| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 1230.1 | | VMSSG::NICHOLS | It ain't easy being green | Mon Jan 20 1992 17:43 | 17 |
| Two years ago I decided that I would give myself two years and then
'check out' if things hadn't improved. At the time it felt like a very
sensible decision. Fortunately things have improved and I can't imagine
feeling that way again. Why I felt the need to 'check out' is
irrelevant, but the use of those words is very scarey to me.
I strongly urge you to seek out some individual therapy. If you work in
on a large site, there is probably some EAP help available through the
site nurses.
A room-mate checked out about 30 years ago. It is very, very serious
business. He couldn't live with his pain any longer.
Facing the cause of your pain, may cause you even more pain; may
reinforce or even solidify the check-out option. But then again
maybe it won't...
herb
|
| 1230.2 | Sure it's tough but... | VINO::MACNEIL | | Mon Jan 20 1992 17:59 | 12 |
|
If it looks like your spouse is going to move out of state and take
the kids, you have to get a lawyer to ask the court to prevent this.
In Massachusetts, the court can decide that the kids should not be
moved out of state away from you.
Just get through today and remind yourself that the kids are going
to need you for a long time to come. My separation from my kids was
the most painful part of my divorce. I hurt a lot for a long time.
After many months had passed, I realized that the divorce was not only
the end of many things but also a beginning and a chance to start over.
J.
|
| 1230.3 | | PROXY::HOPKINS | Volunteers add that special touch | Mon Jan 20 1992 18:15 | 5 |
| Divorce is very painful BUT before you decide to "end it all" think
long and hard about what damage your suicide could do to your children.
Also, the previous note is correct. When I got divorced I was told I
couldn't leave the state with my child unless I got "permission" from
the court. This is in Massachusetts.
|
| 1230.4 | Only by living can you find happiness | DSTEG::SHEEHAN | | Mon Jan 20 1992 20:07 | 25 |
|
First I think you have to get the idea if suicide out of your head! No matter
how bad the pain is right now it is only in your mind. I know its hard to
get your mind on other things right now but if you try you may find that only
you can hurt yourself emotionally. Look at yourself and say its not me but
rather the woman I chose to marry. Also realize that approx.75% of second
marriages end up in divorce. This is mainly due to people choosing another
spouse who has a lot of the same characteristics of their first spouse. So
pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Now look at your marriage and you'll
probably realize some real similarities with your first marriage and why it
failed. So its time to change either yourself or your choice in women. Either
way you will will survive and life will get better after you realize that only
you can make your life better and in time happier. Be your own best friend
its time to be a little selfish and do things that will make you happy. Think
of your marriage as a success because you brought children into this world
who love you and I'm sure you love them. You will survive! There is a book
that I would recomend reading called "Why Relationships fail & how to live
through the ending of yours"
Have Faith in God and Happiness will follow!
Neil....
Call me if you need a friend to talk to. I'm going through this ordeal myself!
|
| 1230.5 | | MILKWY::ZARLENGA | a kinder, gentler hooligyn | Mon Jan 20 1992 22:04 | 8 |
|
Listen to the others here who say SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP.
I'm not a big fan of psychiatrists and psychologists by any
stretch, but this is one time when they can really make a
difference.
GET PROFESSIONAL HELP AND GET IT SOON.
|
| 1230.6 | Your Kids Need you | LARVAE::HAWKINS_B | Secretaries do it in Minutes | Tue Jan 21 1992 12:31 | 29 |
| Suicide would be terrible legacy to leave your children. I'm sure they
would feel that you couldn't have loved them if you could leave them
like that.
Take it from one who really knows, whose been there, it just aint worth
it!
Don't look on your marriage break up as failure - we all learn a lot
from every relationship we have and this helps us as we go along life's
way. How can you be a failure when you have two kids you love - that's
success.
Talk to someone - even if its only a good friend, as long as they'll
listen it will help you.
I live in England so there's no way a parent could take a child to live
too far away without the consent of the other parent or permission from
the courts - I hope its the same where you live - check.
It will take time to feel better, but believe me, the only way is up.
Take care of yourself and through all the pain, think of the kids and
how you must keep going for their sakes, if not your own, then one day
you;ll realise it's not hurting so much.
luv,
Brenda
|
| 1230.7 | | LEZAH::BOBBITT | megamorphosis | Tue Jan 21 1992 19:59 | 14 |
|
go back and read .5 again, for me.
Find friends who can help sustain you.
Take care of yourself, and realize that there's something BEYOND all
the bleakness you're seeing.
Realize that you are a wonderful human being, whatever the
circumstances you are surrounded by right now, and that the gifts that
are uniquely yours will vanish if you snuff it.
-Jody
|
| 1230.8 | Take It Easy | LUDWIG::TRAVIS | | Wed Jan 22 1992 15:42 | 16 |
| It is not wrong to feel as depressed as you are
(with thoughts of suicide) because of what is happening
to you. You want this marriage to work because your
first one failed, you're having problems with it plus
all the emotions that are involved with your spouse, etc..
(Most sensitive people have experienced similar feelings
at some point in their lives because of different circumstances).
Come to understand why it is exactly you're feeling bad.
I think counseling by yourself would be good where you
can distance yourself somewhat from the marriage and take
a better look at yourself.
Hang in there.
