Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    I say go with what you feel.  Maintaining a long distance relationship
    is very difficult.  They say absense makes the heart grow fonder, but a
    lot of the time it can be cause for a break up.  If your relationship
    survives the distance, then it was meant to be.  If it doesn't survive,
    it never would have even if there wasn't distance between you.
    
    Good luck,
    Lori B.

    It doesn't sound like it's any of their business -- it's not like you're talking 
    about dropping out of school or anything.  It doesn't sound like you're limiting 
    yourself any more than if she were also returning to school in the fall... 
    long-distance relationships seem to end at least as often as short-distance ones.

    I don't understand the remark about "limiting yourself".  Perhaps you just need 
    to sit down and reassure your parents that you will still be meeting new people 
    and making new friends.

    Personally, I don't see the problem.  If one of you meets someone locally that 
    you'd *much much* rather date, you probably will.  Right now you both think that's
    extremely unlikely on both sides, so there's no problem.  But to break up with 
    someone you'd rather continue seeing despite the distance just because others 
    tell you to strikes me as lunacy.  After all, it's your life, your phone bills,
    and you that would be the one having any regrets!

	Sharon

    "They say we're young and we don't know..."
    
    What they don't say is that those who are older don't necessarily know
    any better. Sure, there's a good chance that one or both of you will
    experience a change of feelings - but maybe you won't.
    
    As .2 mentioned, a key thing here is not to shut off the rest of your
    life while you're waiting - and that's good advice no matter what age
    you are or how far apart you and your loved one may be. Make new
    friends and socialize with existing ones, and encourage your
    long-distance paramour to do the same; it'll help pass the time while
    you're apart, and when you call or write it'll give you something to
    talk about besides how much you miss each other.
    
    -b

    My son who is now 20 has a girlfriend who is 17.  They met 2 years ago
    in high school and fell in love.  When my son graduated and was
    accepted at Flagler college in St Augustine, FLA., his girlfriend's
    parents got transferred to Portland, Oregon.  They did not break up. 
    It has been difficult for the both of them.  In December they both 
    decided to see other people, simply because she is going to be a 
    senior in high school and they agreed that she should not miss out on
    everything that goes on in your senior year of HS and Jamie should be 
    experiencing the college lifestyle.
    
    This does not mean that they do not love each other and sometime in the
    future they will either live together or get married.  
    
    Believe it or not they visit each other frequently.  He was out in
    Oregon for a month and she was out here for a month.  Next spring we
    are all going out there for her graduation.
    
    My hsuband was skeptical of all this and I explained he had to look
    back and see how he felt at they age.  How soon we forget.  We
    encouraged both kids to look at every angle and what they decided we
    would support.  Because of this we are all friends and everyone is
    somewhat happy.
    
    Do Not let this slip through your fingers.  If you love one another go
    for it.  It will all work out one way or another.
    
    Nancy

    My husband and I were long-distance for our first year.  It was very
    hard, and at a point we had to decide whether or not it was worth all
    the trouble.  We decided it was and I eventually moved to Maryland to
    be with him.
    We met when we were 19 and 20.  Since we were happy together, we were
    in no rush to get married.  I think that was smart of us.  My family
    has a bad track record when it comes to marriage, and I think I wanted
    to be sure.  We just got married in May, after dating for 7 years.
    Don't be in a rush to get married, just enjoy being together.  Maybe
    that will help the parents with the situation.

    I would not make a decision based soley upon what your parents feel,
    but I would listen to what they have to say and consider it. 
    
    My husband and I went together for many years (we met in High School.) 
    When he went to college (a couple of hours away) my parents did not
    think we should continue to see each other exclusively.  We decided we
    did not want to see other people and we went together throughout
    college and a couple of years after that.  We've been married for a
    couple of years now and I am certainly glad that we remained together. 
    There are things that you will miss out on because your girlfriend
    won't be with you and it may get to the point where it is not worth it. 
    Don't be afraid to break it off if you come to that point.  
    
    I think the most important agreement we had was that if one of us
    decided we would like to date other people that would be honest about
    that and inform the other before we went out.  This was only to be fair
    so that one person was not staying home on Saturday night while the
    other was out dating.  (I don't recommend staying home on Saturday
    nights - but at the college age sometimes all your friends will be out
    on dates and not interesting in a group activity.)
    
    Good luck!  We were not as far apart as you will be, but it was
    definetly worth the wait for us.  We both have the letters we wrote to
    each other during those times.  It is a special treat to go back and
    read those notes!  Best of luck to both of you - in another year you
    may want to change your geographical location to be closer together. 
    
    

There's another way to look at the situation. Could the reason that your
family is so unsupportive be that they don't approve of your girlfriend for
some reason? I just got the feeling from the basenote that your parents and
sister are making excuses, trying to discourage you from getting involved with
her.

Maybe they're not worried that you'll get hurt by the distance of the 
relationship... maybe they're worried that you'll get caught up with
someone they don't like. It's just a thought. I don't mean to be negative, it's
just something to look out for.

- Jim