Conference quark::human_relations-v1

wow, you sound like you are in a hurry, (personal name).

yes, I had a love that was in the Air Force and was sent to 
Colorado Springs. We had very *high* phone bills. and it was
like yours, a new relationship when he had to leave. 

Why not take it alittle slower and don't panic, One DAY at a Time.
I feel that these things always work themselves out. Since this was
my first long-distance romance, I didn't know either how we would
feel.. well, to make a long note short. We continued for almost 2
years and are still friends.

But I found it was a warm fuzzy feeling to think someone far away
cared alot about me.

Just have faith in yourself first, and the rest takes care of itself.
If he cares you'll know it.

Good Luck,





     

    
    re: .0
    
    There is nothing wrong in a long distance romance, but I do agree
    with .1 that you sound like you are in a hurry.
    
    My first marriage was not a long-distance romance but happened very
    quickly.  My ex-husband told me he loved me two days after meeting
    me (I said he was crazy!).  Two days after that, I was informed
    that we would be married within the next 6 mos. to a year (Now I
    really thought he was off his rocker!).  But, he was right.  We
    were married one day shy of 9 mos. from our meeting.  Needless to
    say the marriage didn't last very long.
    
    My second (and present) husband was a sailor I met in a bar while
    he was home on leave in December 1980.  We corresponded until his
    discharge in April 1982.  Between April 1982 and April 1986 (when 
    we got married) we had spent an additional two years apart while he 
    lived in Florida.  

    Our son just turned 1 yr. and our 2nd anniversary is in April.  So,
    I say long-distance romances can work, just don't push it.
   
    

    Thank you .1 & .2
    
    I may seem that I am in a hurry, but the way I'm made up is that
    I do need this time (now) to prepare myself IF it should'nt work
    out positively.  Like building up a shell so it won't hurt as much
    then as it does now.  
    
    Even since my intitial *panic* I've had the time to think and believe
    that it isn't ME who has to find the answers, but him.  I'm in a
    point in my life that I can just about "pivot perfectly".  He isn't.
    
    *********
    
    Keep those cards and letters coming in folks!! :-}

    
    
    Gee,  you sound like me several years ago. I became involved with
    a person, and was told, not that this could never last, BUT that
    it will NOT last, because he is over here only for 3 years to complete
    his education.  Well, that was ten years ago.  All I can say is
    if you listen to everyone (and I mean _everyone_) who'll tell you,
    for your own good, of course... that there's no future, so get out 
    while you can, you may be stopping a good relationship before it has 
    a chance to grow.
    
    Take a good look at where you are now.  Does it feel right?  Are
    the two of you satifying each other's needs _right now_?  If so,
    don't worry about the future.  Live it each day at a time.  If it's
    not meant to last, it surely won't.  But if it does,  you'll have
    something that nothing can 'break'.  Long distance relationships
    are difficult,  but they can happen are are definitely worth taking
    a chance on. Besides, why add pressure to a new relationship over
    a situation that may not happen, and if it does, won't happen for
    6-7 months?  
    
    
    
    
    PS...Buy stock in AT&T...   8*)

i, in this same situation...chickened out...i was deeply afraid of 
getting involved and then having to make decisions which, in the end, 
would be breakup.  how do you just pick up and leave?  how do you ask 
*them* to pick up and move.  especially when career is important.  not 
that love and relationships are _un_important... i broke off before it 
got anywhere near that point.

i think i missed out on a great relationship and a great guy.  it's 
easy to say "go with it" but it's harder to do it.  as the old saying 
goes.  you could have something so wonderful and yet human nature 
tells us to watch out for that big hurt.

                                           tlr

    re: -.1
    
    Human Nature?  I personally don't think it's human nature telling
    us to *watch out for that big hurt*, but our own fears and
    insecurities.  
    
    I like a challenge, and overcoming one's fears can definitely be
    a challenge.  Afterall, if I don't challenge my fears by facing
    them head on, those fears will always exist.  That being the case,
    what will I have gained?
    
    Beckie

        My own advice is that it is quite common, I might even venture
        to say completely normal to have lots of romantic relationships
        in the course of a life-time. It is possible, though not
        terribly common to have more than one permanent relationship,
        but not everyone has even one permanent relationship. Therefore
        as a general rule the vast majority of romantic relationships
        are temporary. If we recognize that and enjoy each relationship
        just for what it is we will enjoy the temporary ones much more
        than if we try (quite futilely given the facts) to make each one
        permanent. Beyond that, it seems that we are much more likely to
        find the one permanent relationship amongst all the temporary
        ones if we take them as the come. 
        
        Perhaps the hardest thing to learn about relationships of all
        kinds is to just let them be.
        
        I recommend letting this one go however it will, not burning any
        bridges until you get to them, and recognizing that this is most
        likely a temporary relationship and just enjoying it as much as
        you can in the time that it exists. It is possible it will turn
        into a permanent relationship. If it does, then it will be a
        wonderful thing and at that time you'll be much better prepared
        to deal with the changes that that will bring into your life as
        you will be highly motivated.
        
        JimB. 

    Like your ideas on temporarily relationships. 
    
    Virginia Jasmin
    EIS - BRAZIL