Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    WOW!
    
    Cangratulations, Al and Cheryl!
    
    May your lives together be long and happy. I wish many blessings for
    you both.
    
    Tamzen

    Add my congratulations to that!  Al and Cheryl, best wishes to you
    both for a long and happy life together!
    
    							Pat

    All congratulatory noises echoed here!
    			Steve

    
    Congratulations, Al & Cheryl!!
    
    Thanks for sharing the great news with all of us, and I definitely
    look forward to meeting you, Cheryl.
    
    					Joe

    I just wanted to add my bit to Al's note.  As Al knows, what has
    happened between us was the absolutely last thing I ever expected.
    The notes gave us both a chance to let down defenses we probably
    both would have unintentionally had up if we had met in the
    "conventional" way.  We were able to communicate on a deeper level
    than is ordinarily possible even after a lengthy time.  I feel
    very fortunate to have met him and come to know and love him in
    this very unique manner.  VT's will definitely hold a special place
    from now on as crazy as that sounds.  This was my first trip to
    the New England area and I was extremely impressed by the beauty
    and the history there.  I am very happy to make it my home with
    someone who I love very much.
    
    I hope that more of you are as lucky as Al and I have been.  I look
    forward to meeting you.
    
    Cheryl
    

    Congrats to the both of you.  Wish you the very best.
    
    It's great to see some sun shine.

    Lee

    
    Congratulations from everyone at IND.
    
    Peter

        Best wishes  to  you  both - Sandy and I met in the same way!
        
        Andy
        

    
    Neato.  It brings a tear of joy to these cynical eyes.
    
    DFW

Ditto on all the best wishes to both of you.

And sometime, when the time is right, maybe each of you could write
a separate note/reply on the details of this VT experience and the
differences and similarities found after personally meeting versus
noting expectation.  Or maybe that wouldn't be a good idea...?????


		Mike

    Cheryl and Al
    
    I wish you both much happiness in the future.  See, Al it really
    does work!  
    
    	 	C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S ! ! !

    Corey
    

    Congratulations, Al you sly devil and a fast worker at that!
    
    Marilyn
    

    
    Good Luck.
    
    Lorna
    

Best wishes to you Big Al.  I bestow upon you both many prosperous 
and enjoyable years together.  May i also take this time to thank you for 
hosting the now widely acclaimed HR parties.  It's really no secret that i've 
since developed a very special relationship with a certain someone that 
i met at your first party (are you listening, Lynn? :-)).

	...i just love happy thoughts

			-jim-

Al..

That is wonderful and I am so very happy for you!!!

long happy life to you both!

later, gailann

    Congratulations Al and Cheryl!
    
    The best of everything to you both!
    
    Mary-Michael Cochrane

    
    Congrats.  Another network-romance!  Gotta love it!
                                            
    GOG
    

    re: .11
    
    Mike, I do indeed think it's a very valid idea.  This will 
    probably ramble a bit so forgive me ahead of time.
    
    As I said earlier, one of the best things about meeting this
    way was, at least for me, there were no defenses up whether
    consciously or subconsciously.  Another biggie for me was that
    I didn't have to worry about being distracted  physically....
    by that I mean, I tend to look first at the physical aspects of
    a person.  If he is extremely good looking in my eyes, then it's
    hard to concentrate on anything else.  If he doesn't meet my idea
    of what a man should look physically, then I have a hard time taking
    him seriously at least as far as being romantic goes.   This has
    always concerned be because it seemed really shallow to place so
    much importance on what someone looked like on the outside but I
    was never able to get past it.  However, when meeting someone via
    the system that isn't a concern.  Since you are unable to see what
    that person looks like, all your concentration is on getting to
    know the person inside.  In a face to face meeting, it tends to
    take me a while to get over the nervous stage...worrying about what
    he thinks about me, if I am attractive enough, etc.  Through the
    system that nervousness isn't there.  Right away Alan and I were
    able to communicate with each other about all aspects of our lives,
    both present and past.  I was able to listen to him without any
    distractions and give him my full attention.  He listened to hurts
    I had experienced in the past and problems that I was facing at
    that time.  I never felt he wasn't interested.  In past relationships,
    one of my biggest concerns was that not one of them seemed to care
    about what I was feeling or had felt.  The relationship was based
    on a purely physical level.  Being physical is, of course, great
    but how can you grow together if you don't bother to take the time
    to look inside?  Neither Al nor I had the opportunity to experience
    the physical side of it so all our concentration was on who each
    other was.
    
    When our feelings became deeper for each other, my first reaction
    was pure terror.  I thought this was crazy....sane people CANNOT
    fall in love through a terminal.  When we decided on a date to meet,
    I got more and more excited but also more fearful.  I was afraid
    this was all a mistake and that the feelings we had developed over
    the system was only a fantasy.  When I got off the plane and saw
    him, I thought I would never stop shaking.  At first, I just didn't
    know how to act.  But by the time we got back to his house, it was
    like I had known him for years.
    
    Our communication in person stayed on the same level it had over
    the terminal.  Of course, we learned little idiosyncracies about
    each other during that week but it was just amazing how quickly
    we could work it out by talking.  It was only after several days
    of interacting with him that I knew he was everything he had shown
    me during the months before.
    
    I think a lot depends on whether two people are continue to play
    the games they sometimes play when they interact face to face. 
    I have always abhored games and I know Al felt very strongly about
    that too.  If two people are going to correspond over the system,
    then it is absolutely necessary that they be completely honest about
    themselves or I'm sure when they personally met it would end up
    to be very disappointing.
    
