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Excerpts from "Being the Best", by Denis Waitley, which
I unexpectedly bought for myself today. (Reprints obviously
w/o permission)
My Personal Code of Self Respect
I am valuable because God created me with an inner value
and worth. I do not have to earn it.
I nurture self-respect as I understand and internalize my basic
inner value. The value is there. I dont have to achieve it.
I already have it. My challemge is to protect it from getting
jaded or twisted by the values of a success_at_any_cost oriented
society.
If I can avoid the trap of trying to possess success or adorn
myself with success at the expense of others, I can easily live
with self respect. It will be more important to me to do things
that will project my value - the marvelous gift I've been
given - to other people. That is the primary motivation for
being the best I can be.
My worth is my word. I make committments, and I do what I say
I will do. This is more than just important to me - it is crucial.
I say to others: "I am valuable, as you are valuable. We can
make a value exchange. I will offer you the best I have, and
I assume you will give me your best in return.
He developes a little chart of self-esteem hierarchy:
Internalist
High Altruist
Achiever
Materialist
Med Clown
Braggart
Cheat
Abuser
Low Terrorist
Assassin
And some good one liners:
"It's not what you are that holds you back;
It's what you think you're not"
"You are your own scriptwriter, and the play
is never finished, no matter what your age,
position or place in life"
3 action steps to a better self image:
1. Set your own internal standards, instead of comparing
your self with others...
2. Project your best self. Sharpen up the expressions of
your life, get rid of the clutter. What they see on the
outside is a projection of how you feel on the inside.
3. Read a biography each month of someone you've always
admired - imagine yourself as that person.
Just thumb'in through...
Joe
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| I wrote this note in response to note # 445. I must have typed
the wrong command because it showed up here as a new note!
But to answer your question about how to achieve higher self esteem,
I am certainly not an authority on this subject. All I know is
how I feel about myself. I've always felt that I am worth being
treated with respect. And, I think, that most people who have
come to know me do respect me. If they don't then they probably
don't know me very well. I don't think saying that about myself
is being narcissistic. Its very healthy to feel good about
yourself and to radiate it because if you don't feel good about
yourself then it is very difficult to convince others to feel
good about you. Besides, God doesn't create garbage!
Basically, believe in yourself and others will follow your stride!
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Practicle Do's and Dont's to help you with your self-esteem.
1. Make Enthusiasm your daily habit.
The word Enthusiasm comes from the Greek "theos":God, and
"entos":within. It's a spiritual quality generated from within;
it doesnt need pep talks or perks.
2. Always seek genuine optimists as your friends.
Seek friends and associates whose lifestyles and words inspire
you. Dont share your problems with people who never give positive
solutions or suggestions.
3. Dont let negative people determine your self worth.
If you have to deal with negative family members, fellow workers,
or members of the noting community, make a conscious effort not
to let them effect your thinking.
4. Get into the habit of talking to yourself affirmatively.
This is called self_talk in popular psychology jargon. I posted
a note with plenty of self-affirmations in WOMANOTES.
5. Get into the habit of using an affirmative, positive vocabulary.
Get rid of words like "i, me, my, cant, should have, problem, etc.
Replace these with "You, Your, Can, Will, Next Time, Challenging.
6. Dont be a grudge collector.
Too many people already spend their time everyday thinking about
past hurts, suffered through office politics, messed up relationships
and in general, the evils of the world. Dont dwell on these; they
waste your energy. Instead, apply your excellent mind in an effort
to Forgive and Forget.
7. Think positive and pleasing thoughts.
Whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report,
of virtue, etc - meditate on these things.
8. Dont brag.
Attention seekers are addicted to constant approval; have instead
the quiet confidence to let your actions speak for you. When you
have real inner value, you dont need to flaunt yourself.
9. "Get high" on doing good.
No one in history has found lasting satisfaction in chemicals or
possessions. Real pleasure comes from good work, generous deeds,
and grateful thoughts.
10. Dont give into ads and fads.
Look for and listen for the truth. Rather than hear what you want
to hear, listen for the facts of the matter. Everything you think
is only based on your opinion, based on you impressions from
limited inputs. Always consider the source and credibility of your
own value system.
11. Wake up happy.
Optimism is a learned attitude. So is pessimism; so why not learn
something that will help you? Start thinking positively *early* in
the day. Avoid listening to the morning news - it's almost always
depressing.
12. Find a positive support group.
Get involved with some positive peers who meet at least once a
month to discuss and brainstorm ways to achieve goals. Include
people from different ethnic groups, lifestyles, philosophys and
viewpoints. Seek inputs that give an optimistic, divergent or
different approach that inspires your creativity and imagination.
13. Make everyday and every evening the best possible.
Once spent, they are gone. If invested in creatively, they bring
a return much higher than any "stock option" ever will.
Remember, your attitude is either the lock on your door to higher
self esteem and being the best you can be -or- the key that will open
you up to more and more successful moments in life. We were all born
with this same choice for life; *you* have it just the same as
everybody else.
Joe Jas
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| ... and we don't live in a vacuum. I agree a positive attitude
is healthy, but I don't believe that your opinion of yourself is
more important than what others think of you. What the hiring manager,
bank loan officer, prosecuting attorney (!), landlord, etc thinks
of us seems far more important than our own opinion.
In that light, where does a positive attitude end and naivitee begin?
Where does being realistic end and cynicism begin?
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To laugh is to risk appearing the fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out to another is to risk involvement
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk
their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure
But risks must be taken, because the greatest
hazard in life is to risk nothing
The person who risks nothing, does nothing
has nothing and is nothing
They may avoid suffering and sorrow but they
cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love nor live
Chained by their certitudes they are a slave,
they have forfeited their freedom
Only a person who risks is truly free...
I don't know who wrote this poem or if it's published somewhere.
I strongly believe in it.
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