Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    
    Kris,
    
    You've written a very thought-provoking note.  Thank you.  
	
    
    >>And why are the walking wounded still fighting?

    Perhaps it is because they are/have been wounded and rather than risk
    being wounded again, they use anti-men/women thoughts, jokes, ideas as
    a shield.  I work in a unit that is mostly female and we do joke about
    men; no, it's not always nice.  Do we truly feel this way?  I can't
    speak for the others but in my case, no.  It's more of a bad habit and
    I do mean *bad* because it is laughing at the sake of another.  
    
    Sometimes I get the impression that some of the people who display this
    hostility toward the opposite sex would, in reality, like to have a
    relationship with a member of the opposite sex.   One of my good
    friends is very disparaging toward the male sex and yet, I know, she
    would like to be dating.  At the same time, I am aware that she has
    been hurt very badly in the past.  The entire situation seems a
    paradox....x was hurt by y --> x is hostile toward y's --> x [at the same
    time] would like to date another y --> other y can sense this hostility
    to y's in general and is not interested in x.  What a vicious cycle...how 
    does one get it to end?  Personally, I don't feel it is fair for a
    gender to be blamed for the flaws of one of its members.
    
    Also, why must we compare ourselves to members of the opposite sex? 
    Men and women are different - is that so terrible?  I once said in
    Soapbox that it was like comparing oranges with apples - they're both
    different but they're of equal value.  
    
    Men laugh at women and women laugh at men - I don't believe this to be
    a recent development.  Perhaps it is the tone or intensity which has 
    changed  markedly over the years.  Perhaps we take each other too seriously?
    
    Just some ramblings of a half-asleep noter.
    
    Kris (the other one) 
    

Its strange, but take the comments in .0, remove/replace all sex tags (male/
female) and it kinda describes dysfunctional/abusive people in general.

See what I mean - 

Violent, insensitive and abusive to others.  Takes joy in oppressing others
and children.  Is inarticulate, impolite, and out of touch with thier
feelings which aren't generated by their hormones. Vindictive, manipulating and abusive to others.  Takes joy in emotional
torture of others.  Is vain, nasty, demanding and after others for money. 
Has the upper hand in society. 

Or am I hallucinateing yet again??

Grins,

clark. 

ps - personally this is just one more pointer to how messed up our society is.,

    I think a lot of people are exploring their feelings - even the
    negative ones - in these files.  A lot of people have some hurt and
    anger and need to let off steam.  A lot of people who may have been
    afraid to face their hurt and anger may finally be doing so - and
    compressed emotions tend to decompress fairly explosively.  There are
    many unknowns in our lives.
    
    Mennotes is for topics pertaining to men.  Men primarily vent there.
    Womannotes is for topics of interest to women.  Women primarily vent
    there.
    
    Maybe it's a full moon.  Maybe there's solar flares.  Maybe the topics
    being discussed currently in those files are particularly touchy along
    gender lines and so the emotions are surfacing in a variety of topics
    simultaneously.
    
    I have some anger, and some fear, and some pain.  At men.  At women. 
    It's hard to look at feelings like this and not berate yourself for
    being the perfect 100% A+ human being who is all cuddles and sunshine. 
    It is difficult to acknowledge that you can't be 100% sensitive to the
    universe, particularly if there's stuff going on inside you that needs
    looking at before you can grow from what you are, to whatever you will
    become.  I'm exploring.  And it's awkward.  But it needs doing.
    
    -Jody
    

Sometimes it really feels like a new version of an old saying...

	"Make war not peace."

Sometimes it seems very hard in NOTES to distinguish between venting 
frustration and expressing opinions.  Sometimes the two mesh and become
mixed up, so much so that we can't tell the one from the other.

Sometimes those frustrations come out as opinions...alienating those
that we wish to become closer to.  Sometimes we just can't even begin
to realize the impact that mere words without expressions and emotions
can cause.  

Sometimes it is so much easier to make a point thru generalization....to 
assume that life is all wrapped up in one neat little package...small 
enough to serve on a plate with linen napkins and fine silver.  Thinking 
it's impossible to discuss every option, so why bother.

