Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    First gut reaction.........
    
    Meet the girl's mother, and see the reaction. If it's good, OK. End
    of problem. If it's bad, then you can, 1) Get out of it, if you think
    what the mother's reaction is is as important as what the girl thinks,
    or 2) The girl has a mind of her own, and if she is really important to
    you than let her make her choice here. If she really cares enough for
    you she'll leave the mother to work out her own problem, while she
    continues her relationship with you. You and the girl, that's thge
    important thing here. What her mother thinks is only a side issue,
    as I see it. Sure, it would be nice if she was OK about it, but......
    
    ....Bob
    

    One of my closest friends in High School (who is white) "shocked"
    everyone and married another friend who was black.  They have now been
    married for almost 10 years, wtih three kids.  
    
    I will admit, though, they went through a lot of prejudice and stress,
    mostly because of the difference in color.  But family and friends who
    care enough can at least try and overcome this difference.
    
    I wish you the best of luck ...
    
    Tammi
    

    Are you from the northeast or the south?  This is probably irrelevant
    to the base note, but where you live really can determine how some
    people will react.  For instance, I lived in Colorado Springs for a few
    months and there seemed to be many inter-racial couples that nobody
    gave a second look to.  But, I've grown up in the northeast and still
    live there, and many people look negatively upon inter-racial couples.
    
    Either way, it is you and your girlfriend who are going to have to live
    with either the acceptance of your relationship, or the unacceptance of
    it.  There are support groups now-adays for everything !!!  Maybe there
    is one in your area that is made up of inter-racial couples.  You might
    want to look into it (it wouldn't hurt).
    
    Just one question....she seems to think that her mother is going to
    react negatively to your being black....how has your family reacted to
    her being white (or don't they know yet either) ?
    

    
    I can't believe what I am hearing...There are still some Archie
    Bunker's in the world? Isn't whether you are a kind, understanding,
    hard-working, loving person more important than the color of your
    skin? Underneath aren't we all the same, really? This girl's family
    better get with the program...some one should let them know this
    is the 90's, not the 60's. If you love her and she has no problem
    with your color, let her family work out their own short-comings.
    
    kristin
    

    re .4
    
    That's quite an oversimplification!
    
    Racism and prejudice are unfortunately still prevalent today.  It's not
    just a case of communicating with both families, but also one of
    addressing prejudices outside of the home.
    
    To the basenoter, you sound like a caring person, and I hope that
    things work out well for all concerned.
    
    Will there ever be a day when we can see the person first, before we
    see race and gender?
    
    Judi
    

    
    Just IMHO - didn't your girlfriend know before she got involved
    with you how her family felt?  For your own good (and hers) make
    sure she's not getting involved with you to try to "get back" at
    her family.  She could be using this relationship in anger.
    
    I don't have any problems with this.  In fact, I dated someone when
    I was in high school who was 1/2 white 1/2 black and my parents
    had a FIT!  I ended up breaking off with him because my brother
    threatened to kill him (and he was not fooling around - you'd have
    to know him BIGOT +).
    
    Just make sure she wants to be with you because she likes you and
    not because her family doesn't...
    
    
    					jean

    to .4... easy on that.  We live in the 90s but I see a delicate
    situation that should be deal with in a very careful way.  Sure they
    love each other (though I detect a bit of hesitancy in the girl,
    waiting to let her mother know...) but think of the problems that
    siblings will get from people around... I personally could not bear the
    sight of my own child suffering humillations for something I DID, the
    world is crude, specially kids toward their own.  A good way to show
    love for a person is not following sex blindly, but doing what is BEST
    for that person...that takes a lot of courage and a lot of maturity
    that not many people at a young age have...
    To the base note I'd say to talk to both her parents and express your
    thoughts in a very honest, straight forward way and see their reaction
    but only after you are very sure of your own thoughts towards your
    friend... don't confuse LOVE with  "crush", "attraction" so easily
    found in adolescents... they "fall in love" and "fall out of love" in
    an amazing way, that is part of our growing up.
    A break of 3 days will do nothing to help either of you. If you break
    with her, you should respect that and do not seek her, it may hurt at
    the begining but...infinitelly less than later on... if as result of
    the relationship there are hurt feelings or even worse, kids that are
    not welcome in either family...think of that.  Do your parents approve
    of you dating a girl of different race? check with them and see their
    reaction before you approach your girl-friend's.
    It is your life and your decision, but we owe some respect to our own
    parents and we all should try to minimize hurting them... after all, we
    only exist just because of them...
    Lots of luck in whatever your decision.
    I'll be thinking of you.  

