Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    I try to remember to read over each note before typing CTRL/Z,
    knowing that electronic communication often does not carry the intended
    inflection.
    
    If an individual is repeatedly being misunderstood, he or she might
    check for a problem within their communication style.
    
    grins,
    Marge

    
    	...A couple of footnotes on reality
    
    	- In a public forum such as this one, you really cant predict
    how seriously people will take things, take themselves and how they
    feel. You may "not care" but there will always be someone who cares
    so much as to...whatever!
    
    	- There's nothing you can do about the *information* being relayed
    around the horn, once you've submitted it. You could encrypt the
    note, then only give out the "key" to those you personally would
    allow to read it. That would sorta take the spontaneity out of the
    replies! So -.1 is correct; make sure you really want to say "that"
    before you hit "return"...
    
    	- You cant please all the people all the time. I posted a mail
    I recieved that I thought was funny, my SO thought it was "cute", in
    hopes of others getting a few chuckles too. Well, some stern-browed
    readers called the moderator saying "I find this harassing to my
    personal dignity" *I'd* say: "Well, stop reading where you are,
    and you wont be harassed anymore". BUT; things dont work that way.
    
    My conclusion is that there just_might_be some displeased, serious
    minded readers out there who will take action using your words against
    you. It's not very nice, but, "its just the way it is"
    
    	Joe Jas
    

    People do tend to take things said in notes far too seriously. 
    
    I'm not saying that most of us don't note with serious intent, or
    that we don't mean what we say.  But notes is more like an extended,
    slow-speed conversation than it is like any traditional print medium,
    even though the medium is the written word.  
    
    In a conversation in which serious subjects are being discussed, the
    participants can more easily follow side issues, decide they aren't
    relevant to the topic, explore possibilities, decide those possible
    explanations or solutions aren't reasonable, and reject them and start
    over.  No one but the people who are talking knows what happens.
    
    But a similar conversation in notes is on record for everybody to see.
    If someone, me for example, says something sincerely felt but stupid,
    and others point that out, providing evidence for alternate
    interpretations and so on, then we go on to discuss a different aspect
    of the problem, the same thing has happened except that the entire
    conversation is on record for anyone to see.  If someone comes in and
    reads it through, they will see the context of the remarks, but there's
    nothing to stop them from reading one note out of context and thinking
    I still seriously hold said stupid opinion.  Or that I meant it deeply
    in the first place. 

    I don't have any trouble seeing why people go in and delete old notes.
    Some things you just might not want to have held against you forever.
    Personally, I never could see a point to denying that I once said
    something, but that belief is far from universal.
    
    --bonnie
    
    p.s.  My favorite incident in this category is the woman who called and
    asked me if my husband knew about all the things I'm saying in the
    notes file (with particular reference to certain notes on the
    philosophy of marital fidelity).  You know, I don't know whether he
    does or not.  He's a DEC employee and he certainly has access to it....
    an interesting possibility. 

    Sometimes you have to ask yourself "is this gossip about me
    possibly true ? Or just the product of ignorance ? Or malice? "
    Some people have nothing better to do. I remember walking through
    a DEC facility eating a banana and someone started a rumor that
    I was gay ! :-)  When I stopped smoking pot, a rumor spread that
    I was a narc. Sheesh !  Gossip is seldom valuable as a tool for
    greater self-knowledge :-)

    Its ok Kerry dear.  You can come out of your room and play with
    us now.... just behave yourself_;-)
    	(...fat chance of that, eh? .... the nature of the beast and
    all.... at least there are those of us who love you anyway_:-)

    along the lines of "making sure it's what you REALLY want to say..."
    
    what I try to do is put myself in as many different "pairs of shoes"
    as possible (without agonizing too much) before sending it.  Often,
    upon rereading, I find a generalization or a misphrase that can
    easily be fixed.  I have been misunderstood once or twice, in notes,
    and followed the responses with a clarification of my original intent 
    - this led to very fruitful discussion, with all lines cleared of
    misintent.
    
    -Jody

    On the other hand, if I have ranked anyone as a "tactless dunderhead"
    then I don't put a lot of value on their commentary. One rationale...
    it's their problem not mine. 
    
    Ann

    interesting....just read easynotes.lis for the first time in a few
    weeks - apparently, while I wasn't even looking, a new conference 
    cropped up that is the perfect forum for this sort of discussion:
    
    "Network Notes Problems", contact CEODEV::FAULKNER about joining.
    
    -Jody
    

    re: .10
    
    That conference was closed - too many problems with it. :-)
    
    				Steve

        Please, let's not complain about too many complaints about
        COMPLAINTS here. If you need to do that, start a conference
        dedicated to it. :-)
        
        JimB.

    I think what .0 is getting at are those people that know damn well
    what was said, but choose to twist it anyway. To those people I
    would issue the following warning:
    
    The laws of SLANDER and DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER still apply within
    DEC. Open forum or not, you are leaving yourselvs open to a civil
    suit if you insist on saying things about people that aren't true.
    Especially if what your saying gets that someone into trouble.
    
    Extreme yes, but true none the less.
    
    
    Steve

        As I have said in this forum and in others, not only do the laws
        applying to slander, libel, and defamation of character apply in
        DEC's conferences, but those regarding harassment do as well.
        Harassment in many jurisdictions involves repeating offensive
        material, even though it may not be slanderous, libelous or
        defamatory. All it has to be is offensive and repeated.
        
        The point of both 345.15 and this note is that noting can be a
        very serious thing in the repercussions that it has. You may not
        take your note seriously, nor the conference in which you wrote
        it, nor noting in general. However, those who read your notes,
        those who own or manage the resources upon which it resides,
        those who set corporate policies, and those who enforce the laws
        may take your note seriously.
        
        By the way, the term "open forum" can be misleading. DEC's notes
        conferences are not open to the public at large. They are not
        "public". They are open to DEC employees. Further, they are not
        unrestricted. An individual conferences membership and moderator
        may consider there to be no rules or limitations upon what can
        be said in them, but that just isn't the case in reality. DEC's
        policies and the laws of all the countries, states, provinces,
        cities and towns in which the notes are written, read, reside or
        through which they are transmitted apply to them. This results
        in a number of limitations on what can be said or done in a
        conference. 
        
        JimB.