Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Hi Amy,
    
    There's another discussion going on in GUMMO::MEDICAL right now
    on the same subject (see Bronchitis note).
    
    I have had asthma all my life.  I try not to let my limitations
    get me down.  Sometimes (especially after an attack) it does get
    difficult when you cannot even go to work, go outside, etc.  
    
    One thing that really bothers me is when I have to be out of work
    because of my asthma.  Once I return to work people will ask me
    how I am, and offer me advice.  As if I am doing something to cause
    these attacks.  A few times people have not believed that I was
    actually out 'sick' because when I returned to work I looked healthy.
    
    During school (mostly grammar and junior high) the kids would ask
    me why I was out of school so much.  And, why I had to go to the
    nurse around lunchtime each day.  Back then I had to take liquid
    slophyllin.  Once I started taking pills and using an inhaler things
    got a little better.  I had to carry the inhaler around.  It was
    stolen from school once.  
    
    Another thing that still bothers me is my shakiness.  The medication
    I take makes my hands shake a little (some days worse than others).
    People ask me if I'm nervous, ask why my hands shake, etc.  
    
    I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've learned to live with
    these things as well as my physical limitations.  It was harder
    when I was younger.  Now I just explain the side effects to people
    if I'm having bad days (sometimes I have to eat something so I don't
    faint as a result of the medication).
    
    It's hard sometimes but once you start taking the correct medication
    it gets easier.  And, as you get older it does get easier to handle.
    At least my asthma is alot better now compared to when I was younger.
    
    Hang in there.  Send me mail if you want to talk some more.
    
    Carol

    Dear Amy -
    
    	My handicap is an emotional disorder, one which requires
    medication,and makes it very difficult on those around me.
    
    	In addition to therapy and supportive friends from this Notes
    conference, I have found a great deal of help from a support group
    Emotions Anonymous - modeled after the A.A. program to help people
    with their emotions. One aspect of the program is learning to live
    with unsolved problems.
    
    	If you aer interested, you may send VAXMAIL.
    
    	With all best wishes ...
    
    					Guy B.
    

    Hmm...I reread my base note, and realized that it seemed very 
    specific...which wasn't how I meant it to come across.  I used 
    my own situation more as an example, because that's what got me 
    thinking about this.  I was thinking that there might be a good 
    discussion about how people dealt with any kinds of limitations.  
    If there is something you know you can't do or have (for whatever 
    reason), or something that you have to live with, and for the most 
    part you accept this and live with it, do you ever still seem to 
    get frustrated from time to time because of it?  Is it truly just a 
    matter of time before it doesn't bother you any more, or are there 
    ways to deal with it when it comes up?


	Amy

Time frustrates me....  There are so many things I want to do, places I want to
be, people I want to know...  Then were are all the time you spend doing things
you have to do...

Jim. 

    
      I am Blind as a bat without my Glasses or contact lenses. 
    There are times when I am out on my Bicycle 40-50 miles away
    from home and something will happen to one of my contacts and
    it can be very painful. I have to stop and either wait for the 
    pain to go away or sometimes find something to put the lense 
    into for the ride home. (hard to find in the wilds of central mass)
       I have had instances where I lost my lenses and my glasses were
    not where I normally put them. Then I get into one of those "I need
    my glasses to find my glasses" dilemma. thank god for my wife !!
    
       The frustration level can get higher than you think because that
    is one of the things that I secretly fear all of the time. I have
    learned to develope habits to help prevent these things from happening
    but once in a while they do and I am not a pleasant person to live
    with for a while afterwards. For the most part like what was mentioned
    earlier I learn to live with it. But if I had one wish to make it
    would probably be "please let me have better than average eyesight
    and never need to wear glasses again.
    
                                        John C.
    

    re .5
    I can sympathize with the "bad eyesight" plight - I am extremely
    nearsighted, and I cannot wear contacts because of my allergies. I just
    went to have my eyes checked last weekend, and as well as prescribing
    new stronger glasses (expensive, since for my prescription they have to
    be made of special glass or a lexan-like plastic or they are so heavy
    they don't stay on my nose), I was also warned to avoid contact sports
    because I am at risk for detached retinas since my eyeballs are so long
    (I have progressive myopia).  I don't play contact sports anyhow, but
    other than avoiding that, there's nothing I can do about this
    potentially blinding possibility.  It's real frustrating.  On the other
    hand, at least my vision is correctable to (just barely) good enough
    for me to get a driver's license; as some of you recall, my brother's
    vision is *not* correctable, and he is legally blind (and unemployed)
    even though his uncorrected vision is a bit better than mine (he is
    red-green colorblind, also, but that's pretty common among men anyhow).
    
