Conference quark::human_relations-v1

     Hmmm. I think I would try to find a job that provides health care as a
    benefit ASAP. That would probably be the easiest way to afford the
    baby. Having just had an addition to our family in February, I can tell
    you that besides the direct costs of prenatal and birthing care, there
    are many hidden costs (especially if you have to buy everything
    yourself).
    
     Good luck. I wish you the best.
    
     The Doctah

    I'm not positive on who to contact, I guess the department of welfare,
    but I know that the state of Massachusettes has financial support
    available for those who need it, whether you decide to abort it, or
    keep it.
    
    Contact your doctor, I'm sure he can refer you to someone.
    
    Cindi

    You have a couple of choices:
    
    1.  Marry your boyfriend and use his insurance.
    
    2.  Ask your temp people if they can recommend an insurance company.
        They usually give their temps an option to have insurance. 
        Unfortunately, you pay top rates.  The rates are nothing compared
        to the amount of money it takes to have a baby.  
    
    

    Hi,
    
    
    I'm from the Fitchburg area, and having been in that situation 8 years
    ago, I can only feel for you.  The only thing I can suggest, is ASDC
    grant from welfare (if that is the right name, its been a while). 
    First, they will not give you just the medical coverage.. its a package
    deal.  I know because like I said 8 years ago, I needed just the
    medical coverage.  The package deal is the medical care, and a monthly
    allowance... but, I don't think that you will be able to work while
    being on this, or they will need to see your pay-check stubs to figure
    out how much you can get each month.  Give it a shot, but at least the
    baby's medical will be covered.  That is pre - and post coverage, and
    also the peidatricians fee.  
    
    
    

A reply from the anonymous author of .0

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Regarding insurance.  First of all, my boyfriend also has a job that has no
insurance, so marrying him just for insurance purposes wouldn't solve the
problem.  Getting a job that offers medical insurance or calling my temp.
agency to inquire about insurance wouldn't help either because of the fact 
that this is a pre-existing condition (don't forget, I'm 6 weeks along and 
I don't think anyone can pull off the "Oh, I didn't know I was pregnant" 
routine being that far along) and most likely would not be covered.  I have
checked into it somewhat.
    

    Re: .0

    Well, there are a *lot* more options than the two you stated... having
    just been though this same situation with a close family member, here
    are some other options:


    1) Adoption.  You don't have to have and keep the baby.  If you are
       against abortion, but know you can't handle a baby right now, there
       are several avenues open to you via adoption (including having all your
       medical covered through private adoptions)

    2) Since you are not currently married, and didn't talk of getting
    married, are you prepared to strike it out on your own?  If so, there
    are several *good* places in New England was mothers-to-be like
    yourself. I know of two, and can put you in contact with both of them.
    One allows you to stay after you have the baby and are established on
    your own, the other requires you to leave a week after the baby is born
    because there are only six beds available, and are in good demand.

    3) Religious organizations - I know several churches that *sorta* adopt
    unwed mothers, see to it hat they have all their needs met, etc.


    These are just three other avenues open. Like I said, about 9 months
    ago, I had to explore every opportunity known to pregnant women. There
    are a lot of avenues open that many people don't realize exist.  Feel
    free to send mail.

    Gale

    I'm in agreement with .1 ......with a little added to it...
    Try to have your "supportive" boyfriend convert some of his mental
    support into added financial support.  Being there when he's needed
    also should include being with some $$$ when bill payments are needed.
    
    just my $.02 worth
    steve
    

    Ditto Steve.  I think that if he is going to be there for moral
    support, he should also be there for denero support as well.
    
    2 = 2 = $.04
    :-)

    re insurance
    
    A company can not deny you employment nor can they deny you insurance
    based on your preexisting condition. In fact if you are denied either
    employment or insurance based on your pregnancy you've been
    discriminated against.
    
    If you are in the mind set that you want to continue the pregnancy,
    and I hope you are, yet you can not consider the adoption alternative,
    I think that job hunting would be a good idea to secure insurance,
    this is not a good time to be with a temporary agency.
    
    Regarding counseling services in Fitchburg, there is a Family Services
    agency that can help, and you pay based on your ability. I believe
    they are in the white pages.

    Gail

    Gail (-.9), I may be wrong, but my understanding of MOST group 
    insurance coverages is that (1) they can't deny you employment or
    insurance on the basis of a preexisting condition, but (2) they can
    deny you coverage for THAT preexisting condition.  I.e., treatment for
    a broken leg would be covered, but treatment for the pregnancy
    wouldn't.
    