    When I started corresponding with him, I never for a minute dreamed
    that I would end up flying back East and accepting a marriage proposal.
    Marriage was the fartherest thing from my mind.  But miracles do
    happen and I am very much in love with him and feel more at peace
    than I think I ever have before.
    
    My advice to anyone that thinks Alan's and my experience is a positive
    one and not a "crazy" one would be to just let it happen.  If it's
    right, it will.
    
    Cheryl
    

    Note 27 "Close Encounters of the Terminal Kind" contains a lot
    of discussion about electronic relationships.
    						Steve

    I have known Cheryl for a long time, and we had discussed many
    experiences we had while playing softball for the good ole DEC
    teams.  I have to honestly say, that I nearly fell off my chair
    when I read about her happiness with Al. My neighbor accross the
    hall from me ran over and asked me if I was ok, I let out a whoop
    I think I scared her.....  
    So what I was trying to say is, I know Al is a very lucky man to
    have met and fallen for someone like Cheryl.  Congrats to you both.
    Cheryl and I used to talk about marriage yich,spit plooy,,,,,
    now I can't stop smiling.  So rather then ramble on,
    let me say,,,,,
    
    much happiness to the both of you!
    
    vivian
    
    ps.  I'll sit back in my chair now, people keep looking at me funny
    

    re: 21
    
    Vivian,
    
    I am in stitches.....forgotten about the softball days and
    our discussions.  Yes, you were right!!!!  I still don't know
    quite how Al did it.....but I am thrilled!!!  Thanks for
    your humor....made my night.
    
    Cheryl
    

Cheryl, thanks so much for your comments.

It's encouraging to know that the Al over the terminal and the Al in 
person were consistent (this refers to the media, not to Alan).

One question.  To what extent, if at all, did you discuss your 
physical appearances before meeting?

	Mike

    re.23
    
    Mike,
    
    Cheryl and I started corresponding in a relatively normal manner.
    Our likes, dislikes as well as describing our physical exteriors.
    It was just before Thanksgiving that I started to really feel
    comfortable and open up about the soul in me(if that is the right
    term). At that time Cheryl was feeling a little down in the dumps
    and started to open herself up to me. This was after we had been
    corresponding for a month or so. At that time I started to feel(as
    in truly understand the real Cheryl) as she really opened up to
    me as a Flower would open in the mornings first sun. At that time
    we started to talk over Ma Bell as well as continue with Mail.
    Shortly after that we started to converse via vaxphone and that
    really allowed us to be more spontanteous with each other.. We also
    send some fairly recent pictures to each other via us mail. I have
    to admit when we met at the airport she recognized me before I
    recognized her - but once I heard her voice(beautiful southern accent)
    I knew we were finally together.
    
    I tend to be a very open person when I feel comfortable with someone.
    I think Cheryl had built up a little bit of a wall as a protection
    against being hurt again, but once she saw me opening up she felt
    good enough to break down the wall and open up to me. We really
    got to know each other without the physical appearance being an
    issue(actually she was was even more beautiful than her pictures).
    
    I have been noting and corresponding up to recently with other digit
    singles as well as meeting some of them. However in none of these
    did we ever get to the level of communication that Cheryl and I
    reached. I think that all of us singles are in such of a hurry to
    meet someone that we are reacting too quickly without really getting
    to know the other person. Cheryl and I were able to communicate
    to a level That I would be embarrassed to explain. But this level
    of communication allowed me to feel comfortable enough to make a
    preproposal before we had even met in person. My feelings for her
    had developed to the point that I knew she was the one I had been
    looking for.

    I hope I have made sense and not rambled too much but right now
    I have so many good feelings inside my mind that it is a little
    hard putting them into cohesive words.
    
    Maybe Cheryl can better explain from her side.
    
    al
    

    
    re: .23/.24
    
    Alan hit it right on the nose.  The only thing I could add regarding
    your question is that it had always been a concern of mine that
    I seemed so preoccupied with the way a person look physically
    especially as I got older.  The men I met seemed to be what I
    wanted in him physically but when the time came to find what was
    *inside* the person, i.e. sensitivity, etc. it seemed to be allusive.
    I knew there were some good men out there but I was more than likely
    passing them by because I was so *hung up* on physical attributes.
    I was fortunate to find out what Alan was like inside and he was
    everything I had ever looked for so by the time we exchanged pictures
    I felt like it made no difference.  I was concerned that when I
    actually met him in person that would again become an issue for
    me but by the time we got to his home I felt like we had always
    known each other and I knew I didn't want to let him go.
    
    I hope that helps you a little.
    
    Cheryl
    

Something I'd like to add to meeting and falling in love this way is that 
although you havn't met you get the opportunity to see your SO 
communicating with *other* people as well. This, I'm sure, helps two people 
come closer together.


Jerry

    Al, you clever fox! 
    
    So happy to hear that you found that someone special.  
    
    Although I don't know you Cheryl, I am sure Al made a good choice.
    
    Marriage is a very tough "job" for people in today's society.  Just
    
    give it all you have and remember to always keep the communication
    
    open.  
    
    Good Luck!
    
    Laura
    

    Well an update to the last (as it appears now ) chapter on Al and
    Cheryl. The balloon has burst and we are no longer getting married.
    
    
    al
    

    
       Sorry to hear that things have taken a wrong turn along the
    way.  I still hope that everything will work out for both of
    you.  Its hard, but try to keep on looking to a bright future.
    
                                            Mark
    

    I have thought of you often Al, and although I have never met Cheryl
    I have thought of her too.
    
    I admire you both for trying...
    
    Whatever happens I hope there will be some pleasant memories.
    
    Joyce