    But aren't her parents hurting her and all people of other races
    by being so narrow-minded about the color of someone's skin?!! I
    agree you should respect your parents and not hurt them, but you
    have to be strong enough to live your own life by your own beliefs
    and let your parents know you disagree with them, but love them
    just the same... How can we change racism if we all run away from
    inter-racial relationships because it's just too hard on everyone
    involved? If you keep running, it can only get worst.

    
    
    
        
       This makes me want to cry.
    
       To me, people are people. No colors.
    
      
       I really hope everything works out. I don't know what advise
       to give except: Go with your heart.
    
    
    
                    -Jennifer :-(
    

    I heard this one last night...
    
    	We're all members of the same race....the human race
    
    Judi
    

    That's what I've been trying to say all along...underneath the
    different colored skin we are all the same people...It's time
    we find bigotry inexcusable...
    
    kristin

    Re. 5
    
    >> Will there ever be a day when we can see the person first, before
    >> we see race and gender ?
    
    Yes, and that "day" was yesterday. 
    
     FaZari.

    One of my daughters is currently dating several young men of color.
    As her parent, I cannot help but be aware that these young people
    could be facing some problems if any of these relationships becomes
    serious.  A recent example of this was when my daughter's tire was
    slashed because she was with non-white boys.  Reality is that old
    habits and fears die hard, and that some people have a major fear
    of people who are not exactly like they are.  It is a fact of the
    current times, ugly though it is. In my daughter's situation,
    I am totally supportive of her right to make choices, and I would
    welcome any young man who treated my daughter well and kindly, but
    I know that there are other parents out there who do not feel as
    I do and consider inter-racial relationships in a very negative
    light.  What this all adds up to is that the parents cannot decide
    what is best for you.  If your girlfriend is so tied to her parents
    that she cannot make the decision to date you on her own, she may
    not be the right person for you.  The kind of woman you would need
    in such a situation would have to have the inner strength and courage
    to withstand the ugliness both of you will have to face if you follow
    your love.  You will both need to have the courage to stand up for
    what is right and not flinch when abuse and filth is thrown at you.
    You may need to relocate to a more friendly, more accepting area
    of the country (if there is such), and find your life there.  I
    regret that I cannot offer platitudes of everything will be fine,
    but prejudice exists, and probably will for some time.  Unless and
    until inter-racial, inter-cultural marriage becomes the norm rather
    than the exception, these problems will probably exist.  It is
    unfortunate that you may have to be one of the forgers of this type
    of relationship--that you may hear more curses than blessings, but
    it is still "the way it is."  My support and good wishes are with
    you. 
         
    Barb 
                                  
                                 

    Barb-
    
    I just want to say your daughter is one lucky girl to have a mother
    like you....

>    But, I've grown up in the northeast and still            
>    live there, and many people look negatively upon inter-racial couples.
 
Hmm... I always thought northeast is filled with liberals.  What gives?

>    A recent example of this was when my daughter's tire was
>    slashed...

That really sucks.  Did it happen in New England or say Texas?

