Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    
    You must have that "I am so miserable" look...:-)  <-- note the smile..
    
    
    Steve
    
    

         I have made the same assumption about certain people.  I'm not
    completely sure what it is that makes me believe that they are married,
    but it is strong enough so that I don't even consider discussing
    single-type matters with them.
    
         On second thought, maybe I can isolate ONE factor.  The
    flirtation factor does figure in.  Both males and females tend to do a
    lot of subtle flirting with each other in this part of the country.  If
    I notice that someone does not participate, I get a small hint of
    marital commitment.  However, there are too many married folk who do it
    for me to conclude that a flirter is single.   
    
         That's just one signal.  It does take more for the conclusion to
    take hold.
    
                                     Greg

How about looking for a wedding ring?

    /larry

    Hugh,
    
    You must be very nice and very attractive.
    
    It seems like all the nice and attractive men are married! ;-)

Not all of us are married.  :-)

    /larry

    RE: .3 (Larry)
    
         Strange as it seems, that doesn't work a good percentage of the
    time.
    
                                      Greg

    re: 3
    
    I know LOTS of married men (including my brother in law, who's
    gorgeous!) who don't wear wedding rings, so you never can tell.
    
    Hugh, it's basically assumed that most people are married with a family
    by the age of 25 or so.  So people probably just assume you are!
    
    Most people are *shocked* when I tell them I'm 27 and have never
    been married.  They just figure I'm divorced since I don't wear
    the ring .... talk about stupid!  
    
    Tammi
     

    
    	Can't say I've had this problem. I did however have a
    	couple of people think I was single (which I am) and
    	shocked to find out I had been married for 12 1/2 years.
    	Maybe it's because I'm so darn ugly that they figured 
    	noone in their right mind would be interested. ;^)
    
    	G_B

I'm only 21 so I've never had people assume that I was married, but I do have
some friends (around my age) that are already or are getting married in the
near future (one of them tomorrow!).  :-)  More than likely most people will 
assume that they are single or maybe seeing someone and NOT that they are
married.  I guess you can never tell. 

I'm looking forward to (though, I'll probably change my mind later!  :-)  )
the day that people may possibly think that I'm married or have been married.
Right now, I'm more likely to hear "You work for Digital?  Aren't you too
young?" than anything else.  :-)  

If I see a woman who is either alone or with a group of girlfriends, I'll 
ask her to dance or something, but if she has a guy with her, then I won't.
Now, how does a married man or woman go to a bar or club after work, w/out
their spouse and keep others from thinking that they're available?  Especially
if people don't wear or look at rings?

    - Larry

    
    
    I was one of those people that was told that "YOU JUST LOOK MARRIED."
    Can't figure it out.  Have always been socially gracious and very
    friendly and open toward people.  Who knows, maybe others assume if
    you are attractive and friendly that you're taken.
    
    My feeling:	 If you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME.
    
    Ms. Liz
    

    re .7
    
    At 25 I was not ready to get married.
    
    I don't know whether or not people think that I 'look married', but I
    know that they do not think that I look as old as I am.
    
    Rich (who is not married)

    
    	I have a male friend here in my building who's very single and 
    	always has been.  A while ago another (male) friend commented
    	that my Friend No. 1 looked married.  I told F1 about this and
    	he was absolutely shocked, just like Hugh.  
    
    	I'm not entirely sure why it's an insult but I know that when 
    	someone thinks *I'm* married, I come close to passing out!
    
    	We couldn't figure out what it is about him that gives off the
    	illusion he's married and still to this day I have no idea why
    	some folks would think he looks it.  Is it an apparent look of
    	conservatism?  Is it because once you get to a certain age one
    	assumes you've found a suitable marriageable mate?  Is it yet
    	another latent conveyance of societal beliefs and pressures to 
    	"settle down"?
    
    	Carla
    

    Hmmm.  I'm not sure *what* it is that makes a person look married or
    not married.  I've never been married, but while working in retail I
    got so tired of being asked out by male customers that I tried to 
    look married - by wearing a wedding set.
    
    Didn't work.  (And no comments about whether or not I should complain!)
    
