| > 3) The third question, is this ... does the "new" Significant Other
> (SO) need to be totally different so as not to be a reminder of
> previous hurts, fustrations, disapointments, or can they be similiar
> with 'other' traits that makes the 'risk' worthwhile ?
Stabbing at question 3, there is abundant evidence that people
are attracted to particular attributes in other people, which
makes it unlikely that there will be *MUCH* difference in the people
we are attracted to. If I are attacted to independent, controlling
people, then, unless I decide to change, thats the kind of people
I can expect to end up with. A part of this is probably unconscious
signals that I emit. In any case, it seems unrealistic (to me)
to figure on new relatees (is that a word?) to be totally different.
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1. Is there a difference?
Legally yes! In practice it would depend on the
length of the relationships. A 6 month marriage
is no different than a 6 month lover, unless the
act of getting married alters how you view the
relationship. Thus it is the same however long
you have been together.
Either relationship can generate as much joy and
happiness.
3. You will find that the tendancy is to gravitate
towards certain characteristics in people, such as
a sense of humour, colour of eyes? social background
(e.g. you do not often find a long term relationship
between , say, a refuse collector and a yuppie, not
because they would not like each other, but more
because they would never put themselves in a position
where they would meet socially).
This should not make that much difference as we are
all completely individual.
Joan (the Early Bird)
(not Jerry - although we are on the same cluster)
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| 1. The difference depends on how the participants view the
relationships in each situation. If you make a commitment to a
lover, then have you not satisfied the criteria of a marriage.
2. This goes hand in hand with the first question. If you view
marriage as the ultimate commitment, then yes there is a difference.
If you make just as sincere commitment to a lover as you would to
a spouse, then no there is no difference.
3. People are attracted to certain characteristics. Some attractions
change, others are always the same. You also assume that all past
relationships have been painful and frustrating. NOT TRUE. Some
relationships end because people take different paths in life.
These relationships can have an amiable ending. If you liked what
you had before and it did not work out for some reason that did
not leave you with a bad taste in your mouth, then why not try to
find something similar.
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