Conference quark::human_relations-v1

1264.0. "Love and maturity -- "Love Test"" by ZPOVC::INDO01::AVN5 (A Buddhist novice) Thu May 21 1992 14:56

    Hi,
    
    I recently read an interesting book titled "Love Test". The author is
    Harold Bessel, Ph.D, a psychologyst from USA. In his book he proposes
    that a love relationship between two people consists of two important
    aspects:
    1. Romantic Attraction
       This is the "chemical". It is a biopsychological force that exists
       between two people who are attracted to each other. It either exists
       or not exists; if it exists nothing can make it vanish, and vice
       versa, if it doesn't, nothing can invite it. Certainly, there is a
       borderline cases, where it is there but "just there".
    
    2. Emotional Maturity
       Bessel thinks this is more important. It is the degree of how far
       can a person adapts to many situations and solves his/her problems.
       It consists of:
       - awareness
       - ability to relate with others
       - competence
       - integrity
       Bessel regards this as more important as many cases happen that the
       romantic attraction does exist but the people are so immature that
       they think they are not meant for each other. 
    
    So, in Bessel's proposal, an ideal couple is the one that has strong
    romantic attraction, and the parties involved are reasonably mature
    people.
    
    I like this idea, and do think this is a solid argumentation. Any
    comments on this?
    
    Regards,
    Fung Siong - Indonesia

    Fung Siong,
    
    There's an old saying, "The Greeks had a word for it."
    
    In this case, the Greeks had two words.  Concept 1 is expressed as
    "eros", and concept 2 is expressed as "agape".  Both translate into
    English (loosely) as "love".
    
    I've come to the conclusion that truelove requires both.
    
    							Ann B.

    One point to mention about Bessel's theory: there is no way we can
    "create/invent" love if the chemical is not there. However, I also hear
    many people say that love can grow from casual friendship, if there is
    sufficient care and attention between the couple involved. Does it mean
    that two people who relate often, although at first there is no
    romantic attraction involved, may eventually fall in love with each
    other? Or is it just a "buried love" just discovered after a long
    association?
    
    Fung Siong 8-)