Eugene

    It's not always the white who are bigots.  My first wife was Chinese...
    Boy talk about a scene from "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner."  My
    first meal with her parents was one of the most stressed periods
    of my life.  It became evident that I was not welcome and the only
    reason they were tolerating me at all was because of some sense
    of "obligation" to the meal.  We married, I was never made a part
    of her family.  I was taboo.  Eventually it came down to me not
    going to see her family at all and finding reasons to leave whenever
    they were coming over to my house.  Not the best way to handle the
    situation but it avoided a lot of stress between them and myself
    and thus saved my wife a lot of grief.  She did so want her family
    to accept me.  Her brother threatened me twice and had to learn
    the hard way that threats didn't work.  
    
    My family had the same attitude at first but after the first year
    of marriage, I ended up in the hospital in a coma after an accident
    in the military (a gentalman broke a oak nightstick over my head
    when I tried to stop a fight one night).  And while in the hospital,
    my mother and my wife got to talking... they sorted things out.
    I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that my wife had been
    there everyday and long into the night with me waiting for something
    to happen and my mother realized just how much we really did care
    for each other.  (Sounds like a romance novel).  Afterwards my father
    came to accept her differences and all went well on my side shortly
    after the accident.  
    
    Her parents never did accept me and when I lost her in an auto
    accident,they made it clear they felt it was all my fault.. even
    though I was some 12,000 miles away overseas when it happened. 
    They never forgave me and forbade me to ever have anything else
    to do with there family after the funeral.  
    
    Her life was filled with a lot of heartache over how her family
    felt about me.  She was strong enough to accept that and keep going,
    It's something to consider though... are you and your girlfriend
    stronge enough to survive without the support of your families?
    
    Can you excist on the love between you knowing in your hearts that
    you may never have the love of your parents again?  
    
    I don't say it's right... I think it's unfair myself that we put
    so damn much significance on racial differences.  I listen to people
    condemn the KKK and what they stand for, then turn around and say
    "God, I'd never let my daughter date one of those" as if the person
    they are referring to is not a human being but some sort of "it".
    I can only respond with "why?" and never bother to stick around
    long enough to hear the answer.  I know in my heart  that there
    is no real answer... just excuses.
    
    I hope you consider some of what I said.  Your situation is far
    more extreme then mine was.  People in general don't think too much
    of a white oriental mixed marriage.  But, a black/white marriage
    is still a very touchy subject in some parts of the country and
    even in places as liberal as California is supposed to be, there
    are prejudice and harrassment over it.  
    
    Skip

    One of the nicest families I know is a black man about my age, his wife
    (white), and their smart and pretty daughter, approximately age 12 or
    so.  They are fun people, gourmet cooks, interested in lots of
    different things, and currently living in the northeast.  I don't know
    what kinds of pressure they've had to face from either family, but they
    sure seem to have a lot of friends (of various races and colors).  I
    recall one weekend we spent at their place helping do a bunch of major
    repair work with several other people.  While the man supervised the
    work crews, the woman cooked a terrific middle eastern dinner (with
    some help from him when he could be spared - it was mostly his
    equipment we were rebuilding at the time so he was pretty busy).  Among
    the goodies the hungry crew devoured after we finished were artichokes
    stuffed with lemony rice.  The daughter, who was about 6 at the time,
    asked where was the butter to dip her artichoke leaves in!  Definitely
    takes after both her folks.

    Re .14
    
    Thanks!
    
    
    Re .15                        
                                  
    No, it happened in Utah, at a Village Inn Pancake House in the middle
    of Salt Lake City to be exact.

    As one who has been married to someone of a different "racial" group, I
    have some experience to share. Initially, there were problems of the
    sort mentioned in the base note: 1. She didn't want to tell her
    parents. 2. When she finally did, the family was angry at her. 3. We
    initially felt drawn to each other, partly out of the perceived
    opposition.
    
    Later, her Mother and I developed a very close relationship, likewise
    with her Father. I am even friends with some of their friends (in their
    "70's). The issues we have between each other are almost never
    associated with our "racial" difference. They are the common issues
    that divide Men and Women, husbands, and wives, etc.
    
