| 1. Recognize signs of depression and suicide risk.
-Change in personality-sad, withdrawn, irritable, anxious, tired,
indecisive, apathetic.
-Change in behavior-can't concentrate on school, work, routine tasks
-change in sleeping patterns-- over-sleeping, or insomnia, sometimes
with early wakening.
-Change in eating habits--loss of appetite and weight, or overeating
-Loss of interest inn friends, sex, hobbies, activities previously
enjoyed
-worry about money, illness (either real or imaginary.)
- Fear of losing control, going crazy, harming self or others.
-Feeling helpless, worthless, "nobody cares," Every one would be
better off without me."
-Feeling of overwhelming guilt, shame and self-hatred.
-No hope for the future, "It will never get better," " I will always
feel this way."
-Drug or alcohol Abuse
-Recent loss--through death, divorce, separation, broken relationship,
or loss of job, money, status, self-confidence, self-esteem.
-Loss of religious faith
-Suicidal impulses, statements, plans; giving away favorite things;
previous suicide attempts or gestures.
-agitation, hyperactivity, restlessness may indicate masked
depression
*** REMEMBER: The risk of suicide may be greatest as the depression lifts. ***
2. Do not be afraid to ask:"DO YOU SOMETIMES FEEL SO BAD YOU THINK OF SUICIDE?"
Just about everyone has considered suicide, however fleetingly, at one
time or another. There is no danger of "giving someone the idea."
In fact, it can be a great relief if you bring the question of suicide
out in the, and discuss it freely without showing shock or
disapproval. Raising the question of suicide shows that you are taking
the person seriously and responding to the potential of his distress.
3. If the answer is "YES, I DO THINK OF SUICIDE," YOU MUST TAKE IT SERIOUSLY
AND FOLLOW THROUGH:
ASK: Have you thought how to do it? Do you have the means? Have you decided
when you would do it? Have you tried suicide before? What happened then? If
the person has a definite plan, if the means are easily available, if the
method is a lethal one, and the time set, the risk of suicide is very high
Your response will be geared to the urgency of the situation as you see it.
Therefore it is vital not to underestimate the danger by not asking for the
details.
4. DO NOT LEAVE A SUICIDAL PERSON ALONE IF YOU THINK THERE IS IMMEDIATE
DANGER.
Stay with the person until help arrives or the crisis passes. Nearly
everyone can be helped to overcome almost any kind of situation which might
destroy their self confidence, if they have someone who will listen, take them
seriously, and help them feel worthwhile and wanted again. Common to every
suicidal crisis is a strong ambivalence: "I want to kill myself, but I don't
want to be dead--at least not forever." What most suicidal people want is not
death, but some way out of the terrible pain of feeling, "Life is not worth
living, I am not fit to live, I am all alone with this, I don't belong, and
nobody cares." After being allowed to unburden--without interruption, without
being judged or criticized, or rejected, or told what to do--the tension
drops, the pain is relieved, and the suicidal feelings pass--maybe not
forever, but for now.
Your job is to listen. If you cant get the person to talk, if the person is
hallucinating or influenced by drugs or alcohol, if the danger of suicide is
imminent and the means are available, get professional help. Do not try to go
it alone.
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-Sad, withdrawn
-Lack of interest in activities previously enjoyed
-apathy and fatigue
-pessimistic, irritable
-less of appetite and weight
-Loss of sexual interest
-Sleep disturbance-insomnia, sometimes early wakening
-nightmares
-difficulty in making conversation and carrying out routine tasks
-sense of futility.
-indecisiveness
-feelings of guilt and self blame
-preoccupation with illness real or imaginary
-financial worries
-drug or alcohol dependence
-preoccupation with or talk about suicide
-a definite plan for committing suicide
-suicidal attempts
-social isolation
-recent loss
-no hope for the future
-unsympathetic relatives, feeling that nobody cares.
-Tidying up affairs, giving away possessions
-suicides in the family or among close friends
-fear of losing control, going crazy harming self or others
-low energy
-anxiety
-stress
Many times people are most at risk when they seem to be improving. Sometimes
when a person has carried around with them for a long time the idea of
suicide, even even a seemingly trivial mental stress can set off a tragedy.
If a person seems depressed, do not be afraid to ask "Do you feel bad enough
to kill yourself?" It can be a great relief to them if you bring up the
subject and let them talk freely about their suicidal thoughts, feelings,
impulses, plans, fantasies. Talking about it to someone who accepts them,
without showing shock or disapproval, can clear the air and reduce the
tension. Nearly everyone can be helped to overcome almost any kind of
situation which might destroy their confidence, if they have someone who will
listen to them, take them seriously and show that they care about them.
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| 1. All befriending is played by ear. There are no formulas, just some safe
guidelines.
2. You must BE YOURSELF. Anything else feels phony, sounds phony, and won't
be natural to you or to the person who is talking with you.
3. Your job is to listen. You want to make a relationship with the other
person so that he feels he can trust you enough to tell you what is really
on his mind. You want him to be able to confide in you as he would to his
closest friend.
4. What you say or don't say is not as important as HOW you say it. If you
can't find the right words, but feel genuinely concerned, your voice and
manner will convey this.
5. Deal with the person, not just "the problem." Talk as an EQUAL. If you
try to act like a counselor or an expert, or try to solve problems and give
advice, it will probably be resented.
6. Give your full attention. Listen for feelings, as well as facts. Listen
for what is not said, as well as what is said. Allow the person to unburden
without interruption.
7. Don't feel you have to say something every time there is a pause.
Silence gives you both time to think. When you don't know what to say, say
nothing.
8. Show interest, and invite the person to continue without giving him the
third degree. Simple, direct questions ("what happened?" What's the
matter?") are less threatening than complicated, probing ones.
9. Steer toward the pain, not away from it. The person WANTS to tell you
about the private, painful things that most other people don't want to hear.
Sometimes you have to provide an opening, and give him permission to begin
talking. (" you seem depressed. What's the matter?")
10.Try to see and feel thing from the other person's point of view. Be on his
side. Don't side with the people he may be hurting or the people who may
be hurting him.
11.Let the person find his own answers, even if you think you see an obvious
solution.
12.Many times there are no "answer" and your role is simply to bear witness,
to listen, to be with the person. and share the pain. Giving your time,
attention, and concern may not seem like "doing enough." People in distress
in seemingly hopeless situations can make you feel helpless and inadequate.
Fortunately, we do not have to come up with solutions or change people's
lives, or even SAVE their lives. They will save themselves, make their own
changes and decisions, etc. Trust them.
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