| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 978.1 | I've Been There. | SUBURB::HOLLOWAYF | If only I could.... | Thu Mar 22 1990 08:52 | 47 |
| My heart goes out to you, and believe me I know exactly how you
feel.
I am planning my wedding for July and up until 2 days ago I had
the same problem as you.
I had one 'friend' who thought she would be invited to the wedding
and one friend who was convinced, and telling everyone that she
was going to be my chief bridesmaid.
I felt awful, I didn't know what to do and I began losing sleep
over the whole thing.
I just didn't want anyone to get hurt and I'll do anything for a
quiet life.
I finally confronted the girl who I was not inviting to the wedding
(like you, we are paying for own wedding) and I just apologised
to her and said that Geoff and I were trying to keep numbers down
and therefore are only inviting family and a few close friends,
emphasising the 'close friends' bit as being people who we have
known for a long time or people we spent a lot of our social time
with.
I also said that I hoped she would understand and that it wouldn't
upset the friendship we had. She was ok about it, a bit 'off' I
suppose, but I was just so relieved that I had finally told her
I didn't really worry about her reaction, if she chooses to be 'off'
with me then that really is her problem now and not mine.
Telling the other friend that she was not to be my Chief Bridesmaid
was much more difficult but I won't bore you with the details as
it's not really relevant to you.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is please, for your own piece
of mind tell her, and do it soon 'cos the longer you leave it the
harder it gets.
This is your day and by letting your friend bother you, you are
letting her take control of something that is yours. I know it's
not easy and I really do know how you feel, but it has to be done,
you owe it to your self.
The most important thing is that you have found the man that you
want to spend the rest of your life with, and the man that you love
enough to marry, if you put all that into context, then it shows
how irrelevant this friend really is.
I wish you the best of luck, and if you need any help or moral support
then I am willing to talk some more.
Warm Wishes and Congratulations
Fran.
|
| 978.2 | It's *your* day! | FRECKL::HUTCHINS | Wheeere's that Smith Corona? | Thu Mar 22 1990 11:37 | 15 |
| I'm also planning a wedding, and have faced a similar situation.
First, it is boorish of the person to assume that she will be invited
to the wedding. The guest list is up to you and your fiance. I tell
people that it will be a small wedding and I don't elaborate. THEY
DON'T NEED TO KNOW!
We *do* want to have a more casual party during the summer that will
not be a shower, but a picnic/day at the lake party. This will be for
our friends that for one reason or another we will not be inviting to
the wedding. We will not expect presents at the party; it's purpose
will be to celebrate with our friends.
Enjoy your day and the celebration!
Judi
|
| 978.3 | | TJB::WRIGHT | She dies, you die, we all die.... | Thu Mar 22 1990 13:11 | 25 |
| From the otherside:
My older brother's group of freinds basically were married one after another.
These guys are brothers to me. They have gotten me out of trouble in the past,
and have given me some very good advise through the years.
One of them came from a large poor family. When he got married, they had to
draw the line somewhere, unfortunately, I was on the wrong side of the line and
was not invited.
Donny (the groom) explained it to me, as did his bride, and apologiesed for it,
but it was either I don't go, or a family member doesn't go. So I didn't go.
And when put in that lite, I didn't mind (I was crushed when I first found out
that donny hadn't invited me, but once I knew why, things were ok...)
Most people understand that there are only x number of people invited. and that
if you do not make the cut, it isn't an insult, its just part of the fact that
weddings are expensive...
Just let her know that either she goes or a family member goes...and that it
isn't a slight against her (even if it is :-)
grins,
clark.
|
| 978.4 | It will be ok... | DECSIM::TOTO | Colleen | Thu Mar 22 1990 15:36 | 12 |
| I'm getting married on June 2nd. It will be my second time and his second
time. (And LAST time I might add). We decided because it was our second
wedding and we can't really afford much that we would invite family only to
this and this is immediate family. Then 2 weeks after the wedding, we are
going to have a cookout for our friends who we couldn't invite to a big
wedding. It's a way to celebrate with our friends and let them know that they
weren't forgotten, and can still share in our joy. In your situation, I would
say what's on my mind as easily as I could without hurting anyone's feelings.
This is a common issue in most weddings. Good luck
Colleen
|
| 978.5 | OH DEAR !! | BOOZER::OCOY | No Scotoma's here | Fri Mar 23 1990 09:54 | 22 |
| It certainly is a common thing with Weddings, I got married last
July, my husband and I paid for the wedding ourselves, friends and
family literally crawled out of the woodwork. I couldn't believe
the awkward situations - people were willing to put me in.. Work
wasn't so much of a problem, although there is no doubt that some
people were probably not happy with my guest list. My problem was
- that I played (and still do) darts for a local ladies darts team,
the girls in the team are friends - but not close friends. Therefore
they were not invited to the day time do... Boy, did I get some
agro... I tried as best I could to explain the situation, and most
(not all) accepted my explanation gracefully. In all honesty, if
they were willing to make life so difficult for me, then I wasn't
too worried about upsetting them. After all, it is your day, and
I enjoyed my day much more, because I had close friends and family
at my side.
