Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Bring it to a jeweler.  The gold and the diamond can be appraised.
    You could have the diamond put into another setting. Some Jewelers
    deal in  'estate' jewelry - yours might be considered that
    

Or you may be able to "trade it in" towards another piece of jewelry - 
perhaps at the jeweler the set was bought from.  I have an engagement set
that was (sadly) returned to me, and the jeweler told me I can trade it
in for full credit for something else.

I still have my old wedding band around somewhere - I keep thinking that
I should dispose of it somehow.  But thinking about it just brings back
the pain, so I put it off....

				Steve

    Don't pawn it.  You'll never get full value for the set.  I did
    that and I regret it to this day.
    
    Three of my friends who divorced did something different with their
    sets.
    
    1.  One took the diamond and had it made into a necklace.  It was
        beautiful.  She wore it off a simple gold chain.
    
    2.  One had a cocktail ring made out of hers because she had many
        small diamonds in her wedding band.  That turned out really
        stunning.
    
    3.  The other one also had the large diamond made into a necklace
        but she also had the gold melted into a small bobble* and had
        had the smaller diamonds set into that.  She wears it on a long
        gold chain.  The larger diamond (1 carat) she wears for good.
     
    	* Sort of like a chunk of gold...
    
    Many jewelers will do this for you.  I know of two who do it in
    Mansfield, Mass. alone.  Perhaps you can call a few and if they
    don't do it perhaps they will refer you to someone who will
    
    
    
    

    I'm saving mine as is in case my daughter ever wants it as
    a keepsake.  I have a friend whose parents were divorced
    when he was very young.  They saved their rings for him and
    he had them redesigned into a gorgeous ring.
    
    Nanci
    

    re .0
    
    It is a scientific fact that diamonds are not stable, so if you want 
    to sell your diamond ring, do it ASAP.
    
    Eugene

    I had the diamond from mine, placed in a mothers rings (I have a
    child born in April).  I also then took the gold from my wedding
    set, and the gold from his band, and had them melted down, and traded
    in the gold vaule towards my ring.  I now have a $1000.00 mothers
    ring, that I only had to pay $200.00 for. 
    
    No one would ever guess that the diamond in the middle represnted
    such bitter years :-)....  Now for once it brings joy!
    
    Gale

    I would also like to know where (more specifically) one goes to
    get a fair price for their diamond. I am not interested in putting
    up additional money to make a different piece of jewelry. I still
    have the paper work for the ring (cut/quality/clarity statement).
    
    Gail

I still wear my wedding ring as a reminder of my bond with my children, but
I wear it on my right hand.  I am saving the other wedding ring, and as soon
as practical, I will give it to my son.

These rings are very unusual, white gold with an inset triangular geometric
pattern.  I spent a lot of time looking for them, and they are very special
to me.  I would not throw it away, sell it, or make it into something else.

Jim.

    re: .7
    
          I recently reprinted an article out of our newspaper
    that dealt with the whole diamond "market" (of which most of
    us are being held "hostage.")  If you are really interested
    that article is in DEJAVU under the *Crystals* topic (69 maybe?)
    In any case, it may be of interest to note that typically 
    diamonds are marked up nearly 100%.  And that if you go to
    resell them, you will logically only be offered 50% of what
    you paid for them (since that is the approximate price that
    the typical jeweler pays for them.)  Moreover, the article goes
    on to describe diamonds as a lousy investment, almost never
    giving back as much as other commodities would if similarly
    invested.  As others have stated here, either be content
    with the 50% offer (unless you can find a buyer) or else
    keep it as a souvenir or heirloom or perhaps have it reworked
    into another piece of jewelry.
    
    Frederick
    

    I know that this is going to bug some people but what the heck.
    
    Why not give it back to the person who bought it for you?  The 
    diamond is usally given at the engagement.  This is given under
    the promise of marriage and life with the other person.  Since 
    the later part of the bargain fell through, wouldn't it be fair
    to give the diamond back?
    
    Bill

RE: -.1  That sounds good to me...

Me...  I didn't have an engagement ring...  I've never understood how people
could spend a thousand dollars or so on a rock for an engagement ring... Don't
they have anything better to spend their money on?  I'd much rather use that
money on a downpayment for a house for the couple to live in...

Then again... the woman is the one who always gets the engagement ring...

Jim. 

    re: the woman always gets the ring...
    
    Not in all cases.  I had a lovely emerald-in-gold signet ring made
    for a fiancee.  In return he gave me his class ring (he was a student,
    didn't have a whole lot of money for a ring...).  When we parted
    ways, after 2 years, he asked for his ring back...and I asked for
    mine.  Fortunately his name was "Bob", so the initial matched.

    Diamonds will never reap full sale value during resale....
    
    
    If you feel he somehow owes you money, or something, or you can
    use the money, liquidate it if you wish.  Or, if you feel it will
    have some sentimental value to him, send it back.  Or put it in
    a safe deposit box for your children.  Or have it re-set.  Do as
    you wish, or think it over for a while....I really don't think diamonds
    are that unstable (I've seen diamonds people's great-grandmothers
    owned in antique settings and they've looked fine to me....)
    
    -Jody
    

    > 	Then again... the woman is the one who always gets the engagement
    >	ring...
    
