Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    
    
    Hi Carol:
    
    I'm in Atlanta on node OASS. I occasionally add a reply to a note
    (see 260.10) but basically I don't note more because I get very
    put off by the way people's opinions are treated.  We will never 
    sway another by attacking his/her opinion but we can share ideas
    and express a view that might be different.  I'd like to see alot
    less flames and alot more "I see your side although I'm not sure
    I agree with it". Variety is the spice of life and God help us if
    everyone felt like I do about every subject. ;-)
    
    I for one, will try to be more responsive to this conference. I
    do read it frequently.
    
    Vicki

I'd guess it's due to various reasons, some of which _may_ be ( but not limited
to ) :


	- Distance.  If your node is a good distance away from QUARK, your
response time is slower so you're less inclined to respond ( at least, I am! ).

	- Personality.  Some people don't mind putting notes in, knowing that
the entire ENET can see them.  Others just aren't that way, they're too shy
to do that.

	- Addictedness ( is that a word?! ) to NOTES.  Many times I find that
I'm too busy at work to take the time to really respond, so rather than whip
off a rushed response I don't respond at all.  I'd guess that there are others
in the same boat, that in general are interested to see what's going on but
not interested enough to actually write anything.



	As for myself, I've been known to put notes in at various times, but
I just don't have the inclination to put in a response to every note entry.  In
general, I only respond to notes which I feel strongly about, one way or a-
nother.


	Sound plausible?


Brian

RE: .2


	I started following WOMANNOTES when it first hit the ENET, but after
only a couple days I deleted the entry.  I'm very interested to know what
women think/feel, but I had trouble dealing with the anti-male attitude of
so many of the writers.  I felt like it was a disease to be male!  So rather
than offend anyone I simply stopped reading it.


	I realize things may have changed since then, or perhaps I wasn't
reading the notes the way they were intended, but by this time I have no
desire to try to catch up on everything that's happened.  I find HUMAN_RELATIONS
and MENNOTES to be quite sufficient.  Actually, I feel that MENNOTES is kind
of a misnomer; true, many of the topics are directed at men but in general
everyone is free to respond, and the atmosphere is very open and healthy ( same
as here ).  Which is they way it should be, from my point of view.  I often
think PEOPLENOTES would be just as appropriate.  I'm interested in what _every-
one_ thinks!


	Oh yeah, I agreed with .1 completely about the flames; I don't know
who started that, but I often wish it had never been invented.  Getting angry
and 'flaming' doesn't solve anything.


	Whew!  I guess that's my quota for the week!    ;-)

    
Brian    

        And I inturn, having dazzled the E-net often with my wit and
        wisdom am highly offended at being permitted to reply to this
        topic. Having left me off shows that you know little of the way
        that we of the Illuminati have infiltrated and taken over the
        Easy-Net. 
        
        You will be watched....
        
        JimB.
        
        And if I really had to add a smiley face to this, I'll just
        pack it all in, OK? :-)

    
    Quite often, I don't answer because I don't have an answer.  I often
    find the same conditions in life.  It is somewhat disturbing.
    
    DFW

        I'm afraid I'll talk to anyone....
    
        Working in the UK as I do, it is often difficult to get involved
    with some of the more US based notes (some things are different
    over here !) - HUMAN_RELATIONS are the same wherever you are so it's
    a nice to be able to be listened to/advised. I personally dont feel
    I've ever been "flamed" at, nor have I ever "flamed" anyone - this
    isn't the right conference for that anyway. Most of the serious
    contributors to this conference strike me as rather more considerate.
    
        I answer if I feel I have something to contribute (if only my
    opinion). Otherwise, I dont see the point. Unfortunately, I do find
    it takes up a lot of "my own" time but it's well worth it.
    
    be lucky,
    
     Steve

    re .0
    
    You forgot 2B.
    
    The rest are wimps.
    
    - M

    I do lots of noting, just not much writing.  :-)
    
    Perhaps the more frequent users of WRITE and ANSWER simply have more to
    say than I.
    
