Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    
    If I could have anything and everything I wanted in a woman,
    I would ask for these things.
    
    She would have to be a good companion, likes what I like, i.e.
    sports, animals, travel ...
    She would have to be a good conversationalist.
    She would have to have a good job, and make reasonable money.
    She would have to be honest.
    She would have to have a nice face and great body.
    
    However, since we all cannot order our women to our liking ...
    
    I basically want a good friend, who I can be proud of at times and
    who is attractive. (basically, try to be the best she can be at
    everything she does).
    
    I'm sure we all would like a "perfect 10" for a partner, however,
    most of us put that as a low priority,  ... however, men do have
    big ego's at times and would probably like someone to "show off"
    once in a while.
    
    Paul

I want someone to share an (my) active life with...  

That means someone interested in Christianity, SF, music, holistics

Preferably she will have interests that she can teach me as well... 

I want an equal partner in life...

Jim.

    
    Re: .3
    
    I thought you were married Steve!  (I remember seeing something
    about Mrs. Eagle).
    
    Does Mrs. Eagle have these same expectations from her relationships.
    
    Paul

    
    Re: .4
    
    I just noticed I put relationships, instead of relationship, sorry
    I meant no harm or anything like that,  ...  
    
    I commented becuase my partner-in-life (not married yet) would
    probably object to things such as a "tax deduction" , especially
    since she makes more than I, and so on ...
    
    Paul

    
    Well since I have found what I was looking for, maybe I can add
    my insight.....
    
    I wanted a woman who would open up to me and reveal her true self.

    A woman who would have an inner beauty that would not be dulled
    by a poorly kept exterior.
    
    A woman who would add to my life and allow me to add to hers.
    
    A woman who would add strength to my weaknesses and whom I could
    add strength to hers.
    
    A woman who would share /learn my interests and involve me with
    her interests.
    
    A woman that didn't try to force me to love her but allowed the
    love to develop in a mutual fashion.
    
    A woman who will help to lighten up and yet still respect my serious
    moments.
    
    A woman who would make me forget the past and and look to the future
    and know that the future would not be complete without her.
    
    
    
    I found my future with Cheryl and now feel a contentment that I
    have never felt before.
    
    al

    
    We all like to think we're different, so here's speaking for me:
    
    This is going to sound kind of selfish, but I want a relationship
    to give me the feeling that I'm necessary.  I suppose I'd want a
    marriage to do the same thing, but I think I'd better conquer the
    relationship hurdles first.  Religious considerations aside, I think
    marriage is something deeper.
    
    What expectations do I have at the outset?  Several bad experiences
    have taught me not to have any.  Probably part of my problem.
    
    What qualities are most important to me in a woman?  Probably honesty
    and understanding.  I do not take very well to being lied to.  I
    endure terrible truths far better.  As for understanding, well,
    I am not a perfect person.  Things can get out of balance very easily,
    and anyone I had a relationship with would have to learn to recognize
    these moments, and until she had experience with helping me with
    them, she might have to learn to back off a bit.
    
    What do I value most in a relationship?  The last one I had, going
    on two years ago now, is what I have to draw on.  She was honest
    with me, and although we really weren't meant for each other we
    managed not to make too badly a mess of the ending.
    
    DFW

    I want to be treated as an individual, not as a group; I want to answer
    the question, "What do you want?" (which I am qualified to answer)
    instead of "What do men want?" (which I am not qualified to answer).
    
    	Jon

Agreeing with .10 that I'm not qualified to say what "men" want, I
will however contribute what "I" want.

I have never been married, but I'm at the age where I think about
the possibility of marriage in my relationships, and I don't think
my wants for a marriage would be very different from my relationship
wants.  Except for one thing:  In a marriage I would want my wife to
be as committed to "making it work" as I hope I will be.  Otherwise,
my wants are (in more-or-less order of importance to me):

- Desire to communicate, especially about problems

- Openness/honesty (related to above item I guess)

- The "glad-to-be-alive" spark (call it self-confidence?)

- Intelligence

- Compatibility of expectations (for now, and for the future)

- An active lifestyle, many interests (hopefully we will share many interests)

- Similar sex appetites

- Nice face, good body

Separate from my wants are my expectations when entering a relationship.
The only expectations I can think of offhand are:

- We would be faithful to each other (unless for some reason we were to
  agree to some exception(s)).

- We would let each other know what our expectations are before we got
  involved, and then periodically "check back" as time went on.

- We would try to talk about our problems and work them out between us
  with a minimum of fighting, hard feelings, and/or head games.


My $.02,
Carl

    Ill concur with some of the other replys in that I can only 
    speak for myself. The qualitys, traits, and things I have come
    to want from a woman would be,
    
    A belief in herself thats shes a good, but not a perfect person,
    and is at ease with who that person is.
    
    Has come to a point in her life that she knows what she wants
    and needs yet is flexible to be able to grow with another person.
    