    Karen

    -1.  You are right.  I don't know of any insurance company that will
         cover a pre-existing pregnancy.  It's like having a car accident
         and then applying for the insurance. 

    This is my first time replying to a Human Relations topic.  I am
    sorry that your pregnancy is worrying you.  Since nobody else is
    knocking the curious American notion that children are a huge expense,
    I have decided to throw in a couple of comments.  
    
    1.	First for a bit of emotional hype: children are not an expense.
     	They are a nett gain.   They enrich your life and give it a
    	sense of worth and direction which it is fine and valuable.
    
    2.	The actual cost of having a child need not be great.  A baby
    	gets through a lot of clothes, but people tend to hand down
    	baby clothes to friends and relatives, and to give them as 
    	presents, so you need not buy too much.  Baby food is expensive,
    	but you need never buy any!  You can feed the baby yourself
    	for the first few months, and then wean her onto liquidised
    	versions of what you eat yourself.  Her appetite will not be
    	very large!  Get a good book on this, as babies have some special
    	dietary needs, but they are not expensive.  Depending on your
    	living circumstances, the use of cloth diapers may save you
    	a lot.  It means more work, but with two to contribute, you
    	should manage.  A lot of the hardware people buy for children
    	is not necessary - the necessary pieces can be picked up cheaply
    	at garage sales.
    
    2.	There may be several ways to lighten your medical expenses.
    	I'm writing from another country, so my knowledge of the U.S.
    	situation is weak.  I do realise that public medical support
    	is not to the standard of Western Europe, but you probably do
    	have options:
        
    *	You are not sick - you are pregnant.  In most cases medical
    	intervention is not required.  You should attend a doctor several
    	times during your pregnancy to ensure that nothing is going
    	wrong, but there is no need to suppose there will be major expenses
    	involved.
    
    *	In this country one can save money by attending a clinic in
    	a hospital rather than go as a private patient to an obstetrician.
    	Perhaps you also have that option.
    
    *	Do get medical insurance.  Even if you are not covered for a
    	pre-existing condition.  You will need it for the future.
    
    3.	Your life has changed utterly.  You will not be able to socialise
    	easily for the next few years.  Hopefully friends will help
    	with occasional babysitting, but you are still going to be fairly
    	confined.  This has its benefits.  If you're not socialising
     	very much, then you will be saving money: money that can go
    	towards the (minimal) expense involved in having a child.
    
    Regards,
    
    Liam
              
    (father of three, the first of which was born when he was unemployed
    and living in a one room bedsitter (and who is now none the worse for
    it))

    
    
    Well, I don't know where you ever got the idea that kids are
    not expensive!  Childbirth IS expensive, even if the birth
    is routine. Add complications and the bills can be enormous!
    (the total bill for my son was $30,000!)  Regular checkups
    during pregnancy are a must.
    
    While babies needn't be terribly expensive (I agree that many
    parents spend alot more than necessary gearing up for the new
    arrival), kids are more expensive as they get older.  Clothing
    and shoes, medical care and dental care, and most important,
    child care, can take a big bite out of a paycheck.  
    
    Agreed, the 'net gain' is substantial, but we can't ignore the
    fact that in reality, you really can't live on love alone, and
    two really can't live as cheaply as one.
    
    Deb
    

A reply from the author of the base note

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

First of all, I would like to thank all of you who have responded to my note.
I have decided that I am going to continue the pregnancy.  I made several
phone calls and have gathered a lot of information.  I found a hospital that
has a pre-natal clinic that charges according to your income.  Everything is
covered including all pre-natal exams, delivery, up to a four day stay (should
a c-section be necessary) and also your post-partum check-ups.  The total
cost should be no more than $2200 according to my income and can be paid in
payments.

I'm also awaiting an application from Common Health which is an insurance 
offered by the state to expectant mothers at a reduced cost.  I'll see how
much that will cost me and how much they cover and maybe that might be an
even better alternative.

My boyfriend has been wonderful throughout this whole ordeal and has given
me his moral support 100%.  He's now in the process of looking for permanent
work with insurance so once the baby is born, it will be covered by insurance.

I also want to add, when I said that he couldn't be of any help financially,
I should have said, he's helping me out as much as he can financially now.
Right now he's working 10 - 12 hours a day and he gives me his paycheck at 
the end of the week.  He doesn't have the energy to work another job.  And
what he's making right now is going towards the bills we already have.