    Actually, it's my perception that there is a large number of people
    who write a few notes each, and a smaller number of people who are
    simply more prolific NOTES conversationalists.
    
    Kak

re: .0
    
>    	With the huge user base that we have, why is it that such
>    	a select few do all the noting?
    
>    	Please do not respond to this note if you are on nodes:
...    
>    	And the following noters please don't reply:

Not meaning to be a pest, but aren't you in effect asking the
people who don't respond as often why the people who do respond
actually do so with such frequency?  How should we know?

If the question is why don't the rest of us respond more often,
then I can say in my own case (although I do more blabbing here
than most other places):
	1.  I try to keep non-work noting confined to non-
		work hours...mostly at night when I'm tired
	2.  it's an effort to try to understand all the issues
		that other people are raising, and equally an
		effort to try to make yourself understandable
	3.  I tend not to have answers, although I usually
		have a lot of questions...some of the folks
		you mention seem to have more answers, in
		the sense of definite opinions about things
	4.  it's discouraging to get flamed at, or ignored
		for that matter; an outburst of flaming in
		general can make me distance myself emotionally
		from a conference for a while...who needs that
		stuff when we're (mostly) all trying to get a
		grip on some pretty complex and difficult
		issues?

FWIW.

Don't let far-away or slow-response-time discourage you from participating
in notes files !

I've got all sorts of procedures you are welcome to try, for instance one
that allows you to be mailed the new notes, so you don't have to wait.

Then, there's one I have that allows you to reply to notes instantly.
Instead of waiting, your reply gets sent in the background.

If you want these procedures, they are in VIDEO::[OSMAN.COMFILES].
Good ones to try are GET_NOTE.COM, MAIL_VAXNOTES.COM, SEARCH_NOTES.COM,
and WRITE_NOTE.COM.

Back to the other question about why I don't participate more:

Sometimes a topic in this human relations file strikes a chord in me.
I think of all sorts of things to say, but I feel vulnerable.  There
are lots of real personal things I think of sharing, but it's scary.

Sometimes I break through the fear and share.  Other times I chicken
out.

/Eric

    I only reply when I am interested in the topic, there are many that
    I have no interest in and just do see next. There are others I am
    mildly interested in and read only or have no opinion to express.
    When I have an opinion or information (if requested) I reply.  I
    avoid getting involved in conversations that are full of flaming
    because I just am not an argumentative person by nature. I feel
    if some one has an opinion and wishes to state it, it dosent make
    it fact. The world is full of opinions that are different from mine,
    that is one reason I am involved in notes. 
    I find that many people get too nit picky when opinions are expressed.
    Every one is not able to express themselves well in written word
    and because english is such a complex language, words can be
    misunderstood. Sometimes when conversations go down a rat hole I
    just log off.
    

  I'm here sometimes and I'm not here sometimes.  There are circumstances
  and there my own level of interest in conference.  Life has its ups
  and downs.  So does this conference.  And so does my participation.
  
  
  							Terza
  
  

    
    I'm not a "I have to get in the last word" type of person that I
    see responding to notes...they know who they are!!!!I don't mind
    getting flamed because I don't have to respond.One reason I don't
    reply is someone else has already responded along the lines I would
    have.Also,I can't type as fast as I can think and I tend to not
    organize my written notes as well as I can speak them.
    
    Tony...
    
    P.S. I hate notes that are more than two screens long
     

    Why do they all respond SO many times?

    
    Ask their shrinks.

    re.:  .19
    
    		NOTES (noting)  * could *  be considered a type of
    thereapy!
    	
    		Works for me!!!!  (sometimes even just reading without
    responding helps!)
                
    		      	My		

    I believe it takes a while to become comfortable with notes.  Some of
    us have been noting for 5 years, while to many this is a very new
    medium. 
    
    - M

    
    
    	I too should be on the list of "the Select Few". I've been
    	noting for more than 3 years and am very comfortable with noting.
    	I realise that what I write is read by many (in excess of 1K
    	people for sure. More like 15-20K people) people. I remember
    	when it was read by less than 300 people!
    