    We were both mature when we made our decision, and were willing to deal
    with the problems that might come. Several of our friends of the same
    racial and ethnic origins lost their relationships while we've been
    married. We have friends of several racial groups, and that is not an
    important consideration in our friendships. (We live in So.
    California.)
    
    If your mate is unwilling to confront the issue of the "differentness"
    that you bring to the relationship, it suggests that she would find
    great difficulty dealing with your differences. And, like you, I would
    not want to be involved in a family that is hostile to me. I hope my
    reflections help you. Good luck.
    
    Richard

    My husband was full Cherokee, I am half Cherokee (my mother
    was full blood).  From the time we met and began to date
    his mother disapproved of me... *greatly* disapproved of
    me. I was/am a dreaded "half breed".  After many years
    of nothing but grief from his mother he eventually felt
    it was necessary to remove himself from any communication
    with his family (with the exception of a brother or two).
    When he died in a motorcycle accident his mother blamed
    me, still does actually, for his death.  To me there was
    little or no racial difference between us but others
    did not feel that way, there was nothing I could do or
    say to show them any other way of thinking then the way
    they did/do about Caucasians.  It was very hard for us to
    deal with contempt from his family and friends of his
    family.  The only way we could deal with it was to 
    remove ourselves.  It was hard but we chose
    each other instead of what others thought of us.
    
    I didn't mean to get morose... %-)... I would suggest
    that you and your girlfriend have a very serious and
    honest discssion about how you both feel about all
    that is involved, this way, when you make your
    decisions there is no misunderstanding or resentments
    between you.  This is what Johnny and I did and it
    made a world of difference.  Doing something that
    may cause the disapproval of one's family, no matter
    if it is right or wrong, is tough.
    
    I wish you the best and please keep us posted.
    
    with love,
    cheyenne

    Reply to George...
    "I'm a WASP, have dated, been engaged, to women of different races..."
    
    I detect a few "mistakes" there, if nothing permanent came out of those
    dates and engagements... don't you think? 
    "I think go with your heart and screw the rest of the world." why do I
    detect some resentment in that statement? the World didn't treat you
    too kindly, did it?
    Sorry, but the world is great, only our mistakes make it less great...
    but still, a nice place to live.
    Lots of luck, Ana
    

    Re .0: 
    
    You mentioned that you know that you'll never get married.  I hope that
    in the back of your mind, you believe that there is the possibility
    that things may change, even if highly unlikely.  I'm sure though, that
    you're correctly gauging her parents' convictions, and I wouldn't be
    surprised if you told me that they would forever disown her if she
    married you (something similar happened to someone close to me).  On
    the other hand, I've seen families moderate their opinions through
    time, so don't give up hope.

    I do suggest that if you feel committed enough, that you stay with her
    and give her time to work out her feelings with herself and with her
    family.  But do what your gut tells you; you've already displayed the
    thoughtfulness and strength that indicates that you'll make the right
    decision.
    

    
[ The first law banning mixed marriages was passed in 1661 by the colony of
  Maryland. Virginia followed in 1691 with a statute providing that a white male
  having a child by a .. non-white should pay a fine of fifteen pounds or, in
  defualt of payment the white male should be sold or imprisoned for *five 
  years. Other states followed with such laws to a lesser or greater extent.] 
  Most of these miscegenation laws were actively enforced - especially in the
  South until a U.S. Supreme Court decision declared such laws unconstitutional
  as recently as 1967.    
                         BTW: Did the wasps = insects(?) make these laws ?
The psychodynamic process - 
A psychological mechanism by which people attribute to others characteristics
they are unwilling to recognize in themseleves is referred to as -projection. 
In the South marital relations between white females and white males were/are 
inhibited by pseudo-religious and (hypocritical) puritanical code. As a result
the more powerful white males established intimate liasons with "other females".

