[Search for users] [Overall Top Noters] [List of all Conferences] [Download this site]

Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Title:What's all this fuss about 'sax and violins'?
Notice:Archived V1 - Current conference is QUARK::HUMAN_RELATIONS
Moderator:ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI
Created:Fri May 09 1986
Last Modified:Wed Jun 26 1996
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1327
Total number of notes:28298

639.0. "Evaluating Behaviors" by FSLPRD::JLAMOTTE (days of whisper and pretend) Thu Dec 15 1988 20:49

    My main thought in this note is that we have a basic behavior or
    personality that is established at birth and is directly related
    to hormones and chemicals in our brain.
    
    We then receive behavior modification by our parents as we mature.
    
    And we ourselves change our behavior from experiences we have had
    or the baggage that we carry.
    
    A couple of questions to explore...given that behavior is an ongoing
    process...and a changing one how much do we react to any given behavior
    displayed in one or two situations.
    
    I am thinking about friendships and relationships...where a certain
    behavior at a certain time would produce a positive reaction and
    maybe later as one got to know the individual they would find that
    the subsequent behaviors changed the perception of the person or
    vice versa.
    
    The question could be how often have you changed your mind about
    an individual.
    
    An additional thought might be as to the length of time that one
    would explore a friendship before determining it was a go or no-go.
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name		DateLines
639.1My brain is tired, But That's allRUTLND::GIRARDWed Dec 21 1988 17:4022
    Joyce!  No replies...
    
    What a shame.  
    
    I wait until I get slapped a couple of times, then I do some assuming.
    That hurts more.  Then I think the worst, and get chastized for
    it.  And just when I figure it all out and am sure I pegged the
    person, he or she does something which which blows my mind, and
    I go back for a rehuddle.  
    
    I say I leave an open mind but that sounds too much like leaving
    it empty and I hate to think of my mind as empty. although today
    it feels it!
    
    My parents responsible for my behavior.  They will deny it.  It
    was really that nun in the first grade...
    
    My hormones are active doing other things or wishing to.  And I
    am still trying to flush out those chemicals from the 1960s.
    
    So I have given up figuring out everyone else. I figure they are
    probably having the same difficulty figuring me out. Maybe more!
639.2HANNAH::MODICAWed Dec 21 1988 19:5415
    
    I think that as I've gotten older and have become more aware of
    my limitations, personality traits, etc, that I've stopped
    evaluating others and generally accept friendship as its' offered.
    
    When I was younger and had a much higher opinion of myself I was
    more prone to holding others up to my standards. Unfortunately, 
    and in retrospect I can see that that was probably selfish, that I
    was too self-centered and not nearly considerate enough of 
    others and the circumstances of their lives. That cost me a valuable
    friendship that I regret having lost to this day. 
    
    
    
    					Hank
639.3Joyce, sorry I deleted my earlier reply!ELESYS::JASNIEWSKITake it away...Take it away!Thu Dec 22 1988 13:4414
    
    	Try seperating what you feel about their behavior, from what
    you feel about the person. Everyone has *some* undesirable quirk
    about them, that happens to be part of the whole of the person.
    S/he has this, this, 'n this, but to "have" that, you can choose
    to accept that these "other things" go along with them too.
    
    	Or you can choose to reject that particular behavior and tell
    them so. Say "I find your continued choice to behave this way very
    upsetting to me" - a very different statement from "I find this part 
    of you unacceptable". Subtle, but big to the unconscious mind.
    
    	Joe Jas