Bill
|
| 1230.9 | | TNPUBS::C_MILLER | | Thu Jan 23 1992 15:12 | 25 |
| I recently went through a personal crisis that left me with similar
self-doubt about why I was being put through this living hell. Everyone
and everything in my daily life was awful and I felt totally alone with
my pain. What helped me get out of the pit of doom were friends and
family who put up with me and stuck by me through the healing process.
It has taken me nearly 7 months to feel positive and hopeful again. Is
there anyone in your life who can listen without being judgemental; who
can find humor in situations that you find upsetting; who has gone
through something similar and has recovered?
Right now your self-esteem, confidence, and hope are gone. Until you
start to feel better about yourself, the healing process will not
begin. Read books (self-help, psychology sections of any local
bookstore) and start to understand yourself. Why you react the way you
do, why you choose the type of companions you do etc... throwing in the
towel is just too easy! c'mon, the fact you posted this note means you
don't want to "end it" but want help. As I've said a hundred times
before in this notesfile, READ this FILE from beginning to end (even
the backdated entries). There are so many wonderful responses and
people who feel as you do that you'll no longer feel alone.
Trust me, once you poke your head out and see a faint glimmer at the
end of the tunnel, you'll not only be stronger, but you will NEVER let
yourself get into a situation like this again. I know I won't. Take
care.
|
| 1230.10 | | SENIOR::JANDROW | | Thu Jan 23 1992 19:58 | 22 |
|
Hi. I can't tell you how to get thru you pain. This is in reference
to your thoughts of suicide. My stepmonster left my father when I was
15. It was a rather bitter thing. My father almost lost it. In fact,
I distinctly remember the nite when he was laying on the couch saying
if he couldn't have her, he didn't want to be around. I pleaded thru
tears and screams for him to get a grip and to realize that he had my
brother and myself. This went on for most of the night. I finally
called the woman and she called the police and they came down and
calmed things a little. The point I am trying to make is that even tho
my dad didn't call it quits, and it happened over 6 years ago, I have
never forgiven him for it. He doesn't know I feel this way, and I'm
not sure he remembers it happening. You have 2 kids you love dearly.
If you can't make it thru for yourself, make it thru for them. Don't
put them thru what I almost experienced (and what I am sure others
have). Good luck to you and take it one day at a time. You're in my
prayers.
-raquel
|
| 1230.11 | Been there... | ESGWST::RDAVIS | Bicycle Seeks Fish | Thu Feb 06 1992 20:52 | 16 |
| I'm with Mike Z. on this one. These are exactly the circumstances
under which EAP and counseling services are to be used. Use them as
quickly as possible.
One important thing they'll probably address is:
> Most people have a reserve of strength that they can tap in tough
> times. For a variety of reasons, I don't feel that I have that.
> I feel like the well is dry.....I don't feel capable of dealing
> with this.
You're not abnormal; you're not pathetically weak; you're human. You
feel like your world caved in because it did. Don't load blame on
yourself just because you're having a hard time dealing with it.
Ray
|
| 1230.12 | On the edge | QUARK::MODERATOR | | Sat Feb 29 1992 14:06 | 49 |
| The following reply has been contributed by a member of our community
who wishes to remain anonymous. If you wish to contact the author by
mail, please send your message to QUARK::MODERATOR, specifying the
conference name and note number. Your message will be forwarded with
your name attached unless you request otherwise.
Steve
Life is precious. I never knew that until I went through my
divorce. Something happens inside of a person when their
world falls around them. Everything becomes shattered glass.
I understand and relate to how you feel because I was there.
I'm still there sometimes -- recovery is slow and often
unbearable...One of the things that worked for me was to
notice life's gifts. It may sound silly but I was so con-
sumed with my "bad" marriage that I didn't notice the
obvious beauty around me; after seperation I began to
see the color of the sky, the change of the seasons,
the renewal of life in nature. Go to a park at lunchtime
in the Spring and watch the children play--it will help you
hang on for another day. Do something that you have always
wanted to do but never could because of obligations or lack
of self-esteem. Remind yourself that you are alive and like
others have said "Your children need you" "Your children love
you" Seek out people if only to listen to conversation or a
joke. Try to laugh during the day at least once--again it
will help you hang on for another day. When its real bad--
do it one hour at a time. When in doubt--go to sleep or
mesmorize yourself with the tube. See your children--as much
and as often as possible. They need you now more than ever
before for they already feel they have lost you...tell them you
love them over and over again--it will help you love yourself
in the middle of the cloud. And as others have said--Get yourself
a good therapist--mine has worked wonders and continues to.
As a mother of two I want to teach my children not to be quitters!
So.. I couldn't quit on myself. You can't either...
Tons of people told me it would get better--I didn't believe any of
them -- but you know they were/are right...
One day at a time my friend,
|
| 1230.13 | | RAVEN1::PINION | Hard Drinking Calypso Poet | Thu Mar 05 1992 19:19 | 11 |
| How ya doing, Anonymous? How are you feeling? Good I hope!!!
I'm not going to say anything new here except to urge you to listen to
what these people have said and to tell you some of my personal
experience with suicide. Someone in my family checked out some 20
years ago and waves from that action are still reaching shore. It
would affect everyone you know dramatically. I hope you see a reason
to hang-on, because things will get better. It might not feel like it,
but just remember...it'll get better; it's inevitable. A long as you
don't give up!! If you need anything, feel free to write. :-)!!!!!!!
Scott
|