| The details are different, but otherwise it's exactly how I've
been feeling . . . along with a lot of "But I'm too old to be
having another baby! I must have been out of my mind!" As if 35
is old . . .
Have you read Gail Sheehy's book _Passages_? It's rather old and
in some ways quite superficial, but it does offer considerable
reassurance that we're normal and that this is a normal stage of
growing up. I don't know whether she actually coined the term
"mid-life crisis" but she talks a lot about where it comes from,
what it means, and what you can do about it.
--bonnie
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| Hi Paula,
I really think you've hit the burnout point. I know you work long
hours and there is alot of pressure on you. You also push yourself
going to school at night.
My advice is to take a session or two off from school and get out as
often as you can. Take your husband and the kid/kids and head up to
the mountains. It's hard to get motivated sometimes but "do it".
Hang in there Paula. If you need to bend someone's ear sometime, feel
free to call me (I have big ears and a stong shoulders), I'll even
supply the kleenex.
Take care,
Tom
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| I think it's a transition, Paula. I'm 42, and all my closest friends,
and my sister who is 41, are going through something a lot similar.
I've been in that mode for about two years now, and I have a friend
who is experiencing the same thing, and she's about 54, so it may
last for awhile.
Perhaps it's part of the maturing process and a natural phase of
growth. I've learned to accept it as part of life and am seeking
to understand what I may learn from the experience.
Just know you're not alone...
Hugs and Support,
Barb
|
|
Paula,
I'm responding to a collection of lines from your note:
> and yet feel lost inside?
> You re-evaluate everything, looking for something "important."
> You wonder what you can do to help the children who are starving around
the world.
> You lose interest in things for which you always had a passion they
begin to all look alike.
> You wake up one morning and realize you don't know how to have fun, anymore.
> Where are your relationships with people, while your nose is buried in a book?
> You feel a very private confusion.
I can't answer your question about what's going on inside a person, but
I don't feel it has anything to do with age, but more with a level of maturity.
Perhaps there are ways out of this thinking and feeling. All of the following
is purely opinion on my part.....
We learn to succeed at things in life, and for many, the challenges
in life are not really difficult and hard. Sure, they are time consuming
and take work, but we learn to pace the work and overcome the challenges. We
also have the necessities and toys we want, or are slowly recovering them from
financial institutions while we maintain custody of them. Our lives may have
become too centered on our own wants, needs, desires, feelings, and comforts.
Life, for many, is missing the challenge of having to depend on our
abilities to get us through from day to day, things become routine, or not far
from the beaten path. Our accomplishments are not there to stand back and
admire; they are just hours in front of a tube, or pieces of plastic that roll
away from us at an assembly line. Our zest for life dwindles as boredom sets
in.
Perhaps a solution to this is putting oneself in a situation where the
comfort level changes. The situation should force you to depend on your
abilities, or immediately respond to someone else whose needs are greater than
your own. In any situation, you should not be able to predict the results of
your input - you must realize that you may NOT be able to succeed at what you
set out to accomplish. This must be just as viable an outcome as succeeding.
Possible avenues of pursuit:
1 Get involved with an organization that is trying to better the
community. Try something like working on a drug hot-line, a teen crisis center,
the Guardian Angles, or a volunteer ambulance or fire-fighting team. You may
find the value in your life from trying to help others who desperately need
help. The real challenge is there because the person you assist may not
respond, or someone may not pull through, no matter how much effort you put
into the situation.
2 A more personal approach may be a week or two on an Outward Bound
program - I've talked with a few people who have been there, and each has
carried away strengths which they discuss with energy and enthusiasm that makes
the experience seem like yesterday, though years later. There is a real
challenge because your next meal and shelter will come from your own hands, no
help from the society at large.
3 Another approach may be to seek inward for self realization: perhaps
through the practice of yoga or meditation - not just the average community
center approach, but one with a true focus on learning who the inner person you
are really is. The challenge is perseverance - only you can see it through to
an end point - or new beginning point.
There are many other approaches, but any approach must cause a certain
amount of rigorous looking inward in order to `know thyself.' Any approach
that works is good as there is no one right path - and everyone needs to find
their own answers.
Eric
|
| re .1 Bonnie - I read Passages about 15 years ago; maybe time for
another go at it. Thanks!
re .2 Hi Tom. Haven't seen you in a while. I probably should take
off a term or two, but I'm almost done!
re .3 Thanks for the encouragement, Barb. It's good to know there
are so many others feeling the same way. But it would be nice
to "outgrow."
re .4 Eric - funny you should mention doing something with an
uncertain outcome, with a lower comfort level. I just took off
on a 4-day vacation with less than $100, and a gasoline credit
card. I think semi-consciously I wanted to see how I'd make
things work out - a little test. Sort of an adventure. I went
places I'd never been before - Taos, Chaco Canyon, etc. I
expected the countryside to be dry, scrubby, and ugly, but it
turned out to be some of the most beautiful I've ever seen!
I camped in a beautiful spot near Los Alamos, and was awakened
several times during the night by howling coyotes. Also took
a ride through the mountains in a circa 1890's train, and drove
the last 300+ miles home with $3. Spent part of the night in
a county jail being fed coffee and cookies by the deputies to
wake me up for the rest of the drive home. (I had wandered in to
see which route to take to avoid the snowstorm in the
mountains.) Now I'm ready for a week's stay wandering around
Chaco Canyon looking at ancient indian ruins, and feeling the
atmosphere. By the way - I'm taking one of your suggestions and
looking for a Teen Crisis center. For the past couple years one
of my concerns has been teenage suicide. Kids that age
*shouldn't* have insurmountable problems. I really appreciate
the suggestions.
Have a good weekend, all!
Paula
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| You sound like you are burned out, but it seams like you have a
"wonderful life" and everything is going fine. Dont complain about
that aspect!!! Just spice up your life a little!! Take your wife out
dancing, go shopping (buy something frivolous!!!), join a volunteer
group ( I belong to a public access group and I love it). Dont let
life get stale on you!! Enjoy it!!!!!
|