Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    My advice would be to:
    
    1.  Try to be visible to this man.  Go places that you know he'll
    	be, but don't be right under nose.  Try to appear casual.
    
    2.  Smile at him.
    
    3.  Don't forget the eyes.  Eye contact is key.
    
    4.	Make sure you act friendly, talk to him about "hiking" (if that's
    	where you first saw him) or whatever the common interest was
    	in the first place. 
                                                   
    Usually if he's interested, he takes it from there.  If he doesn't,
    he's either not interested or extremely shy.  So far I have not
    had to be more aggressive than the above.
                           
    But I am anxiously awaiting other women in this file to
    respond.  Combining a lot of different ideas will make meeting men
    easier and more fun.
    
    Toodles,
    	-Dotti.

    
    Some of my close freinds won't believe this but it's the truth!
    
    I love women, but they scare the hell out of me. I've been out with
    many women but only after knowing then for quite awhile before even
    attempting to start a relationship.
    
    I have never picked up a women at a bar or any other place on the
    fly. I really admire anyone who can do it. Some might not agree
    but it means going up to a complete strange women and ??/ I'm lost
    from there!
    
     When the age of aquarius came along you couldn't find a happier
    person. I love it when a women can say that she is interested in
    you first, or makes the first move!
    
    So ladies if you are interested in someone standing by himself
    daydreaming go for it!
    
    It might be the fear of rejection,probably something from my youth,but
    it's very real to me. Of course after the first meeting or two I
    feel very comfortable!
    
    Cal.
    

    I've never found a problem with just asking the man to join me for
    dinner, drink, lunch, coffee or whatever neutral type situation
    seems to be a logical extension of where the meeting takes place.
    
    Although I would rather not do the asking, (who really does want
    to risk rejection anyway?), I have found that some men find it a
    rather pleasant surprise. I've been turned down only a couple of
    times...but then...nothing ventured nothing gained.
    
    I will not however, ask him again until he has reciprocated in kind.
    Its my way of determining if the interest is mutual.
    
    
    Ann
    Ann

      She can go up to him and say" Want to go halves on a baby?"  ~/~
    That line *always gets my attention. All kidding aside, She can
    just go up to him and start with something like hi and start up the
    conversation with something that is in the surrounding area. If
    hiking then say what a nice day for a hike. On the street corner
    ask directions to somewhere, or something like that...
    
                     REK

    re: .2
    
    I have suffered from same situation - still do. Back several years
    ago when I used to be in the automotive business, I used to go out
    bar hopping with the boss looking for business. He could go up to
    women and strut his stuff. fortunately for me I knew what he was
    looking for and it wasn't to sell a car - unfortunately the woman
    found out later what he really wanted and it wasn't their brains.
    
    I feel that lots of times I would like to go up to a stranger but
    I don't want to be part of the general stereo type. I would prefer
    to get to know someone as a friend and take it from there.
    
    my two cents
    
    al
    

    I have used the approach, of "lets go out for a pizza" and see what
    develops....  I took a very nice guy out for Pizza once... a very
    nice friendship started from it - I say, tell her to use a very
    honest and direct approach, if you can't be honest from the start...
    
    GLK

        "It's April, My window, I watch her as she passes by ..."

    > .. <hmm well, what could a woman say to a man she does not know,
    > but would like to get to know, without him thinking she was trying
    > to 'solicit' him?>
    
    Or, indeed, how does a man avoid the same problem?  I have no idea.
    The women that have done well with me had to make it very clear
    that they were interested (being one of the very shy types).
    
    I am getting better at knowing when I should take the risk but
    still don't think I would know how to handle the really tough calls.
    Like the time I fell madly in love with a summer intern that was
    working for me.  How could I ask her out without her thinking I
    was pulling rank?
    
    Being not willing to take the risk of approaching women meant that
    I spent a lot of years only loving women from afar.  I wish there
    were more women who would do the approaching.  A very shy woman
    does not have to worry as much about missing out completely.
    
    						MJC
    
    	"I hear her tender rhapsody,
    	    but in reality
    	       She doesn't even know me ..."
                                                    
                                                                

    This sort of amuses me this conversation, when most guys chat with the
    "girls" and the general conversation is along the lines of ->. 

	    "I really like her but I'm to nervous to ask her out"

    The general female reply is "why, you have got nothing to loose", but
    with the roles are reversed where a female likes a guy, the female
    normally relies on the guy asking the girl out; There is nothing more
    normal than going up to someone and starting conversation, if you see
    someone in the street you cannot count on ever meeting that person
    again so its now or never..... 

     	   "Excuse me could you tell me if Where Lincon street is"     
	   "Excuse could you tell me if there is a paper shop near by"

    Sure this could lead to a dead end in conversation, but at least your
    one step on than two minutes ago, then if you like the way he speaks
    and he seems friendly ask him out. If he is the sort of guy that thinks
    your on the 'Game' or something like that you probably would not be
    wanting to go out with someone like that anyway. Most guys would be
    100% flattered by your approach and accept, unless engaged already,
    then nothing is really lost. You'll feel good either way because you
    had the guts to say something, instead of thinking 10 minutes latter "If
    only I said something". 

