Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Oh brother.  This was the first real sign of trouble in my most
    recent fiasco...er...relationship.  All was happy and flowers and
    communication and sunshine and sharing for the first year.  After
    that, things slid slowly downhill.  And the tough part was, even
    when I tried to get him to talk to me (not just about us - but about
    anything!) he grumbled, or mumbled, or said "I don't know", which
    was utter garbage (especially when I asked him his opinion on
    something).  Six months later we were history.
    
    IF I could have gotten through to him, we might not have broken
    up.  But he would have had to want to communicate, I couldn't force
    him.  We are on fairly good terms, but I don't think we could ever
    regain the level of togetherness we had at the start.  
    
    My advice?  Initiate communication - change your routine - take
    a vacation (even if it's only a weekend at a bed&breakfast place)
    - talk about new ideas - take up new hobbies - if necessary take
    a break from each other to regather yourselves and decide whether
    you wish to rededicate yourselves to the relationship (I'm not saying
    ignore each other completely, but time apart sometimes makes time
    together more valuable and of higher quality).  Perhaps it's time
    to redefine the relationship, or discuss where you both want to
    go within (or outside) its context.  The scary part isn't discussing
    the stuff, or even hearing what you fear most (i.e. this may be
    the beginning of the end)....the most scary part is hearing
    *nothing* - even if you're listening very hard - and knowing something
    is still *very* wrong.
    
    I wish you well...
    
    -Jody
    

    Get involved in a "joint" project
    
    hope it mends,
    
    jay

    Definitely break the pattern in some way.  A vacation is a big break
    and a big strain so, even though that was my first reaction, I'd
    have to say try something smaller scale first.  If you stay home
    a lot, go out for dinner and a movie.  The movie will give you
    something new to talk about.  (I recommend _Bull Durham_ or _Midnight
    Run_ -- both intelligent movies, but not too 'heavy.')

    Could it be that you told each other everything there is to know
    about each other?  If so,  get involved in *different* hobbies and
    keep certain parts of your life slightly hidden.  This way,  if
    you find yourself not talking, you can talk about these hobbies
    and enjoy learning even more about your SO.  Just be sure not to
    go into too much detail,  so you can save some for later, if you
    need it.  I found in past relationships that once I knew about *every*
    thing in my SO's life,  the relationship got kinda repetitive.  Maybe
    that's why the first few months/years are so great,  you don't really
    know the person, and it is fun learning about them.
    
    Just a thought.....
    
    Bill
    

    	I agree with Mike that it's sometimes difficult to break out 
    	of learned habits with a love partner, but new excitement is 
    	always available if you're both willing to try something new,
    	either on your own or together.  Go for walks, devise little 
    	games, have a VCR film festival, go on a weekend getaway to a
    	place neither of you have been before, read the newspaper to
    	each other (this may sound silly, but it inspires some great
    	conversations!) Sunday mornings.
    
      	Hopefully both of you want to rectify this situation and are
    	willing to try different things in order to get back what you
    	obviously want to have back in your relationship!  Good luck!
    
    						   Carla
    

         I recently saw an older couple cruising around Steamboat Springs
    on the back of one of those big 'Aspencade' motorcycles.  They looked
    like a couple of people who know how to keep their lives interesting.
    One thing that made that idea more real, was the way that they passed
    by the fast-food joints, and had their lunch in the grass by a stream.
    I'll bet they talk to each other, often.
    
                                    Greg
    
    
    
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    \ as one of the few remaining noters who know the difference between /
    \ "your" and "you're".  Bravo.                                       /
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    greg...
    you're not going to get many points with your comments!
    
    ;^)
    
    tony

    I've been married for 18 years and the "We don't talk any more",
    has hit us more than a dozen times.  Sometimes you get stuck in
    a routine and it's tough to change.  Spontanous weekend or overnight
    getaways do it for us.  A long walk and a picknic,  movie, trip
    to Boston, any trick to change the routine and get the communication
    going.  Do it !   AND DO IT FAST!!! DON'T LET IT LINGER INTO A PROBLEM.
    
    Sometimes the problem can be deeper but this is a definite step
    in the right direction.  
    
    Hope things change for the best,
    
                                             Bill