| Oh my lord, where *can* I begin!
I feel that I was lucky in that I was brought up by parents
who felt every individual had worth in our society and had
something special to offer. However, my mother still hoped
that I would grow up and marry a nice Catholic boy and have
lots of nice Catholic children. By the time I got married
my mother simply hoped for a man who believed in a religion
without multiple deities. I was *not* moldable material.
What I've run up against in life were mostly prejudice regarding:
1.) Being a woman;
2.) Being a smart woman (dangerous);
3.) Being a smart and fairly attractive woman (something I gather
I had no right to be);
4.) Not being blond (that only happened once).
The one item all these have in common seems to be the fact that
I am a woman. I have always tended to have a chip on my shoulder
regarding this fact, which has gotten me in trouble on more than
one occasion. Part of the problem seems to be that I have a knack
for getting myself involved in "non-traditional" fields. For example,
in college I studied television. Anchorperson, not me! I wanted
to be a cameraperson! And eventually a director! This was basically
unheard of at the time. And I was either ignored or given token
assignments, except for a couple of professors who believed in me
and challenged my abilities. And I carted cameras on every occasion,
surprising many males in my classes that a woman who didn't look
like a gorilla could carry, set up, and manage-very-well-thank-you
complex video and audio equipment. This gave many men the impression
that I was a "smart women." Evidently, "smart women" are dangerous.
They have awful things like wit and sarcasm. They even know what
those words mean. And they can carry on an intelligent conversation
on all kinds of interesting topics. They can even make you look
like an incompetent fool if you insist on talking about football
all night. It seems that I was of the even more deadly variety
the "fairly attractive smart woman." This species was even worse.
They fooled you first by being attractive, and then sprang the brains
on you later. I met a lot of people in college who thought I was
supposed to be homely because I had brains, as if God didn't see
fit to give a woman both. Perhaps I should've gone to a better
college.... Needless to say, I didn't date much. I will say, however,
that the relationships I did have were with wonderful men who helped
*me* break a lot of my "all men are..." stereotypes. I still keep
in touch with some of them.
This is a bit disjointed, but I haven't talked about this for a
long time. It hits a bit close to home. I got beat up a lot in
junior high (by other girls) because I was smart. I was hated by
most of the "popular crowd" in high school because I was smart.
Boys didn't like me because I was smart. What a revelation I had,
when I starting dating my first boyfriend, that he liked my because
I had a wide variety of interests and could carry on a conversation!
Because I was unique! That sort of changed my perceptions a bit.
Most of what I had experienced did hurt because I was (and still
am) a very social animal. But after that point, I insisted on dating
people that had qualities I admired. I felt better, and I had more
fun! It seems in most cases, mediocraty is rewarded in high school
and college. The closer you are to the norm, the better they like
you. Oh, they admire you sure, but they never call on Friday nights...
Anyway I thought all that was behind me when I got out of college.
But no, the interviews had started. In televisionland I had a
difficult time convincing people I wanted to be a camerperson.
I recall one interview where the interviewer seems a bit surprised
when I entered the room that I was a woman (Mary-Michael is evidently
gender-confusing). The position was for an AV center at a college.
I would be maintaining, running and using video equipment for college
productions. Great, I thought, right up my alley. This man refused
to believe I had any skills. He came right out and said to me,
"you don't want this job." He didn't think I could handle a camera.
He didn't think I could life heavy equipment. I said, "you have
a studio, let's try." About half-way through the interview he got
"called out of the office" on "official businesss" and never return.
Later, a friend with connections told me I had been the "token female
interview" and they had hired a male without my qualifications for
the job. I never interviewed for TV again. I made my way through
DEC, and DEC has been wonderful. I've had no problems here whatsoever.
Well, I've rambled enough. That's my story. I hope it makes somebody
feel better.
Mary-Michael
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Whoa nellie!! "Italians are lousy lovers??!!!