    That has an inner beauty of person that complements her physical
    appearance.
    
    That has the ability to trust another person again, shed the
    old baggage of the past that didn't work.
    
    Can share the good with the bad, to enjoy a fair percentage of 
    the things I do and can teach me the ones she does.
   
    To be my friend, lover, confidant, and life long companion,
    to be as loyal and faithful to me as I would be to her.
    
    But most important of all, to be willing and able to help me 
    and herself become the persons that WE want to be. To develop 
    a special level of confidence, communication and understanding
    about each other. Because neither one (God knows especially me
    at times) is perfect. From my side that means that she can say
    to me " you know Barber, somedays you can be a real jerk, sometimes
    as far as being a asshole, but other than that your a good man,
    I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.

    That friends and negbhors says it all.

    This is my ideal of what I want from a wife.

                                      Paul


The perfect wife is sexy, in a way that pleases her husband, and that becomes
apparent without being obvious, pushy or intimidating to others.

The perfect wife can keep house, whether she does or not.

The perfect wife can iron; she can also sew buttons on a shirt, and will 
occasionally, without complaining much.

The perfect wife knows when to push you, and when to catch you.
 
The perfect wife is intellectually and educationally accomplished, but she
is not an intellectual snob.

The perfect wife can be rich, as long as she doesn't use it for control.

The perfect wife doesn't move her husband's papers.

The perfect wife packs well.

The perfect wife knows she occasionally has to indulge her husband's inflated
view of himself; she also knows when not to.

The perfect wife gets mad, but doesn't pout.

The perfect wife can fix a leaky faucet.

The perfect wife doesn't talk gibberish, especially about diets.  She can 
always hold her own in a conversation.

The perfect wife discourages her husband from getting hair transplants, 
and from taking up jogging.

The perfect wife has a sense of humor.  She can also tell a dirty joke without
blushing.

The perfect wife who drinks can handle her liquor; she doesn't stage drunken
scenes.

The perfect wife is affectionate, but not clinging or cloying.  She doesn't
try to monopolize her husband's time.

The perfect wife can and will get on and off a boat without assistance.

The perfect wife can get dressed quickly, and does her own hair.

The perfect wife has an air of confidence, but not arrogance.

The perfect wife in not an interior decorator.  Rarely is she a lawyer or
a banker.

The perfect wife is neither a frumpy nor a flashy dresser.

The perfect wife knows how, and when, to flirt.

The perfect wife only minds a little  really  when her husband flirts.

The perfect wife will not only accommodate, but enjoy, at least two of her
husband's baser sexual fantasies.

The perfect wife has good family jewelry.

The perfect wife has a commitment to fidelity equal to her husband's  no more,
no less.

The perfect wife knows how to drive a stick shift.

The perfect wife is comfortable with men, and has male friends.  She also 
doesn't fret about her husband's female friends.

The perfect wife is sympathetic to the occasional hangover.

The perfect wife doesn't bitch about the watching of sports on TV, although
she doesn't have to be a fan herself.

The perfect wife swears effectively and appropriately.

The perfect wife has a good relationship with her husband's secretary.

The perfect wife looks pretty when she goes to bed, and also makes the bed
inviting.

The perfect wife always wears good, interesting underwear, and sometimes, 
naughty underwear(whose appeal she understands).

The perfect wife is the one the boss always wants to sit next to at dinner.

The perfect wife has good judgment about men's clothes, but she doesn't 
try to wardrobe her husband unless he's a hopeless case.


 

    This has GOT to be a joke, no?  Boy do I pity the women YOU meet!
    
    Basically what you want is a cheering section for Paul - no more, no less.
    A woman who knows and anticipates your EVERY need/want/desire, who
    NEVER entertains any thought or idea different from those you have
    deemed acceptable, who never wears the 'wrong' color, serves the
    soup too hot or too cold, or draws your bath when you'd rather take
    a shower!  Someone who swears when YOU feel the time is right, flirts
    in the way YOU are comfortable with and of COURSE has no base sexual
    fantasies of her OWN!
    
    Don't you want her to own a marina too?  Perhaps have a substantial
    amount of stock in Porsche?   And of course she'll have to get that
    underwear free so that she can spend her money on your dinner or
    your clothes or your skis, no?  Shouldn't she need to know how to
    polish the chrome on your car?  How to wash a motorcycle without
    getting the seat wet?   How to bear your children without bulging
    or stretching?  She'll need to be physically changeable to accomodate
    your changing tastes and and of COURSE never bleed... 
    
    So ladies, any takers here?

    Sandy, don't hold back, let loose, rifle the guy!

    What do I want from a woman?

    Only what I give her.

    RE .13
    
    You took it hook line and sinker.  Can't you tell the difference
    between dreams and reality?  I know I can.
    

