Conference quark::human_relations-v1

 RE .1
 "A clean toilet, equipped with a furry seat cover." 

These darn things wont let the seat stay up and have been known in some 
cases to fall down and hurt a man's "Morton"* a painful and embarassing 
thing to have happen.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
* For more information on Mortons see Dave Barry's Article:

Note 623.0       Alarming news for the bureau of medical alarms.  

"The article contains the following quotations, which we swear we are 
not making up, although for reasons of tastefulness, the bodily part 
will be referred to as ``Morton'' (not its real name): "

The Dave Barry Notes file maybe found on 
HYDRA::DISK$USERPACK02:[NOTES$LIBRARY]DAVE_BARRY 
or add to you list of notes files by pressing Key Pad Number 7.

>                      <<< Note 1118.2 by SAINT::STCLAIR >>>

>The Dave Barry Notes file maybe found on 
>HYDRA::DISK$USERPACK02:[NOTES$LIBRARY]DAVE_BARRY 
>or add to you list of notes files by pressing Key Pad Number 7.
        
        Psst!   Confidentially,  just between you and me - it's wise to
        check by a 'show note' that the KP7 selection has the node name
        spelled correctly.
        
        Andy
        

Opp those silly fingers got a head of me. I think its fixed now. %^)

    typical "bachelorette" pad has...
    
        Lots of cats or cat art...
    
        Ladie's Home Journal and Woman's Day magazines...
    
        Enough makeup to supply the cosmetic counter at Nordstrom's...
    
        Rows of shoes that even Imelda would take pride in...
    
        Everything in the refrigerator is preceded by the word "Diet..."
    
        Tools consist of a hammer, sewing-machine screwdriver and
        tweezers...
     
        Laundry supplies include fabric softener and special fabric
        cleaners...
     
        There is often a different kind of soap for face than for body...
    
        They own dental floss...
    
        They own panty liners...
    
        Pillow cases have frills along the edges...
    
        Stereo equipment is a Sears integrated unit...
    
        Shopping list includes restaurants to be taken to...
    
        They own a loofa sponge...
    
        They own a vacuum cleaner and a broom and a mop...
    
        There is a pile of knitting and knitting needles in a basket...
    
        There is a photo of Tom Cruise on the refrigerator door...
    
        There is a nail file and nail polish on the kitchen table...
    
        Their clothes may have days of the week written on them...
    
        There is an index card file somewhere on the premises...
    
        The plant guarding the door is a well-fed brute...
    
        The doors have four sets of dead-bolts...
    
        They have a bathroom scale...
    
        They own an iron and ironing board...
    
    Frederick
    

    Well, I've got an index card file and some cats... My makeup collection
    consists of fake blood, scar wax, and temporary tattoos, and my
    magazine rack holds "Murder Can Be Fun". My refrigerator holds Dos
    Equis instead of Diet Anything. 
    
    I don't use my ironing board. 
    
    But my pillowcovers do have frills on them.
    
    Hmmm...
    
    -b

    Frederick,
    
    Change that comment about knitting to:  "Some kind of needlework,
    and a special container to put it in." so that it covers quilting
    strips, tatting shuttles, mending... but doesn't promise that
    the stuff is IN the container.
    
    						Ann B.

    ....live plants, some hanging.
    
    ....a constantly clinking message light on the answering machine.
    
    ....phone calls from numerous males at obscene hours of the evening.
    
    ....pantihose everywhere.
    
    ....photos of every guy she's ever dated.
    
    ....walls covered in "hunks" posters.
    
    and on and on and on...
    
    Barb

    	The more I read this note and its counterpart, the more I'm
    starting to believe I'm really a bachelor! 

    ;^)

    	amy

    I'm with Amy....although I have been cleaning up lately....like all my
    dishes are done....although the fridge needs work....
    
    I have no hunks on my walls...only bizarre B&W photography, surrealist
    paintings and a couple oriental works.....
    