Lillian Smith writes:
              [ Becuase the (dominant males) were "puritans" they suceeded in
developing a frigidity in their  women that precluded the possibility of
    mutual satisfaction. As a result these men found the women of color sensual,
attractive and established intimate liasons with them... 
The s-r-s- spiral had begun. The more trails these males made to the 
back-yard cabins, the higher he raised his wife on her pedestal when he
returned to the big house..
More and more numerous became the little trails of escape and more amd more
intricately they began to weave in and out of southern life. Guilt, shame, fear
spiralled after each other. Then came a time when his suspicion of the white
woman began to pull the spiral higher and higher. After all the  woman is
human too. It was of course inevitable for him to suspect her of the sins he
had committed so pleasantly and often. "What If,..." the words were never quite
finished..  ]  Lillian Smith the writer is considered a Southern belle.

              Being projective and anti-IRR..
 [ Suppose a  woman is privately fascinated by the norms against 
 inter-racial liasons. She is unlikely to admit, even to herself, that she
 finds his hue and economic status attractive. She may, however, project her
 feelings, and accordingly imagine that the attraction is on the other side.
 That the whole group of  Grinquas are after her. What is an inner desire is
 perceived as an outer threat. Overgeneralizing her conflicts within - she
 develops an Anxiety and Hostility respecting the *whole group of Grinquas.]

 The above partially explains the hostile remarks made by a woman  
 towards the interracial date of  John Shulman of Harvard Law Schoool. 
  ( Reported in a Harvard Law School Journal )

     
  [ The central question alledgedly is: intermarriage, positive or  not ?
  Since this sounds legal ( in most nations & societies ) and therefore 
  a respectable issue, it becomes the pivot of nearly every discussion of
  race-relations. Since intermarriage cannot rationally be opposed on the
  biological grounds it has to be opposed  on "other factors". 
 It can rationally be opposed on the grounds of "cultural" conflicts it could
  cause both parents and offspring in a racist enviroment. But the opposition
  is seldom stated in these mild terms, becuase to do so would imply that the
  present state of race-relations should be improved so that miscegnation can
  "safely" take place. 
 For the most part though, the interracial issue is not rational.
 It comprises a fierce fusion of:
  anxiety, occupational advantage, guilt, repression, concerns about status etc.
  It is because intermarriage would symbolize the abolition of prejudice.
  The reasoning seems to be that unless all forms of discrimination are
  maintained, intermarriage will result.
        
 Why the prejudiced person almost invariably hides behind the issue of
 marriage is itself a lesson in rationalization. Becuase he/she takes what is
 admittedly the argument most likely to confuse his/her opponents. It is a 
 matter of fact that even the most tolerant person may not welcome intermarriage
 - due to practical wisdom around realistic assessments like, are the people
involved  compatible on a scale of - emotional maturity/identity/courage/
strength/philosophical view points- (which can be applied to all couples seeking
to establish long-term relationships.) 
 
   -  Some Even Pay With Their Own Lives - In Their Attempts To Ban IRR -  
DETROIT (AP)  A white male apparently angered at seeing a black  patron of
a bar conversing with white dancers, forced the black guy's car off the road 
during a chase and died when (the chaser's) own vehicle struck a tree, police
said. Theodore Temple, 26 died after  a four mile high-speed chase in the 
suburbs of Inkstar and Westland.  ( Reported in Michigan, 1985)
Kinda sad and understandable ? 
    
     Whenever, and in whatever way, a correct appraisal of one's own emotional
life fails and gives way to an incorrect judgement of other people, we are 
dealing with the psychodynamic process of Projection. 
    
    FaZari.     ( Je suis non-wasp)

re: -< Inter-racial relationships >-

I checked th previous replies and didn't see this aspect.

>to be involved with a lady in where I am liked and accepted by all of
>her family and friends - is that too much to ask?  

    I think it is a  rare person who will be accepted by "all her family
    and friends". Who counts are those who have influence over her!
    
