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Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Title:Topics Pertaining to Men
Notice:Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES
Moderator:QUARK::LIONEL
Created:Fri Nov 07 1986
Last Modified:Tue Jan 26 1993
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:867
Total number of notes:32923

43.0. "When the Illusion is over..." by NFL::GIRARD () Mon Dec 08 1986 17:29

    
      Some advice would help, even though taking it may not happen.
    
      For those of you who went through a divorce and a second marriage,
      and saw the second one disintegrate:  How much did it take before
      you finally called it quits?  
    
      Would you have done it alone with no one waiting in the wings?
    
      Would you have risked losing your kid(s) to save your sanity?
    
      If you saw a purely platonic relationship form instead of a loving
      one of it would you taken celibacy as an alternative?
    
      Would you start another relationship before the marriage disolved?
    
      How would you live if breaking up was more painful than maintaining
      the "status quo"?
    
      What key thing did it for you for you to say "it's over?"
    
      As men, are we generally less patient when dealing with a relation-
      ship?  
    
    
      -----------------------------------------------------------
    
      A lot of the same questions asked in the HUMAN_RELATIONS file
    but it would be nice to hear a man's perspective,--- I've heard
    enough of the woman's!
    
T.RTitleUserPersonal
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43.2I wish I knew...DEMOAX::ODELLIn through the out doorTue Dec 09 1986 21:4810
    
    As someone who has been divorced for a few years, I am absolutely
    scared to death of making a second commitment or even risking a
    chance of a second commitment because I don't know the answers posed
    in .0....  I'm not sure I want to go through it again, easier or
    not.
    
    bob
    
    
43.3They know you by your looksRANCHO::RAHsit on a potato pan, otisThu Dec 11 1986 01:012
    After once around maybe we know if we can do it or not.
    Certainly no one's trying to talk me into it. 
43.4AKOV04::WILLIAMSMon Dec 22 1986 19:2917
    My first two marriages ended in divorce.  I was 18 when first married
    and 21 when divorced.  The pain of that failure still haunts me.
    The second marriage was a true lark and, save for seeing the woman
    when she comes through Boston, rarely think about it.
    
    There was a child in the first marriage, she is now 26, happily
    married and the mother of a boy and a girl.  She also has never
    forgiven me for the original failure, nor have I forgiven myself.
    
    I am presently married, and have been for 17 years - but without
    children, by choice.  I am not as good a husband as I believe I
    should be and the marriage is not perfect - which one is.  But,
    regardless of the problems, I will NEVER divorce again.  I believe
    I could accept my wife asking me for a divorce, though not easily.
    I will not expose myself to the pain of leaving my wife - the pain
    it would inflict upon her and the resulting pain it would bring
    to me.  Damned if I know exactly why!
43.5Hide for a whileIMAGIN::SYKESSat Mar 21 1987 06:3512
    As one who is ending my second shot, this is quite heavy for me!
    The first one lasted 14 years before I clled it, this one only 2.5,
    evan though its been coming for a while.
    
    I am sending my children back to their mother for safe keeping.
    Its quite painful all around.  I wish both of us luck.
    
    About a third time;  maybe when I'm 80 or so.  For now, its time
    to spend time on independance.