Conference quark::human_relations-v1

It means "Significant Other".

Some people have gotten hung up on what-word-to-use and had to wrestle with 
husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, mate, spouse, well, you get 
the idea.

Typing SO is a lot quicker than any of the above.

    We had a discussion at lunch about using the term SO.  
    
    One of the women involved felt that it was not polite to use any of the
    more specific terms unless you were actually discussing the nature of
    the relationship.  She said, for example, that it was rude of me to
    always refer to my husband as my husband or my spouse (even though
    that's what he is) because it implied I thought that only relationships
    involving heterosexual marriage are valid. 
    
    I must confess I never gave any thought to this interpretation.
    Does it strike anyone else as reasonable?  I certainly have no
    objection to referring to my "SO" if people consider it a better
    term.  On the other hand, I don't feel any need to hide the exact
    nature of our relationship, either.
    
    --bonnie 

    I've gotten complaints that I kept referring to "my SO" or "my
    fiancee" instead of just using her name!  It's been pointed out
    that I tend to depersonalize both myself and others when I talk.
    Perhaps you can just use his name and only add the relation
    if relevant?  Most people would pick it up from the context.
    
    					Steve

        Gentle noter,
        
        Fear not, calling your husband "your husband", is not a serious
        breach of etiquette, nor so far as I can tell, a breach of
        etiquette at all. The idea that just because you believe in
        marriage for yourself and chose to marry the man in your life
        you must believe that only heterosexual marriage is valid deos
        not stand up.
        
        It is quite possible to believe in marriage and to still
        recognize the rights of others to not marry ad even to choose
        some other arrangement. It is even possible for one person to
        live in an happy unmarried state and then to get married without
        disapproving of their previous behavior.
        
        Personally, it strikes me that someone who sees the mere
        identification of one's spouse as one's spouse and the use of
        terms like wife and husband threatening, is reacting more to
        their own insecurity than to any real implication of moral
        disapproval. 
        
        Of course, many of us do have delicate sensabilities, and it is
        polite to not tread to heavily on them. If you have a friend who
        can't believe that references to your own life do not imply a
        criticism of theirs, and their friendship is important to you,
        you may want to speak with some care around them. In like
        fashion if one were gay and had a friend who was a
        fundementalist Christian, one might for the sake of friendship,
        not wish to speak candidly of one's lover. 
        
        JimB. (As dear Miss Manners appears to be off the net.) 

	Thank you 339.1, I get the message.

	I thought of Soal Owner, Share offer, Silent One, Savant Only,
Salad Onion... but I didn't think of Significant Other.

	For me, all Others are Significant.

	Rita

	

    With people who know both Daryl (my SO, husband, special man in
    my life) and I, I use his name when talking about him to someone.
     When the person (or persons) with whom I am speaking doesn't know
    Daryl, then I commonly refer to him as "My husband" or "My hubby"
    (more common).
    
    Since it doesn't offend Daryl to be referred to as "my husband",
    I would hope that it wouldn't offend anyone else. 
    
    						*** Kristy ***

    Perhaps those who get 'hung up' on people saying husband
    or wife or fiance(e) are "termist"
    
    sigh.....
    
    *WHO CARES*  ?
    
    Bonnie

    re: .7 (Bonnie R) --
    
    It wasn't an unsolicited remark; I was at lunch with a couple of
    friends (one married and one divorced, both mothers and neither from
    DEC) and since this topic was being discussed in the notes file I
    brought it up to get their opinions on it, thinking they might have a
    different perspective on it.
    
    We also talked about yuppie breeders -- I'll enter some of that
    in the breeder note if I get time today. 
    
    --bonnie

    RE: .0
    
    If you wanted to invite few friends / acquaintances over to your place
    and were to make a VAXmail distribution list, it would make sense to
    use word SO rather than using terms like husband / wife / spouse /
    girlfriend / boyfriend / lover etc. 
    
    SO is supposed to be non-gender specific term, to be used when you
    want a more generalized term.
    
    - Vikas

I still prefer 'sweet baboo' (or sb for the lazy at heart) to anything
else, and my sb doesn't seem to mind.

Jenna

    re: .11
    
    SO = Significant Other
    

    re .13 (re .11) see .1

    now what

    re .15
    
    do not pass go...do not collect $200.....

    Personally, I prefer to use "my honey" when talking about a specifc
    person, and SO when talking in the abstract.
    
    Lee

	I find it difficult to use what seems to me such an abstract
	term.  Also it seems that a significant other (I am tempted
	to ask other what :-} ) could be someone you dont care for
	such as a bill collector, who certainly is significant.
	 Anyway why do so many people hide their relationships with
	 SO ( I want you to meet my SO - gads). What about at least
	 saying SP for special person - or would SP get confused with
	 SPelling :-}.