Stand your ground, explain if you can, if this person chooses to
be awkward then there is nothing else you can do.
I hope you have a lovely day. My best wishes to you.
Sarah
|
| 978.6 | | LEAF::C_MILLER | | Fri Mar 23 1990 16:46 | 8 |
| I have been on the other side of the coin where I heard all about the
wedding plans and really wanted to go. In this case I have been
invited to the CEREMONY ONLY and *not* the reception. This pleased
me (for I think the ceremony is more important than the reception)
and let the bride off the hook for not having to pay for my meal.
If this person at work is understanding and mature, she should
understand.
|
| 978.7 | | VNABRW::TRAXLER_B | garfield's still alive .... | Mon Mar 26 1990 11:54 | 22 |
| I'm also planning my wedding for this year. We will have three
different cards of invitation printed: One for the ceremony, one
for ceremony + reception and one for ceremony, reception and dinner.
The first one will be hanging on the "black wall" in our office
and whoever of my colleagues would like to come is invited. Then
I will invite the guys of my department for the reception where
also all my friends will be coming. Dinner is for family and and
only a few, real close friends only, and I doubt that any of my
friends at work would expect to be invited to it.
I, too, suggest that you tell it to your co-worker as soon as possible
and I assume that she will understand. It could be a bad feeling
for her if she tells other people that she thinks she will be invited
and then she is not. Maybe you could invite her at least to the
ceremony and show her pictures of the reception/dinner afterwards?
Anyway, don't let it become a big problem for you - enjoy *your*
day and all those happy years to come!
Best wishes,
Billie
|
| 978.8 | Why not just the *ceremony*? | GRANPA::TTAYLOR | Think Green! | Tue Mar 27 1990 16:59 | 23 |
| I have many acquaintences at work who have gotten married in the past
year, and although I've never cultivated real close friendships with
these people, one thing that really *touched* me was that on several
occasions I was invited to the *church* only. The ceremony is the
biggest part (and most important part) of the entire wedding anyway.
Even if I couldn't make it to the ceremony, I was really happy that
these individuals invited me to see the event!
If you like this person, and think this is a viable solution, I would
say let her know that it's going to be "family and extremely close
friends" only. Tell her you and your sweetie are paying for it
yourselves, and if she still doesn't get it -- she's pretty thick! But
tell her you would be happy if she would like to go to the ceremony ...
that's what people here in DC do to those that they *want* to invite,
but simply cannot afford to add extra people. Maybe it's a southern
custom or something, but I think it's really sweet and I always feel
sort of honored when a co-worker invites me to the ceremony.
Good luck ... and a happy wedding!
Tammi (who's not married and probably never will be but still cries at
weddings!)
|
| 978.9 | y | CLSTR1::JEFFRIES | | Tue Mar 27 1990 17:06 | 8 |
| I have just had the reverse happen. My manager at my part time
job, a retail store, just invited the whole department to her wedding.
I have worked in this store for 13 years and have had a lot of managers
and peers get married, but this is the first time I have been invited
to the wedding and reception. Her statement to us was that she
wanted us all there the help her celebrate and to have a good time,
she even made arraingements for us all to out on the same day.
I was surprised, but pleased.
|
| 978.10 | A reply from the author of the base note | PENUTS::JLAMOTTE | On my own - for the first time | Wed Mar 28 1990 17:12 | 26 |
| This is a reply from the author of the base note.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please enter this reply in note 978 for me anonymously. Thank you
Thank you for your replies! It's helpful to know how others have
handled this situation. It is also helpful to hear from people
on the other side of this issue.
Re: .6
Were you invited to the ceremony (and not the reception) verbally or did
you just receive the church invitation from her and not the reception
card? I have invitations to the wedding and the reception card is
separate. I guess I am afraid that if I sent just a wedding invitation and
not the reception card without saying anything she may not understand
it is an invitation to only the Church and think I forgot the reception
card or something like that. I know I am not giving her much credit - but
this is the same person who hinted around about getting invited...
I also thought I might just do it verbally.
|
| 978.11 | suggestion: | VNABRW::TRAXLER_B | garfield's still alive .... | Thu Mar 29 1990 07:31 | 5 |
| Why don't you give her the card personally and add soemthing like:
.... would be glad if you'd come to the ceremony."
Billie
|