| re: .0, third paragraph
Does the person you're asking about know you wrote the base note?
I don't know that the rules are in your therapy group, but you might
want to be careful about what you repeat here about her problems.
Therapy groups usually have agreements that whatever is said in group
is not repeated elsewhere. I know you want to reach out and help her,
but I'm just a little concerned...
If you and she have already discussed it, then never mind!
Pam
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A simple answer: Can ACOA help? Yes, if she's willing to work on
herself.
A bunch of things --
First -- her father isn't a former alcoholic -- he's a current
alcoholic -- alcoholism, like diabetes, is a "forever" disease.
(For those who have gone down the disease/moral failure rathole,
I really don't want to start that here as well -- it's been
discussed elsewhere)
Second -- ACOA, like any other 12 Step program, won't help her directly
in dealing with her father. It will help her in dealing with herself.
If she decides to attend meetings, she will most likely hear about
what she can for herself, not for her father. BUT, as she changes, her
attitude toward herself and her father will most likely change.
The rules you mentioned:
>She [...] can't seem to talk to him as he and the rest of her family
>have always felt that "it should stay only within the family" and
>there's "no need to talk it out now."
are "classic" characteristics within the dynamics of an alcoholic
family; they're often stated: "Don't talk, don't feel, don't trust."
Now: about the ACOA notesfile. If you're interested in joining the
file FOR YOURSELF, contact me (Along with three others, I co-moderate
that file).
Could meetings help her? I wouldn't doubt it. How can you be sure?
Go to some meetings yourself, and find out. Most ACOA meetings are
"Open" -- that is, they're there for anybody who wants to find out
more about how alcoholism's effects far transcend the one who drinks.
If you're interested in attending ACOA meetings, contact me, and I can
probably point you to a meeting in your area (assuming Greater Maynard).
andrew
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| I agree with what Andrew said in .3. I think that ACoA meetings
can help, and their help isn't restricted to those from alcoholic
families. I just started going to ACoA meeting a little over a month
ago, and I'm beginning to see some differences in my life. Neither of
my parents is an alcoholic, but my family is dysfunctional. At least
50% of the people in the ACoA meeting I attend who have shared their
experiences have come from families without alcohol problems.
I get a feeling of belonging to a caring group when I attend an
ACoA meeting. I also hear people talking about what they're going
through and what they've been through, and it sometimes helps me get
a different perspective on my life and my problems.
The meeting I go to has a beginners meeting and a regular meeting.
I would suggest that the woman you're talking to find a group that has
a beginners meeting if possible. I find the beginners meeting I go to
is a bit more intimate and less intimidating than a big meeting.
I wish your friend well,
ASP
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