| Title: | What's all this fuss about 'sax and violins'? |
| Notice: | Archived V1 - Current conference is QUARK::HUMAN_RELATIONS |
| Moderator: | ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI |
| Created: | Fri May 09 1986 |
| Last Modified: | Wed Jun 26 1996 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 1327 |
| Total number of notes: | 28298 |
I need some help, advice, etc. My brother just moved with 20 miles of
me after living over 800 miles away for many years. My sister lives
about 80 miles away and always has. Since my brother has moved closer,
we have grown closer and my sister is jealous of this. She and I have
always been close and she and he were closer in age and kept in touch
more than he and I have, but she just can't seem to deal with the fact
that he and I are growing closer and like to get together and do more.
She's also jealous of the fact that I get to spend more time with my 18
month old nephew and he says my name and cries for me where my brother
has to call me and let my nephew talk to me so he'll quit crying. I
don't know how to handle my sister. She called me at work this morning
and wanted to know if I knew where "her" brother was last night. I
told her yes that he had been at my house. She wanted to know why like
there had to be a reason for them to come over. I told her because my
nephew had been crying and saying my name so they thought they'd come
for a visit. She said "yeah, sure!!" real hateful. She then mentioned
something about going to a meeting Sat. night and asked me what my
husband and I were doing. I told her we'd made plans with my brother
and his wife. Once again acting hateful "well, I hope ya'll have fun."
I told her they had to first find a babysitter. She said her 17 year
old daughter could babysit if they'd come and pick her up and bring her
home. I later called my sister-in-law and told her this. She said
that sounded like a good idea and that she'd let me know for sure if
our niece would babysit. She called me back and told me that they
weren't going to let her babysit. I asked why and she said that my
sister said that if she came and babysat that she'd have to bring her
11 year old brother with her since they had a meeting to go to Sat.
night. My sister-in-law told me that she didn't really want the 11
year old in her house with just his 17 year old sister because he liked
to get into things he wasn't suppose to get into. Anyway, my
sister-in-law told her she was going to call me and laugh at me because
they weren't going out with us!! Can you believe that?? She hasn't
called yet, and I'm trying to think of something to tell her when she
does. I don't like her acting like this. It really hurts me and makes
me mad, too. Any suggestions???
Virginia
| T.R | Title | User | Personal Name | Date | Lines |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 950.1 | CLOVE::ATKOCAITIS | Fri Jan 12 1990 15:40 | 9 | ||
Yes, just tell her exactly how you feel. If you don't, the problem
will remain.
Cheers!
Denise
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| 950.2 | MSDOA::MCMULLIN | Fri Jan 12 1990 17:05 | 6 | ||
She already knows that we don't like the way she's acting and it's like
she's trying to rub it in!!! I get the feeling that she's trying to
make us "pay" for leaving her out of things, but it's not our fault she
lives where she does.
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| 950.3 | What's the *real* issue? | FRICK::HUTCHINS | Do you want it done now, or done right? | Fri Jan 12 1990 17:22 | 16 |
Virginia,
I don't envy your situation! Having *4* sisters myself, I can
empathize with you.
Firstly, your sister's jealousy is HER problem. If she wants to spend
her energy fuming and fussing about what you and your brother are
doing, rather than planning visits and outings, that is her decision.
Does she feel that he like you better, since he moved closer to you
than to her? Would it make sense for the 3 of you to go out together
and hash things out? Sounds like there are a lot of issues that need
to be addressed before they get blown out of proportion.
Good luck,
Judi
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| 950.4 | Look outside the immediate problem... | BIGIST::XTINE | and another one down... | Wed Jan 17 1990 09:40 | 19 |
Could it be that the problem as stated isn't the problem at all. Sounds like your sister is crying out for help... maybe she has other problems you don't know about, if this is the case it can make everything out of proportion to her. I am speaking from experience here... I am so wrapped up in my own problems just now that just before Christmas I nearly caused a major family bust up cos I was jealous my Mum and Dad were staying with my sister not me (my sister and I live 0.5 miles apart... my M&D live 350 miles north). The problem with me was that I was so torn up by other outside things that little things were blown out of all proportion. I couldn't 'fix' the outside things... but I could "lash-out" at my family cos they would "take it" if you know what I mean... Seems to me also that there is a problem if your brothers child cries for you... Xtine | |||||
| 950.5 | ??? | MCIS1::SULLIVAN | Eileen | Fri Jan 19 1990 18:20 | 3 |
IMHO, she sounds to me like she is feeling left out, might be prett
normal for her to feel this way. She might think your rubbing it
in a little.
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| 950.6 | MSDOA::MCMULLIN | Fri Jan 19 1990 20:33 | 18 | ||
Thanks for all the advice. This weekend me and my husband and my
brother and sister-in-law are going out together Sat., but we didn't
tell my sister and then Sun. we are all going to my sister's house and
we're going to sit down and all talk about this. My brother sees what
I'm talking about and he feels as upset about it as I do.
re.5
My nephew just started talking, he's not really "crying", he just wants
to talk to me on the phone. I don't really think there's a problem
with that. He says my name over and over and wants the phone. I'm not
even real sure if he puts me and my name together or if it's the only
name he says and knows there's a person somewhere with that name and a
phone to talk back on!!
Thanks again,
Virginia
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