    Gee!  I was adding up how many of the "requirements" I fulfilled
    and realized that, when I was married, I was a pretty good wife,
    by your definition!!
    
    Of course, I didn't feel insecure or guilty about the ones I didn't
    fit...
    
     

    What do I want from a women(with whom I'd have a serious relationship)?
    
    	An intimate friend.  Friends are willing to be your friend but not
    	comprimise themselves in doing so.  I don't beleive I should
    	expect anymore than that.  The intimate part is that something
    	between two people who love each other very much. I'd want to
    	be loved very much. Doesn't everyone?
    
    	I don't think that making a list of Do's and Don't is the
    	right thing. I'm subject to change. So is she.
    
    	Maybe we should pose the question "What do you look for in an
    	opposite sex friend?"
    
    							mike

    I apologize to all of you for this simple answer, but I am back
    to basics.  Paraphrasing an old version of what happiness is:
    
    1. Want someone to love.  Not sure but think love is mutually-shared
       attraction, respect, trust, faith, et. al. plus some mysterious
       chemistry.
    
    2. Want someone with whom to do interesting things.  Load sharing,
       communicating, learning and growing, sharing new experiences,
       etc.
    
    3. Want someone who looks forward.  Willing to risk, chase dreams
       and be supportive of the process.
    
    Not really simple but if the environment is right perhaps many of
    the details fall into place.  Not sure though.
    
    John

    re:16
    
    >Can't you tell the difference between dreams and reality?
    
    Well SURE I can!  Reality has nothing to do with this.  You were 
    talking about your dreams and so was I.
    
    Be careful what you wish for - you may get it.  On second thought,
    I hope you DO get it!  And with artificial intelligence and robots coming
    along, your dream may not go unfulfilled for long.  They've even
    developed artificial skin - maybe they'll let you pick your tone
    and select the exact positioning of moles unless you prefer 'her'
    skin to be flawless!
    
    If you can program you can have exactly what you want!  Of course even 
    your programmed luvva is going to have bugs and will need to be 
    'maintained' but at least you won't have to feed her or please her 
    or have to deal with what may be on her mind or anything like that!
    Wouldn't that be just great??
    
    The guys in "The Stepford Wives" certainly thought it would be too!
    Who needs life when you can have perfection?

    also re .16
    
    I hesitated to reply here (didn't want to step on any male toes),
    but .20 says it well.  Be careful what you wish for, but not because
    you might get it, but because if you wish for something very perfect
    and unattainable, you'll always be disappointed with the imperfect
    but highly acceptable and attainable women who might exist in your
    reality.
    
    Gloria
    

    If I had something perfect, it might make my imperfections more
    apparent.  Maybe something flawed would make my flaws less apparent.

    At first I skipped over reply 189.13 but when I read some of the
    responses, I was curious to what Paul actually said.
    
    I have a question: does your perfect wife have to ask permission
    to go to the bathroom?  

    Hell, perfect wives don't GO to the bathroom! :-)
    
    ...and neither do perfect husbands! :-)

>    What do men want from a relationship?


	Nothing which isn't freely given.  Ideally, I think honesty, trust,
loyalty, warmth, caring and sharing are a good start.  Note that I never ask
someone else for something which I wouldn't be willing to give myself.



>    What qualities in a woman are important to you as a man?  


	I'm most intrigued by the insides of people.  The outsides are subject
to change, human frailty being what it is.  Specifically, I think honesty,
warmth, intelligence and a strong inner character are the most important
qualities.


	I'm sure there are other things I could put here, but as it's the end
of a long day I can't think of them!  I think you get the idea though.


Brian

    Hi folks--
    
    I can't resist this one (re: .13);  especially with responses like
    these!!
    
    I took .13 to be another "Cucumbers are better than men because.."
    type deal, and laughed like hell.  Of course there's some truth
    in it;  some dreams, (and downright wistfulness, too!) too.  So
    what?  Why not??  Nobody said this was aimed at women in general,
    did they?  
    
    This could lead to a "women are different from men because" topic,
    and boy am I tempted to start one, but would only get in trouble.
    Oh well, here's a few:
    
    "Women are different from men because they don't pick their noses
    in public.
    
    Women are different from men because they already have a
    real-no-kidding-biological reason to get obnoxious every month.
    
    Women are different from men because they don't care who wins the
    Super Bowl.
    
    Women are different from men because they really DO need an hour
    in the bathroom every morning.
    
    And finally, women are different from men because they NEVER spit
    on the sidewalk (at least when anyone's looking)."
    
    How's that?  Anyone offended?
    
    Have fun, 
    
    Jane

	RE: -.1


	Those were great!  I'm _not_ saying I agree with them, but they were
definitely funny.  And how can anyone be offended?  I don't see how anyone
can be offended by humour if taken in the right vein ( assuming it _is_ humour
and not vulgarity )!


	Still chuckling,


Brian