Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    OK !
    	I like being married because....
    		I can go to bed with someone I care for in my arms.
    		I could never find a more perfect freind.
    		I have someone to go home to.
    		I have someone to share all my moments with.
    		I can share my love and laughter and accomplishments.
    		I can talk about my sorrow, pain, and crises and
    		know she will help me.
    		I can help her likewise.
    		We can share housework.. (Boy does that help)
    		... and the list goes on.........
    
                                                              @    @
    								** 
    							      (....)
    							      
    	

    
    Here *I* go!
    
    I *used* to like being single because:
    
    	I felt I could grow more
    	I liked being able to do WHAT I wanted WHEN I wanted to
	I liked the absence of arguing and heartache
    	I liked the feeling of total independence
    	I liked spending my money how *I* wanted to, I liked to pamper
    	myself
    	I liked being able to cuddle up to a good book or watch an old
        movie by myself
    	I liked being able to eat *all* my popcorn by myself with no
    	help	:-)	:-)
    
    
    AND I'm sure there's a LOT more!!!
    
    
    *NOW* (I know this is supposed to be for singles BUT.....)
    
    I liked being engaged (and can't wait to be married) to my best
    friend because:
    
    	I like spending all of my time with my best friend, who has
    	all the same interests that I do
    	I like having someone special to share my hopes, dreams, and
    	fears with
    	I like the feeling that I'm totally loved when I'm feeling real
    	blue
    	I like knowing that there's always someone there for me
    	I *don't* like fighting, but I *love* making up	:-)
    	I like helping someone I love reach his goals and dreams
    	I like building a life *together* with someone I love
  
    And *this* list DOES go on....and on.....
        

    Good topic!
    
    I have been single (never married) for years, and loved it.  I had
    various roommates from time to time, but spent 10 years living in
    a terrific apartment in a small town in NH.  I can honestly say
    that there were very few times that I felt lonely.
    
    Like the base note, I loved doing whatever I wanted to WHEN I wanted
    to.  When I wanted people around, I had them over, or went visiting,
    or went home to my family, etc.  But most nights, I treasured my
    time alone.  I could go on and on about things I did that brought
    me a lot of joy, but I'd be writing for days.  I had a few activities
    that I did at night;  some classes, etc., but for the most part
    I enjoyed a little routine of my own.
    
    It was a wonderful, wonderful experience, and if I could go back
    in time, I would do it all the same way.  In the last two years,
    I have met and become engaged to another DECcie, and we will be
    married at the end of this Oct.  I consider myself very fortunate
    to have found someone that I am so compatible with--he and I enjoy
    the same kind of lifestyle (not of the rich and famous, but lots
    of fun!), and I don't find myself rudely catapulted into a big change
    from my single days.  We have a kind of live and let live relationship,
    and do not plan to have any children.  So it's me, him, and the
    cat.  What a life!
    
    And I don't think that I would have been as appreciative of him
    and the way our lives are without my single days.  It was a great
    time, and THIS time is a great time.  I think that as long as you
    are happy within yourself, and continue to learn and to grow, you
    will have a good life whether single or with someone else.
    
    You are complete IN and OF yourself always.
    
    Jane

    
    well, this was supposed to be a topic to just discuss the good
    and positive aspects of being single (as was explicit in the
    directions in .o) but i see that many people have decided to
    turn it into a "what a like about being married" topic...
    
    i'll accept that as long as there is no bashing or insulting..
    
    but i would have prefered just discussing singleness and wish
    the happy marrieds had started a "what i like about being married"
    note for that purpose...
    
    anyway
    have fun
    rik
    

    I have a different kind of single than mentioned in previous notes:
     I am single, but with three children, daughter 22, son 20 (away
    at school during week, but more often than not at home with girlfriend
    on weekends), and 17 year old son.  It sure is a lot different.
    
    I can raid the refrigerator, too, but usually the stuff I was hoping
    to eat is already gone.  
    
    I can spend Thursday night doing a wash
    of all the clothes I want to take for a weekend with my b.f. only
    to find that my daughter has helped herself to my best blouse while
    I was at work on Friday.
    
    I can watch anything I want on TV unless I'm outvoted.
    (Their tastes are for sitcom reruns-ugh!).  
    
    I can decide to have someone over (for the evening and whatever...)
    but not if my 20 year old is home.  He may get belligerent and start 
    swearing, while its OK with my other two.  (I've been single since
    April, but this marriage was not to their father.  I've been divorced 
    from their father for 12 years).
    
    I can even park my car where I want as long as its on the grassy
    space beside the driveway, because their four
    cars and two boats are in the way!
    
    There are some other benefits too, however:
    
    If I'm lonely, there's usually someone around to be with.
    
    When I get the urge to do yard work or fix-it jobs, I always have
    expert help available, without cost, other than a pizza.
    
