Conference quark::human_relations-v1

	  Neil, you accept the papers from the sheriff with a "thank you."
     You do not need to sign for them.  Under no circumstances object to
     the sheriff or harrass him.  He will be getting enough of that from
     the twenty other people he'll be serving papers on that day.

	  Then, you look at the papers for (i) the grounds, (ii) the return
     date, and (iii) the preliminary hearing date.  The rest is impressive
     verbiage.  Then you put the preliminary hearing date on your calendar,
     and take the papers to your attorney.

	  If you do not have a divorce attorney, I STRONGLY suggest you get
     one.  Do not use your family attorney, if you have one -- family law
     is a complex subject, and contains surprises even for experienced
     family law attorneys.  Talk to friends, look in the yellow pages for
     attorneys specializing in family law, call the bar association.
     Interview several before you decide on one.  If there are custody
     issues, get an attorney of the opposite sex, so that the marital
     master or judge will not receive an impression of "the As" ganging up
     on "the Bs."  Look for an attorney with whom you are comfortable.  If
     the attorney starts telling you what you should want, walk -- the
     attorney should listen to what _you_ want, and then try to get it for
     you.  The attorney should also point out opportunities you may have,
     but should not insist you pursue them.  Usually, the initial
     consultation with an attorney is free; but do not let that deter you
     from spending $60 for half an hour with someone who has come highly
     recommended if they happen not to offer a free initial consultation.
     $60 is trivial compared to what happens next.

	  The attorney's retainer will be in the one to two thousand dollar
     range.  This is not the total cost; this is the first installment.
     Generally, attorneys cost as much as you are willing to pay them.  If
     there are custody issues involved, figure on spending $20,000 over the
     next two years.

	  Under no circumstances lie to or try to hide things from your
     attorney.  If you have done something incredibly damaging, tell your
     attorney immediately, so he or she can figure out how best to contain
     or deflect the damage.

	  Also, line up friends.  You'll need them for shoulders on which
     to cry, and for sanity checks.  If you can find a copy of "Crazy Time:
     Surviving Divorce," read that, too.

	  Good luck.

				      Brian

Also check out the notes file on NON_CUSTODIAL_PARENTS for custody and
non-custody rat holes.

    	Additionally.... the papers will have some pretty scarey stuff in
    them, such as that she wants you to pay for HER attorney, she wants
    EVERYTHING, etc., etc.  Don't let this frighten you, it's only
    boilerplate!  I almost had a heart attack when I was served and read
    the papers.
    
    best of luck... and life can be terrific after divorce!
    
    larry

.4> Don't let this frighten you, it's only boilerplate!  I almost 
.4> had a heart attack when I was served and read the papers.
    
    Let me add emphasis to this.  Attorneys take courses in "How to Scare
    The Hell Out of Ordinary People With Common English", and, most of it
    is common boilerplate that every Tom, Dick, Harry, Mary, Jane and Sue
    will get when they're served these papers.

    Psychologically?  We're all different.  We'll all react differently and
    you don't know what you'll *actually* do until the time comes.  Just be
    cool my friend ... don't look at as the beginning of the end but a new
    beginning.  You know now that it's going to happen.  There's nothing
    that you can do about it.  It's rough, no matter what the grounds.

    The only "advice" that I can give is to get it over as SOON as possible
    and as EQUITABLY as possible, and, as much as possible ...DON'T burn any
    bridges behind you.

    A number of us have "been there".  I'm always available to talk - send
    me mail and you've got my home phone number for the asking ... I'm
    single and got a lot of time to talk ... 

    Bubba

    When my ex-husband moved out and moved in with his girlfriend and then
    wanted a divorce, he called me up at work and demanded to know if I
    wanted the divorce papers "served", which he planned to then have me
    pay the fee for (he didn't say what it cost), or would I prefer that
    he deliver them himself!  So, I told him to bring them to me at work,
    and collected them from him in the lobby of MRO...  I actually had
    something to "trade" for the legalese redtape - I paid off the loan
    on his car (he was unemployed when he moved out) to avoid it becoming
    part of the lawyer nightmare, and had sent him the title at his
    girlfriend's address, and she had apparently hidden or lost the paper,
    so he also had a form for a replacement title which I had to sign!
    (They got married the day after our divorce was final, and she divorced
    him three months later! - but that's another story!)
    
    Don't be intimidated by the legal paperwork!  If some of the stuff in
    the boilerplate form were said in a private conversation, you'd want to
    punch out the person saying it, but for some reason, in legalese,
    intimidation is the norm!  Ignore the insulting stuff it says and take
    the whole thing to your lawyer - the only important thing in it is the
    hearing date.
    
    /Charlotte (went through this 11 years ago)

OOPS Sorry for deleting the base note. Anyway the Libel for Divorce notification
arrived yesterday it wasn't as big a deal as I was anticipating. Due to a screw
up by her lawyer the documents signed on Nov. 1 didn't arrive till December 16
She is suing for everything. Custody of our 2 children, Child Support and Alimony
Time to contact my Lawyer! We currently have a joint physical custody arrangement
thats been going on since our seperation 6 months ago. I'm hoping to keep this 
arrangement or something close to it since it seems to be working very well for
all of us. I'm hoping to partition the court to allow this arrangement at the
temporary custody hearing. Anyone have any input on what I should do to help
continue our custody situation. By the way I still live in the marital home
which has been home for our children for the past 6 years. Also both children
go to school in the town which I currently reside and they leave from our home
for school 3 days during the week. Do I have a chance??

 Thanks for all your previous replies!
   Neil...
 

Yes, you have a chance, but if you're only now contacting your lawyer, you
may have done something to harm your case unwittingly.

			Steve

    Alimony??  I didn't think that was done anymore (unless while married
    to you she didn't/doesn't work).  If she has a job I think it's doubtful 
    she'd get alimony.
    

    Neil,
    I don't know if this has been suggested to you yet and if it has I
    apologize.  Run, don't walk over to the Non-Custodial Parents file. 
    There is a wealth of information in there!  
    
    It's on QUOKKA::NON_CUSTODIAL_PARENTS
    
    Karen