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Let's see...20 years...I guess that qualifies.
Not really.
Each of our self-esteems [e-gad what grammar!] have grown over the
years...as has the relationship.
We were certainly not very self-esteemed when we first got married. On the
other hand...we are both what I would say was self-confident and
self-esteemed at this point in our lives.
Are we opposites? Hmmmm...in some things. [Well, he's a boy and I'm a
girl...] Probably not in what I would call 'major-life-style-area' type
things, though.
I would venture the opinion that M's answer is what one would call
'good hind-sight'. That relationships that have been successfull turn
our to have people in them that have full compliments of self-esteem
and, indeed, after several plus years together folks do tend to become
alike in many of at least the obvious ways.
But, in my opinion, I think she is describing a symptom of good
relationships and not a cause.
If I had to say the single thing that was important at the *beginning*
that helped us get to 20 years down the line and still having fun...is
not *self-esteem* but respect for the differences of the other partner,
and a mutual agreement not to try to change them.
Just my thoughts....
Melinda
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| Re. 0 >> Marilyn..
This Marilyn from what I've read, has been married three times.
(Currently *still married to husband #3 )
Why did her first two marriages fail ? Could someone ask her to explain.
Was it lack of the "necessities" to determine what a potential mate
could become ? Why was she unable to use her talents to visualize what
could become of her relationships/marriages ?
It's my understanding that even though she went to college (sometime ago)
she does not have a college degree. [As of last time I read about her.]
Why did she drop out of college several times ?
Could that affect her self-esteem when she is hanging with all these
professionals in her husband's world? Since she does not possess a
professional degree and her husband does, is not an example of two
people on the extreme ends of a pole ?
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Good topic!
.0 immediately rang true for me.
However.....
In my experience people with low self-esteem will be attracted to
people who they *believe* are as different from themselves as possible.
I believe that it's difficult for your own profound perception of
others to be operating fully when you've got low SE...
So, low SE people often, unwittingly, pick a partner whose SE *is* as
low as their own.
They just can't see it.
Both partners have SE "holes" - just in different places.
When two low SE people team up for a long period they will change
as individuals over time. If one's SE grows faster than the other
then that individual will try and make their partner "catch up"
- when this can't be done the relationship may well split, IMO.
'gail
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