    I don't have a lot of shampoo....but I guess I have a ton of
    shoes....probably because I've been accumulating them for about 8-10
    years....
    
    And I've got a Bang & Olufsen turntable with about 300 underground
    punk records.....
    
    I have real furniture though...and everything is color coordinated...
    
    I don't think I fit anywhere.  That's fine with me...
    
    Lisa

    This is hysterical!  :-)
    
    Well - I'm definitely not typical...except for the shoes and the frilly
    pillow covers.
    
    Keep it up, Guys, this is great stuff!  
    
    Nanci

    The limp celery and carrots in the veggy crisper....
    
    (which is a strange name for that drawer... I'ver never seen anything
    get crisp in it yet!)
    
    The little beard trimmings on the back of the sink that sort of
    accumulate no matter how hard you try to get them down the drain.
    
    The colletion of flattened toothpaste tubes in the medicine chest.
    
    The shirts hanging in the bath room in hopes that the steam from the 
    hot showers will remove the wrinkles when I don't feel like ironing.
    (but never does so I get disqusted with the whole idea and wear it 
    anyhow.)
    
    The oven lined in blackened reynolds aluminum foil that smokes every 
    time I turn it on.
    
    The collection of paper scraps and matchbook covers with names and
    numbers scrawled across them by the telephone.
    
    The TV with only one decent channel you keep in the living room in case
    a girl wants to stay late/overnight and watch the tube with you.
    
    The worn out pillow on the sofa where I rest my weary head whenever I 
    come home that I should through out but have had so long I just can't 
    bring myself to do so.
    
    The pile of old worn out clothing that I never wear anymore setting in
    the corner in case I run out of clean cloths or need to wear them for 
    an emergency repair on my car.
    
    The list is endless!
    
    Skip

    RE: <<< Note 1118.12 by TRACTR::HOGGE "Dragon Slayer For Hire...Crispy!" >>>

>    The little beard trimmings on the back of the sink that sort of
>    accumulate no matter how hard you try to get them down the drain.
 
         Skip, please tell me you intended this for the "...bachelor's..."
    topic.  
    
                                      Greg   
    

    re .12,
    
    I'm confused... I thought Skip was a guy...
    
    
    re .5 - Ladies Home Journal and Women's Day mags,
    
    Geesh Frederick, just how _old_ are these bachelorettes you know?
    
    Kb.:-)
    

    three or more cats...

I'm with Amy... I must be a guy!


but to add to the confusion...


A wardrobe full of unwearable clothes in assorted sizes....

*several* laundry baskets (one for dirty, one for clean, one for carring wet 
stuff out to the line)

shoes under the stairs, in the kitchen, in the living room, on the bedroom floor

an empty shoe rack in the wardrobe (see above)

drawers of yucky coloured nail varnish and lipstick, broken eyeshadows, odd
earings, broken necklaces

a cupboard full of shampoos and conditioners bought out of habit at EVERY visit
to the supermarket



then add all the slob habits from the "bachelor notes"

clothes all over the floor
dust (with clean bits under the objets d'art)
an empty fridge
a freezer full of unidentifiable "leftovers"



Xtine "Female slob!"

    OOOOOOPS!!!!!!!!!  Looks like I'm pushing the wrong buttons again...
    
    Yeap I got it in the wrong place... but I have to admit I've this aunt
    that has the same problem so maybe I should leave it here.
    
    Skip (a guy)
    

    re: .14? (Karendipity)
    
         WHat are you doing in here?  ;-)  (I bet you somehow don't have
    a typical bachelorette's apartment!)  :-)
    
    
         I don't know *how* old they are...but it has never ceased to 
    amaze me that I could never figure them out (age-wise or any other
    way...)
    
    Frederick
    

    You never know where we'll turn up!
    
    Hee-hee!
    
    :-)
    
    Nanci

    Hi Frederick...!
    
    > What are you doing in here? ;-)
    
    S u r p r i s E !!!  
    