>by staying with her, or am I doing a good thing for staying with her
>because, I do love her, but I can't stand the situation.  If anyone can
>give their helpful opinion, or advice it would be greatly appreciated.

    One option my first  wife  picked  (my  potential inlaws - we're all
    white here) was to marry  me anyway over her mothers objections (her
    folks didn't like me) ...  and we moved away and all seemd to be ok.
    
PARAGRAPH #1
    A few years later, she beagn to  miss  her  parents, and "went home"
    for awhile, and they "proceeded" to 'help her'  see all the faults I
    had.    It  started  the  'no  win'  situation, and  eventually  the
    relationship slid to hell.
    
    It is extremely difficult for children (with loving parents, bigoted
    or otherwise) to turn their backs on their  parents for all time.
    
    I have "heard"  of  cases  where  the  bigoted  parents accepted the
    "racially different" spouse, and  others  where  the parents "locked
    out" their child for all time from the family ties.
    
    My point is in paragraph #1.
    
    

    

    Re.26> It is extremely difficult for children (with loving parents...
    
     What is the definition of - loving parents ?

    RE: .last
    
    Mabe I would define it as;  Parents that love a child(ren) so much that
    they are blinded to the point that they see not what is actually "good"
    for the child(ren).  To wit, the happiness found in an interracial
    marriage, or any marriage for that matter.
    
    

>    Re.26> It is extremely difficult for children (with loving parents...
    
>     What is the definition of - loving parents ?

    It up to the "child" to decide this. 
    
    That is the hard part for the "outcast" to figure out ..  why in sam
    hill an otherwise intelligent loving being would suddenly need their
    parents acceptance (at the outcasts expense) !!
    
    
    

    Re.29 >> It up to the "child" to decide this. 
    
    The "child" to decide this ?  How ?
    
    What is the role of loving parents ?
    And what is expected of loving parents?
    
    .29> ..why in sam hill an otherwise intelligent loving being..
                                   
                                                     [..would prevent his/her 
                                                     children from marrying 
                                                     friends they've fallen
                                                     in love with ?       
      
                                                     >>..why in sam hill ?                                      

    The following note has been contributed by a member of our community
    who wishes to remain anonymous.  If you wish to contact the author by
    mail, please send your message to QUARK::HR_MODERATOR, specifying the
    conference name and note number. Your message will be forwarded with
    your name attached  unless you request otherwise.

				Steve






    Are there any Oriental guys out there in an inter-racial relationship
    who could talk about their experiences?  Replies from oldest or only
    sons are especially important.
    
    I'm the only son in an Oriental family.  I was born on "this side" of
    the ocean, so I'm fairly Americanized.  I personally believe that it
    makes absolutely no difference whom I date (women, that is. :-)) or
    even spend time with.  On the other hand, my parents don't
    agree...(sound familiar?).
    
    I met a nice Oriental woman who married a good friend of mine (also
    Oriental). She told me that when he proposed, she went away to think
    about it.  She had to ask herself if she wanted to marry him because
    she loved him or because she knew it would make her parents happy (that
    he was Oriental and they were getting married).  Getting married is
    suppose to be a very happy event, so I think it's awful that such ideas
    had to be considered in the decision.  I'm almost afraid to date
    Orientals because I'd have to eventually think about that too. :-(
    
    It seems like a no-win situation for me.  Freedom of choice versus
    losing the parents.  Too bad life isn't fair.
    

    re .31
    
    Personally I think that you can't always be under your parent's thumb.
    You have to be yourself. If your parents can't accept that, then they
    themselves will have to deal with that. You can't let them run your
    life.......also, you'll never learn to make decisions if you continue
    to let them make them for you.
    
    It doesn't seem easy, but I believe it's the thing to do.
    