Thanks again.

    I just HAVE TO ask this.  What do you mean "he doesn't have the energy
    to work another job?"  Why not?  If he is as young as you are, he
    should be able to work a full-time job AND a part-time job for a while.
    I know this is not an ideal situation, but he did have something to do
    with this pregnancy and, therefore, should bear the financial responsi-
    bilities, as well as the emotional support.  If he does not work more
    than 10-12 hours a week now, I would think very seriously about how he
    is going to handle the expenses involved with raising a child, especi-
    ally if that child winds up needing things over-and-above the norm.
    Examples:  My youngest needed corrective shoes which, 18 years ago,
    were VERY expensive and not covered by insurance.  Both my sons needed
    braces and that was only partially covered by insurance.  Both my sons
    are now in college--now we are talking serious $$$$ to the tune of 
    $20,000/year for one of them at B.C.  Of course, I don't have to pay
    for all of that--he got $8,000/year scholarship money, took out loans
    and worked 2 jobs to help out, but the parental contribution is still
    sizable on my income.  I know people whose children need counselling
    and not all of that is covered by insurance--the list is endless.  I
    hate to sound negative, but I want to apprise you of all of the reali-
    ties of having a child.  Neither of my children were born while my ex
    and I had insurance (he was a struggling college student and on my
    salary (back 22 years ago), we couldn't afford the insurance nor would
    the pregnancies have been covered once we did get insurance (pre-exist-
    ing condition in BOTH situations).  I was waitressing full-time for my
    first and they didn't have insurance back then--things might be
    different for full-time waitresses now.  We managed and my kids were
    healthy and happy babies, but I have to be honest with you, I wouldn't
    want to go through those tough financial times again.  It can be a
    drain on the marriage!
    
    Well, good luck in whatever you do.
    

    re .15-
    
    > I just HAVE TO ask this.  What do you mean "he doesn't have the energy
    > to work another job?"  Why not?  If he is as young as you are, he
    > should be able to work a full-time job AND a part-time job for a while.
    > [...]
    > If he does not work more than 10-12 hours a week now, I would think very 
    > seriously about how he is going to handle the expenses involved with...
      
    I think you may want to reread .14.  She said the dude is working
    10-12 hours a DAY.  Sounds like more than full time to me.
    
    DougO

.14
>> Right now he's working 10 - 12 hours a day and he gives me his paycheck at 
>> the end of the week.

.15
>> If he does not work more than 10-12 hours a week now,

	Reply .14 said 10-12 hours a day ... not a week.

	Dan

    Now that we have established that the poor guy is really shouldering
    his financial reponsibility,let's get down to the real issue:  
    Why, if he is so supportive and loyal through this unquestionably 
    difficult time, is there no inclinations to marry and attempt to
    stablize the environment (not just financially) that the child will 
    be born into to.  (I mean this is no Farah Fawcett/Ryan O'Neil type of 
    unrealistic Beverly Hill's situation here is it
     
    I believe that far more than the financial situation is contributing
    to your vulnerability and your decision to go ahead and not abort
    your child is admirable.  It appears that having the baby is the
    only way for you to go and you will know this more and more as the
    years pass and your child's life is intertwined with your own.
    
    The relationship you have with that child's father, however, may
    not be so easy for you.  Unless this young man accepts his full
    responsibility (which is doesn't appear that he is doing at the
    moment), then the road ahead with him does not appear stable.
    If you and he are comfortable with each other as parents of this
    child, then why wouldn't a marriage be the next step.  
    
    Ok, you can dismiss me as being from the old school with all the
    silly notions of marriage, babies, houses, etc. but I think those
    silly old-fashioned ideas work...... Just my humble opinion....
    
    
    Mary
    
    
    considering your reluctance  

    re: .18
    
    Nothing wrong with the "old school". In the long run it has the
    best chance of succeeding.
    
    ....Bob

RE: 18 

What gives you the idea that marriage will "stablize the environment"?

IMHO the worst thing in the world for this situation is getting married
just because you're pregnant!  Marriage should take place because you 
"WANT" to not because you "HAVE" to.  Forced marriages are much more 
likely to end in Divorce.  

Who says that the young man can't accept his responsibility as a father 
without the ties of marriage?  What about the mother, do you think that 
she can't accept the responsibilties of being a mother without the ties of 
marriage also??  Motherhood and Fatherhood have NOTHING to do 
with marriage!

