Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Whether partially true >>> totaly true or not (and I reserve the right
not to waste time on wondering about it), those observations would
probably not be part of my value system.  Statements like those leave so
little room for discussion.  I would not try to change their mind, right
away.
_bill

    I'd tell them to do something nasty to themselves, because I wouldn't
    want to stoop so low...
    
    Lee

    And that's from someone who spits on people.

    I tried to imagine Larry <my husband> saying these words to me.
    It was rather comical and my return comments were:
    
    1. and I'm worth every penny. ;-)  ;-)
    
    2. Thank goodness...someone has to have the brains since I got
       most of the beauty.  ;-)  ;-)

                                          
    But then again, we have the kind of relationship where we would
    both find those types of statements absolutely hilarious.
    
                              -sunny-

    1. I would ask weither it was meant a) given up for something else
       b) high-priced.  If it was b and for a good reason I would work
       or ask exactly what was meant by that.
    
    2. If they honestly felt that way I would ? weither or not the
       relationship should continue if he felt he could not deal with
       me because he was more intellectual.  My feelings would also
       be crushed...
    
    Jude
    

    re .4
    
    Boy, I really grossed you out that time, huh, Mike...
    
    Lee

    I don't know about number 1 (sounds like the kind of thing the people
    in accounting would say!), but a close friend told me he was more
    intellectual than I am the other day and I'm still trying to figure out
    what he meant.  
    
    I think Felix once said something like that to his slob of a roommate,
    meaning that going to operas and wearing a suit is morally superior to
    wearing a gray sweatshirt and drinking beer, but I don't think my
    friend meant anything like that.  He normally doesn't treat me as if he
    thinks I'm inferior in any way; he certainly doesn't mean that he's
    more cultured, since I'm the one who's into opera and literature while
    his interest in such things is peripheral, to say the least. (In fact,
    he's only interested in peripherals.  Disk access, especially.) 
    
    He may have been simply descriptive -- he's more analytical, I'm
    more emotional.
    
    This is a good question, and I'd be glad to hear some serious
    suggestions about what it might mean. (Go ahead, if you ever told
    someone else that you were more intellectual, tell us why you said
    it. Don't let the bad jokes stop you. Don't let us embarrass you.
    We'd really like to know . . .)
    
    --bonnie

    I would ask them why THEY are WITH ME, then?  Either they'll have
    to admit why I'm worth their company despite these "problems" (as
    they see them)...or they'll further demonstrate they're just a 
    fault-finding person, too negative and shallow to appreciate my 
    extraordinary values as a person.
    
    Jerri

    My responses would probably differ, depending upon who it was that
    had made the comments. If it had been a friend, I would have discussed
    their comments and either agreed or disagreed. Case closed.
    
    If it had been my SO that had uttered those words, I would have
    asked why and what did you mean. Some times people lack the necessary
    tact and can bungle up the most simple of statements. Also people
    often hear things that were not even intended. If my SO thought
    that I was a big expense, I would want to know why she thought so,
    and if it was at all important. It might be true but if I'm worth
    it, don't complain.
    
    As far as her being more intelligent, I'd love to hear the reasoning.
    Eventually I'd find myself either agreeing or disagreeing with her.
    Unless my SO was miserable and could not stand to be with an inferior
    person (however small the difference might be), I would not be too
    concerned with what they thought. Provided she was'nt running around
    calling me a stupid idiot.
    
    j.
    

    
    
    On a related note-what if the person with whom you were
    living, and planning to marry, told you that you are
    "stupid, slow, indecisive and not wrapped to tight."?
    And then proceeded to profess love and a desire to be
    married to you?
    
           signed-confused
    
    
    

    Ask if that was meant in a respectful way. If not, run like 
    hell !!!  A marriage without respect is doomed from day 1.

    To .11--
    
    You have some real discrepancies there.  Having been in a similar
    situation, DON'T WAIT.  You don't tell someone you love and want
    to marry those negative, hurtful things.  
    
    Ask yourself what YOU want from the relationship, and go with it.
    
    Good luck,
    
    Jane

    
    My general reaction is that both of these people ought to be prepared
    to 'get out of Dodge.'  In both cases, I get the impression that
    it was thought that the speakers weren't just kidding around.
    
    Being intellectual has little, if anything to do with intelligence.
    If someone is trying to say they're smarter than you are by calling
    themselves more intellectual, they ought to consult Webster.
    
    I'm more intellectual than a lot of people I know.  I don't think
    I'm smarter than any of them.  One of the things being an intellectual
    will clue you in on is that you don't really know a whole hell of
    a lot.
    
    DFW

    RE 287.13
    
    I just don't understand how someone could say (in a respectful way)
    that some one else is less intelligent than they are.  To me it's
    very judgemental.  No one is intelligent at everything.  Some people
    are good at one thing and not another and the intelligence usually
    balances itself between the two people involved.
    
    

    To add to .13
    
    i should have said intellectual/intelligent, i think they go hand
    in hand .....
    

    RE: .11
    
    Sounds like a good plot for a psychotic movie thriller to me.  :-)
    
    All kidding aside, if a non-marital live-in S.O. of mine conveyed such
    thoughts to me, I'd know two fer-shur things about her:
    
        a)   She doesn't really love me.
        b)   She is a very confused individual (either because she believes
    	     it's OK to lie about love, or because she believes both sets
    	     of statements).
    
    I subscribe to the school of thought that says there's many potential
    mates among the billions of people out and about.  Given that, I'd
    go looking pronto for someone who would appreciate me more.
    
    Kak    

    re: .-1
    
    > Given that, I'd go looking pronto for someone who would appreciate
    > me more.
    
    Easier said than done!  I think it is one thing if it was said to
    you once in the heat of rage, then ya it's going to hurt you're
    feelings, but forgive and forget.   Then it's another thing if it's
    said to you all the time.  If that's the case then you have to do
    some real evaluating of the relationship and communication.  Express
    that it really bothers you when degrading things like that are said
    to you and you can't be happy in a situation where you are getting
    put down all the time.
    
    Debbi         Just my opinion

    RE: .0
    
    SO: "You're a big expense, and I'm more intellectual than you are.'

    ME: "Is this a problem, or did you just want me to know?"  ;-)
        "Oh, by the way, you mom called.  She said you've been recalled."
       
    Kak