    I sometimes have trouble finding my glasses in the morning; the smarter
    of my two cats knows I won't get up to feed her unless I put my glasses
    on, and she sometimes decides to "help" get me out of bed by picking
    the up off the bedside stand and dropping them on my pillow or head,
    which usually causes them to end up somewhere under the bed (grope,
    fumble...).
    
    I get annoyed about my allergies, too, and there isn't much I can do
    about them either - I've carried my syringes and allergy medecine all
    over the world with me.  It *relly bugs me* that I can't eat oranges
    anymore _ I used to really like them (I don't care about chocolate,
    potatoes, corn, etc., and I already knew I couldn't take cigarette
    smoke - oranges were a surprise).
    
    We just have to learn to live with our bodies and minds as they are
    sometimes, I guess.
    
    /Charlotte

    Oh, boy, Amy.  I can hear where you're coming from.  I've been through
    shots and inhalers and pills, hospital trips and steroids.  Asthma is no fun
    - it's incurable, but it can be controlled.  
    
    I never even thought to challenge my asthma until around September
    of 1987.  I had just started reading up on how to help asthmatics,
    and finally they were encouraging exercise.  The scariest part of
    exercising and trying to live a normal life (even in the midst of
    various medications) - is the FEAR of an attack.  I've had attacks
    that put me in the hospital (i.e. life-threatening) that were
    brought on by allergic reactions, and even by a low theophylline
    level in my blood (had run out of a certain medication, and was
    going to have it filled that afternoon - scary to think I can't
    even go a day without one of my medications!).  
    
    It is frustrating to realize that your lung capacity is less than
    normal peoples' - that you must do certain things to stay well,
    to stay even close to normal.  You must be careful about getting
    the flu or a chest cold - you should avoid breathing cold, dry air.
    You WANT so MUCH to be normal, to be rid of the asthma.
    
    The way I started with exercise (you and I have talked about this before...)
    was slowly.  Aerobics 3x/week.  I was afraid at first, kept it mostly
    low impact.  Then more exercise, weight lifting, walking, rowing
    machine workouts, more aerobics.  I discovered that, over the course
    of the past year, I've been able to go from 3 pills 5 times a day,
    to 1 and a half pills, 3 times a day.  It is controllable!  There
    are setbacks, you will have to visit an allergist in order to get
    your medication reviewed and new/different medicines prescribed
    every so often.  As your body changes, or your surroundings change,
    your needs change.  There are 2 million asthmatics in the US.  There
    is even a National Asthma Foundation (I'm pretty sure they have
    a branch in Boston - should be in the book).  There are wellness
    courses that can help you find various emotional and mental things
    that contribute to asthma, and how to reduce their impact
    on your body.  
    
    Asthma is no picnic, but when I feel awful about my lot, I look
    at people who are much worse off than I am, and I'm thankful - thankful
    I've had friends who've supported me, thankful I've had a doctor
    who was willing to let me try and become healthier and reduce my
    medication.  
    
    Please, stay with it.  The new medication may be temporary - and
    it could make all the difference.  Medication can make you nauseous
    or jittery - take it according to directions, with food or water
    or whatever.  Try and relax and be well.  Analyze the stresses in your
    life - any new surroundings - any complications to how your life
    is going - any things you might have developed allergies to.  See
    if you can find a reason for the new bout of asthma.  Maybe do some
    meditating and deep breathing once or twice a day (something like
    "The Relaxation Response", a book by Herbert Benson, M.D.).
    
    You are not helpless, you are not powerless.  Don't let it get the
    better of you.  Be patient.  Read about asthma, learn about why
    it happens and how it works.  There are new medicines coming out
    every year - better medicines which have fewer side effects.  
    
    I'm behind you 100%...
    
    -Jody
    

    
    
    My limitations are not as obvious as some of those mentioned in
    previous replies, but are limitations just the same.  I have had epilepsy
    all my life which required placing limits on many things; there are so 
    many things that can trigger a seizure.
    
    Probably my biggest frustration is not being allowed to drive. I had an
    automobile accident which was seizure-related so the doctor pulled my 
    license.  Talk about taking candy from a baby - argh!  That was four 
    years ago.  Although it makes sense for me not to drive until the 
    seizures are under full control again, it makes life really difficult.  
    In order to do my shopping or go anywhere, I have to find someone to 
    drive me and that's not always easy.
    
    Changes in my diet had to be made, too.  Caffeine can trigger a seizure
    so that's out.  I never realized how many different foods contain 
    caffeine until I found it was part of my problem and started eliminating
    those foods.  For this reason, I cannot have anything chocolate, or 
    vanilla, in my diet (not supposed to,  but once in a while...).  Also,  
    Nutrasweet has been known to cause seizures in people without epilepsy, 
    so I have to stay clear of anything containing it.
    
