was not aloud
    to participate.  Others I know where the GROOM was raffled off to
    the entertainer, and was taped when he was getting laid.  So it
    all depends on who the givers are...as for me...no STAG party yet.
    
    				Mike
    

    Did you see last week's CHEERS episode?  That's the way to handle
    the 24hr `have-the-last-fling' period.
    
    - Vikas

    Too bee more specific, the Cheers episode had the bride (Diane)
    inside the cake.  What a twist, I loved it.
    
    I got an inside tip on what was going to happen at my stag party.
    I didn't show up.
    
    I like .19's answer, re father and brothers invited.  At least the
    sexual portions would be quelled.  The other stuff, pants up the
    flag pole, etc. would probably go on anyway.

    At my brother-in-law's stag party a woman of ill-repute propositioned
    my father while totally naked.  My father laughed so hard tears
    came to his eyes as he explained to the woman that at his age he
    was quite out of practice.    The woman was insulted and told the
    gentleman who escorted her to the party.  This distinquished gentleman
    very quickly let my father know dad did not appreciate the offer that
    was made to him.  My brother-in-law the iron worker attacked the
    gentleman and we all spent the night in the clink. 
    
    The good news is my sister was the only one who was pleased because 
    her husband to be still kept his fidelity.                            
    

    I have attended some fairly rough stag parties and to be quite
    honest I wasnt impressed...the idea of drinking until I puked
    didnt appeal to me at all...
    
    You might not believe this but ...
    
    When my wife and I were being pestered about stag/hen parties we
    sat down and talked the issue through...and came up with quite
    a good idea...
    
    There would be NO stag/NO hen party - we would combine everyone 
    together and go out 2 nights before the wedding. 
    
    Now...we got the usual moans/groans by both male and female friends
    but we stood firm on this issue (since many of our friends -
    particularly my best man - would have LOVED pulling some sick prank
    on me/us) and so we all went out.
    
    We had dinner - then went off dancing - drank a LITTLE too much
    but had an excellent time. By the time we got home I had lost track
    of the number of "That REALLY was a good night out" comments...

        

    	I was a member of a wedding party (San Fransico - 1971). Having a
    sick sense of humor, I suggested to my fellow party members that we do
    the proper thing......
    
    	We got him drunk to the point of near death, drove him to
    Candlestick Park. One party member was a policeman, and we used his
    handcuffs to cuff the groom to second base. (we broke into the stadium)
    
    	The wedding was at 11:00 am the next morning. After we left the
    groom at Candlestick we went back to the bar and kept our secret until
    3 or 4 in the morning when we all began passing out. Around 9:00 I
    awoke (thank you mother nature) to find evryone else sleeping about the
    place. Panic.....where was the groom?????? We remembered driving, but
    where we drove was fuzzy. 
    
    	We collectively remembered, drove out to find him still asleep in
    the infield with a coat over his head. Fortunately, having friends on
    the SFPD helped expedite traffic concerns. We got him dressed and to
    the church at 11:15 am. 
    
    	I was blamed.....of course. I don't recommend this type of party to
    everyone. But .. .. .. if the groom is a RedSox fan....8^)
    
    Ken

The following reply is from a member of our community who wishes to remain
anonymous.

---------------------


	Re: .25

	I like to party as much as the next guy, so please do not take
	this the wrong way.

	>We got him drunk to the point of near death...

	>We remembered driving, but where we drove was fuzzy.

	I'm sure glad your friend made it to his wedding.  I hope the
	bride never found out about this.  I doubt she would be real happy
	to find out that her future husband, and his friends, were killed
	the night before her wedding in a drunk driving accident.

	>I don't recomment this type of party to everyone....

	Neither do I.

    Re: 25  I think this type of party is quickly becoming passe, and
    if it isn't it should be.
    
    Thought people might be interested in an old time story. My
    grandfather, who was unilingual French, had a 'traditional' party
    thrown for him the night before his wedding in Quebec approximately
    75 years ago.
    
    He naturally got drunk and his friends thought it would be a gag
    to put him on the train to Montreal. They proceeded to do so and
    to make it even funnier they took all his money.
    
    They didn't realize that the train just stopped in Montreal and
    then carried on. My grandfather woke up in Windsor, Ont about 500
    miles from home; in a city where they spoke English and he didn't.
    
    It took him two days to get home after finally finding someone who
    could speak French, and who was willing to lend him money for the
    trainfare home.
    
    My grandparents got married the following week.
    
    Roger

    I think that it is interesting to note that a stag is a deer that has
    been castrated by jumping over a barbed-wire fence and not quite
    clearing the barbs!

    So in all seriousness, the term is fitting, correct?
    

    in re .28
    
    Where did you get that definition of 'stag'? My dictionary has
    only 'adult male deer'.
    
    BJ