| Some of us have encountered the common senerio where a spouce or
friend is not growing/is growing at a faster speed than the other.
Some folks refuse to chance, stagnate, as you may say. Others are
forced into it, such as alot of us, to keep up with it. There is
a wealth of information that we are getting bombed with daily. So
we are more intuned with it. I once was engaged to a woman who was
from Central American. Lovely woman, just too different for me.
It is not you fault or hers or whom evers. Just that sometimes if
we are involved with this and it is too much for our heads, we can
only feel pain and there is nothing one can do execpt either find
the happy in-betweens or leave the situation. She left.. I can only
quote Philip Roth from Letting Go, that there is a terrible struggle
that goes on in the hearts of men and women, where pitty can be
mistaken for love. And we all can fall into this trap. I hope this
is on mark.. I only know that I have seen such in the past, it can't
be helped unless both parties work together to make it work. If
you get 25% back from 100% put in, your lucky..
GKR
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I find "wavelength" to be much different than "verbal communication";
- more of a "sixth sense" kind of thing. I can feel a wavelength
coming from someone I've never spoken to...
There is a neat game that many people play. It has to do with
information, openness and the expression of feelings. I really dont
know how to describe it, but it is embodied in the statement:
"It's not what (information) someone will give to you, rather,
it's what they'll let you find"
Apparently, most people just dont go around blurting out all
the secrets of their heart - even to their particular SO. However,
by leaving the "door open" to these inner feelings, one *can* find
them if:
1. One is skilled at interpersonal communication.
2. One has the interest to do so.
I believe it's the "interest" part that fosters this behavior.
Having someone trully interested in you is a great boost to the
self-whatever, conversely, if you arent interested *enough* to bother
you probably are'nt "worth it" anyway! Of course, "enough" is a
variable and can range from "some" to "the cleaners". So, what you
would need to do is resolve the following:
1. Is the door open to this person's heart -or- have they shut
you out completely?
2. Do you think you can possibly meet the variable level of
expectation this person has on your interest in them?
3. Do you honestly want to put forth the required attention
toward finding this person's true feelings?
Only if the answer to all three is "yes", will you have a chance
at finding out how this person really feels. This does not guarantee
that what you find will be what you want to hear, either. Many times,
it's simply that. It's also possible that this person cannot come
to terms with their *own* feelings about it and as a result stash
it deep within their most inner chanbers. When asked to address
the content of this, they lock up...A very skilled communicator
could possibly get through.
Personally, I find my level of openness to be quite variable
and dependant on the situation. I can be aggressively open, i.e.
try 'an shove how I feel down someone's throat, or I can be locked
up tight, where no amount of inquiring - only time - will reveal
how I'm feeling.
Joe Jas
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