    You never know where we'll turn up, right Nanci? :-) :-)
    
    And you're right Fred, I don't have a typical bachelorette's apartment.
    I'm not sure how I'd classify it :-)  It's some kind of hodgepodge
    consisting of a library, nature artifacts, off-line mail messages,
    albums, CD's, personal journals, musical instruments, and artist 
    supplies...oh yes, and aromatherapy oils.
    
    *Nice* seein' ya here,
    
    Kdpty (short for Karendipity :-))

    ...Flannel Jammies under the bed pillow
              and a silk teddy in the back corner of the closet.
    ...Carrots and skim milk in the fridge
              and double-stuff oreos stashed in the linen closet.
    ...House Beautiful, Colonial Homes, and Gourmet magazines 
                  on the coffee table
                       and Cosmo under the couch.
    
            

    
    Re: -1
    
    Well, I've seen most of the other things in this note but I've *never*
    seen that!!! :-)
    
    Sam
    

Re: .24

It depends on the brand, doesn't it?  The ones I've seen most often are not
circular but elliptical, and would perhaps only serve as a spoon rest.

		Steve

    Hmmmmm I must be a guy too... funny.... I have bulges in the wrong
    places. :-)
    
    of course having a 7 year old daughter tends to mess up more what would
    normally be a rather messy apartment anyway...
    
    so I'm not a good housekeeper... sue me. :-)
    
    no ironing board
    a multi-component stereo system (two tape decks, turntable, tuner, cd
    player)
    two vcrs
    a set of encyclopedias
    unmade beds with various articles of clothing scattered throughout the
    place
    2 cats (one who likes to sleep on top of the kitchen cupboards so no
    one can get her)
    a coat closet with more plastic bags and kitty litter in it than coats
    and boots/shoes
    boxes boxes boxes
    a dining table that is in the living room because the boxes still
    occupy most of the dining area
    shredded paper towels under the sink (from the cats)
    magazines, newspapers and other paper items taking up all flat
    surfaces
    no make-up
    wastebasket in every room (mostly full cuz the kid isn't earning her
    allowance these days)
    nik-nak shelf complete with semi-dusty nik-naks
    glass jar full of m&ms
    
    I could go on for days... :-)

    Update to .-1:
    
    *my* bed is made, at least - daughter's is not... clothes can now only
    be found in the two bedrooms and the living room (but not the dining
    area or kitchen) :-)
    
    the coat closet actually has boots and coats in it now... :-)
    
    the shredded paper towels have been thrown away and the paper towels
    that made it (didn't get clawed to an untimely death) are in a
    different cupboard that the cats can't get into
    
    there are some flat surfaces in the apartment that are bare... oak 
    is such pretty wood... :-)
    
    wastebaskets are empty now... 
    
    and the glass jar with m&ms in it is only half-full now... due to
    daughter having a bunch of friends over yesterday... 
    
    Happy New Year, everyone!

    
    Re -1
    
    Wow!
    What happened?????
    Pre-Christmas/New Year guest paranoia? ;-)
    
    It takes a MAJOR event to spin me into that sort of clean-up!
    'gail

    No, I'm normally paranoid... :-)
    
    and no, it doesn't feel better when it's tidy.  I rather like it when
    it looks unorganized.  When I put things away, I can't find them again.

>    it looks unorganized.  When I put things away, I can't find them again.


	Amen !   

	This happens to me all the time............anyway unorganized
	and clutter makes a place *lived in* and homey   :-)


	kits

    RE: Clutter A quote from A A Milne (who wrote the Pooh Bear books)

    "One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly
    making exciting discoveries."

    			Alfred

    
    	Well I'm not a bachelorette but it did used to drive me
    	nuts when I lived with my parents.  My mom put things away
    	so well, we'd never find it!  Drove dad buggy too.
    
    	JJ
    

    "That's not a mess, that is a *very* sophisticated and complicated
    system of putting things away"
    
    ;-)
    
    Ad