    Not always.  My former husband and I bought diamond rings together
    when we became engaged.  However his is set in the standard men's
    ring style.  He continues to wear it.  He also has my diamond, and
    another small stoned ring that he had given me.  I have both the
    wedding bands.  I could never sell them, and since we did not have
    children together, I can't give them away.  I see nothing wrong
    with people who sell or reset rings, but for me, I just don't think
    I can.  The wedding bands sit in a box inside my jewelry box, and
    every now and again, I open them.  I've finally gotten to a point
    where there isn't any pain in looking.  for me, I simply look and
    remember a time when the two of us were extremely happy together.
    I tend to put a lot of sentiment into the symbol they represent
    to me.  However,  a woman I work with has the exact same wedding
    band as I, and somehow it does seem to bother me when I notice it.
    Perhaps I envy that her marriage has lasted and mine didn't.
                                                                
    SandieD

I often wonder the same thing.  I'm going through a divorce now - never 
thought I would and I still have my rings - the wedding ring says "my love 
forever" inside so I know I'll never be able to wear it again - it's not 
appropriate - the diamond is so small that it's probably not worth much in 
value.  I thought about having them made into different jewlery but just can't 
bear to look at them yet.  I've got them packed away into a big box with 
everything else that meant something "special" to us as a couple in the cellar 
marked "dead and gone"....and the date he left.  I'll probably never open that 
box again.  I think if I did, I'd have a pretty sad day.

/Colleen

    One of my mother's divorced friends had her wedding band cut in half,
    and made into a pair of earrings.... pretty symbolic, eh?
    
    --Sharon
    

         
         "Rings and things..." are just "things" after all,
         yes? They do not grow or change; they do not bend
         or break; they do not cry or laugh. They are substitutes
         for what we *do* or *think* we feel...reminders...
         announcements...
         
         If they remind us of pain...wouldn't it be best to
         get rid of them?  Give them back I think was a terribly
         appropriate suggestion...why would you want a reminder
         of someone's denial?
         
         If they remind us of past joy...wouldn't it be best
         to leave them untouched so they are just as they
         were when it was so...? And giving them to children
         of the union was another really sensitive suggestion.
         
         If they instill vengence in us...wouldn't it be better
         to remove them completely? I wouldn't think the "object" of
         the ire will give a da** about the symbolism of
         re-setting jewels...and I wouldn't think any
         children of such a union will "benefit" from such
         action...why would anyone want to wear something
         from someone who has left them, in changed settings
         or otherwise?? Unless you have tender thoughts about 
         the time together, why would you want it around at
         all?  {Honest question there...I am just wondering out
         loud} In which case selling them seems a nice final
         middle-finger-raised-in-salute...
         then_you_can_move_on_with_your_own_life_gesture?
         
         Just some "wondering" thoughts...I have never had
         to deal with it...I wear no wedding band or engagement
         ring, although I have jewelry my husband has bought
         for me...so I am woefully uninformed...on several
         aspects of this topic...
         
         Melinda                 

    re .10  give it back?
    
    I paid for a good portion of my own engagement diamond, it's not
    going back to anyone!
    
    Gail

    After my divorce was final, I sold the rings (I had a real tiny
    diamond, so it wasn't worth much as a gem - otherwise I would had gone
    to a jeweler instead of selling them based on the weight of gold they
    contained), and used the money to replace a bunch of MY tools my ex-
    took when he moved in with his girlfriend - I needed things like a
    replacement for my drill to do some much-needed repairs around my house
    (still mine - I had paid the entire down payment on it and all of the
    mortgage payments, so it wasn't negotiable - anyhow, it is three blocks
    from my cube!) - I suppose I could have borrowed tools and done the
    work while the divocre proceedings dragged on, but I didn't have the
    heart for it, I was so depressed.

    Although this is not advocated by me to be everyone's solution,
    I cut my ring in half and dropped one half into the mid-atlantic
    and dropped the other half out of a small single engine aircraft
    at about 1500 ft. over a canyon. I couldn't do that to my ex, but
    it was symbolic. She had been cheating for 2 years and married the
    guy 30 days after the divorce. As soon as the kids are grown, I
    will totally forget my ex's existence. After 5 yrs. the pain and
    hurt have not diminished and the hatred continues to grow and fester.
    I apologize for being so negative, but I feel that way about her.
    
    I wouldn't wish death or major injury on her but I laughed at finding
    out she had a root canal done the other week. So I guess my negative
    feelings run deep. I would never have considered or even conceived
    of doing to her what she did to me. I guess I'm entitled. We were
    married for 10 and a half years.
    
                                    Phil

    I haven't been divorced long, but am still wearing my wedding ring on
    my right hand.  A friend suggested not wearing it for awhile, but I'm
    not sure I want to do that.  On the positive side, I wouldn't be
    reminding myself of the failure of that marriage constantly, but it
    doesn't bother me much any more anyway. 
    
    It is a fine piece of hand-crafted work, which took he and I a long
    time searching for a piece of artwork to copy, and an artesian to
    do the work.  It is not the kind of thing that would retain much
    of its value if made into something else - it has to remain intact.
    I don't really want to put in in a drawer and admire it every 6
    months.  Since we don't have children, there's no one to save it
    for or give it to.
    
    Elizabeth

    I didn't say just "Give it back".   I said "Give it back to the
    person who bought it for you."  If you bought it then give it back
    to you....
    
    Bill