Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Yes, I know of a family who had a boy from Germany... the boy used to
    bring his girl friends into the house to sleep with him... and the
    family had pretty stright rules within the family (absolutely no sex
    outside marriage) so there was a bit of trouble... my friend 'caught'
    them in bed, so she called the girl's mother and told her to come and
    get her daughter out of her house!
    There was hard feelings with the boy...ever since.

      I had an exchange student from Italy ten years ago through the AFS
      program.  We have a wonderful relationship and I love her as if
      she were my own daughter (she still calls me "Mom").  As a matter of 
      fact, my husband and I travelled to Italy two years ago to go to her
      wedding!

      There were a lot of factors, though, that made this such a special
      relationship.  I don't have any kids of my own and Elena came from 
      a dysfunctional family.  Her father travelled and lived all over 
      Europe and Africa (ostensibly for his job) and her mother was abusive.
      To make a long story short, we both knew when she got off that bus in
      August of 1981 and we hugged for the first time that we had something
      very special.

      Unfortunately, there were other families that year that did not have
      such a great experience.  I'm convinced that part of having a good
      experience is purely the "luck of the draw."  You have to realize that 
      most of these kids come from wealthy families - they have to pay 
      the equivalent of about $2000 to come here for the year - and they can
      be very spoiled, independent and demanding.  

      For example, my best friend and her family hosted a student from Austria 
      last year.  When my friend explained the family rules (take turns cleaning
      the bathroom, keep your room clean, help with the dishes, be considerate
      of others by keeping the stereo to a dull roar, etc), the student said,
      "What is this?  A prison?"  The student had already graduted from 
      school in Austria, so the school year here meant nothing to her. Con-
      sequently, she never studied and was bored out of her mind in class.
      (European students also tend to be miles ahead of our kids in school.)
      
      In my opinion, though, this match of family and student was a mistake
      from the beginning.  The student was from an extremely active, athletic 
      family and my girlfriend and her family are very sedentary and very
      rearly go anywhere.  It's important that you and the student have the 
      same interests.  (The student ended up going to another family in 
      January, by the way.)

      Before this gets any longer...if you want to talk about it some more,
      send mail (cupmk::lehrer) or call DTN: 264-7231 (Merrimack, NH).

      Ellen

      P.S.  My neighbors just got a student from Yugoslavia last Wednesday.
            Can't wait to see how that goes!

       
         

    I was an exchange student myself -some 16 years ago- from Istanbul,
    Turkey to Scarsdale, New York through the AFS Intercultural
    International Programs. Certainly, it was the most valuable year of my
    life. I still correspond with and visit my host family.
    
    What is important in these exchange programs is the quality of the
    experience the exchange organization provides. There are many exchange
    programs around these days, and I am afraid many of them are "fly-by-
    night" tourism organizations who are out there to make quick boxs.
    Whereas what differentiates a good sojourn experience from a poor one
    is the amount of importance the exchange organization provides to the 
    the support, on-going orientation, and the screening and placement process.
    
    In the field of cross-cultural psychology, an "intercultural learning
    experience" is defined as; "a new learning situation, where learners of
    different cultural backgrounds are helped to see their differences as
    resources to draw from and to gain an awareness of self rather than end
    up as deviations from established norms, one where each culture is explained
    in the context of others through a process that situmulates doubts
    about self, curiosity for others and understanding of the interaction
    between the two. Such a process should involve the learners
    intellectually as well as emotionally".
    
    Hence that both the exchange student (or sojourner) and the hosts are
    "learners" in this process. Therefore, it is not really important to
    have a "German" student (who is, let's elaborate, a great soccer
    player, loves to play bridge and chess, speaks fluent English, belongs
    to the same Faith and comes from a family where both of his parents work 
    in the computer industry !) who would match our preconceived notions but 
    to have a "sojourner" who has realistic expectations about his/her 
    exchange year and who is "compatable" with your host family/community
    and culture.
    
    And of course, it is equally important to find out about the
    organization that provides the exchange; i.e. what kind of screening,
    selection and placement process they use; how many/what kind of
    orientation (pre-departure/post-arrival, during and end-of-the stay)  
    do they provide; and their support/counceling system.
    
    If what you are considering is an AFS Program, I would definitely
    recommend it.
    
    Murat 

    We had an AFSer from Spain several years ago.  It was a WONDERFUL
    experience; Marisa was (and is) an exceptional person.  FWIW, we had
    practically no commonality with her growing up experience; as someone
    mentioned before, part of the idea is to be open to living the
    DIFFERENCES between the cultures.
    
    We are still Mom and Dad to her, and she'll be our "daughter" forever. 
    Through her we have made many contacts in Spain with other wonderful
    young people and their families.  We've also been twice to Spain to
    visit and have been treated royally, even though none of the families
    involved is wealthy.
    
    BTW, I've been involved with AFS in one capacity or another since 1955
    in high school when I got involved with bringing some of the first AFS
    kids to the school.  My sister went to India as an AFSer, and we are
    still counted as part of her Indian extended family.  My wife went to
    the Philippines as an AFSer, and we met primarily because of an AFS
    connection.
    
    It doesn't always go as well as my experience has been; people will
    insist on being people and on having differences which are difficult to
    reconcile.  This is recognized by AFS, and they always have back-up
    plans for students in their care.  There are no guarantees, but the
    benefits are well worth the risk.  Call me on DTN 227-3900 if you want
    more info.
    
    Regards,
    
    Bill

    I have hosted several Japaneese students for short terms in language
    training. It was an experience well worth the effort. I learned as much
    if not more than they did. I would do it again, in a New York second! 
    
    My sister hosts an exchange student every year from all over the world.
    Her last was from Australia The boy she has this year is from Scotland.
    All the students are very intellegent and well mannered. They are here
    because they want to be here. They seldom get involved in areas that
    they shouldn't. All are amazed with how our qualitity of life is so
    good. My sister already has five children, all the students have been
    wonderful with them. There is never a question of how things will be.
    Each student is different, but all are appreciative for the
    hospitility. Most negative experiences that I have heard of, were with
    families that *I* would not want to live with myself. Others didn't
    understand the customs of thier guests, IE: the Japaneese are paying
    you the highest compliment by being noisy eaters.