    I usually can get those hard-to-open jars opened and jobs requiring
    upper body strength accomplished with just a simple request.   I
    can have spiders and wasps killed with just one shriek!
    
    I can expand my wardrobe (yes, I have started to "borrow" my daughter's
    clothing, jewelry and makeup, and my sons' flannel, and corduroy
    shirts.)
    
    I can be away for a weekend and know that the dog and cats will
    get fed and let out.
    
    I can get my telephone calls answered and messages taken (most of
    the time) without having an answering machine.
    
    I can get a comforting hug when I need one (mostly from my daughter--17 year
    old son doesn't know what arms are for yet!)
                           
    I can be left alone if I want to, just by going into my room
    (sanctuary) and closing the door.
    
    I can be asked out for a drink with my daughter and have her friends
    think I'm her sister.  (A real ego booster!)
    
    I can need something desperately at the store and not have to get
    it myself.  
    
    I can have a party at my house without having to do anything and
    without having to take any responsibility for it.  I can go to bed
    if I'm not having a good time or I can stay up all night.  (These
    parties are with my daughter's friends, ages 22-35 or so!)  
    
    I can have good women's conversations about trying to understand the
    opposite sex with my daughter because we are both dating men the same age!
    
    
    All in all, its pretty nice having people in the house who love
    you but who don't really require much care and feeding, who don't
    need babysitters anymore, who can care for themselves for the weekends
    when I go north, who do their own laundry, cook their own meals
    and get themselves off to work and school.  About the only 
    complaint I hear is "There's nothing to eat in the house!"  And
    I even get to boss them around once in a while--and get away with
    it!               
    even boss around once in awhile.

    
    re: .6
    accepting that i said "pro's and con's" of singleness i still don't
    see how that would include the pro's of marriage....?
    
    so, in accordance with .0, one could say...
    "i like single because"
    or "problems i have with single are..."
    
    but statements like "what i like about MARRIAGE" really have no
    relevance in a pro's/con's of single topic...
    
    but, again, i'll accept them here (because i can change my mind
    about an issue quite happily) and consider this a "pro's
    of single AND pro's of marriage topic as long as noone insults
    anyone else's chosen lifestyle....

    re: .7 good reply...i'm in a similiar situation and your reply
    really hit home....
    	i've learned (and taught my daughters)to  hide whatever i
    really want in my room to make sure it doesn't get consficated by
    someone else....

    Rik
    	Oops! I was one of the first to put a reply about marriage.
    Sorry...............................................
    
    curt
    

    i've only been single a short time, after nearly 25 years with a
    really large, noisy and mostly friendly family (well, the *kids*
    were friendly, anyway). 
    
    getting to be single was not my goal.  getting out of *that* marriage
    was.  so my idea of being single is that it is a period in my life
    that i must pass through. and on the other side will be another
    marriage. but, i have to caution myself not to rush through, since
    there appears to be a lot to be learned yet, and *single-hood* seems
    to be the place to learn it. 
    
    i haven't quite figured out *how* to be single, though.  i still
    have too much time on my hands, though i am picking up on myhobbies
    and interests.  i am still pretty much *afraid* of making new (single
    female) friends....but, i am working on that.  i am not too happy
    about the way things are going with my kids, and i feel like there
    is very little i can do about that.  (that's the worst part, i think)
    
    but, overall, i think being single isn't *too* bad...(how i long
    for some companionship though, without being a burden to my friends)
    
    maybe october will be better  8*)
    
    tony

    
    re: .9 curt
    it's ok....
    we can make this a "what i like about being single" and
    "what i like about being married" note...
    or..."what i like about being in a relationship"
    or..."what i like about being monogomous"
    or..."what i like about being dichotomous"
    or...."what i like about being a bigamist"
    or....?  whatever it is you do that you like pertinent to
    relationships...
    
    just as long as we accept everyone's choices sans insults....
    
    rik who-proclaims-himself-moderator-of-this-topic-but-has-no-powers
    :-)
    

    What I like most about being single;
    
    I can have a pet if I want and don't have to worry about allergies.
    
    I can eat what I want even if it disgusts someone else.
    
    I can be messy if I want to.
    
    And best of all, I don't have to care about anyone including myself.
    (God, is that a pain.)
    
    
                        Phil
    

    
    As an attached person, I don't have much of a chance to savour the
    pleasures of a single life. But this is what I think I'd enjoy most,
    given the chance.......
    
    1) To spend evenings pampering myself in the bath with a face mask
       without worrying about scaring/turning off someone cos you look
       like the Creature from the Lagoon
    
    2) To not eat when I don't feel like it without causing offence
    
    3) To ignore the housework, and never be reminded of it
    
    4) To travel around the country looking at churches without
       boring anyone else
    
    5) Sleeping the hours that I want when I want.....
    