 
				Regards
					Mark

This is a man answering, but don't hang up just yet...

I'm trying to think back to when did a woman ever try to pick me
up on the street. I guess, never.

>  "Excuse me could you tell me if Where Lincon street is"     
>  "Excuse could you tell me if there is a paper shop near by"

In those cases, I just assume the lady needs to get to Lincoln
street or that she's in dire need of something made of paper. I
suspect most of the time I am right.

Once I was approached in a record store (that was in the Tower
store in Berkley) by a lady who discerned --so she said-- I was
an expert. She wanted to know which performance of the Rites of
Spring should she pick.

Seeing that a wife's influence is inversely proportional to the
square of the distance and mine was 3000 miles away, I indulged in
some idle conversation. The lady didn't mind my atrocious foreign
accent, but she knew very little about music in general and Stravinsky
in particular. Besides, her sound system --based on her own admission--
was nothing to write home about. So, there you are.

Unfortunately, in all my life, I have only been approached like that
maybe half a dozen other times, none of which was half as exciting
as the one I have just related. I have come to the conclusion that
beautiful, intelligent, witty women only approach men like me in soap
operas and B movies. Sigh.

-- Ron

    
    I find it easy to approach a man, after a little positive
    self talk.  I believe all they can say is no.  I have asked
    men to dance quite a few times, and the results are generally
    yes.  If you start out with something comfortable, its easier.
    Honesty helps alot too.  I hate the lines "Have I seen you
    somewhere before" "gee you look familiar" and the dreaded
    "what sign are you"(yes some people still say it).  So, if
    I see someone interesting, who has definetely got me going
    hmmmmmmm, I walk up, say hi, my name is, do you want to dance,
    have lunch, go get a beer after work?  Yes there is the 
    occasional rejection factor, but when they say yes it sure
    is fun.  I like the risk! But I also like it when men show
    interest first, makes things easier.  I agree with the ladies
    who answered already, eye contact and smiles make it alot
    easier.  Even from across the room.
    So Bob, if the lady friend has no problems with eye contact,
    and checks you out regularly, take a risk, ask her out, go for
    it.  She's looking at you kid!
     

	All this reminds me of a Boston comedian who brought up the subject
	of the shoe being on the other foot. Like a bunch of girls at
	club are sitting at a table and one of them shows some interest
	in a guy across the dance floor. Her friends egg her on until she
	get's up the nerve to go over and ask him to dance. She asks and
	get a casual "No thanks" as if asking was the easiest thing in the
	world for her. As she mopes (sp?) back to her table her girlfriends 
	are laughing and snickering and saying "He turned you down, ha ha ha!!".
	It reminded me of the many times where I would go up to a pretty
	girl in a bar to ask for a dance and get the rudest "No!" you'd
	ever hear. It was nice to imagine the shoe on the other foot but
	I really don't see it happen that much.

	If you're interested in a guy you can bet that 75% of the time you will
	find him genuinly flattered and very polite in answering yes or no if
	you ask him (out/to dance/directions). Unfortunately, the opposite
	is not true and I have only found around 50% of the girls I have
	asked (out/to dance/directions) to be as polite as most guys.

	(The previous statement is not a reflection on my attitude towards
	women. Just an observance that I would love to have proved wrong)

							mike

    re 97.11
    Just a little story of something I witnessed.....
    When I was in the Army, one of my friends was a spoiled 
    little rich girl from Fort Worth Texas.  Now Patty was a 
    really interesting, funny and generally personable person.
    Whenever we went out though, and a guy would ask her to dance
    she would rudely say "NO".  I couldn't figure out why someone
    who seemed nice couldn't be nice.  So I asked.  She seemed to
    be ignorant of the fact that men had feelings too.  Geeez, you
    say, but it is true!  So we had lessons on the rules of nice.
    She never got truely polite, but she wasn't nasty anymore.
    It's like being a waitress, some people don't realize that 
    you're working for tips, till you've been in their shoes.
    I've taught many a friend the correctness of tipping.
    So maybe my point is that sometimes politeness is a learned
    trait.  It's never standard.
    Just a thought.
    

    And when was the last time *any* of us saw a woman holding a door open?
    :-) 
    
    	Jon

	re .6

>>	I have used the approach, of "lets go out for a pizza" and see what
>>	develops....  I took a very nice guy out for Pizza once... a very
>>	nice friendship started from it - I say, tell her to use a very
>>	honest and direct approach, if you can't be honest from the start...

	A woman my brother worked with asked him if he'd like to
	go out for a pizza ... I've got three nephews now!  :-)

	Dan

>	A woman my brother worked with asked him if he'd like to
>	go out for a pizza ... I've got three nephews now!  :-)




	Whew!!    That must have been quite the pizza !!  :-)


	kits

    
    
       I've never had a problem getting to know a guy I was interested in.
       Being very friendly and assertive is probably the reason why.  Also
       I find out if he has a girlfriend or is married before letting him
       know I'm interested.    
       I have noticed that the younger guys (23 to 28) tend to be a bit
       more shy than the older guys (30 or more).  
    
                   
                          M.