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Forget him and move on with your life. What you describe as
evidence that he is "in love with" you could also be taken as
evidence that he cares about you and likes you, but that that's
*it*. His words are saying this too. Sounds pretty clear to me.
So... maybe he's been leading you on a bit for the past 2 years.
Maybe he's been a little selfish - he knows he enjoys your
company but knows in his gut you're not quite what he's looking
for. Or maybe his feelings towards you have changed, or he's
finally realized that he's madly in love with someone he left
back in his home state. Maybe he's just not good at breaking up.
And perhaps, just perhaps, all your mutual friends, deep-down,
are die-hard romantics who believe Ken would never look at a
woman besides Barbie. I can think of some wilder explanations,
but you get the idea. You can't rule these out as possibilities.
In any case, it sounds like your feelings towards him are not
shared. If he's been sending you mixed messages, it sounds to
me like he's making a genuine effort to stop. I don't buy the
line that his words say one thing and his actions another:
moving 1800 miles away is an action that shouts.
If he's really head over heels in love with you but won't admit
or see it, you'll probably hear from him once he feels the loss.
But I wouldn't spend a nanosecond waiting for this to happen.
My advice: take a deep breath, close that chapter in the book
of your life, and move on. Develop other interests, and, above
all, keep your self-respect intact by not "waiting" for him.
Find other people to see movies and go camping with. When/if
the truth (whatever it is) comes out, you'll be glad you did.
Sharon
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| Gosh, when I read your note I thought of my own situation. I don't
know if it will help you, but this is what happened to me.
I relocated from Colorado to Minnesota, leaving behind a man that I
loved. He never actually told me that he loved me, but (like you)
his actions demonstrated as much. We always had a great time together
and he was supportive of my job change. He never tried to influence me
in any way to stay or to go. If he would have said, "Please stay", I
would have. But he didn't. While I was in the process of getting
some training and moving, he was only a phone call away, supportive
as ever, and I realized how much I was leaving behind. Still, I had
to go thru with it and did. When we parted he cried for 3 days.
I cried off and on for several months, but finally, I'm getting myself
together in a new city. You have to move on. The time was not right
for us. Maybe someday in the future it might be again, and if it is,
it will be the right thing.
I think subconsciously we both used the move to keep the relationship
from progressing as far as it could have. Maybe your situation is
similar. Perhaps he is afraid to commit, and needs (or thinks he
needs) distance. If I were you, I'd read a book called "Dance of
Intimacy", then do what it says. I'd tell him I loved him, understood
he needs some space, and get on with my own life.
I've noticed something about men over the past few years. They often
are not aware of their feelings in "real time". Yes, they can look
back, analyse and intellectualize feelings in the past, but current
feelings are out of their experience. Getting "in touch" with our
feelings means looking to the present, not the past, or the future.
I would bet big money that he doesn't know what he feels. If you
leave him alone, he may have time to figure it out. If he comes back
to you it might be for the right reasons. If he goes, mourn the loss,
and get on with your life. If you have your s*it together, the right
people will find you.
Hugs,
sherry
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