    Many things can trigger a seizure: stress, humidity, lack of sleep, to
    name a few.  Sure, I get frustrated, but what good does it do me?  If I 
    get too frustrated, the stress can trigger a seizure and I'm back to 
    square one.   So, I live with my epilepsy and try to help others who are
    having difficulty accepting/living with theirs.
    
    
    Beckie

I had a daydream last week ...

It was a series of pictures of a lot of different places that I had been in my
life, sort of the proverbial 'my life flashed before my eyes', except that it
was very peaceful.  There were few people in the pictures, it was more places
and my experience of them. 

One place was standing on a road in the country near where I went to college in
the Copper Country of Michigan with my bike in front of large abandoned two
story brick school house.  (a lot of the CC are virtual ghost towns).  standing
in the sun after a good bike ride thinking what I would like to do with the
building, and listening and watching the birds fly in and out of it and the
trees surrounding it. 

Another is watching the sun come up over Lake Superior in the winter...

Another is building a six foot high tower out of blocks when I was five or so...

One memory was of sitting on the kitchen floor in the sun petting my dog in
front of the sliding glass door.  I could hear and smell my mother ironing some
clothes.  The sun was very warm and mixed the smell of the iron with the smell
of 'a dog in the sun'.   I had been outside playing, and I was now secure and
content.

It was a very nice memory, it must have been a very early memory because my
father later added a family room onto the kitchen there...  Then I realized that
it was only a memory and that that moment could never exist again.  Then I
wanted that experience back so bad to relive it, to feel safe and warm and
secure.  I cried.  The moments are gone, and all we are left with is the memory.
You can never go back.  You can never go 'home'.

Then I thought of how much I like to experience new things, new places, and
people.  Someone once told me that I would like everyone to love me, and it's
quite true.  I would like to know and love everyone in existence, and have them
know and love me, and not have any cause for disharmony.  I am truly dismayed
that I will not be able to know everyone, and experience everyplace before it is
my time to die.  But newness, or even discovering something new about something
old has always meant a lot to me. 

I thought to myself, would I want to give up experiencing the rest of the
universe to live the moments from memory?  I realized that in order to
experience the future as the present, the present must make room for it by
becoming the past.  Although we can never experience the past again as the
present, only as memories, we gain the ability to experience the future.

That thought made me feel a lot better.  I wasn't as much losing the past as
much as gaining the future.  Because we are finite we cannot experience the past
and the future as the present, all the time, in all places as I imagine God
does. 

Such is time...  it marches on.  Dragging us with it whether we want to or not.
Change is inevitable...  What is our reaction to change?  Do we fight it? Do we
guide it?  Do we look forward to it, or do we fear it?

Jim. 

    
    Whew...thank you, Jim.
    
    

I have a different kind of handicap.  I have had Juvenile Rheumatoid arthritis
all of my life.  It started in my knees, but quickly spread to the rest of the 
joints in my body.


When I was little, I had a lot of problems with it.  They had predicted that I 
would be in a wheelchair by the time I was 14.  I fooled them by going into a 
remission when I was 12 for about 4 years.  I had a lot of limitations when 
I was in school.  I couldn't do a lot of the activities in Gym class because 
it would be too stressful on my knees.  I was very active in a gymnastics class
when I was about 7-8 years old.  I was quite good.  In fact, my teacher had 
wanted me to compete in some of the local competitions.  Well, it turned out 
that the gymnastics was causing some of my flare ups, so I had to stop.  

Believe me, I have my limitations.  There are times when I wake up in the 
morning and I can't move.  I've got to call in sick.  I call and I sound
completely healthy, so I think that they don't believe me.  In fact, I had a 
job once where they didn't believe me.  I'd get a call in the middle of the
afternoon from my boss just to make sure that I was still home.  

I can't do any running what so ever.  I do a lot of walking.  I have to be 
careful of any excercises I do.  I tried Aerobics for a while, but the jumping
caused flare ups, so I stopped.  I haven't tried any very low impact ones, yet.
The club I belonged to didn't have it at the time.  Swimming is a good excercise
and believe me, I do a lot of it.

Holly

    re .0
    
    I used to be asthmatic.  However, it is all gone since I came to
    U.S.  I suspect the cause for my problem was allergy.  I still don't
    know what I was allergic to (and I seem to have some allergy problem
    since moving to New England area, but no asthma though), but as
    long as it is gone, I am happy.
    
    Eugene