Never heard that one before! But then I don't have a hairy chest,
a 90 mile an hour hair do,or any gold chains around my neck.
However I think all of us could add a lot when it comes to being
put down or whatever you want to say.
When I was in high school a few years back, I was a loner so to
speak. My father believed work was fun..Hard work,so every weekend
we would trot out to some forrest and cut wood to split this was
after taking care of the farm we lived on.
All the kids in school never had to worry about feeding the cows
and going into the yard to fetch a chicken for the supper pot. They
couldn't understand why ole poor charlie wore the same pants day
after day!! Heavens! Can you imagine that! I have some very bitter
memories about school..Teachers and peers included.
Then when I started to ride motorcycles Yo citizen! You should
see the reaction. Mask is a very good picture..
Now I wear 3 piece suits...Have a nice place to work..You DEC
people are lucky! And everyone calls me SIR, well almost everyone.
But I remember...Do I remember..and after 22 years it still burns
my ...!
I don't believe I've written this! Never ever brought this up!
Humm Very Interesting.....Now what about Italians?
Arriverdercci.
Cal
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| I wonder whether Pavlov's dog had desire, but I agree that all
the behavior modification I care about begins with desire. Further,
desire to change may begin when we discover that our assumptions
about what is universal have some gaps in them. The first time
I can remember that happening for me was in the Army. I grew up
in the rural south, with all the associated views. As a soldier,
I talked on the radio with a pilot for 6 months without ever meeting
the pilot. I assumed that the pilot was a WASP like me, and that
he was bigger than me and about twice my age. When I finally met
him, he was black, smaller than me, and about my age. We had to
talk for a while before I could accept who he was. Talking to people
on the radio was never the same - I just couldn't conjure up clear
visualizations like I could before. Gradually, my ability to put
people into any sort of universal catagories deteriorated, and I
refused to use available information to protect myself. It now
seems to me that the origins of generalizations and universal
catagories are worth study, so that whatever value may be embedded
in them can had without dragging in negative stuff.
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re: technically competent women,
Wow is right! You can't trap a curious soul into a societal mold.
re: Behavior modification,
Behavior modification has always haunted me as being the machine
which would ultimately devour me if I let it. There have been times when
I have specifically avoided something if I thought I was being tricked
into doing it. I have sometimes allowed myself to have my behavior become
modified, but usually only after convincing myself that the particular
behavior desired was actually the opposite, and that reverse psychology
was being employed to modify me (so I did what I was told - knowing secretly
that it was actually the opposite of what was really intended to happen).
If this sounds a bit paranoid, then I'm sorry, but having been raised
by two experts of behavior modification (both PHD's in Educational Adminis-
tration), I learned long ago when I was being modified, and when I wasn't.
Fortunately, my parents were only trying to do what was "best" for me
(according to the "experts"), and in the long run, I survived quite well.
I have witnessed those, however, who have not survived as well, and have
since ended-up in mental institutions which would make "The Cuckoo's Nest"
look like kindergarten! These people would usually either be coerced, or
would voluntarily "check-in" to one of these mental institutions, and most
are probably still there to this day (BTW - if you think they don't use
electro-shock, and/or really hard drugs in these places to "modify behav-
ior" anymore, then I've got some news for you!).
The only reason I bring this up is that sometimes the behavior mold-
making machinery isn't quite what it's cracked-up to be, and people can
end-up being mis-classified all the way through life until they are chan-
nelled off to some obscure corner where they can no longer bother anyone
(even if there was absolutely nothing wrong with them other than being
misunderstood to begin with).
For this reason, I would prefer a kind of Laissez-Faire approach to
behavior modification in which those who want guidance can get it, but
those who don't then let them be. Like my Great-Grandfather still says:
"When it comes to raisin' kids, there'll always be some who need all the
care and attention you can give them, but then there'll also be others
who just seem to grow like weeds". I think this applies to sex-roles as
well as any other societal roles which exist.
-davo
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