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Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Title:What's all this fuss about 'sax and violins'?
Notice:Archived V1 - Current conference is QUARK::HUMAN_RELATIONS
Moderator:ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI
Created:Fri May 09 1986
Last Modified:Wed Jun 26 1996
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1327
Total number of notes:28298

417.0. "Marriage is 2 sided...RIGHT" by <Deleted> () Tue Oct 13 1987 11:41

T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
417.1QUARK::LIONELWe all live in a yellow subroutineTue Oct 13 1987 12:183
    You both need counseling - I recommend that, fast!  Flowers alone
    won't solve anything.
    				Steve
417.2amen to .1CSSE::CLARKHACK NAKED!!!Tue Oct 13 1987 14:244
    ditto .1 on counseling. It sounds like she's creating an excuse
    to leave you.
    
    -Dave
417.3Don't be hastyAKOV68::SHAWTue Oct 13 1987 14:528
    You've stated that "You have almost stopped drinking completely".
    STOP altogether!! I wouldn't send flowers at this point. I think
    you need to find out what the real problem is first then determine
    what the appropriate action is. Don't give up on the relationship
    at this point. Seek counseling and urge her to do the same..
    
    Good Luck.
    
417.4Alcohol = bad newsYODA::HOPKINSTue Oct 13 1987 15:3910
    
    You didn't say whether her last two marriages were to alcoholics.
    I'm telling you from experience, it makes you fearful of alcohol
    in any amount.  I was married to an alcoholic and I don't like
    being around "drunks" to this day.  Also, I haven't dated anyone
    who consumes alcohol.  It's just not worth it!
    Counseling is a good idea if it's not too late.  Remember, it can
    take along time to recover from one bad experience with an alcoholic.
    
    
417.5MEMORY::FRECHETTEUse your imagination...Tue Oct 13 1987 16:285
    It sounds more like she doesn't want the guilt left on her for
    'breaking' this relationship. Counseling sounds like the correct
    route.
    
    Good Luck
417.6SSDEVO::CHAMPIONAn Elfin Miracle!Tue Oct 13 1987 17:428
    It sound to me like the issue concerns more than just one beer.
    Add my vote to obtaining some serious counseling, fast.  If she
    won't join you, then go yourself.
    
    Good luck.
    
    Carol
    
417.7do what's right for YOUULTRA::LARUdo i understand?Tue Oct 13 1987 17:459
    re .0
    
    Is alcohol a problem in your life? Do YOU want to stop drinking?
    If not, don't do it and let her go... she sounds like bad news.
    
    Don't change yourself *just* to please somebody else... it never works
    for long.
    
    	bruce
417.8Much more here than meets the eye.SSDEVO::YOUNGERThis statement is falseTue Oct 13 1987 22:5316
    If you are telling the truth - that you have a couple of beers
    occasionally, it sounds like she is grossly overreacting, and needs
    counseling for her problems.  If, as you believe, she has moved
    into the home of relatives of someone she had a 'fling' with, she
    may be using this as an excuse to leave you.
    
    On the other hand, you say you've been going to AA meetings.  Do
    you believe you are an alchoholic?  If not, why the AA meetings?
    
    You have been in this marriage for awhile.  Were you always drinking
    to the extent (whatever that is) that you were right before she
    made it an issue?  If so, there is more here than meets the eye.
    
    I agree.  Get some counseling NOW, for both of you.
    
    Elizabeth
417.9I've been there...NCVAX1::COOPERMoving to AtlantisTue Oct 13 1987 23:3420
    I guess having been in a similar situation, I'll have to agree with
    .7.  It is not fair for someone to want you to change to meet their
    expectations.  (Especially if they knew you before they made the
    commitment).
    
    If you do change, chances are you will have feelings deep inside 
    of animosity towards that person and subconsiously take it out in 
    other ways.  And of course that will cause problems.  Like yourself, 
    I like to drink on an average a 12 pack a month.  My ex-fiance (who 
    was married to a stone drunk) could not handle even 1 beer a year.
    
    Counsoling is not always the answer, sometimes you can find truth
    from within.
    
    Good luck
    
    Keeping the Faith...
    
    CC