    6) To go away with a girlfriend and "girltalk" for a fortnight.
    

    Well, what's single?  If it's defined as "anything but the state
    of being legally married", I qualify.  If it's defined as not having
    a seemingly permanent relationship, I don't.  Someone let me know
    - are we talking income tax status or are we talking reality?
    
    --Louise

    
    re:15
    you are hereby granted permission to consider *single* in the
    manner you prefer to consider it!
    
    but my opinion of *single* means not living with a person you are
    having a personal/intimate/sexual relationship with....
    
    rik
    

    What I like about being singles is all the previous replies too.  
    But what I really like is coming home and cooking what I want or not 
    cooking at all, cleaning my own toothpaste out of the sink and having
    my own choice of friends.  I like only having to wash my own dishes
    and picking up my own clothes.  Having the whole queen size bed to
    myself and turning out the light when I want to.
    
    It is fun to be in love but right now I am having too much fun being
    young, wild and FREE!
    
    

    
    Re .14  A face mask in the bathtub?  I love it!  I think tonight
    I'm gonna go to the closet and get my tanks and regulators out.
    (I've never taken a mas into the tub, but my rubber_duckie has
     gotten a few strange looks before...)
    
    Others... from previous replies...
    
    "Cooking what I want" - And eating over the drainboard, standing up.
    "Leaving the light on"- And the TV, stereo, etc.  All at the same time.
    
    How about 'Leaving the seat up'?  (guys only, I'm sure.)
    Scratching                        ( "    "     "   "   )
    
    I could speculate on others, like giving your cat a mohawk or fishing
    for guppies, but that might border on the bizarre....
    
    I guess Single also means never having to say you're sorry.  Who's
    there to listen anyway?
    
    Bob_H
    
    

    
    I can come home in a coma and stay that way all weekend. 
    It doesn't matter if my room is a mess, or my bed unmade.
    
    It doesn't matter if I am depressed or in a catatonic state
    because noone else has to deal with it. 
    
    As long as my pickup truck runs, I won't need a ride anywhere.
    If I'm boring, noone else suffers... 
    
    If a ride up Mt Tam or down the coast at Carmel looks operative,
    I just go there, and do it. No elaborate prep...

    re .19
    
    and this is a desirable/preferable state to live in?

Re: .20 (re: .19)

In defense of .19, sometimes a weekend of "chilling out" is *just* what 
the doctor ordered...

Another one:

 I can wrestle with my 125-lb dog, knock over furniture, and
	not really care...

.jim

    .. toss my books, magazines, whatever I'm reading from the couch on 
    to the huge pile on the carpet and drift off to sleep
    
    .. wait for all the ashtrays to get FULL before I start Operation
    Cleanup (throw contents in a grocery bag and wait for *that* to 
    get full..)
    
    .. open the windows at 3 a.m. just to see what it feels like to
    be wearing nothing in subzero weather (feels great - for about
    ten seconds)
    
    .. look all over for my car keys and discover letters I ought to have
    read four weeks back
    
    .. try out weird combinations of spices in weird combinations of
    foods; decide I don't like it, throw it all in the disposer and
    and order Chinese take-out
    
    .. get woken up in the morning by the sound of the shower, only
    I haven't the foggiest who's in there
    
     - Ganesh
    

    What I like about being single........
    
    Never having to answer to, or explain to anybody where I was 
    last nite, or the last week!
    
    Vegging out all day and going back out at nite
    
    Having only my own mess to clean up
    
    Not having to be brought down by somebody elses depression!
    
    Going out for a bike ride at 1 am, without anybody telling me I'm
    stupid.
    
    Taking road trips at the spur of the moment.
    
    Eating pasta or barbecued hamburgers for breakfast.
    
    Playing the field, SAFELY!
    
    Watching sports, without ruining anybodies day.
    
    I could go on for a while,
    
    Albert 

    I don't like being single with a young child, because I have to stay
    home every night (just about) because he has to be in bed fairly early
    for school the next day.  This means that I have  a very long boring
    evening ahead of me.  And it can be incredibably lonely and boring.   
    Weekends aren't a whole lot better, because I can't always afford a
    babysitter to go out.  And I really hate the thought of staying home
    practically every night for the next 10 or so years until he gets big
    enough not to need a sitter.  
    
    On the other hand, I really like being able to spend my money the way I
    want to, clean house if and when I want to, cook what I want to...and
    everything else already mentioned.......
    
    Becky  

    
    
    Yes, exactly, Becky !  Find someone to come visit you.  (where do
    you live :-)
    
    I was even going to send mail, but Mr. Baranski took the words out
    of my mouth.
    
    There would be all sorts of potential friends and partners happy
    to visit you for a relaxing evening at home, reading, or watching
    "vids", or playing games etc. etc. etc. while the little one journeys
    with the sandman.
    
    /Eric