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Conference quark::human_relations

Title:What's all this fuss about "sax and violins"?
Notice:Please read all replies to note 1
Moderator:QUARK::LIONEL
Created:Thu Jan 21 1993
Last Modified:Fri May 09 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:133
Total number of notes:1901

100.0. "The-Family ...>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>" by MAL009::RAGUCCI () Sat Jul 29 1995 02:16

    
    
    
    
    
    
    	To All:
    
    
    
    		We all agree that we cannot change the dynamics
    		of our family, but would like to so we all
    		can live in harmony. Is that selfish, when
    		individuation is suppose to be celebrated?
    
    
    
    
    			BR
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
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100.1QUARK::LIONELFree advice is worth every centSat Jul 29 1995 16:103
    We don't all agree.
    
    		Steve
100.2WRKSYS::MACKAY_EMon Jul 31 1995 19:0717
    
    re .0
    
    To me individualization means - I was born with different
    talents\aptitudes, I was raised in a different family setup,
    I was given different opportunities, I was faced with different
    life choices, all this and more made me a unique person, ie.
    an individual, with unique likes, dislikes and priorities.
    I don't see why an individual cannot be part of a family.
    If two individuals have similar values and life goals, then
    there is no sacriface. The big thing in being part of a
    family (here as partners and parents) is the committment
    and the consideration of others' needs.
    
    
    Eva
    
100.3TP011::KENAHDo we have any peanut butter?Mon Jul 31 1995 19:2814
    		>>We all agree that we cannot change the dynamics
    		>>of our family, but would like to so we all
    		>>can live in harmony. 
    
    			Sounds manipulative, and controlling;
    			sounds like the only harmony you want
    			to live in is yours.
    
    		Is that selfish, when individuation is suppose(d)
    		to be celebrated?
    
    			Individualism has nothing to do with
    			what you're describing.
    
100.4no:MAL009::RAGUCCIMon Jul 31 1995 23:4516
    
    
    No, reply.3  
    		I don't want to push my life on anyone, & I don't
    		want theirs pushed on me.  How is that selfish?
    
    		And Yes, I do want to live in harmony with myself
    		and others as well.
    
    			How is that controlling?
    
    
    				please, explain.
    					thank-you!
    
    
100.5ELESYS::JASNIEWSKIYour mind is in here and mine is alsoThu Aug 03 1995 18:3718
    
    	You can change the dynamics of your family. Leave - that'll upset
    the 'ol mobile considerably! It'll be swinging all over the place as
    everyone adjusts and recompensates for ...the fact that *you're not
    there anymore*!
    
    	You can also do it by changing yourself, which is much harder than
    a simple abandonment, BTW. You can change your reactions to responses
    that no longer "fit" the dynamic - when it's wide open for something
    that never comes. Hangs the whole machine.
    
    	You can also "learn to live with it" otherwise known as acceptance.
    While that wont affect any change into the family dynamic it will
    afford you the "harmony with yourself" you're seeking.
    
    	This is from the "Accept it, Change it or Leave" choice model.
    
    	Joe
100.6MAL009::RAGUCCIThu Aug 03 1995 22:558
    
    
    
    Joe;
    		how true that is, thanks.
    
    
    			BR
100.7A way.VAXSPO::HAMILTONThu Aug 17 1995 21:1015
    Brian,
    
    When I felt the need of changing myself, I looked for a psychologist.
    (This was about three years ago.)
    
    This was the better thing I ever did to myself and I do believe that
    everybody should go through terapy.
    
    Reg. MY family, I left, but with no hard feelings as I can see both
    sides of an emotional situation, I mean, I can imagine or feel the 
    same way other people do, instead of fantasizing.
    
    Good luck,
    Ham.