Conference quark::human_relations

    Yeah.  It keeps your nose from sliding down to your chin.

    
    	"Stiff upper lip" to me, is a metaphor for ways that people
    hold in their feelings.
    
    	Virtuous, to me, *only* when the expression of said feelings might
    hurt another person or being.
    
    	Joe

    the "Stiff Upper Lip" is a metaphor for "Don't let it get to you"  
    
    The virtue of such an attitude is questionable.... as Joe said, holding 
    in expressions and feelings when they hurt another being is well and
    good.  
    
    But, maintaining it when they can cause stress....  ?????   
    
    Skip

>Is there any virtue in the stiff upper lip? I am especially interested to hear
>from those who believe there is.


    	I guess this saying has always meant to me that you shouldn't cry
    about a situation no matter how bad it gets.  Perhaps a British reader
    might comment if that corresponds with their view of the saying.


    	I for one do NOT subscribe to this philosophy.  I think if someone
    feels like crying, they should, regardless of how others might feel.  I
    don't think anyone is in a position to judge what others should/should
    not do.  This is especially true for men, who have been told for
    centuries that because we're the "stronger" sex we shouldn't cry;
    poppycock!  We're human beings *first*, and have the same basic needs
    and drives that women do.  I for one sniff along with the best of them
    at sad movies.  ;-)


    	I also think there are far too many people who don't allow
    themselves to feel negative emotions.  When they feel the onset of
    such, they push it away using various means (alcohol, drugs, sex, food,
    almost anything which alters your mood for you).  If something bad
    happens, it is necessary that you feel whatever it is you're going
    through.  It's only by accepting the pain, and working through it, that
    you can get past it.  Otherwise, it will accompany you through your
    travels in life (also known as "baggage").


    	Overall, I'd view the saying as a very negative thing because it
    encourages behaviour which is already too prevalent.


    Brian

    As with so many things, it's a question of degree. Keeping a stiff
    upper lip (i.e., controlling/concealing your emotions) _all the time_
    is undoubtedly harmful, imho; not only is one likely to suffer from
    repressing things that need to be dealt with, but one is also likely to
    mislead one's friends and loved ones into thinking that one doesn't
    have any feelings at all. 
    
    On the other hand, there are times and places where it can be very
    useful to be able to rein in one's emotions: diplomatic situations
    (political or personal!), for example; or school or business
    situations. (In school, I used to tend to cry when overly frustrated by
    a difficult problem or by some concept I couldn't quite grasp, but this
    "expression of emotion" neither helped me to cope nor encouraged others
    to help me - it embarrassed me horribly, and encouraged the teachers to
    be solicitous when I wanted them to leave me alone. Some
    stiff-upper-lip-ness would have been invaluable to me then, but I'd
    never learned it...)
    
    And then there's "stiff upper lip" as opposed to "whiner": if I'm on a
    camping trip and have been subjected to rain-soaked sleeping bags,
    blistered feet, digestive upset, etc., I'll have a better time if my
    companions and I "put a bold face on it" (to dredge up another phrase)
    rather than spending the whole time wailing about the discomfort.
    
    -b

    I went through a very British educational system where, I suppose the
    stiff upper lip was reinforced - not introduced, that must have come
    with the "big boys don't cry" philosophy.
    
    The result... one develops a very strong outer shell which hides ones
    innermost thoughts and emotions, ensuring they can't get stomped on by
    any of the emotional bullies which we all have come across both at
    school and work.
    
    For me the negative side.... one loses contact with ones own feelings
    and becomes less competent at such things as stress management - the
    body can put up with this for so long, but will eventually let you know
    something is wrong... aches, pains, phantom ulcers, real ulcers
    whatever. 

    re .6, sometimes I really wish I had "very strong outer shell" and
    could keep a stiff upper lip.  But, maybe the fact that I sometimes
    easily become semi-hysterical when upset has kept me from going insane
    (even tho it sometimes may make me seem a nuisance to those around me).
    
    Lorna