  Re.18  
 
  
     I certainly hope we can do better. The term SO means there are
 IO's,insignificant others and that is an idea whose time I hope
 never comes. I may not know someone or like someone and I may even
 hate someone, but no human is, was or ever shall be insignificant !
     I usually refer to my wife simply as, Elaine, if someone asks
 who Elaine is I tell them.

                                                          Mike

    tho it's been said before....I still have a fondness for
    posslq - tho that doesn't apply to as many kinds of people
    as so does.....
    
    Posslq comes from the census forms - persons of opposite sex
    sharing living quarters.

    Wasn't there a song or book titled "There's Nothing That
    I Wouldn't Do If You Would Be My POSSLQ"? (pronounced possle-cue)
     
    One of the main purposes of SO, at least the way I use it, is to cover
    the possibility that the person I'm talking to has a partner of the
    same, rather than the opposite sex. 
    
    Re: a couple back, about boyfriends:
    
    My 78-year-old grandmother refers to her 66-year-old POSSLQ as her
    boyfriend. . . 

    --bonnie

    Posslq is pronounced Possil-cue....and yes there was a poem
    published in the Boston Globe with the refrain 'there isn't anything
    I wouldn' do, if you would be my posslq." I think it was published
    in a Mike Barnicle column but after all these years my memory
    is unreliable....
    
    Bonnie

    
    Richard calls me his "Misses" or simply, Gail.. I don't mind it, in fact
    I sort of like it.  I call him my "husband" or simply, Richard .. I hate
    the term "SO"  I have tried to come to terms with it as I know so many
    that think it is a good way of bridging the terms for husband, wife,
    girlfriend, boyfriend ect ect.. but I still don't like it. 
                                                          
    One thing I hate worse than SO is "other half".. that one really
    gets me in neck.  I think when all else fails a name does nicely.
                    
    I have some gay friends that say "lover" when not using a name to refer
    to their partners..  It took some getting used to on my part but after
    a while I did get used to it and it no longer sounds different to me.
    
    gailann 
                    

    Well, for all the folks who think that the best thing about California
    is that it may fall into the Pacific someday... 
    
    As far as I can remember, the term "Significant Other" came from the
    Humanistic Psychology movement that started at therapy centers such as
    Esalen. The motivation behind it was, of course, that it is a nicely
    generic term that indicates an unusual degree of closeness without
    specifying the nature of the relationship. Actually, it was originally
    probably used as often in the plural to mean "family and friends" as in
    the singular to mean spouse/lover.  Restricting its use to the singular
    form seems pretty recent. 
    
    							=maggie

    Many years ago I encountered the term "erum" for those not-licit
    pairings.  The argument was, well, this is how you're introducing
    him/her anyhow:  "Mom, dad, this is my, er, um, friend Joe."
    
    I've been pushing this ever since.  "Erum" for males, and "erah"
    for females, to give it a classical, Latin pseudo-background.
    
    							Ann B.

    I think there are perfectly good places to use the term SO. For example
    an invitation to a party might say, "Feel free to bring your SO."
    Meaning, "don't bring merely a date, but don't not bring someone simply
    because you're not married." I have a friend who used the term
    "spouse-equivalent" to mean the same thing. 
    
    	Jon

                                                          
>    One thing I hate worse than SO is "other half".. that one really
>    gets me in neck.

One that is supposedly worse is 'better half', as in "...and where
is your better half?' which I asked a fellow employee at an office
party. Turned out she was getting a divorce... That question turned
her from a pleasant acquaintance to a hating enemy. 

-- Ron

    re: 339.12
      I got a great chuckle out of that one!!!! My sweet baboo has always
    worked with us.  Unfortunatly it's not one we can use when someone
    asks, "who's Joe".  I hate using SO, with me being 36 and him 40
    boyfriend doesn't seem to fit either.  After being together 7 years
    I still don't know what titles we should use.  This is a tough one
    especially since more and more people are choosing to live together
    as an alternative to marriage.
    

    I've taken to saying, "we have an ABC relationship" and, when they
    ask, it stands for "All But Ceremony".  I figure, if my sister
    can call herself ABD (All But Dissertation on her doctorate),
    why not this?
    
    And it usually gets a laugh (from all but the most avid born
    again types), and doesn't make me feel uncomfortable.
    
    --Louise

    ** Thank you ** to all of you for your Significant Answers,
especially to .26 for the part of history.

	Anyway, what is important for a term is to be UNDERSTOOD
by the persons you are talking to, and SO seems to be understood
by a majority of people. I will then use it in general situations.
I will still use "lovely dauphin" in private, boy/girlfriend
or husband/wife for those who do not like SO, and the name for those
who know the person.

Rita, (also called "petite colombe" = "little dove" by one of
my SOs).

    
                             Sexual Obsession
                                   or
                             Sexual Objective
    
    
    Sherm_always_thinking_along_those_lines_:^)  
             
                     

    She's  Simply Ossome