Sometimes we forget to assume the unspoken words "of course I'm not 
talking about you" and "of course when I said 'all' I was exaggerating."  
Sometimes we take too literally the things people say.....because they 
are merely words.....on a screen.  No emotion.  No inflection.  It's our 
decision.

Sometimes it's so easy to look at the negative...in others...in ourselves...
in life.  Sometimes it perversely makes us feel good to criticize others
instead of supply the strokes to those that need them. 


Sometimes we're foolish enough to believe that the "good" are strong and
able to withstand the abuse and comprehend that they are not the subject
of the criticism.  

Since the "good" are doing "right" what do they need a pat on the shoulder 
for anyway?  It's the "bad" that need the "guidance."


	Make peace, not war.

    
    For perfect role models....
    
    	Watch the "Simpsons" every Sunday night....
    
    					       .... and take a load off.
    
    
    

    Somehow the off handed remark of the previous statement bothers
    me... (no offense meant) it is just these types of comments though
    that start the problems in the first place.  No one is having a
    cow nor do the Simpsons necessarily pertain to the subject herein.
    The points are viable and well taken... and show some of the
    differences that are very real between men and women.  It is a proven
    scientific fact that one of the major causes of conflict between
    the sexes is understanding each other.  Women are taught from birth
    to use the right hemisphere of the brain... to think in terms of
    emotions and feelings... they ARE more in touch with there feelings
    and they ARE more sensitive to them.  Men tend to be raised to be
    left side dominate... this is the logic side of the brain... they
    tend to think in rationals... e.g.... tell me what you expect of
    me and I will do it. (men)  I shouldn't have to tell you, you should
    know by the effects you cause on me(women)... we tend to fail to
    see each other from the other side of the mirror.  A woman sees
    a movie that is classified a "tear-jerker" her comments are...
    the movie was so good, I cried through the whole thing... A man
    hears something like that and wonders why bother to see a movie
    that is going to make you sad?  Don't believe me???... have any
    woman ask any man "How do you feel?"  typical response... "fine"
    if he's being honest..."lousey".. or "so-so"  Ask a woman how 
    she feels and she goes into ancedotes and trys hard to show you
    exactly how she feels... "like I just went out and bought a new
    dress and brought it home to find that all the seams are sewn so
    badly that when I put it on it falls apart and leaves me standing
    with nothing on in front of you."  Yeap that's feeling all right
    and it conveys emotion... frustration and embaressment... and 
    valnurability.  What does "so-so" convey... I could feel better
    or I could feel worse.  That's it... but better or worse in what,
    why, when, how?  No I really do believe that the largest part of
    the "hostility" is simply the lack of understanding of how each
    gender sees the world, reacts to it, and functions in it.  The 
    comments so far even show it... the first four made by females 
    were indepth and looked hard at the problem... the last one 
    a male... Don't have a cow, watch the "Simpsons", and take a load
    off.  Why is there so much generalization of the sexes?  Because
    it tends to be warrented... oh not the negative comments... but
    in that realize that people are negative feedback oriented for the
    most part... it comes more easily to them to complain then to 
    praise.  People notice the bad much more quickly then the good...
    Look at the newspapers and watch the news on T.V.  The day Sammy
    Davis Jr. and Jim Henson died, how many people knew or even heard
    that Scientists at Michigan University have found a chemical that
    may be a cure for 2 differnt types of luekemia?  Everyone heard
    about the bad news...no one cared about the good even the media
    played it down.  I'm babbling now... The point I'm trying to make
    is that although the tendancy to highlight all the bad points 
    and bring up all the bad experiences caused by the opposite sex
    is wrong... that is how we tend to be... a phsychologist who is
    a friend of mine calls it the "doom" syndrome.  Because no matter
    how much good you do... you are doomed to be remembered for the
    bad.  A very classic example is Richard Nixon... granted I feel
    he should have gotten more then he did for trying to con the 
    nation... but in a way he has... a lot of the reform going on 
    in China, Russia, and Germany can be traced directly back to 
    policeys and events he initiated while serving as President.  A
    lot of people don't realize it nor will he be remembered for it...
    his mark in history will always be Watergate. Enough on that...
    I'm tired and babbling at the mouth... probably got half the 
    folk around here ready to hang me first chance they get... 
    Oh well... I'll learn to keep my mouth shut when I'm this tired.
    
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