    	I encourage notin but I also encourage reading first because
    	what you write is read by many more people than you really
    	think.
    
    							mike

    I've been a noter since March 1984 and am usually a read-mode noter.
    Once in awhile I get the urge to write or reply to a note, but
    usually only if I have something to ask or say.  I, like Mike, am
    comfortable with notes, but don't feel the need to reply to every
    note that's ever been written.  I also monitor many technical
    conferences and because of the busy-ness of my job, usually only
    have time to read the batch extracts of the 70+ conferences I 
    look at.  I do reply more to some conferences than others, but it 
    doesn't mean that I'm not there "watching".  Like, Marge, my first 
    note was in the old Soapbox (the first incarnation, somewhere around
    note 60 or so).  The people who attended the first "noters' party"
    at Bill Gassman's house in June 1984 should all be considered part
    of "The Select Few" of noterdom.
    
    					*** Kristy ***
    
    				

    I'm a frequent reader but a very infrequent responder...
    Sometimes I'm on the verge of responding to something, but then
    I consider that words written in a NOTEs file (unlike remarks
    made at a party, for instance) can be read by tens of thousands
    of people, even YEARs after they have been written... will
    I regret making some brash statement at some time in the future?
    That usually stops me. Particularly with topics like sex, affairs,
    marriage, divorce, etc... some things are best kept only between me,
    my closest friends, and my shrink. I admire the courage of those
    who CAN talk about this stuff in HUMAN_RELATIONS, but not me.
    
    I am more vocal in work-related files such as DEBUG.
    
    	- Rich

    This is not a reply!
    I was wondering why you dident want replys from people on the nexus
    node and others? Is this discrimination? ;-)
    Just curious as to why you were not interested in specific nodes
    and authors replys.
    -j

    I don't remember, but didn't mama said not to NOTE to strangers?
    or was that talk...
    

    I note because :
    
    1. the topic interests me
    2. I have an answer to the question
    3. I disagree on principle with something
    4. I get to converse with a wide assortment of people
    5. I read a lot - what goes in must come out
    6. and i'm an opinionated b****** :-)    

    I note because I think its interesting and informative.
    
                         REK

    Maybe more people don't reply because it takes a lot of nerve to
    stand up and possibly be judged.  
    
    Flaming is painful - re. note 265 - so nothing that exists within
    the real world can be discussed rationally.

    I read only 99% of the time.  Mostly because by the time I finish
    reading all the other responses someone as said what I would have
    but usually much better.  
    
    marie

    Here is a modified version of the original base note (modified with
    author's permission). 
    
    
    
        <<< QUARK::DISK$QUARK2:[NOTES$LIBRARY]HUMAN_RELATIONS.NOTE;1 >>>
               -< What's all this fuss about 'sax and violins'? >-
================================================================================
Note 266.0                      The Select Few...                     34 replies
CSSE::HIGGINS "Life's what you make it"              28 lines   2-APR-1987 11:01
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    
    
    	I have a question:
    
    	With the huge user base that we have, why is it that such
    	a select few do all the noting?
    
    						Carol
    

    because "we" are the best darn noters ever !
    

    Absolutley Selectable!!

    Can I just say I have never replied to a note ...!

	Modest Lot aren't you ?!?!??! ....

	Well I do occationally reply to notes, but becaze my spiling
	is so aufall I get emmbarrassed.... ;-)

	Also I feel I don't have enough experience in the subjects covered
	( ie Marriage, divorce etc ), to give a good reply. When I find
	something I CAN relate to, then I DO reply.

	Paul. - A selective replyer but avid reader

	Re: -1

	Nipe Bbo - I be a prgoramerr, but I get LOTS of sintacs 
	Errars, don't no why ?!?!?!??! ;-)

	Pual.

    hey who duz de last feu nodes reminz me off

    	G eye haff no glue!
    
    			Nyark nyark
    

>    	G eye haff no glue!
    
	Errrrrrrr ??

	Sory, I dunt udderstand ??    

	Paul.

    
    
    	Waashh chew parle-in' 'bout mang?
    
    						miguel los Puh