    Carol
    

Re: 875.9   Larry:   
         >>...but if she has a guy with her, then I won't ask..
 
         The above should be understood as situational and not as
 a blanket statement to cover all instances of -> "has a guy with her".
       
  There was this instance where I almost backed out of asking a woman
  with an interesting face for a dance. Just as I was about to finish a 
  sentence "Excuse me  err..." a guy pulls a chair next to her about to sit
  down. So I said:  "That must be your husband". No she said,"that's my father". 
  Consequently we ended up dancing. 
     
      In another instance at a club I noticed this couple, she was tall, young
 looking and (highly) fashionably dressed with a guy middle aged (sort of) in
 a plain jacket and shirt. It appeared like some married millionaire and his 
 young mistress or an executive secretary and the vice-president etc stereotype.
 I noticed that she was very effervescent in her conversation with the guy. 
 On the other hand the guy was sitting or leaning quietly sipping his drink.      
 They could be co-workers in town for a convention, dad in town for daughter's
 graduation etc..  I said to myself: "I'll bite, it could only be up or down".
 I approached her and asked...but before I could finish the sentence she said,
 SURE ! I almost said :this was only a test: Not wanting to create a possible
 nasty scene, reaction from the guy? I asked him if it was ok to dance with her.
 He said: "why not ?". So I ended up dancing with her for three songs in a row.
 Later on during the evening I asked for another dance and we danced again to
 several songs including one song we did cheek-to-cheek. 
 I didn't ask her what her name is and the whole bit. End of the evening she 
 went with him and that was it. She implied that she's had her weekly "aerobics"
 The guy was glad that I was a "safe guy who never intended to take over his
 woman" I went home feeling.?..that I was able to overcome an intimidating look.
          So, how can you tell who's  TAKEN by just looking ? 
 
 Fazari.          

    re .0
    
    Well, never having met you, I can't say for sure, but I think one thing
    that lead people to assume marriage, is when they see, let me call it
    "contentedness".
    
    Now, who knows what this says about the way we think.  I guess that
    people aren't whole or complete until they are "made as one".  True or
    not, I don't know.
    
    But I have seen this mistaken identity kind of thing most often with
    people that have their lives in order and feel good about themselves. 
    They have an air of... how to describe it?  Its something like, but not
    quite, self-confidence.  Don't misunderstand.  What I'm "trying" to say
    is that there is no smugness, no cockyness, just a sort of inner
    happiness.  A sense that the person will look at you and see you as a
    whole person, not just dating material, or a hot chick, or someone to
    tell your troubles to.  Someone with no hidden agendas.
    
    Of course, its getting PRETTY hard to find this among married couples,
    so why someone would think that this "Je ne sais quas" (SP) is
    indicitive of a married state, I don't know.  Maybe its just the first
    thing that comes to mind (Gee, he looks really together - damn!  Must
    be married!).
    
    Me, I'm 33 and people still give me double takes when they find out
    that I was married in the dim past.  Whatever this (dare I call it)
    "glow" is that you have that makes people see you the way they do, I
    don't have.
    
    In fact, I'll beat a long dead horse and describe myself as "Cute, nice
    and funny".  Not a "hunk".  And although that makes me a suitable
    candidate for a fun date, the untrained observer might not take me as
    marriage material.
    
    They say the grass is always greener, but my feeling is I would rather
    "look" like you (what ever you look like :-) !  Although some people
    may not approach you, at least those that do will likely have more
    serious intentions.
    
    Jim
    

    
    Fazari,
    
       I didn't intend for my comment to sound as a "blanket statement". 
    Situations like the ones you described are plausible.  I guess you can
    never really know until you ask the woman to dance and see what her 
    response is. 
    
    Larry
    

    Is it the inner contentment with your life you show to the outside
    world?  
             
    Hugh, I don't think you look married, even the first time we met.
             
    ..dale
        

         Sometimes, it takes the form of aloofness.  Other times, it is the
    tease which consistently stops short of titilating.  Most often, it is
    the previously mentioned body language.
    
         Funny, it's hard to describe but most folk sense it when it
    happens.
    
                                       Greg