Just my opinion!

Connie

    Another option  that has not been mentioned is using a mid-wife.
    you can sve on some of the expenses by having the child a home with 
    mid-wife(es) in attendence. They tend to do the prenatal care carefully
    and will refer you to a medical professional if they see a "risk"
    developing. The are usually big on eating healthy.
    
    Laws are different in different states and in Arkansas where I was
    first exposed to Midwifes I knew many women who did birthing without
    the benifit of the education and training available in the larger
    cities. The town we were in had a private hospital and you could not
    have a baby ther unless you could prove the bill would be paid 
    before you left the building. My child remained with the nurse in my
    room until I went down and recieved a reciept for payment of my portion 
    of the bill(Champus). For this reson people in this town could opt to
    go to Menphis(two hours away to a hospital there(many babies born on
    the way) or not bother and hve the baby at home  with a mid-wife who
    may or maynot be trained in the art. Or at the clinic which sent you
    home within a 24 hour period but was cheaper than the Hospital and
    still paid for in advance(you pay for delivery gradually as you go to 
    the prenatal check-ups).
    
    When I moved to Colorado we lived with my mom and dad andmy husband did
    not have a job. When he did  it was min wage and barly suporting us
    so I qualified for The now defunct CETA program. 
    During this time of little or no money I found suport in the most
    wonderful places. A group called life suport gave us a layette set.
    I couldnt find clothes in Blythevile Arkansas that I could consider 
    warm enough for a Baby that I knew would be going to Colorado. So 
    the Thanksgiving before the baby was born (in January) they gave me
    severalwarm blankets and blanket Sleepers to take back with me.
    
    Life Support or groups like it usually act around the pro-life
    organisations or church groups(expecially cathlic charities).
    People give the maternity clothes and baby clothers they don't need
    to the organisation and they distribute them to those who show a need.
    With some groups you can swap up sizes when they grow out of them.
    
    I have not had to buy much more that shoes for my boys as so many of my
    friends have boys and have given me clothes up to size six(my oldest is
    just now fitting into size 4 .  I give the ones he outgrows to a friend
    who then returns them for my soon to be size 2(he is a year old)
    
    Community Health clinics in Colorado Springs also offer well baby
    checks for 1.00 (10 years ago, I think they are now 3 dollars) and 
    they are checked by nurse pratitioners and given the shots and 
    developmental tests("can your one year old pick up raisens" as she
    lays three raisens on the table and my daughter quickly picks them up 
    and puts them into her mouth. They quickly explain the index
    finger-thumb pinching movement is a developmental skill that she had
    developed very well...I haven't had such a thourough exam with
    any docktor. They just ask you if they are doing certain things)
    
    Shots can often be gotten at the Comminity Health Center for a minimal
    fee(three dollars as opposed to thirty from most doctors in Colorado
    Springs).
    
    You may also qualify for the WIC program and be able to get free cheese
    and or milk til your child is two or you get a better paying job. I do
    believe they give grocery vouchers too. Works sorta like food stamps
    but its a one time thing to help til food stamps starts in. 
    
    Yep I have used food stamps and will in the future if need be to be
    suremy children have somthing to eat.
    
    The Laleche league will help you get started with nursing if that is
    something you would like to do to cut expences. When my youngest was
    six months and I started to feed him formula my hubby could not
    believe the increase in the grocery bill( I had been pumping milk
    at work up till that time) They will also help you learn to use a
    breast pump if that is what you want to do. It is a great support group
    and you may be able to get a used pump at a redused rate.
    
    I remember needing to get pedialyte and a perscription for Angela ten 
    years ago and not having the money for it. I finally called the Life
    Support and they gave me fifteen dollars to go get the stuff I needed
    for her. Help can be gotten and many of the sourses are United Way
    Supported Organisations. I do support United Way soley because Thier 
    organisations helped me  before I ever heard of Digital.
    

My first son was born when we were broke, had no insurance, we were both in
college and I had 3 jobs to pay college expenses.  Thankfully MI had medicare,
and food stamps, and Ric was born without any terrible hardship, and we
survived college.

I don't see any reason for not bearing a child because of expenses.  We pay
taxes to provide for programs for people in this particular situation; make use
of them.  Unfortunately not all states have good programs, and we have this
working, but poor crack where you don't qualify but you still can't afford the
expense.  It would be much more equitable if everyone qualified for the same
benifits.  In the current situation you might be best off to quit working and
collect the benifits for a while.

Jim.