    ....Bob

    re: .0
     
         In the newspaper yesterday was an Ann Landers item that was
    somewhat similar...a 22-year-old Vietnamese woman whose parents 
    would not "let" her date or do anything besides study and go to
    school.  She didn't feel it was fair.  Ann (very gently) told
    her that a 22-year-old should be able to decide for herself
    (basically paraphrasing, here...)   
         I agree with .1 and with several other notes in this conference
    wherein there is a "parent problem."  Parents (in some form ) are 
    necessary for our childhood and adolescence.  "Parents" are a 
    *deterent* to our adulthood.  That is, the role of parent MUST
    cease at some point and our own independence MUST take effect.
    Otherwise, we become jailed to the un-cut umbilical.  Not only does
    that imprison us, but it ALSO imprisons the parent!  If you wish
    to have them in your life, let them continue to be there as friends...
    friends that you respect and that respect you.  Friends whose
    opinions you value but who accept your opinions, too.  If this 
    agreement is not possible, then perhaps it's best to let them go
    (as we do with friends over and over in our lives.)  Failing to 
    stand for yourself, and doing your parents' wishes is one of many
    ways to enact false esteem...that is, it is esteem that is not
    sourced from within yourself and won't stand up.  
        You may very well be making a mistake in your decision, but
    at least the decision will be your own.  You need to go after whatever
    it is that makes you happy, and if it makes others happy, great!
    If it only makes you happy, then that may be sad, but it's better
    that way than you being unhappy, regardless of what everyone else
    feels...eventually, if you are unhappy others around you will be,
    also.
         Work on it, you may be able to make both yourself and others
    happy, too.  But don't forsake yourself.
    
    Frederick
     

    I had a simular problem... my first wife (deceased) was oriental.  Her
    parents did not approve of me at all.  To the point that when she was 
    with them and alone they would consistently talk badly of me to her.  
    Eventually they decided that running me down wasn't the answer and 
    after attempting several ways of breaking us up.  They eventually 
    took an attitude of ignoring me when I was about. It was very strange 
    trying to deal with them and after a few years of such treatment they 
    finally began to accept me.  Now we no longer maintain contact with 
    each other but for a while we "leaned" on each other while I dealt with
    her death.
    
    I guess what I'm saying is that although they are difficult if you and 
    your choosen can stick it out long enough... eventually all is
    accepted.
    
    Besides, they ARE you parents and although they may not approve of your 
    choice they will eventually have to accept it or lose you.
    
    Skip

    The same question from a different slant...
    
    Are there any non-Oriental women who have dated Oriental guys?  Did you
    see any problems?  How did your respective families react?
    
    
    

    
    
    I've dated Oriental men.  I saw some people that had problems with the
    situation, but frankly I view that is their problems, not mine.  Since
    I wasn't living at home, and I'm not apt to tell my family who I'm
    dating at any given time, my parents were never aware of it.  Had they
    been, I'm sure they would have been a little "shocked" but they would
    probably have no real objections (and once again, if they did, that
    would be their problem).
    
    I can still remember the day I brought my boyfriend home in 10th grade
    and had forgotten to tell mom that he was 6'8" and black.  Sometimes my
    mother is way too selfrighteous.....as I told her, it's HER problem,
    not mine...
    
    kath

    
    
      RE: .35
    
        I've dated guys who were 1/2 Oriental and full blooded Oriental
        and even brought them to my parent's house.   They never reacted
        one way or the other nor did they ever make comments about it.  I
        do know that one guy's mother didn't approve because she wants 
        him to marry a Korean. (he's 1/2 Korean).   I notice the majority
        of you guys are from up North.   I've lived all over the U.S. and
        it never ceases to amaze me that there are stigmas in every region
        of the country.   BTW, I'm Causasian with a strong German back-
        ground and TODAY is my birthday.......at this point in my life,
        my parents would be thrilled to death if I got married to any
        guy and had a baby, no matter what he looked like! (This was
        told to me by my father after he called to wish me happy birthday
        this morning).  ;-)
    
        Melinda
    
    
        Melinda